Spectral's Evil and Insane Zoids Themed Talk Show Type Show

By, Spectral

Insanity comes in many forms this is one of the more pleasant ones…

Disclaimer: Spectral doesn't own zoids or its characters. He owns this story and its plot but not Zoids or it characters.

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Mr. Censor: Live from a studio somewhere in Limbo, it's Spectral's Zoid Themed Talk Show! Here's your host, Spectral!

            Spectral appeared in a cloud of smoke. The audience applauded. Spectral tried to quiet them but they wouldn't stop. He tried again with no progress. The audience quickly became silent when Spectral pulled a flamethrower out of subspace.

Spectral: Thank you, thank you. Well I've come up with some sort of talk show-like show. It will feature Zoids characters from all three series, some zoid battles, zombies, explosions, maniacal laughter, insanity, and some other zoid related stuff that I'll make up as we go along. That sound good?

Audience: Yes!

One guy in Audience: No!

Spectral: SHADOW WAVE!

            Spectral pointed at the guy and a wave of darkness was fired. It swept the guy out of the studio as Spectral went to his desk and sat down in his comically oversized chair. The buttons of doom rose from the desk.

Spectral: Well, today we have both Günter Prozen and Stigma Stoller. But before we begin…I'd like to apologize to anyone who was offended by the last chapter. I lost a bet and had to write Thomas the way I did. So don't blame me, blame the Demon Notebook…

Mr. Censor: We have some questions for you…

Spectral: Then ask them…

Mr. Censor: Maelgwyn sent you a charged particle gun wielding pink blade liger.

Spectral: Pink? I'll have to change the color, but thanks for the powerful zoid.

Mr. Censor: Shadow Vixen will give you an atomic bomb plant if you give her Thomas and Beek or just Karl.

Spectral: She can have tech boy and his little AI buddy. *snaps fingers*

            Two very large and scary robots fly from the shadows carrying Thomas and his Dibision. They then fly through a dimensional portal.

Mr. Censor: Oi… Spectral with nuclear weapons…not a good combination… anyway…the next question comes from…FireFox*pause for dramatic music*…she asks," What is this suppose to mean? Raven's got Flyheight… hmmm.....? Well, Spectral?"

Spectral: Uhh…. Please consult above apology…and these pictures *sends pictures to FireFox via UPS*

Mr. Censor: Plink*pause for dramatic music* says all this…" Thank you Spectral! Thank you so much! *Scrounges around for something interesting to give in return* Look, here are the keys to the Zoid facility back at base. Don't tell Skeyeta-sama I gave them to you. You can ask Ambient to make the Zoid for you. I'll rework the system when I get back so she doesn't know. *hugs Prozen tightly again* Nyuuu~~ *Tries to drag him away* Please?

And, um, would you like to make a quick cameo in Angels?"

Spectral: Okay… you're welcome, thanks for the keys, I'll drop Prozen off there when I stop by…I'll have Ambient make me an EVIL Shadow Fox…then I'll steal him…and sure I'll do a cameo, I'll do other stuff too if you want.

Mr. Censor: More danger… Jamie sends a plea for help.

Spectral: Very well, but only because I need him (Wild Eagle really…) for chapter 11. ZOMBIES!

            Several zombies rise from the ground.

Spectral: Go retrieve Jamie, don't eat him, and don't harm Dragon Vaylor either…

            The zombies nod and then shuffle through a dimensional portal.

Mr. Censor: Amy asks." got some kids to believe that you're really coming to destroy them. So please come. And, did you blow up the heater in my classroom?"

Spectral: maybe…and no I didn't blow it up…

Mr. Censor: EVIL wants to borrow your flamethrower…

Spectral: NEVER!

Mr. Censor: That's all.

Spectral: Okay. Then let's bring out our first guest. MINIONS! Retrieve Stigma Stoller.

            A large bubble containing Stigma Stoller floats down and pops. Stoller lands in a chair next to Spectral's desk.

Spectral: Hi Stoller!

Stoller: Hello.

Spectral: The first question is from…wait a second…who stole the cards?

Mr. Censor: That thing over there…*points to the right*

            A strange mouse-like creature is trying to sneak out of the studio with the cards.

Spectral: Why you little…GET BACK HERE!

Mouse Thing: EEP!

            Spectral picks up his flamethrower, sets it to amusing death and charges after the mouse creature as it runs out of the studio.

Mr. Censor: Maybe I should have told him that I have another copy of the cards…oh well...
Alarm: MISSLE LAUNCH IN 15 SECONDS! EVACUATE! EVACUATE!

Everyone: Uh-oh…


BOOM

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Computer:  Please stand by. We are having technical difficulties.

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*20 Minutes Later*

Spectral: And we're back…sorry about the explosion…the studio is back in one piece and that strange mouse-like creature is currently running around the parking lot on fire.

Stoller: What was that thing?

Spectral: Don't know, but it burns well. Any way… the first question is from…*looks at card* Maelgwyn. She asks, "You are a sexy beast; what is it like to use the Elephander, and kick Bit's arse?"

Stoller: Kinda like beating up a clown…

Spectral: Okay…the next question is from…Shadow Vixen. She asks, "What's with the glasses?"

Stoller: What glasses?

Spectral: She also wants to know if she can date Sanders.

Stoller: Sure, I'm sure he wouldn't mind.

Spectral: The next question is from…Fire Fox*pause for dramatic music*…I will harm whoever is doing that…anyway…she asks," What do you do in your spare time when you are on vacation from the BDG?"

Stoller: I build zoids.

Spectral: Schala85 *pause for dramatic music*…YOU WILL PAY, MUSIC PERSON! YOU! WILL! PAY!...anyway…Schala85 asks," Hi!!!!!! Did you know I have the only romance fic out on FF.net for you? I'm *sniffle* the only one...*happy face* Hmmm...If you could, what other zoid(s) besides your elephandor would you pilot?"

Stoller: Yes I knew that and I'd want to pilot the Liger Zero Panzer.

Spectral: Cool. Next question's from…*looks at now flaming card* Hog of Hedges. He asks, "What is it like being out of the Backdraft?" and, "What is it like getting taken down twice by the same punk kid?"

Stoller: Starting over… and incredibly annoying!

Spectral: …Dragon Vaylor asks," I like the Elephander!! can I have it....^_^ please if not I'm gonna steal it..."

Stoller: No you cannot have the Elephander and you won't steal it!

Spectral: That's right. I'm going to steal it first.

Stoller: What?

Spectral: Moving on, the next question is from HealerAriel. She asks,"Whazzup?"

Stoller: Nothing really…

Spectral: Amy says," The Elephander is so cool. You were smart to quit the Backdraft. They don't deserve a zoid like that."

Stoller: Uhh…thanks I think…

Spectral: EVIL wants to know if you are evil.

Stoller: No I'm not evil…

Spectral: But I am!… well that's all the questions we have for you…

Stoller: Really?

Spectral: Yes…so…to make up for the last chapter, I'm sending you to Schala85. Bye. *presses button*

            Stoller falls through a dimensional portal.

Spectral: We'll be back after these messages.

Audience: *cheers*

Spectral: *finger hovers above big fuchsia button of doom*

Audience: *silent and wondering "Why Fuchsia?"*

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E-307: Looking for some more funny stories? Well here are some other authors/authoresses that are very good at writing funny fics:

BecBet

Plink

Shiro Amayagi

Biowolf

Schala85

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Spectral: We're back! Let's bring out our next guest…Günter Prozen!

Audience: *cheers*

Spectral: *eyes glow*

Audience: *silent*

Spectral: MINIONS! Retrieve Günter Prozen!

            A giant dragon appears and drops a slightly annoyed Prozen in a chair next to Spectral's desk.

Prozen: Who are you and what is going on?

Spectral: I've been waiting for someone to ask that…*jumps up on desk and lights go out*

            A spotlight clicks on. It then is placed on Spectral who has his backed turned to everyone. (A/N: You all know what's gonna happen…I just had to do it…)

Spectral:*turns to left* Prepare for Trouble!

Spectral:*turns to right* And make it double!

Spectral:*turns to left* To inflict the world with devastation!

Spectral:*turns to right* To annoy all peoples in every nation!

Spectral:*turns to left* To denounce the evils of good and love!

Spectral:*turns to right* To extend my evil to the stars above!

Spectral:*turns to left* I am…

Spectral:*turns right* Spectral!

Spectral:*turns to left* The master of evil, tormenting the world all day and night!

Spectral:*turns to right* Surrender now or be ready to fight!

Spectral:*faces forward* That's right!

            The lights click back on and Spectral jumps back to his chair. Prozen seems slightly freaked out.

Spectral: Does that answer your question?

Prozen: Yes…

Spectral: Good, now answer these. The first one is from…*looks at card*Maelgwyn. She asks, "How did the deathsaurer core get into you? Isn't that kinda freaky?"

Prozen: When the Death Saurer exploded, I got fused with the core. And no, it isn't "freaky".

Spectral: Shadow Vixen asks, "Why the hell do you wear a freakin dress in Chaotic Century?, What's with the holes in your ears?, and I WILL hunt you...And I assure you that you will die..slllloooowwlllyyy....paiiiinnnnnfullllly...."

Prozen: I do not wear a dress! The holes are for earrings…and you can try to hunt me all you want, you'll never catch me! NEVER!

Spectral: Firefox*pause for dramatic music* asks," Did you get made fun of for your name when you were small? and What is your favorite thing to do at fast food restaurants?"

Prozen: Yes, but then I had the people that were making fun of me destroyed. And I do not like to even look at a fast food restaurant. Why would I be at one?

Spectral:…………………………………*notices camera and quickly picks up cards* Uhh… the next question is from…*looks at card* Schala85 *pause for dramatic music*…she asks," Would you like some Smokies? *evil cackle*"

Prozen: What on Zi is a "Smokie?"

Spectral: You should know…anyway…the next questions are from Mistress of All Worlds. She asks," Prozen, why did you have to go psycho at the end of Zoids? And what was with that big, rock thing around you? And tell, did you ever go out with that stupid pink-haired girl with a weird haircut? I hope not! But I'm not finished yet! ^_^ Would you go out with me? Did you know, when you're not completely psycho, you're awesome? Have you ever had crazy fangirls chase after you? Where do you go o the hairdresser because I luv your hair! ^_^"

Prozen: Why not go psycho, that was the Death Saurer's zoid core, yes Lt. Harden and I went out, I'll think about it, yes, numerous times, and I go to the Imperial Hairdresser inside the Imperial castle.

Spectral: How interesting… next question is from *looks at card* Random. This person asks," Why do u have the hots 4 Hiltz?"

Prozen: I don't…

Spectral:  Thought so… next question's from…*looks at flaming card* plink*pause for dramatic music*. She asks, "Whoa, what to ask? You're my favorite character! *whines softly* Okay, okay, are you mad at me for not writing fiction of you for quite a while? What do you think of Zi's Angels so far, and do you have anything you'd like me to put in? Are you mad at me because I asked Spectral to put you in the show? *Gives him another hug* You smell nice ^^ Umm...Was there anything between you and Lt. Hardin (pink haired chick who was a bit strange) and what about Hiltz? *eyes widen* Am I in trouble for writing...*gulp* fics about you and...him? *laughs nervously* Can I take the DeathSaurer out for a spin? I want to see how it handles against the MKII version ^^ *cries* That's all I can think of! *sniffle* What do you wear under that suit? *pokes* Eh-he, sorry ^^"

Prozen: …not really, It's good and no, yes! After what Hiltz said about this show I'm concerned for my safety!, yes with Lt. Hardin and no with Hiltz, certainly, no it got destroyed remember, and I wear another suit identical to this one underneath the one I'm wearing now.

Spectral: That took longer than expected…trimogrow asks, "What's a Prozac? Did you invent them? How old are you? Why don't you have wrinkles? Why do you hat Republic?
Can't you do something about Hardin's hair?..."

*two hours later*

"Why do you always carry a pistol? Why are you holding the pistol right now?"

Prozen: Do you seriously expect me to answer that?

Spectral: No…MINIONS!

            Several giant robots fly out of the shadows.

Spectral: Go destroy trimogrow. And hurry up with it!

            The robots nod and then fly through a dimensional portal.

Spectral: That should teach people not to ask so many STUPID questions! The next question is from…*looks at cards* Hog of Hedges. He asks, "What is it like getting taken down twice by the same punk kid?" and, "Why don't you do something constructive w/ your evil?"

Prozen: Very annoying and how am I supposed to be more constructive with my evil?

Spectral: Well I don't know about constructive but I can help with destructive. Just read my new book "Spectral's Evil, Doom, Chaos, and other assorted badness-ness-nesses"!*hands copy of book to Prozen* It'll be in stores soon… (I'll post it in fic form soon, too)

Prozen: *takes book* okay…

Spectral: HealerAriel asks, "What the hell is up with that bow-y thing on your hair? Are you an albino? Why are you psycho? Why can't you be a little more creative when you name people? If Raven had had blue hair, would you have named him Jay? If he'd had orange hair, would you have named him Oriole? Just wondering, O uncreative one..."

Prozen: It keeps my hair the way it is, WHO TOLD YOU!?!?!, maybe…, and why should I be creative…besides, I didn't just name him Raven because of his hair, I predicted that he would bring great death and suffering to the world and the Raven, the bird of death, seemed like a good name.

Spectral: Ah-ha… the next questions are from…*looks at card* space pirate. She asks, "....ummmm...why do you wear high heels? and...I saw you wearing a bathrobe in one of the Zoids episodes. heh heh. why wear anything at all once you get out of the shower? *laughs*"

Prozen: Why not and I was going to get into the shower not out of it…

Spectral: Anyway…SailorDigimon asks, "Well if it is, what was it like being in a giant goop of gross stuffs a.k.a. the Death Saurer's core? An' why do you look like Sephiroth?!?! YOU CAN'T~!!! SEPHIROTH IS MINE!!!! NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Prozen: Its like sitting in gelatin and who or what is Sephiroth (I know but Prozen doesn't…why would he?)

Spectral: Pink Blade Liger wants to know if you are going to kill her.

Prozen: Maybe.

Spectral: I'll put a stop to that…the next question is from Serena. She asks," Prozen why are you such a freaking psycho?!. Whatever the reason me and my friend are gonna trap you in a DISNEY MOVIE OF OUR CHOICE!!!!! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Prozen: She scares me…

Spectral: Me too…Amy asks, "Why are you such an evil maniac? I think the Death Saurer is cool though."

Prozen: Why shouldn't I be such an evil maniac? And I think the Death Saurer is cool too!

Spectral: Okay…that's all. I'm going to go get Ambient to make a zoid for me now and then I'll steal him… and Prozen, you have to come too.

Prozen: But wh…*is thrown in bag*

Spectral: That's all! Next Time we'll have Liger Zero and Specula! *disappears in a cloud of smoke*

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Next Time:

Liger Zero and Specula