A/N: Well, here's the next chappie! Hope you all like it, as I'm not sure
when the next one will be up. ;_; I'd like to thank all of you who left
reviews, and to extend my special thanks to those who have reviewed more
than once. This author definitely appreciates your feedback!
--Manny
Chapter 3
"From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone."
--Edgar Allen Poe, "Alone"
Calm. She was calm.
Raven knelt deep within the depths of her mind, arms outstretched in a meditative position. Though the barren ground was cold and her legs bare, she felt oddly comfortable beneath that void of a sky. To her, this was a home away from home--the only place where she was sure to find privacy away from the other Titans. Well, almost sure. The young woman wrinkled her brow slightly as she remembered the one exception to that rule. It had been. . .an unusual experience, she had to admit. Not bad, per se, but unusual.
Even as she thought, the Titan's face softened somewhat. That hadn't been a pleasant surprise, seeing two of her closest friends suddenly inside her mind. Especially considering the threat from her father at the time. If they had been injured, or killed. . .no. Don't even go there, she thought, furrowing her brows in concentration. They were the ones who had broken into her room--they would have deserved to come out of the experience injured or scarred.
"But then they would hurt. And they'd hate us more."
Raven stiffened. Why was this voice coming now? She thought she'd already purged herself of that guilt. Turning slowly, the young Titan faced the gray shadow of herself. As per usual, the figure was hunched over in a subservient position, one hand wiping at a tear-stained cheek. "Th-then Robn and Starfire would hate us," sobbed the wraith, drawing her cloak tightly about herself, "and we would hate us, because if B-b-beast Boy or C-c-cyborg. . ."
Squeezing her eyes shut, Raven tried to keep that frail little voice out of her thoughts. "But they didn't. They're fine," she responded through gritted teeth. "We went over this."
"But I'm s-s-scared," replied the gray-shrouded figure, continuing to weep. "The nightmares. . .the n-nightmares. . ."
". . .are just nightmares. That give me insomnia, but nothing else." Though her timbre was her normal monotonous voice, Raven couldn't help but see some truth in her doppelganger's words. And considering the outburst of this afternoon, the Titan wasn't sure if those horrible nightmares were simply dreams or not. If they were real. . . "Leave me alone," she muttered. "I don't need you right now."
"But.. . .b-b-b-but. . ." The gray figure seemed to shrink in on herself, her blue eyes brimming with tears.
"Go talk to Optimism. She'll help." Raven couldn't help but feel a twinge of pity for her other self. After all, this shivering wretch of a figment was an integral part of the Titan's psyche. "I need to talk to someone else now."
After one last hiccup-y sob, the gray-cloaked girl melted back into the shadows. Finally, thought Raven. Recomposing herself, she slowly got to her feet. As the blue fabric of her boots scuffled the barren dirt on which she stood, the scene began to change around her. Which was logical in Raven's mind; one couldn't solve a problem by staying in the same place. The Titan stared down at her feet, as if willing the answer to come from there. What had come over her? Save in her nightmares, her demon of a father was nowhere to be seen in her mind. Where are you? she thought. And what can I do? The rock changed to soft grass, then cobblestones, then finally pale wood paneling, and the Titan lifted her gaze to see a fresh set of scenery about her.
It was a librarian's paradise. Golden sunlight filtered in through tinted panes of glass set in the ceiling, illuminating racks upon racks of books. Though there was not a breath of wind in the place, long, saffron- colored strips of cloth fluttered from the tops of each of the racks. As Raven stared at these silken banners, she could make out symbols for knowledge and truth painted upon each one of them. Raven floated smoothly into the chamber and towards a mammoth desk stationed at the end. As she passed, silhouettes the color of corn tassels stared after her, faces hidden by hoods that had been tethered with strands of glistening honey. They gazed upon her mutely for a few moments, then returned to their duties at the bookshelves.
"Back again so soon?" came a quiet voice. Raven looked up to find herself floating just in front of that enormous desk. Shaped like a mammoth church organ, it was heaped with stacks upon stacks of yellow books, each stack balanced so precariously that they seemed in danger of falling at any moment. Buried deep within this fortress of knowledge was a bespectacled young woman, who was gazing mistily at a tawny book propped up on her lap.
Raven felt a faint smile tickle her lips. She had not come to this part of her mind for a very long time now. "I am," she responded quietly. The young woman across from Raven looked up from her book, although her eyes showed how much she longed to return to whatever those pages held. "I need to know what's going on with my mind," she stated quietly. "And whether there's anything I can remember that would help."
As she spoke, Raven could hear a faint rustling noise as all the golden ghosts in the room turned to stare at her. The librarian, however, merely adjusted the glasses on her nose. "You already know the answer, Raven," she murmured, her gaze sliding back towards her book. "I am not the person you should talk to."
"I don't want to see Subconscious," muttered Raven, adjusting the clasp on her cloak. "I'm--"
"--afraid of what you might see? Yes." The lifted her eyes to look at Raven again, her face contemplative. "I can still look through your memories if you like."
"Please."
Before another word could be said, a whirlwind seemed to go through the chamber. Hundreds upon hundreds of the faceless wraiths descended like locusts on the bookshelves. Hither and thither they fluttered, silent but for the occasional scritch of a pen or the thump of a book being closed; then, merely seconds later, they were quiet and standing once more at their posts. Indeed, Raven might have thought they had done nothing at all, save for the slim stack of papers that now sat atop the saffron librarian's desk. "Take them," she murmured. "You do not have many. I still suggest you see Subconscious."
Raven levitated them into her arms, then looked down at the yellowed pieces of parchment. See the Subconscious, one said. No, that one didn't help. The Titan flipped over to the next page. See the Subconscious, written again in spidery handwriting. Now irritated, she flipped through all of them as quickly as she could in some vain hope that would change their content; unfortunately, however, each of them bore the same message: See the Subconscious. And, Raven admitted with a grimace, they were right. She couldn't a time where she hadn't been asked to consult her Subconscious; it had been a common piece of advice on Azarath. Therefore, this really was the only thing to be done, besides going back to Azarath itself. As if in response to her thoughts, she noticed that the writing on the last piece of parchment now read as Go to Azarath.
"Told you so," murmured the librarian, now all but engrossed in her book. "You already knew it."
"Hnnn." Raven now had no choice but to accept this; perhaps a visit down below would help. Relaxing her mind, the young woman slowly melted through the floor and left the stinging brightness of the library behind. She began to drift downward, like a swimmer slowly drowning in a pool of honey. Fortunately for her, however, she felt no need to breathe. As she floated deeper and deeper, her surroundings seemed to undergo various color changes; blue turned to purple, purple to green, green to orange, then white, then violet, then the final color--black.
Floating in the sodden depths of her psyche, Raven stared out across the void. Odd, she thought. Normally her Subconscious was extremely active, filled with all sorts of crazy fantasies and insane images. And even during the quiet moments, there was always the orange-robed Subconscious there somewhere, snoring her fool head off. No, something was definitely wrong.
Even as she realized that, the young Titan could feel something lurking behind her in the darkness. She turned--and froze in a sort of muted terror. Before her loomed a horrific shape a thousand times her own height, its frame swaying to and fro in the darkness. Though its shape and aura seemed familiar to her, she did not recognize it; a robe of tattered silk obscured any possible glimpse of its face or skin. Besides, her gaze was captured instantly by the images beside the monster. Robin. Starfire. Cyborg. Beast Boy. Each one of them lay spread-eagled on the ground, their forms maimed and discolored by slashes of red that had been left across their bodies. No. No. This couldn't be real. Raven reeled backwards and pressed her hands to her temples, her body nearly trembling with the strain of her negative emotions. Again she looked, and again she saw her friends--Cyborg--Beast Boy--
And then the horrific shadow turned to face her.
Raven floated back from it and put her arms into a defensive position. Whatever it was, it seemed to have noticed her now; she would not escape without a fight. Although she could not see its face, the young woman could sense its emotions, and she knew that it was sadistically pleased at this meeting. Even as she observed this, the behemoth gave a hoarse laugh. "Not yet," it whispered. "Not done yet."
"You've done enough," whispered Raven, bringing her powers to bear on the abomination. "Get out. Get out now!" And with that, she fired a column of dark energy at it, putting every drop of determination she had into it. For a few seconds, she saw it stagger, saw it nearly fall back-- but no, it righted itself immediately.
They faced each other silently for a moment, then the monster raised one hand up and into the darkness. Chaos immediately erupted all throughout the terrain, and Raven had to struggle just to keep her position. Too. . .strong, she thought desperately. Have to get out-- escape--something. Focusing in on herself, the Titan stretched back towards her corporeal body with her mind, desperately seeking a handhold. It was no good to fight an enemy like this without help, and she knew it. For a few terrifying seconds, the creature's pull seemed too great, and she felt herself succumbing--
And then she was back in her room, panting heavily.
What was that? she thought, staring down into the mirror. A single drop of glistening sweat rolled down her cheek and onto the smooth surface, making her reflection warp wherever the water touched. Despite its familiar aura, it was far too strong to be anything she knew of. And surely her father had been sealed by her last voyage into her soul. No sense to it. Aching in both mind and body, Raven leaned back against her bed. Tired. Just tired. Whatever was going on down there, she would have to rest first. Peace. Calm. She tried to be calm.
"Raven?" There was a knock at the door, a light tap that Raven immediately identified to be Starfire's. No, no, no! thought Raven, clutching at her head. That was the last thing she wanted right now. If anything, the alien girl would simply make things worse right now. "Raven?" came the alien's voice once more, now sounding concerned. "Are you alright? Beast Boy and Cyborg said that you were angered this afternoon. . ."
"I'm fine," called back the blue-cloaked Titan, who was now rubbing her temples. Go away, go away, I need to think. . .
"You do not sound so fine to me, friend Raven. Are you sure?" Raven could hear a scrabbling noise, as if Starfire was attempting to open the door. Though she knew her friend meant well, the young woman couldn't help but be tempted to whap Starfire across the head a few times with her powers.
"Yes. I promise."
"May I at least see you?"
". . .fine." Slowly, ever so achingly slowly, Raven got to her feet. Not trusting her legs, the Titan floated gently over to the door then pushed it open a crack, just enough for her to see Starfire's concerned face. "Is this good enough?"
Starfire nodded, although her face was still etched with worry. "I suppose so. I am simply worried about you."
"I know, I know."
"If you need any help. . ."
Raven paused for a moment. She did need help, but she hardly wanted to ask Starfire for it now. She needed more time to think. Meditate. Make sure that the demon she had seen had not been some trick of her own mind. Still. . .Raven opened her mouth to answer her friend. "Starfire, I--"
There was a crack of lightning, and then all the lights in the Tower fell into utter and impenetrable darkness.
--Manny
Chapter 3
"From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone."
--Edgar Allen Poe, "Alone"
Calm. She was calm.
Raven knelt deep within the depths of her mind, arms outstretched in a meditative position. Though the barren ground was cold and her legs bare, she felt oddly comfortable beneath that void of a sky. To her, this was a home away from home--the only place where she was sure to find privacy away from the other Titans. Well, almost sure. The young woman wrinkled her brow slightly as she remembered the one exception to that rule. It had been. . .an unusual experience, she had to admit. Not bad, per se, but unusual.
Even as she thought, the Titan's face softened somewhat. That hadn't been a pleasant surprise, seeing two of her closest friends suddenly inside her mind. Especially considering the threat from her father at the time. If they had been injured, or killed. . .no. Don't even go there, she thought, furrowing her brows in concentration. They were the ones who had broken into her room--they would have deserved to come out of the experience injured or scarred.
"But then they would hurt. And they'd hate us more."
Raven stiffened. Why was this voice coming now? She thought she'd already purged herself of that guilt. Turning slowly, the young Titan faced the gray shadow of herself. As per usual, the figure was hunched over in a subservient position, one hand wiping at a tear-stained cheek. "Th-then Robn and Starfire would hate us," sobbed the wraith, drawing her cloak tightly about herself, "and we would hate us, because if B-b-beast Boy or C-c-cyborg. . ."
Squeezing her eyes shut, Raven tried to keep that frail little voice out of her thoughts. "But they didn't. They're fine," she responded through gritted teeth. "We went over this."
"But I'm s-s-scared," replied the gray-shrouded figure, continuing to weep. "The nightmares. . .the n-nightmares. . ."
". . .are just nightmares. That give me insomnia, but nothing else." Though her timbre was her normal monotonous voice, Raven couldn't help but see some truth in her doppelganger's words. And considering the outburst of this afternoon, the Titan wasn't sure if those horrible nightmares were simply dreams or not. If they were real. . . "Leave me alone," she muttered. "I don't need you right now."
"But.. . .b-b-b-but. . ." The gray figure seemed to shrink in on herself, her blue eyes brimming with tears.
"Go talk to Optimism. She'll help." Raven couldn't help but feel a twinge of pity for her other self. After all, this shivering wretch of a figment was an integral part of the Titan's psyche. "I need to talk to someone else now."
After one last hiccup-y sob, the gray-cloaked girl melted back into the shadows. Finally, thought Raven. Recomposing herself, she slowly got to her feet. As the blue fabric of her boots scuffled the barren dirt on which she stood, the scene began to change around her. Which was logical in Raven's mind; one couldn't solve a problem by staying in the same place. The Titan stared down at her feet, as if willing the answer to come from there. What had come over her? Save in her nightmares, her demon of a father was nowhere to be seen in her mind. Where are you? she thought. And what can I do? The rock changed to soft grass, then cobblestones, then finally pale wood paneling, and the Titan lifted her gaze to see a fresh set of scenery about her.
It was a librarian's paradise. Golden sunlight filtered in through tinted panes of glass set in the ceiling, illuminating racks upon racks of books. Though there was not a breath of wind in the place, long, saffron- colored strips of cloth fluttered from the tops of each of the racks. As Raven stared at these silken banners, she could make out symbols for knowledge and truth painted upon each one of them. Raven floated smoothly into the chamber and towards a mammoth desk stationed at the end. As she passed, silhouettes the color of corn tassels stared after her, faces hidden by hoods that had been tethered with strands of glistening honey. They gazed upon her mutely for a few moments, then returned to their duties at the bookshelves.
"Back again so soon?" came a quiet voice. Raven looked up to find herself floating just in front of that enormous desk. Shaped like a mammoth church organ, it was heaped with stacks upon stacks of yellow books, each stack balanced so precariously that they seemed in danger of falling at any moment. Buried deep within this fortress of knowledge was a bespectacled young woman, who was gazing mistily at a tawny book propped up on her lap.
Raven felt a faint smile tickle her lips. She had not come to this part of her mind for a very long time now. "I am," she responded quietly. The young woman across from Raven looked up from her book, although her eyes showed how much she longed to return to whatever those pages held. "I need to know what's going on with my mind," she stated quietly. "And whether there's anything I can remember that would help."
As she spoke, Raven could hear a faint rustling noise as all the golden ghosts in the room turned to stare at her. The librarian, however, merely adjusted the glasses on her nose. "You already know the answer, Raven," she murmured, her gaze sliding back towards her book. "I am not the person you should talk to."
"I don't want to see Subconscious," muttered Raven, adjusting the clasp on her cloak. "I'm--"
"--afraid of what you might see? Yes." The lifted her eyes to look at Raven again, her face contemplative. "I can still look through your memories if you like."
"Please."
Before another word could be said, a whirlwind seemed to go through the chamber. Hundreds upon hundreds of the faceless wraiths descended like locusts on the bookshelves. Hither and thither they fluttered, silent but for the occasional scritch of a pen or the thump of a book being closed; then, merely seconds later, they were quiet and standing once more at their posts. Indeed, Raven might have thought they had done nothing at all, save for the slim stack of papers that now sat atop the saffron librarian's desk. "Take them," she murmured. "You do not have many. I still suggest you see Subconscious."
Raven levitated them into her arms, then looked down at the yellowed pieces of parchment. See the Subconscious, one said. No, that one didn't help. The Titan flipped over to the next page. See the Subconscious, written again in spidery handwriting. Now irritated, she flipped through all of them as quickly as she could in some vain hope that would change their content; unfortunately, however, each of them bore the same message: See the Subconscious. And, Raven admitted with a grimace, they were right. She couldn't a time where she hadn't been asked to consult her Subconscious; it had been a common piece of advice on Azarath. Therefore, this really was the only thing to be done, besides going back to Azarath itself. As if in response to her thoughts, she noticed that the writing on the last piece of parchment now read as Go to Azarath.
"Told you so," murmured the librarian, now all but engrossed in her book. "You already knew it."
"Hnnn." Raven now had no choice but to accept this; perhaps a visit down below would help. Relaxing her mind, the young woman slowly melted through the floor and left the stinging brightness of the library behind. She began to drift downward, like a swimmer slowly drowning in a pool of honey. Fortunately for her, however, she felt no need to breathe. As she floated deeper and deeper, her surroundings seemed to undergo various color changes; blue turned to purple, purple to green, green to orange, then white, then violet, then the final color--black.
Floating in the sodden depths of her psyche, Raven stared out across the void. Odd, she thought. Normally her Subconscious was extremely active, filled with all sorts of crazy fantasies and insane images. And even during the quiet moments, there was always the orange-robed Subconscious there somewhere, snoring her fool head off. No, something was definitely wrong.
Even as she realized that, the young Titan could feel something lurking behind her in the darkness. She turned--and froze in a sort of muted terror. Before her loomed a horrific shape a thousand times her own height, its frame swaying to and fro in the darkness. Though its shape and aura seemed familiar to her, she did not recognize it; a robe of tattered silk obscured any possible glimpse of its face or skin. Besides, her gaze was captured instantly by the images beside the monster. Robin. Starfire. Cyborg. Beast Boy. Each one of them lay spread-eagled on the ground, their forms maimed and discolored by slashes of red that had been left across their bodies. No. No. This couldn't be real. Raven reeled backwards and pressed her hands to her temples, her body nearly trembling with the strain of her negative emotions. Again she looked, and again she saw her friends--Cyborg--Beast Boy--
And then the horrific shadow turned to face her.
Raven floated back from it and put her arms into a defensive position. Whatever it was, it seemed to have noticed her now; she would not escape without a fight. Although she could not see its face, the young woman could sense its emotions, and she knew that it was sadistically pleased at this meeting. Even as she observed this, the behemoth gave a hoarse laugh. "Not yet," it whispered. "Not done yet."
"You've done enough," whispered Raven, bringing her powers to bear on the abomination. "Get out. Get out now!" And with that, she fired a column of dark energy at it, putting every drop of determination she had into it. For a few seconds, she saw it stagger, saw it nearly fall back-- but no, it righted itself immediately.
They faced each other silently for a moment, then the monster raised one hand up and into the darkness. Chaos immediately erupted all throughout the terrain, and Raven had to struggle just to keep her position. Too. . .strong, she thought desperately. Have to get out-- escape--something. Focusing in on herself, the Titan stretched back towards her corporeal body with her mind, desperately seeking a handhold. It was no good to fight an enemy like this without help, and she knew it. For a few terrifying seconds, the creature's pull seemed too great, and she felt herself succumbing--
And then she was back in her room, panting heavily.
What was that? she thought, staring down into the mirror. A single drop of glistening sweat rolled down her cheek and onto the smooth surface, making her reflection warp wherever the water touched. Despite its familiar aura, it was far too strong to be anything she knew of. And surely her father had been sealed by her last voyage into her soul. No sense to it. Aching in both mind and body, Raven leaned back against her bed. Tired. Just tired. Whatever was going on down there, she would have to rest first. Peace. Calm. She tried to be calm.
"Raven?" There was a knock at the door, a light tap that Raven immediately identified to be Starfire's. No, no, no! thought Raven, clutching at her head. That was the last thing she wanted right now. If anything, the alien girl would simply make things worse right now. "Raven?" came the alien's voice once more, now sounding concerned. "Are you alright? Beast Boy and Cyborg said that you were angered this afternoon. . ."
"I'm fine," called back the blue-cloaked Titan, who was now rubbing her temples. Go away, go away, I need to think. . .
"You do not sound so fine to me, friend Raven. Are you sure?" Raven could hear a scrabbling noise, as if Starfire was attempting to open the door. Though she knew her friend meant well, the young woman couldn't help but be tempted to whap Starfire across the head a few times with her powers.
"Yes. I promise."
"May I at least see you?"
". . .fine." Slowly, ever so achingly slowly, Raven got to her feet. Not trusting her legs, the Titan floated gently over to the door then pushed it open a crack, just enough for her to see Starfire's concerned face. "Is this good enough?"
Starfire nodded, although her face was still etched with worry. "I suppose so. I am simply worried about you."
"I know, I know."
"If you need any help. . ."
Raven paused for a moment. She did need help, but she hardly wanted to ask Starfire for it now. She needed more time to think. Meditate. Make sure that the demon she had seen had not been some trick of her own mind. Still. . .Raven opened her mouth to answer her friend. "Starfire, I--"
There was a crack of lightning, and then all the lights in the Tower fell into utter and impenetrable darkness.