Comments: Comments first this time. This was the first lemon I ever wrote XD. (Remember this is a re-post, I wrote this almost two years ago .) Isn't that exciting? Yes, yes it is. It's also very odd, because I wrote it twice. Once from Ken's POV and then from Aya's POV. (note the title ~_^) Just wanted to explain so that no one is confused or anything like that. Okies? Okies. So enjoy.
Disclaimer: Smoking causes cancer! Jesus, Youji, don't you watch the new?! (All characters belong to their respective owners.)
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Aya pulls away from me. I can't move. God I feel so good. He makes me feel so good. I'm spent, totally, utterly and completely. My head is buzzing, it always does. Aya straddles my hips and leans over me; he wipes the back of his hand across his mouth and then kisses me. I can taste myself on his lips. We moan into each other. He runs his hands over my body slowly. He knows I'm spent.
"Aya…." I whisper. "Why… why are you so good to me?"
He kisses my neck and nuzzles my ear. "What goes around comes around, aité," he murmurs. His words won't hit me until he leaves.
He rocks his hips against my leg and shivers. I can feel him through the fabric of his pajama pants. I can feel how much he wants me, how hard he is. I reach out to him. I pull his face back to mine, inviting him to kiss me again. He does, but softly. It's goodnight.
He rolls away from me and stands up. I reach out to take his hand before he moves away. He looks down at me.
"Stay?"
"You know I can't, Kenken," he whispers. I don't want to look into his eyes. It hurts. All these little rejections…. Not his, but mine. He leaves for me, because he knows that in the morning I'd be mortified if one of the others found us. Right now I can't think about that… I don't want to, so I ask him to stay, and for me he says no. He knows the drill. I let go of his hand. He turns and walks away, out my door into the night.
For a while I just lie there, staring at the ceiling. I'm recovering. Recovering from Aya. He does this. He comes into my room in the middle of the night, after the others should be asleep and he shows me things I never knew existed. He takes me beyond pleasure into ecstasy with his gentle touches, his kisses, his mouth, everywhere. Always giving. Never taking.
What goes around comes around, aité.
I think about this as I pull out of my lethargy and force myself to get up, move around, put my boxers back on. I'm always amazed at how fast Aya can get me naked. Fwish. I sit back on my bed.
What goes around come around, aité.
What's been coming around? Nothing really. Aya goes around… but I never come around. Always taking… never giving. I rest my face on my knees as I hug them to my body. I sigh. I'm a horrible boyfriend… a worse lover. He never complains, never asks me for more, he seems happy to give me pleasure. I would never have thought Aya would be a person who derives pleasure from the pleasure of others, but he's the most selfless lover I could possibly imagine.
Which must make me the most selfish. I felt how aroused he was, how unsatisfied. I did nothing to relieve him… I never do. I just take it all for granted. I lie spent and wasted before him, sated, completely selfish, done as far as I'm concerned. What an ass-hole.
What goes around comes around, aité.
But, I'm not sure I'm ready to come around. I would give anything to make Aya feel the way he makes me feel, but how could I? He's so sure of what he's doing. I'd be so clumsy, he'd laugh at me. No… he wouldn't. Aya would never make me feel so small. He'd be a patient, wonderful teacher. I blink into my knees. I should go to him. I should come around; I have to stop being selfish. Things will never more forward if I just sit here and let him do all the work.
What goes around comes around, aité.
I stand up and steel myself. I'm going to him. He needs me as much as I need him. I have to stop being such a self-centered prick. I walk to my door and open it quietly. I tip toe down the hallway, and stop at Aya's door. I listen, my breath is coming fast. I can hear my blood in my ears. Should I knock? Aya never knocks on my door, he just comes in. I blink rapidly and then quietly turn the knob. The door opens silently and I step into Aya's room. It's dark, darker than my room. The air feels heavy. I haven't spent much time in Aya's room, it's strange. He always comes to me. If I started hanging out in here it would look rather suspicious, I'm afraid. I let the way the room feels sink into my skin. I hear no sound; I can see Aya on his bed, covers pulled up. I cross to him. He doesn't move.
It isn't until I crawl up onto his bed, crawl up over him, straddle him, touch his face, whisper his name, kiss his face that he stirs. He wakes softly, eyes opening slowly. He doesn't jump or start like I would have, he just looks up at me. He furrows his eyebrows. There is concern in his eyes.
"What's wrong, aité? Do you feel ok?" He thinks something is wrong. He can't conceive of any other reason for me to come to him like this. He automatically assumes it's for selfish reasons, after all why else would I come to him? I hate myself for being such a brat for so long. I lean down and kiss him. I run my tongue over his lips, querying for entrance. I can tell he's surprised. I'm not usually aggressive like this, but he deserves it. He deserves this. He opens and I take his mouth.
When the kiss is over I breathe heavily against his skin. He touches me gently, curiously. "I'm sorry, koibito," I whisper. "I've been so selfish. Forgive me for never reciprocating. I… I love you."
"Ken…." He says with wonder in his voice. He reaches up to cradle my face in his hands. I smile down at him.
"Thank you for being so patient, Aya. Let me do this for you… I… I don't know how good I'll be at it, but if you'll help me… I want to fulfill your needs, koibito," I say softly. He looks up at me with his beautiful eyes. He pulls my face to his again and we kiss passionately. My fingers clutch at him. Shaking, I force my hands to let go and run them under his shirt, pushing it up, exposing the pale, cool skin to the air. He shivers. I run my hands over his torso, teasing him where I know he's sensitive. He moans gently, it gives me an incredible rush. Is this what it's like for him when it's me moaning?
I pull away and sit up, straddling his hips. He shifts and sits up as well, hitching me into his lap. He puts his arms around me and pulls me closer. I wrap my legs around his torso. It feels so good to be close like this. He begins to kiss my neck, sucking gently. I whimper softly. He's doing it again… he's taking over, giving. I want to do the giving this time… it's his turn to receive.
I push his head away gently and look into his eyes. "Ran, please let me…." I duck my head and nibble at the base of his throat, where it meets his shoulder. He tightens his arms around me; I squeeze him with my legs. We go on like this for a short time. I play on his senses, touching, kissing, whispering softly. He encourages me with his soft moans and feathery sighs. "Aité… that's… good…."
I can feel it as we become aroused to each other. I rub against him. He groans at the delicious friction. Finally I decide enough is enough. I push his shoulders back until he's lying flat again. My hands are shaking as I run them over his flat stomach and pause to tug at the band of his pants. He lifts off the bed to help me pull them over his hips. I do so and he kicks them the rest of the way off. This is the fist time I've seen him like this, he's beautiful.
I'm suddenly panicked. I can't stop shaking. I want this. I want to do this more than anything, but for some reason I'm terrified. He reaches up to touch my face. "Ken, only if you're sure," he says softly.
I look at him with scared eyes. I swallow and then nod. I can't say anything. He runs his hand down my arm and places it over mine. He guides it gently as he spreads his legs wider. "I'll help, aité. Just… please, Ken…." He looks up at me. He wants this so badly. I can see his need for me in his eyes. He's begging me not to abandon him. I couldn't.
I touch him, my fingers light as feathers. He sighs and closes his eyes. They flutter open again and I explore him tentatively. He keeps his hand over mind, guiding. Here… there, gently… harder. I wrap my fingers around him; I take his length in my hand. We move together. He lets me know when to go faster and slower, when to squeeze and when to be light.
Soon he's panting heavily. Sweat drops form on his light skin. He cries out softly, wordlessly. He pushes up into our hands. I'm surprised at the intensity of Aya's reactions. Is this what I'm like? I can't tell… I never think about it, I just give myself over to the sensation.
"Ken…." He grates. "God… please….nhg!"
I can feel his body tensing beneath me. His hips move restlessly. He's searching for release… he's almost there. I've brought him. But suddenly, before he releases, he roughly pulls both our hands away. He grabs my hips and flips me over, pinning me back against his bed. He stares down at me with intense eyes. He pants heavily and grimaces.
"Aya?" I ask, surprised. "But… you're not…."
"I've waited this long, Ken, I can wait a little longer," he says, trying to control his voice. He pries my legs apart and reaches into my boxers, grabbing me roughly, pulling. I cry out.
I buck under him. He's brutal. I nearly scream. What the hell is going on? He bites my neck, pulling harder, squeezing. I groan in pleasure and pain. "Zakennayo!" I cry.
He presses brutally on my tip, manhandles me in a way I've only dreamed about. He attacks my mouth, raping it with his tongue. I thought I was supposed to be doing the giving. What happened?! "Do you want me, Ken?" he growls sharply.
"God, yes!" I cry, I buck into his hand and spread my legs wider. As soon as I answer he's gentle again. His hand loosens around me; his rhythm is soft and slow. I sigh. He locks his eyes with mine.
"Do you mean it?" he asks softly.
It takes me a moment of searching his eyes to understand what he means. I'm scared again. He rocks his hips against me, pressing his arousal against the thin fabric of my boxers. I shiver… god it feels so damned good. I press back against him. I look into his eyes. "Ken, please," he says, a hint of desperation in his voice.
I swallow and nod. "Yes," I breathe, "I want you, Aya. I'm ready."
He stares at me intently, burning holes into my soul with his eyes. "Are you sure, Ken? Only if you are sure."
I reach up to take his face in my hands. "I'm sure." No one can ever call me a selfish prick after this. I am giving myself to Aya with all that I have. I pull his face to mine and I kiss him, showing him with my mouth how sure I am, how much I truly want him. He groans against me, and then sits up, kneeling back on the bed. I look up at him, I feel vulnerable.
He reaches down and pulls my boxers off quickly, and then pulls his own shirt off up over his head. He tosses both across the room. He leans over me again, placing his hands on the bed, bracing himself above me. He looks down into my eyes. "How do you want to do this?" he asks softly.
I blink up at him. I didn't know I had a variety of options to choose from. I subdue the urge to make a sarcastic remark; it would probably spoil the mood. Instead I shrug slightly and shake my head. "I don't know, koi. I've never done this before."
"You think I have?"
We both smile at each other and chuckle softly. He nuzzles my neck and I run a hand through his hair. "I just want to be able to look into your eyes," I murmur.
"Mm," he agrees. He runs a hand over my chest, gently massaging me. "It's going to hurt… at least at first…."
"I know. It's worth it to be with you," I answer. When did we come to this? To this gentle exchange of words, this openness? I think about how things used to be. When everything was loaded, when Aya wasn't human. I never imagined in a million years back then that I would be softly telling Aya that his love was worth the pain of sodomy. The world can get so fucked.
"I'm going to insist on using lubrication," he says matter-o-factly.
"Well, glad we got that straight," I murmur into his ear.
He grumbles something about 'smart-ass' and then pulls away from me, rolling over towards one of his nightstands. He pulls open a drawer and then comes back to straddle my hips. "Vaseline."
"That should do the trick," I quip. I'm trying to cover up my nervousness. I giggle thinly. Aya sees through me, I expected him to. He leans down and kisses my face.
"Only if you want to, aité."
I laugh nervously and touch his arms. "Don't give me the option, koi. I can't promise you I won't bolt." He kisses me softly again and then pulls back, sliding down the bed. I stare resolutely at the ceiling. What was that saying…'stare at the ceiling and think of England?' Something like that. Only for me it was, '…think of Aya.'
He pushes my legs up and farther apart. He takes my hips in his hands and tilts them slightly. I shiver, I feel so exposed. Zuzushii. I feel him run a Vaseline slicked finger across my opening. A jolt of erotic sensation shoots through my body. This is the first time I've been touched like this. He does it again and I moan softly. He applies a liberal amount of the gel to my anus, pressing gently against the tight mouth, entering me slightly more each time. I'm panting heavily. My hands clutch the sheets in tight knots and I roll my hips. God he hasn't even really done anything, and I'm going out of my mind.
I want him inside of me. I tell him so. "Naka ni kite…." He pushes a second finger into me and I cry out. It feels so amazing… so different from anything I've felt before. The pain is eclipsed by the sheer eroticism of it all.
"Ran-kun… please… just take me," I pant. He runs his free hand over my torso, and leans up to kiss me passionately. I groan loudly into his mouth, I arch my back. I don't care if it's shameless.
He sits up again, spreading Vaseline over his erection. God we're so close. He kneels between my legs and I close my eyes. I feel his hands on my hips, holding them gently, but firmly. I try to relax; I know I need to be relaxed. I feel the tip of him press against my opening. I fight not to tense up, he murmurs to me softly, but I can't hear the words for the rushing in my ears. He presses forward slightly, entering me. I do my best to stretch around him, accommodate him, but this is my first time. Fuck it hurts, but in a way that feels so good.
"Ken…." He groans softly. I wonder how I feel around him. He pushes forward, taking me deeper. I gasp raggedly. He ceases to push, waiting for me to catch up to him. It feels like my bones are being pushed aside, like they are shifting to make room. It feels like my pelvis might crack in half. I swear I can almost hear my tailbone shifting and grating inside as he presses against it. I pant. I push back against him. He takes this as an invitation and pushes farther into me. I clutch the sheets feverishly and toss my head back and forth. I whimper.
"Gently, Ken," he says thickly. I nod as best I can. I just want him inside of me! I want all of him.
"Aya… just finish it," I pant. He braces my hips, holds them tightly and then quickly pushes the rest of the way into me. I'm so tight, god it hurts, but then suddenly there's nothing but pleasure. I cry out, arching my back. He rocks into me again, doing whatever he did once more and I nearly scream. I can feel tears hot in my eyes.
Now he leans forward, letting go of my hips, deep inside me. I shift around him, settle around him, adjust to him. He pins my hands back against the bed, lacing his fingers in mine. I can look up into his eyes. My tears are reflected. I wrap my legs around his torso and squeeze gently, pulling him closer. I shift my hips up slightly so that he can sink into me another fraction, just the slightest bit more. As he does he hits that spot again, I buck, and a wave of pure erotic sensation engulfs my whole body. I shiver from head to foot. He touches my face, gently brushing away my tears. "Gently."
He kisses me again. I can't get enough of him, I tear my hands from his, grabbing at his body, clutching his shoulders, pulling on his hips, running them through his hair. He pulls out of me slightly and then pushes back in, starting a painfully slow rhythm within me. I know that it's all I can handle, but I want more. I rock against him. We pant each other's names, crying out, whimpering, moaning softly. He touches that spot deep within me each time, and it's driving me crazy. I toss my head, sweat beads forming on my skin. I cry openly. I can't stop myself; the joy is too great.
I realize this slowly. It isn't the pleasure. The pleasure is wonderful all on it's own, but that isn't what brings me to tears, it isn't what brings Aya to tears, or causes me to cry out his name and whisper that I love him. It's the joy. The sheer joy of being so close, of making love. It is everything I've been feeling inside shared with the one I love. This is what brings me to tears.
I bite my lip so hard I think it might bleed. I feel his tongue on my skin, his cheek pressed against mine. I wrap my arms around his neck, one hand cradling his head, gently pulling his hair, the fingers of the other digging into his skin. He wraps one arm around my back, grasping my shoulder, pulling me up against him. I tighten my legs around him, pulling him down against me. I groan and cry out as the friction between us grows. He rubs against me, driving me onward towards completion. He's still moving within me. He was so ready just a few minutes ago, how can he stand this?
Then something changes. His breathing comes in quick little gulps and his arm tightens around me so hard that I fear I can't breath. He digs his nails into my shoulder, scratching me. He thrusts into me almost violently, so hard that light explodes behind my eyes when he hits home. I cry out, screaming his name. He growls mine in response, biting my neck savagely. I arch my back and clench around him as hard as I can. Now it's his turn to scream.
He shudders violently and pushes forward one last time, spilling into me. It feels so strange, the sudden warmth, the pressure, so good. His orgasm lasts longer than I would have thought, and he reaches suddenly between us, grabbing me roughly, pulling me, forcing me to come with him. I come harder than I ever have before. My mind spins, I cry out, I tear at him with my hands. He holds me as I spend myself between us; he rocks me slowly. We both gasp for air as he lays me back on the bed, touching my face and brushing my hair from my eyes.
"Ran-kun…," I whisper raggedly. Everything is softness now. I loosen my hold on him, relax my legs, relax everything. His hands flutter over my body, feeling me everywhere, wanting me to be alright. His lips brush mine, and he sighs softly.
We lie together, he is still inside of me, but still now. We breathe together, bodies intertwined, sweat slick, and sticky. I whisper softly in his ear, and it takes me a moment to realize that he is crying against my shoulder. I touch him gently, caressing him, running my hands through his hair. "Hush, koi," I murmur.
"Ken… God, I love you so… I never thought I could feel this much again…. Thank you, aité," he whispers, so softly I barely hear. I kiss his face and whisper to him softly. I tell him how much I love him, that I'll never leave him. I tell him how thankful I am that he's here with me, and that I need him. He pulls his head up to look into my eyes. He cups my face in his hands again, brushing away tears and hair. We stare at each other for a long time. I get lost in his eyes, lost in Aya.
"What goes around comes around, koi," I finally say. He smiles sweetly and kisses me deeply, slowly. We hold each other, absorbed in the afterglow. I never want to leave his arms… ever. But then he pulls away, I feel him leave me, and I shiver. He traces a hand down my body, through the mess I've made of myself, and of him as well. He smiles again and then gets out of bed, standing up. He walks to the door and turns to look back.
"I'll be back in a minute. We need to get cleaned up." Then he opens the door and walks away.
I lie back, feeling how heavy everything is. I can barely move my arms. Aya's so practical, always thinking about things like getting cleaned up. I smile and run my hand over my own body. I shift slightly and wince, deciding that shifting is not a good idea just yet.
Aya comes back cleaned up. He has a washcloth, wet, and a towel, dry. I look up at him, "Now why do I feel like I'm having déjà vu?"
"Because I'm always having to clean up after you, Kenken," he says silkily, beginning to wipe me off with the warm cloth. He's so gentle, just like always. When he's done he tosses both towels across the room into his laundry bag.
"Three points, nothin' but net," I say starting to sit up. I wince again as I prop myself up on my elbows and bring my legs in, closing them together. I suck air between my teeth.
"You ok?" Aya asks kindly.
I nod. "I'm gonna be sore tomorrow. Oh well, kinda reminds me of soccer practice. Not exactly like shin splints, but…." I look over at Aya and grin. His mouth twitches up at the corners and he comes back to the bed, ruffling my hair. He trails his hand down my face and tilts my chin up so that he can look into my eyes.
"Stay?" he asks softly.
I swallow and then smile sadly. "Always."
* * * * * *
He cries out hoarsely. He comes in my mouth. It's hot and sweet. I swallow it as best I can, taking him into my body, but some of him escapes. I ignore it; I'll wipe it away later. He relaxes, his whole body falling limply back onto the bed. I pull away from him and sit up. God, he's gorgeous. His cheeks are flushed with pleasure, his body just slightly shining with sweat. I crawl up over him, wiping the last taste of him from my mouth and kiss his lips lovingly. He arches against me gently and I run my hand over his slick body, feeling his muscles ripple beneath my fingers. He's done. The poor kid is completely spent.
He hisses through his teeth, "Aya…. Why… why are you so good to me?"
I smile to myself, kissing his neck gently. I say the first thing I can think of. "What goes around comes around, aité." And some day you will, too, Kenken.
I show him how much I mean what I've said. I rock against him, letting him feel how aroused I am. The feeling is incredible as I brush against his body. A shiver of pleasure and expectancy runs through me. Maybe this time he'll reach out, take the step to love me in return. He touches my face gently, taking it in his hands. I can feel how tired he is as he kisses me. He opens his mouth, but his energy is gone, so I kiss him softly to let him know it's over. I never want to push him again. I want him to come to me on his own terms. When he does I know the pain of waiting will be worth it.
Before I let myself get any more lost in my desire for Ken I pull away from him, rolling away and standing up abruptly. I mean to leave quickly before I can resent him, but he reaches after me, taking my hand. He laces his fingers in mine, and looks up at me with his soulful brown eyes. I look back, wanting so much more. I know what's coming, and it hurts.
"Stay?" he asks softly. He does this. He doesn't know how much it kills me each time. He doesn't mean it. He asks, because he knows I'll say no. There is nothing I want more than to hold him all night, but he could never stand the risk of being discovered by the others. So he asks, wanting me to say no.
"You know I can't, Kenken," I manage to choke. He lies there, not looking into my eyes. After a moment he lets his fingers slip from mine and closes his eyes. I turn and walk away, leaving him to the night.
I close his door behind me and slump to the wall, resting my forehead against it. I breathe raggedly. My hand moves almost of its own accord, slipping into my pants. I touch myself tentatively, running my fingers gently along my length. God, I'm so ready, so fucking hard. I think of Ken as I pleasure myself.
What am I doing?! I can't jerk myself off in the hallway! I growl as I leave off and force myself to turn and go back to my room.
When, Ken?! How long are you going to make me wait?
I throw myself down onto the bed and grumble, running a hand over my hyper sensitive body. I'm so turned on, so hot, and there is no release. I shouldn't be angry with Ken, but I can't help but feel frustrated. I pushed him beyond his limits that night in the bathroom, and I don't want to get in the habit of rushing him, or making him feel like I always will. Giving Ken pleasure is wonderful. The rush it gives me hearing him cry out for me and beg me to give him completion is so intense it's almost enough. But of course it will never be enough. I want to feel what he feels. I want him to give to me what I give to him.
Alone with my thoughts I grumble again and force myself to calm down. I seriously contemplate throwing myself into a cold shower, but decide to just curl up in fetal position instead. The best way to deal with this is to fall asleep. I'll have to be patient. I told Ken I would wait for him, and I will.
I yank the covers up around me and bury myself in my pillows. Sleep claims me faster than I would have thought. Well, it's not exactly sleep, but I doze off easily. I lie still, calming my nerves.
I vaguely hear my door open and close, but through my sleep haze it doesn't really register, so I go on dozing. I feel my bed sag with an added weight and then through the sleep I feel warmth, gentle fingers, and the brush of lips against my face. I open my eyes slowly. I'm not startled; it's hard to be startled when you feel as lethargic as I do. I look up into Ken's face. He looks worried, or hurt. There's something in his eyes….
"What's wrong, aité?" I ask. Did he have regrets this time… or was it another nightmare? "Are you ok?"
I gaze up at him and there's something playing across his face. It looks sad and pained, and I want to reach out to him, touch him. He makes a hissing sound between his teeth. It sounds a lot like self-contempt, and I know what that sounds like. Then he leans over me and without a word kisses me passionately. His tongue plays at my lips and slips between them. It's just like that morning in the back room, Ken being aggressive. He takes my mouth roughly and I lie there, letting him do what he wants.
Then he pulls away, ending the kiss and breathes against me. I feel his warm breath on my skin, tickling me. I touch his arms and chest, searching for something. He whispers in my ear, "I'm sorry, koibito. I've been so selfish. Forgive me for never reciprocating. I… I love you."
I've heard him say the words before, but every time it makes me want to cry or shout or laugh with joy. He loves me, and I don't think I'll ever understand why…. "Ken…." I take his face in my hands so that I can look into his eyes. He smiles sweetly.
"Thank you for being so patient, Aya. Let me do this for you… I… I don't know how good I'll be at it, but if you'll help me…." He trails off, and then swallows, finding the words he wants. "I want to fulfill your needs, koibito."
Oh God, just hearing him say it is almost enough to make me come. After waiting all this time, Ken has finally come to me wanting me. Touching his face is like holding fire in my hands. I pull it down to mine and kiss him like I mean it. He begins to shake slightly and then slowly pushes his hands up my body. He presses and pinches, teasing me fiercely. I groan. How could I not?
He makes a satisfied little click sound in the back of his throat; I bet he doesn't even know he did it. He pulls away from me, sitting up, sitting on my thighs. I sit up as well, grasping his hips and pulling him into my lap. I want to be as close as possible. I hold him tightly and he wraps his long legs around by back, squeezing me. Shit it feels good. I nip at his neck, biting gently, kissing, sucking. His hands clutch at my hair and he whimpers. I love driving him crazy.
But then he pushes me away, panting. He looks into my eyes. "Ran, please let me…." He wants to be the one doing the driving crazy. But doesn't he understand that his little moans, his cries and whimpers are enough to make me completely insane? He ducks his head and picks up where I left off. He nibbles at my neck and shoulder, biting playfully. I hold him tighter and he responds by drawing me closer with his legs. I could die happy right now wrapped up in Ken.
He plays with me like this for a little while. He uses his mouth and fingers to tease, touching me softly, whispering sweetly in my ear. God, he's so sincere. I'll never deserve him. I sigh softly, murmuring encouragement. "Aité… that's… good," I moan gently.
Then he rocks against me and between us there is only pleasure. He pushes my shoulders back, telling me it's time. I lie back, letting him guide me with his hands. He looks down at me and smiles slightly, running his hand over my stomach and tugging at the band of my flannel bottoms. Feeling adventurous, aité? Well then I'll let you do the work for once. I lift my hips slightly, inviting him to remove my pants. I'm slightly surprised when he does; I thought he'd be more inhibited than that. He can be such a squirmer. But then, I know Ken's as hot for this as I am. I kick my pants the rest of the way off and lie before him. He looks down at me.
Oh, wait… there it is, the panic. He's shaking slightly. Got in a little deeper than you planned, Kenken? My shy koibito. I promised myself that I wouldn't push you again, so…. I reach up and touch his face, to let him know I'm here. He looks at me with scared eyes; I wonder why I frighten him so much. "Ken, only if you're sure…."
He stares at me, he knows he can't leave me like this even if I tell him it's ok. Finally he nods slightly, unable to speak. I let my hand slowly run down his face, his neck, across his shoulder, and down his arm. I take his hand in mine. I know what he needs right now, what he wants from me. I push his hand down, spreading my legs. "I'll help," I say softly and then without meaning to I add, "Just… please, Ken…." I'm begging him to stay with me, just this once. I need him to know how much this means.
His finger brush over me, tentative with that first forbidden touch. I sigh, relief and expectation mingling. I close my eyes, wanting to fall into the sensation, but I need to keep my promise. I guide him with my hand, letting him know what I need, what I want. He's very giving. He listens to my body in a way that surprises me; he's so attuned to what I'm silently telling him.
It doesn't take long for him to drive me deep. I cry out, arching my back, pushing into our hands. He responds perfectly, doing exactly what I need him to. I moan and call his name quietly. I know he likes this; he likes being in control like this. I wonder if he realizes it….
"Ken…! God… please….nhg!" Shit, I'm close. But I don't want to give this up. I don't want to waste this opportunity to press my advantage with Ken. He's open right now, responsive to my needs and our mutual desires. If I let him bring me all the way it will be lost, and I'll have to work twice as hard some other night. No, I've waited long enough. I won't let him stay in control, not when I have so much to gain by taking over.
My hand stills over his, I pull both away and then grab his hips, flipping him, pinning him beneath me. I ache so badly it's torture to make him stop, but as I look down into Ken's startled eyes, I know it will be worth it.
"Aya?" he asks, surprised. "But… you're not…."
"I've waited this long, Ken, I can wait a little longer," I grated fiercely. I've got to keep myself in check, but staring into those innocent, loving eyes of his is making it very difficult. I pry his legs apart and reach into his boxers, roughly grabbing him. I tug and he nearly screams. He's so sensitive. He bucks upwards, tossing his head.
I bite him and squeeze harder. He gasps and shouts, "Zakennayo!"
I almost laugh to myself, he's got quite a dirty little mouth. I have to make Ken want this; I have to make him feel the frustration that I have felt. I use him roughly. I want to take his mouth, so I do. He gasps and groans around me as I continue to manhandle him. When I leave off of his bruised lips I lean close to his ear and growl, "Do you want me, Ken?"
"God, yes!" he screams. There is no hesitation as he thrusts upward and opens himself to me, spreading his legs wider, unconsciously inviting me to take him. And this is what I want. Ken is acting purely on his senses, giving into them, letting go of all those inhibitions of his. My heart races and I cease to abuse him.
"Do you mean it?" I ask softly. It's a loaded question, but I need the answer.
He looks up and searches my eyes. He's looking for the meaning to my words. He finds it. I can tell because there is fear again. I don't want him to be afraid, I want him to want this. I remind him of the pleasure, pressing my groin against the fabric of his boxers, rocking gently against his anus. A shiver runs through his body and he closes his eyes. He presses back and the softest moan escapes his lips. He looks into my eyes. "Ken, please," I murmur. I can't take anymore of this. I need him to need me.
He swallows hard and then nods. His breath is fast. "Yes. I want you Aya. I'm ready."
My heart races. I stare into his eyes, searching for any sign of unwillingness. I don't want to push him. It isn't worth it if I do. "Are you sure, Ken? Only if you are sure," I say firmly. And I mean it.
He smiles at me gently and reaches up to take my face in his hands. "I'm sure." He pulls my face down and the kiss he gives me says everything I want to hear.
I sit up, straddling his legs. I remove his boxers quickly and then take off my shirt. I want to feel him against me. I lean over him again. I'm going to let him set the parameters. "How do you want to do this?"
He blinks at me and I see the faintest trace of amusement in his dark eyes. He shrugs and shakes his head. "I don't know, koi. I've never done this before."
"You think I have?" I ask softly. We both giggle. For an instant the entire situation is ludicrous. Then he reaches out and nuzzles my neck, I run a hand through his soft, warm hair.
"I just want to be able to look into your eyes," he breathes.
"Mm." Sounds perfect to me. I run a hand over his body. I wonder how much he knows. I don't want him to be surprised or frightened. "It's going to hurt… at least at first…."
"I know. It's worth it to be with you," he answers lovingly. God I could melt. His acceptance of us… of me… it's brutal. When? When did it come to this?
I have to say something that's sensible so I don't turn into a pile of mush. "I'm going to insist on using lubrication." That sounded very strange.
"Glad we got that straight," he says sarcastically into my ear. What a smart-ass. I roll away, reaching into the drawer of my nightstand. I grab the little jar of Vaseline that I have taken to keeping there… just in case. I straddle his hips again. "Vaseline," I report.
"That should do the trick," he says; he's trying to make light of the situation, but I hear the strain in his voice. I look down at him and he giggles strangely. I want him to feel safe. I lean down and kiss his face.
"Only if you want to, aité," I repeat into his ear. He laughs again, but thinly. He touches my arms; his hands are shaking.
"Don't give me the option, koi. I can't promise you I won't bolt," he says, trying to be joking, but I know there is a certain amount of truth in his words. I won't give him the option then. I kiss him tenderly, and then pull away, sliding back on the bed. He stares at the ceiling, his fists clenched at his sides. I wonder what he's thinking.
I push his legs up and apart, exposing his tight entrance. I tilt his hips with my hands, so that he'll be more accessible to me. Dipping a finger in the Vaseline I run it gently over the opening and Ken jolts at the new sensation. I repeat the touch and he moans gently. He's so ready. I spread more of the slick gel over him, pushing my finger deeper inside of him with each pass. He's so hot around me, so tight. I don't want this to be too painful. He moans again and his hands grab at my sheets. Driving Ken out of his mind is so easy, and so fulfilling. He rolls his hips slightly, telling me he wants more.
His words echo his body language. "Naka ni kite…." He rasps hoarsely. Enter me…. I push another finger into him and he cries out wordlessly. I push both a little farther and he tenses around me. He moans, "Ran-kun… please… just take me."
I run my hand over his hyper sensitive skin and then kiss him madly. Oh, aité, the things you do to me…. He arches into me, his inhibitions gone. Enough of this. I don't want to wait any longer. I sit up and spread Vaseline over myself and then take his hips firmly in my hands. I don't want him jerking wilding and hurting himself. I gently press the tip of my erection against his tight anus, pushing forward ever so slightly. He jerks as I enter him a fraction, but he forces himself to maintain control. I can't believe it's finally happening, that Ken is allowing us to make love. I want him so badly I can hardly stand it, but I have to be gentle… I have to go slowly. For Ken's sake. I press forward a little more, slipping into him. I hope he's getting some pleasure out of this.
"Ken…," I groan softly. I take him deeper, pressing forward with a bit more urgency now. He gasps in both pain and pleasure, and I cease my intrusion, waiting for him, waiting until he's ready for more. He lies still for a moment and then moans softly, pressing back into me, wanting me to be deeper within him. I push forward. God I never imagined it would feel this good, that Ken could feel this fucking good. His hands claw at the sheets and his head tosses feverishly. His hips buck just slightly, but I hold them down, I don't want him to hurt himself. He whimpers and squeezes his eyes shut.
"Gently, Ken," I say, fighting to make my voice work. All it wants to do is cry his name, sob in relief and ecstasy. He nods. He wants me to take him, but I have to be gentle.
"Aya…," he nearly sobs, "just finish it." He pants heavily and I do the same. If that's what you want, Kenken. You'll feel better then anyway. I take a deep breath and grasp his hips tightly before thrusting forward, entering him completely. His eyes fly wide in pain and then he shudders as the pleasure overwhelms him. He cries out, arching his back. His hands tangle in his hair; he doesn't even notice what he's doing to himself. I rock into him again, wanting to show him pleasure he never knew existed. I hit his prostate again and he chokes on a scream of ecstasy. Tears begin to form in his eyes.
Looking down at him, his beautiful body writhing and tensing I feel like I might fall apart. He's here for me, giving himself over to me. He trusts me completely; he would never have come here tonight if he didn't. I feel my heart catch, my stomach tightens and twists, I want to show him. I need him to know how thankful I am that he accepts me, that he wants to pleasure me. My eyes begin to tear as well. I want to sob his name and hold him against me. I release his hips.
I lean down, pinning his hands back against the bed, my fingers in his, looking down into his blushing face. We stare into each other's eyes; I drink of him. He shifts, lacing his legs behind my back, pulling me down against him and tilting his hips upwards of his own accord. I sink into him the tiniest bit more, but that fraction is enough to spin him into ecstasy again. He shudders around me. I moan softly, and release one of his hands. I touch his face, brushing away his hair and his tears. "Gently," I murmur.
We kiss again. Ken writhes around me, adjusting to my intrusion. He pulls his hands free and clutches madly at my body. He sighs and whimpers against me. He tugs on my hips and runs his shaking fingers through my hair. It feels so damn good to be needed by him. I pull out of him slowly and then rock back again, beginning a rhythm that we can both handle. He raises his hips to meet me, he makes love to me. We get lost in each other, moaning, crying, whispering, and whimpering. I say his name over and over again. I wonder if he can hear me. I push forward into him again and again; he's so hot around me it's all I can do to keep myself from climaxing prematurely. The tears slip from my eyes. There is nothing I can do to stop them. They mingle with the sweat of my body and fall to mingle with the sweat of his as well.
I recall my words that night. I know that you aren't ready yet, Ken, but when we finally make love…it is going to be the most wonderful thing that has ever happened. I can feel it. It is going to be beautiful and perfect and so incredibly –right- that you will never doubt that we are meant to be together. I was right.
I lick his neck and breath against him. I press my face to his. He wraps his arms around me, tangling his fingers in my hair, holding my head. It feels good to be nurtured. The fingers of his other hand dig into my skin sharply. I want him closer to me. I put my arm around him, grasping his shoulder and pull him up against me. I murmur to him as he pulls me down with his legs. So close, so together. I can feel how close I am. It's torture, holding out. I've waited long enough, Ken is mine. I breathe quickly, gasping as I thrust into him hard, the friction makes my head swim. Ken screams, calling out my name. I growl his back, and bite his neck possessively. He raises his hips and clenches his muscles down around me so tightly I think it's going to kill me. I scream in response, burying my face in his neck.
One last thrust, that's all I can manage, and I climax, ejaculating into his tight, young body with a force that rocks my world. But I can't be the only one. I reach between our sweat-slick bodies and grab him, pulling, forcing him to come with me. He does. He gasps and cries out, digging his nails into my body, tearing madly at me. I hold him gently, letting him come between our bodies, spending his seed. I cradle his trembling body, rocking him in my arms. I lay him back gently, and brush his matted hair from his pleasure-glazed eyes.
He whispers my name, my real name. "Ran-kun…." He speaks to my soul; I don't have to pretend with him… never again. We relax slowly. His legs loosen around me and let go. He arms hang limply around my neck. I let my hands flutter over him, feeling him, wanting to make sure he isn't hurt in any way. I kiss him briefly, lips brushing sweet lips.
I remain wrapped up in his warmth, unwilling to leave him. I bury my face in his neck and am overcome by my tears. I can't stop weeping. Nothing matters now. Everything is complete. As long as I have him, I will never need anything else. He… he truly has saved my soul. He whispers to me. He touches me lovingly, comforting me. "Hush, koi," he says compassionately.
I choke on a soft sob. "Ken… God, I love you so… I never thought I could feel this much again…. Thank you, aité," I manage to whisper. I'll never be able to express the extent of my gratitude. But then he's kissing me gently whispering in my ear. He tells me all the things I want to say, all the things I want to hear. He says he loves me. He promises that this is for always. He thanks me for my love, for being with him, for making love to him, and then tells me he needs me. How can it be so easy for him? I pull my head up; I want to gaze into his eyes. I brush his hair away once more and gently thumb away his last tears. I gaze into his eyes. The endless eyes of Ken Hidaka. I never want to see anything else.
"What goes around comes around, koi," he says softly. My heart feels like it is going to fly apart. I smile and kiss him deeply. Then we just hold each other, not worrying about anything but being together. I wish it could just be like this forever… but eventually I know I have to get practical. I pull away, pulling myself out of him. A little shiver ripples through his body. I run my hand through the sticky mess across his torso. I know it's all over me too. I stand and walk to the door quickly. I look back as he lies there, watching me with those eyes. "I'll be back in a minute. We need to get cleaned up."
I walk to the bathroom and quickly grab a towel and a washcloth. I clean myself up first, wiping down my stomach and whatever else is messier than necessary. I wash my face in cold water, and then study my face in the mirror. I look healthier than I ever have. My skin practically glows… Ken: does a body good. I want to get back to him, I know that the pain is going to be catching up with him, and I want to be there.
I grab a clean towel and wet another washcloth before hurrying back to my room. I push open the door and shut it after me. I cross to the bed and stare down at Ken's beautifully prostrate body.
"Now why do I feel like I'm having déjà vu?" he asks raising an eyebrow.
"Because I'm always having to clean up after you, Kenken," I respond slyly. He grins at me as I begin to wipe him off gently. I don't want to jar him; I know he has to be sore. Cleaning him up like this reminds me so strongly of that first night of exploration…. When I'm done and he is clean I toss both the towel and the washcloth across the room into my laundry basket.
"Three points, nothin' but net," he quips as he starts to sit up. I see him wince as he pulls his legs in. He hisses between his teeth. I hate to see him in pain.
"You ok?" I ask, hoping he won't reprimand me for being too rough.
"I'm gonna be sore tomorrow. Oh well, kinda reminds me of soccer practice. Not exactly like shin splints, but…." He grins at me with that big, goofy grin of his. I can't help but smile slightly. I ruffle his hair lovingly. He can be such a kid. I run my hand down his beautiful face and tilt his chin upwards so that I can look into his eyes. "Stay?"
His eyes are hurt, but there is love in them. He swallows and then smiles distantly. "Always."