I've spent the day on autopilot. Youji and I are on closing duty tonight, so I spent most of the morning alone in my room after Omi left just thinking about everything. I'm so glad that Omi came to talk to me. I was really worried about how he was going to take this, but now I know it's going to be ok. Right? Everything is going to be fine….

Then why do I feel so… uneasy? Was it Youji's words? Was it the fact that he said it was ludicrous for Aya and I to think we were in love? Is it? Sometimes I wonder. I wonder if we aren't just making this whole thing up because it's easier than being alone. Easier than not having anyone to share the pain with, not having anyone to take the pain away. Because we are the same. Like likes like. But even so… if that's the reason we came together, does that make what I feel for him any less valid?! Love is love, regardless of the reason it exists. Hmph, now I'm just chasing myself around in circles. How many times have I had this same train of thought over and over again?

Why should it matter to me what Youji thinks? Aya's right, to hell with him!

**'Don't tell me you honestly think you're in love!' 'What the hell would you know about it, you're just a player!'**

That's what we'd said when it was Yuriko I had these feelings for. Why was it happening again? Why is it so hard for Youji to accept the fact that we can love people? Maybe he's forgotten how. What the hell –would- he know about it? He can't know how Aya and I feel… he can't understand.

So why do I care so damn much?! Because Youji, insensitive bastard that he is, is my friend. His opinion matters to me. His acceptance matters to me. I should talk to him. I should tell him how I feel about all this, ask him what he thinks, ask him why he cared in the first place….

This dialogue with myself has been chasing around in my brain all day. I've carried it with me while I watered the plants, while I potted, while I helped customers, and I still don't have any answers, and I still haven't been able to bring myself to talk to Youji. He's been sitting in his corner and pruning his fichus all day. I've noticed him watching me every once in a while. I wonder what he's thinking.

Other than my one sided dialogue the day has been painfully boring. After this morning's meeting we've all been pussy footing around each other. Even Aya has been giving everyone a wide berth, including me. But that's good. Nerves are on edge, tempers are short. The highlight of the day was when Aya got off of his shift and actually kissed me before leaving! I nearly fell flat on my ass. It was the first time I'd ever kissed him in front of anyone else, and even though the shop was empty and it was just Omi and Youji, I couldn't help but feel a little thrill of excitement at knowing we could do this now. No more secrets.

But now it's just me and Youji and the eerie silence between us alone in the shop. We're closing at seven, and that gives us another hour and half to pretend that we're not uncomfortable. I'm just still so mad at him. There are a million better ways he could have confronted us than the one he chose. 'Fuck buddies?!' Jesus! To think that I would actually be callous enough to have a relationship completely based on sex with Aya! Yeah, ok so maybe in Youji's twisted, affection starved mind it seemed like the only plausible conclusion, but I didn't even -want- to have sex with Aya when this whole thing started. It's so not about the sex! Grrrr. Just thinking about Youji assuming so makes me angry.

He belittled our feeling for each other. He assumed that we were like him. He cornered us just to watch us squirm. He… he… he makes me so mad!

I throw the brick of flower foam that I was taking to use in an arrangement across the room without even thinking about it. It waffles in the air and bounces off a potted petunia. Oops.

Youji looks over at me and raises one of his obnoxious, haughty eyebrows. I don't look at him I just stomp over to the brick and pick it back up.

"What's gotten your knickers in a twist?" he drawls. My hand constricts around the green foam, crushing it, reducing parts of it to green dust.

"Nothing," I grate between my teeth. "Nothing at all."

Youji stands up. "Alright, come on, Ken. Let's… let's just have a little talk, ok? Let's just clear things up, can we do that?"

I glare at him. I stomp to the arranging table and set the deformed foam brick down. "There isn't anything I want to talk to you about, Youji."

"Are you still mad at me? About this morning?" he asks, trying to sound incredulous, trying to make me feel like the idiot. It isn't going to work. "Aw, c'mon, Kenken, that's old hat, old news. Look if it will make you feel better, I'm sorry, ok? Can we talk now?"

I grab the vase I want to put the arrangement in and viciously stuff the green foam down its narrow throat. It makes a pitiful squeaking sound. "Fine," I growl, "what do you want to talk about, Yotan?" I punch his name.

He sighs and hangs his head. "Ok, look," the sudden change in his tone makes me raise my head. He sounds so serious all of a sudden. He comes to sit in a chair across from me and puts his arms on the table, leaning forward. "I told Aya that I would talk to you, so I'm going to. But just to let you know I'm not talking to you because Aya said so, I'm doing it because I want to get things straight with you and me."

"Whatever," I grumble, but he has my attention. "Go ahead and talk."

"First of all I want to apologize again for being an ass this morning. I really thought that you and Aya… were… just sleeping together, and that kinda secret isn't fair to keep from the rest of us."

"I don't see how that would have been any of your business either," I snap.

"Well, the rest of us might have been 'interested' to know," he says suggestively.

I blink at him rapidly. Wait is Youji saying that…. 'I've hade my share of homo-moments.' Guess I didn't really think about that comment until just now. Oh, ewww… Youji. Not a happy thought. I don't know where he's been…. My train of thought must have flickered across my face.

"I can see you are highly amused by the idea, Kenken. But in a situation such as that you really ought to share the wealth, don't you think?"

"There is no wealth, Youji, there's just me and Aya, together... only."

"Well, obviously I realize that –now- but at the time I thought… well you know what I thought," he says, waving a hand dismissively. "Anyway, as I was saying, I apologize for being an ass and cornering you guys like that. It was rather insensitive."

"Oh really, I hadn't noticed," I say under my breath.

"Alright, now cut that out, I'm trying to be nice here. Listen, Ken, Aya told me what a hard time you've been having with this, and worrying about us knowing. So I want to say that if it's for real, and you and Aya really have found love… then… that's great. Good for you. I admire you for putting yourself thought that kind of emotional hell with Aya… no seriously… Ken," he says, looking up, making eye contact. "If you and Aya are truly in love with each other I want you to know that I accept and support you 100%." He smiles.

I look down. "Thanks, Yotan," I say quietly. "It really means a lot to me to hear you say that."

"I know. That's why I said it," he replies. "Just don't start crying or anything. Ugh."

I chuckle. "Don't worry, Youji, just because I take it like a girl doesn't mean…." Where the hell did that come from?! I cut myself off and bite my lip.

Youji is staring at me with huge eyes and then he bursts into laughter, holding his stomach. "I can't believe you just said that out loud!! Oh my god, that was priceless!" he cries between chuckles.

I'm so embarrassed. I feel my cheeks turning bright red and furiously jab a few innocent flowers into the green foam at the bottom of the vase. After a few moments I start to laugh with Youji in spite of myself. It really is kinda funny.

When the humor has subsided we look up at each other rather shyly and giggle a little more.

"So, are we cool, Kenken?"

I nod. "Yeah, we're cool, Yotan. Thanks."

"No problem. Now just be careful with that foam stuff, it isn't good to be so abusive of your trade tools," he quips, standing up and going back to his stool across the shop.

I sigh. Thank god that's over with. I feel so much better now. It really does mean everything to me that both Omi and Youji are going to be ok with this. I mean, they're my peers, my co-wokers, my teammates… no they're more than that, these guys are my family. I've already lost one family…. I think that's why I was so worried about them finding out. It was hard enough being rejected once, I don't think I could have handled being rejected a second time. Aya or no Aya.

As the day slowly draws to a close it is these thoughts that occupy my mind as I go about the rest of my tasks before we close shop. When it's all over I hang up my apron next to Youji's and we walk slowly upstairs. I remember that early encounter with Aya on these stairs. I remember how angry I'd been at him for messing with me. I snort softly under my breath. It all worked out in the end. Youji casts me a glace and raises his eyebrow.

"Don't tell you did it on the stairs. I know what those little reminiscent sounds mean," he says.

I glare at him. "No, Youji, we didn't do it on the stairs. I was just remembering something Aya said to me here."

"Ooohh, sweet nothings on the stairs," he quips.

I snort again. "Hardly. More like, 'bitchy confrontation on the stairs.'"

"Hm." Youji thinks for a moment as we reach the top and walk into the apartment. "You'll have to tell me the whole story someday, Ken-kun. I'd be interested to know how this whole thing got started."

I look at him warily. "Yeah, maybe someday."

He shrugs and heads for the kitchen. "Suit yourself. I'm going to make some soup."

I nod and then walk into the living room. I'm not really very hungry. I can see Aya's red head poking up from the top of the couch. I smile and walk around to the other side. He looks up at me, his dark eyes blinking slowly. "Did you talk to Youji?"

I nod and walk in front of him. "Yeah, I did."

"Do you feel better?"

I nod again. "Yeah, I do."

He smiles sincerely at me and then takes me around the waist, pulling me towards him. "Good," he murmurs huskily. "That means I can kiss you on the couch."

"Yeah, it does."

His hands pull me towards him and then down into his lap so that I have to straddle his legs. I kneel on the couch with him beneath me. I brace my hands on the back cushion as he releases my waist and brings his cool, slender hands to my face. We gaze into each other's eyes, love passing silently between us. Then he starts with my neck and works his way up to my ear, licking the soft spot below my earlobe. I giggle softly as he tickles me, and I lean forward to growl in his ear.

His strong hands slowly caress my face, and pull my head back, his thumbs brushing the hair from my eyes. I'm overwhelmed with my need for him. I pant softly as he brings our lips together. Did I say I wasn't hungry… well not for soup anyway. I try to press against him and deepen our kiss, but he holds my face firmly in his hands and holds me back, gentling my advances. Our lips brush together and flutter apart again and again. It's touch and go, but that's ok. I like touch and go. I like it a lot. He kisses my face, my cheeks, my eyes and I do the same for him. Little sighs are uttered between us. Near silent whispers fills our ears and throats. Our lips meet again and this time I feel the slightest trace of his tongue along my lips. It tickles. I love the way it tickles.

My hands begin to move of their own free will, releasing the couch and wandering over his strong shoulder, down his chest. My fingers work the fabric of his shirt and clutch at him as if he might dissolve into smoke and mirrors. He releases my face and then tugs sharply on my hips, rolling against me. I open my mouth against him and groan loudly as the friction between us sends little shiver all through me. I feel his tongue slip between my lips and we both moan softly against each other.

"Alright! No… just no, that is enough of that! You two get a room!" Youji's voice breaks the spell that we have woven around each other and our lips part with a rather startled smack.

"Yeah, really. Some of us came down here to watch TV," this from Omi who has appeared from thin air.

Aya and I both glance over at Youji who is holding a large bowl of noodles and Omi who is hovering at his elbow. Both look rather uncomfortable, but they can't look as uncomfortable as Aya and I do. Guess we let the whole 'kiss on the couch' thing get out of hand.

I glance at Aya as I feel my face flushing deeply. Even his cheeks are pinker than usual.

"Just cause you guys are out of the closet doesn't mean you have to be out of the closet all over the house. Jesus I think I just lost my appetite and after I made these really good noodles, too. Get a room!" Youji cries again stalking into the living room and plopping down into the armchair.

I begin to unfold myself from Aya's lap, rolling over onto the couch beside him. He stands up suddenly and grabs my hand. "Alright, we will."

He tugs me up from the couch and begins to lead me out of the room. Omi rolls his eyes and waves at us as we go by and then he turns and goes to watch TV. I giggle as Aya drags me along behind him. This is great. I might actually get some sleep tonight. Now that the others know, we can make love whenever we want to, not just at one o'clock in the morning! Sweet!

I grab Aya's arm, hugging it tightly as we hurry up the stairs. "I love you, koi," I say breathlessly.

He smiles at me and quickens his pace. "I love you more."

Finally. This is ok. Aya and I are ok, and Omi and Youji think so too. I'm so happy.

Aya pushes our door open and has me halfway naked by the time we reach the bed. As he pushes my shoulders back and I lie down, gazing adoringly into his beautiful eyes he smiles gently and a wave of relief passes over me. It feels like a long journey is over. Like some endless saga is finally drawing to a close.

FIN

Comments: Well that's it folks! I hope that it lived up to everyone's expectations, and that it was duly enjoyed by all.  Leave a comment on your way out and let me know what you thought. ~_^  Glad to finally get this back up.  Oi vey, classes are killing me this semester. *sigh* Oh well, complaining never fixed anything, ne?  *puts nose back to the grindstone* Wish me luck.  Later, minna-san!

Disclaimer: All characters and concepts belong to their respective owners, none of which happen to be me.