Spectral's Evil and Insane Zoids Themed Talk Show Type Show

By, Spectral

Insanity comes in many forms this is one of the more pleasant ones…

Disclaimer: Spectral doesn't own zoids or its characters. He owns this story and its plot but not Zoids or it characters.

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Mr. Censor: Live from a studio somewhere in Limbo, it's Spectral's Zoid Themed Talk Show! Here's your host, Spectral!

            Spectral appeared in a cloud of smoke. The audience applauded. Spectral tried to quiet them but they wouldn't stop. He tried again with no progress. The audience quickly became silent when Spectral pulled a flamethrower out of subspace.

Spectral: Thank you, thank you. Well I've come up with some sort of talk show-like show. It will feature Zoids characters from all four (I'll try with the limited information I have…) series, some zoid battles, zombies, explosions, maniacal laughter, insanity, and some other zoid related stuff that I'll make up as we go along. That sound good?

Audience: Yes!

One guy in Audience: No!

Spectral: *snaps fingers*

            A giant four-armed demon appears, grabs the guy, and pulls him into a fiery portal. The audience looks at each other warily as Spectral walks over to his desk and the control buttons appear.

Spectral: Mr. Censor, let us begin the show in the usual fashion. Let's hear the questions for me.

Mr. Censor: Very well. The first one comes from Froz Flame. "I am sending you the Tech skill Forever Zero because it is awesome"

Spectral: Thanks Froz. Another power to add to my already powerful arsenal! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Next question.

Mr. Censor: Trimogrow practically signs his death certificate by sending this so I won't give it to you…after him there's ZoidHawk7. He says, "I give you an arsenal of nuclear weapons and a computer disk full of mind control technology!"

Spectral: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MORE DESTRUCTIVE POWER!

Mr. Censor: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?!?! STOP GIVING THE EVIL SUPER VILLAIN BENT ON UNIVERSAL DOMINATION WEAPONS! The next question is from Dragon Vaylor. She ask," can u go get me Cloud from Final Fantasy 7"

Spectral: Sure. MINIONS!

            A very large dragon holding an unconscious Cloud appears.

Spectral: Well that's time saving…bring Cloud to Dragon Vaylor…and use the door this time.

            The dragon nods and then sinks into the shadows.

Mr. Censor: Shadow Wind gives you a grenade launcher part for your flamethrower and wants you to make something horrible and bad happen to Leena.

Spectral: I'll see what I can do.

Mr. Censor: Maelgwyn says," I have decided to become your evil padawan, and I wish to do anything for your cause! Oh, and I also send this... *waves submissively at death stinger, with Ambient in the cockpit* I locked him in, clever, but not evil enough, right?"

Spectral: Ooh. Now I have evil trainees. This could be interesting. Well I posted my Evil, Doom, Chaos, and other Assorted Badness fic…it should give people some evil ideas. As for the Ambient thing…clever, yes but not evil enough. He just fused with the zoid and ran…

Mr. Censor: Not good…Fire Fox*dramatic music* says," Oh, and do you think it might be possible for me to get Shadow back when you are done with him? Thanks for the Raven thing^__^ *give Spectral a hug without setting him on fire*"

Spectral: *on fire anyway* Okay. *puts out fire*

Mr. Censor: Vegetto asks," why are you so evil?"

Spectral: Well…I just am. Why not?

Mr. Censor: Black Fireball asks," Is there a leader to the Van fangirls? If not, can I be the leader of the Van fangirls? I wish to rule SOMETHING..."

Spectral: I'm not sure if there is a leader or not…but okay. You now lead the Van Fangirl Army.

Mr. Censor: The next questions come from Serena. She asks," did you have to kill Van? And Would you fight with the good guys even though you're evil? And do you like .Hack//Sign?"

Spectral: I didn't kill Van. I just seriously injured him. I'd only fight with the good guys if we had a common foe that presented a sufficient threat to both the forces of good and evil. And, of course. .hack//SIGN is awesome.

Mr. Censor: Light Angel also wants to learn how to be evil…

Spectral: Sure, why not?

Mr. Censor: Blade Dragoon says," May I become your student and learn from your evilness? Also, I send a piece for your flamethrower: Multiburn! Use it, and 50 flamethrowers launch from the flame thrower!"

Spectral: Sure, three evil students now…and thanks for the flamethrower part. This should be interesting…

Mr. Censor: Dark Magician asks," how did you become so evil? I send cookies and a MSCPG (micro super charged particle gun) for your flamethrower. May I become your Padawan?"

Spectral: I have a fic coming out that will explain that…and thanks for the cookies and weapon! Sure. Evil Student #4!

Mr. Censor: That's all for you…

Spectral: Well then…we can move on…*notices and opens envelope* It appears that we have question for you for once.

Mr. Censor: REALLY!?!?! Let's hear them!

Spectral: Okay… the first one is from Fire Fox. *dramatic music* She asks," What's it like working for Spectral? Do you have good benefits? *hands Mr. Censor a chicken strip*^__^U"

Mr. Censor: *eats chicken strip* It's painful…and annoying. It seems like nothing I do to stop Spectral from being evil works. We have great dental and medical plans though.

Spectral: The next question happens to be from Blade Dragoon. He asks," WHAT do you censor? here's an Author Magic enhanced Riot Shield. Good luck."

Mr. Censor: *hiding behind shield* This show, most of Spectral's fics, and ABC Television programming.

Spectral: …next question's from Shiro Amayagi. He asks," Would you feel better if I made you into an anime character and sent you to HealerAriel"

Mr. Censor: No.

Spectral:  Dark Magician sends cookies…

Mr. Censor: *eating cookies*

Spectral: Azi the Goddess of Death wants to know if you look like Mr. Game & Watch.

Mr. Censor: NO.

Spectral: Maelgwyn says," I am giving you this so you will stop whining when you don't get reviews. There you got one, now be quiet! *Throws CW at Censor person.*" and since I don't have CW to throw, I'll just use this really big rock.*throws rock at Mr. Censor*

Mr. Censor: *runs and rock follows*

Spectral: Now for our first guest…Leena Taros!

Audience: *cheers*

Spectral: *holds up Wild Furbee*

Audience: *silent*

Spectral: Wait…*notices new envelope and opens it* *reading…* !!! Okay, Serena, Biowolf*dramatic music*can have Hiltz but I want Ambient. Here's Bit and one of the life-size, life-like, and AC, mannequins of him from the store I work at. MINIONS!

            Several Wild Furbee rise from the ground carrying the boxes containing Bit and the model of him.


Spectral: Bring them to Serena and retrieve Ambient!

            The Furbees all nod and then jump through a portal.

Spectral: Finally! Now that I have Ambient I can complete my ultimate evil zoid related plot! Now bring out Leena!

            Leena appears in a chair next to Spectral's desk and looks around.

Spectral: Hello.

Leena: Uh…hi.

Spectral: Moving on…the first questions are from Serena! She asks," Do you really like Bit? There are a couple choice episodes that make me think so. Plus I have this comic and It seems that you and Bit like each other, Could you kill Harry for me? If you will I'll give you this nuclear bazooka to do it with. Harry is a pain in the @$$ right?"
Leena: No…and no, I might need him later. And yes, he is a pain.

Spectral: And it's fun to cause him pain.

Leena: Yes. Yes it is.

Spectral: Now I'm going to ask this question from Froz Flame and every single one like it exactly at the same time…(DON'T YOU PEOPLE CHECK TO SEE IF YOUR QUESTION HAS ALREADY BEEN ASKED?!?!?!?!) What are those things on your head?

Leena: What? These? They're just overly large and mysteriously floating hair clips.

Spectral: Oh…now I must say one thing before proceeding…*on fire* NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!!! If it's a question like that that you know everyone else is going to ask…DON'T ASK IT! Now…we're going to move on and I'm going to calm down*not on fire*. The next question's from Trimogrow. Here's what he wants to know, "Can you sing white America? Can PLEASE wear more clothes? Can I have your Gunsniper?"

Leena: No, What, and NEVER!

Spectral: Thought so. Zoidhawk7 says that he could take over the world in a few days if he had a million soldiers like you. Now ya see…that's not true. You'd have to go through me and I'm near freaking invincible and ultimately evil so you wouldn't stand a chance. Oh…he also threatens your life if you don't give him your Gunsniper.

Leena: Bring it on birde!

Spectral: Lil Shooz wants to know why you're psychotic.

Leena: Why not?

Spectral: Exactly. Now, Fadeaway Windwaker asks (another question that will be answered ONLY ONCE!), " Why are you so possessive about your stupid food? Do you realize that the rest of your team hates you?"

Leena: Well how would you feel if someone always ate the treats you bought specifically for yourself? And they don't hate me. They'd better not if they know what's good them.

Spectral: *with block of ice instead of card* Well, Healer Ariel asks, "You like Bit, don't you? Admit it, you do! Otherwise you wouldn't always frolik around in front of him in nothing but a towel. Oh, and you're cool, so do you wanna be my buddy? Oh and here's a picture of me to give to Wild Eagle. Thankies! Oh and what's it like being on a team with three cuties like Bit, Brad, and Jamie? You must have to fight all the fangirls off to protect the boys! Okies, bye!"

Leena: No I don't like Bit! He barges in on my showers all the time! Sure…as long as you don't steal my food or shoot down my targets! Spectral already sent it to Wild Eagle…wherever he is…, Bit is not cute, Brad's okay, and I guess you could say Jamie's cute, I don't fight the fangirls for them. I fight the fangirls because its fun to blow them up!

Talos: They're all cute! And they'll all be mine!

Leena: What?!?! What happened to Spectral?

Talos: Never mind him. No one can have Bit, or Brad, or Jamie, or Van, or Irvine, or O'Connell, or Raven, or Leon, or Vega…or…

            Spectral appeared next to his desk tapping his foot on the ground. Talos smiled sweetly and tried to look innocent. Spectral shook his head and then pressed a button on the edge of the desk. Talos was catapulted through the ceiling and disappeared into the horizon.

Talos: I'm blasting off once again!

            Spectral sat back down and picked up the cards again.

Spectral: Well now that Talos has been dealt with we can move on. Darth Anthony asks, " 1: Why are you always mad at Bit? Is it because you're PMSing all the time?

2: Do you like Bit or not?

3: Mr. Censor: CENSORED BY ME!

4: Mr. Censor: This too! *Spectral knocks Mr. Censor into next Thursday*

5: Will you go on a date with me? If you refuse, I'll destroy your Gunsniper because I'm a Darth! Darth's are supposed to be evil!"

Leena: Urge to kill reviewers …rising….

Spectral: Maelgwyn asks, " Do you like Brad, cause Bit's a moron. Oh and here's some photo's for you …see Doc's the cookie thief!:

Leena: *looking at photos…* He shall pay…oh and Brad's okay…

Talos: *from a distance* But he's mine!

Spectral: Fire fox wants to know if you can fly with your strange hair clips…

Leena: I haven't tried yet…

Spectral: Black Fireball wants to know if you'd really beat up your father.

Leena: of course I would!

Spectral: And if you wouldn't I would. Shiro Amayagi asks, " What would it take for you to go out on one date with poor Harry? Oh and where did you get your Weasel Unit? I_want_one."

Leena: I'd go out with him…when I need to manipulate him…and I got the Weasel Unit at my local Evil Mart.

Spectral: Blade Dragoon asks, "Wear do you get all that ammo? Oh, and what is that round thing on the back of your zoid? And how much ammo do you use in one battle? "

Leena: I get my ammo and the local Evil Mart! And that's a radar/targeting dish. A lot.

Spectral: Dark Magician3 desires to know if you're having an affair with Bit.

Leena: Desire to destroy reviewers reaching critical levels…

Spectral: Amy sends you a crate of ammo and asks, " What's it like being a trigger happy zoid pilot?"

Leena: It's very fun.

Spectral: mel wishes to know" Why do you like to waste ammo and do you hate the guys on your team?"

Leena: I don't waste ammo! And I don't hate them.

Spectral: Next, my fave Thomas Schubaltz (???) asks, " Why do I hate you? Why are you so in love with your cookies? Why aren't you nice to Harry?"

Leena: How should I know!?! I am not in love with my cookies I just don't like it when people steal from me. I am nice to Harry…when I need to be.

Spectral: Well that seems to be all the time we have for Leena…*pulls out detonator*. And now…*with strange British accent and dramatic background* You are out of time. Good bye. *presses detonator*

            Leena's chair exploded and she was hurled into the distance.

Spectral: We'll be back with Lt. O'Connell and more guards after the break!

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Time to Vote. You may cast only one vote per category and no "or" answers. Now…I might also add that since the next show is an award show…there will be no questions needed from you. I have them pre-prepared (that's another reason it took so long to get this up…) for each person if they win. Now…here are the nominees! (note that these were chosen by E-307, Talos, Mr. Censor, and Demon Notebook)

Best Guest:

Harry Champ

Raven

Hiltz

Prozen

Van Flyheight

Worst Guest:

Thomas Schubaltz

Moonbay

The Judge

Brad Hunter

Ambient

Funniest Guest:

Thomas Shubaltz

Prozen

Raven

Karl Shubaltz

Shadow

Most Evil Thing Spectral has done so far (on the show) :

Harry's Zombie Fight

Torture the guy from the Audience

Harm the person concerned with the guests' safety

Make the guests play dangerous games

Make you all wait so long for an update

Best Questions/Review:

Serena

Fire Fox

Biowolf

Blade Dragoon

Shiro Amayagi

Worst Questions/Review:

Trimogrow

Azi: Naruto's Twin Sister

Geno

Tyranizard

Vegetto

Most Threatening thing Spectral has done to the Audience:

Bazooka

Flamethrower

Meglo-Max

Furbee

Frying Pan

Best Commercial:

Ch1

Ch5

Ch7

Ch10

Ch12

Okay! That's all of them! Once again…these were all chosen by my friends so don't get mad at me…it wouldn't be safe for you all…anyway…on with the show!

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Spectral: Welcome back!

Audience: *cheers*

Spectral: HADOKEN!

BOOM

Audience: *silent and extra crispy*

Spectral: That's better. Now moving along…

            A gang of imps appear. Spectral looks over at them and then over at the audience. Then once again.

Spectral: What the hell are you supposed to be?

Imps: We're imps.

Spectral: And what has possessed you to appear before me?

Imps: We wanna fight!

Spectral: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You pathetic fools! I have powers that you could not even begin to fathom!

Imps: Alone we may be mere imps but together we are…

            All the imps jumped into the air and started glowing. Then they all fused into a large monster that looked like someone crossed a werewolf with an imp.

???: Imporor!

Spectral: Creative. But, now…*holds up glowing ball of energy* its time to die. DESTROYER SHOCKWAVE!

            Spectral smashed the ball of energy into the ground and a giant wave of destruction spread. When all the dust and smoke had cleared, the audience got out from under their seats and Mr. Censor reappeared from behind his new shield. Spectral dusted himself off but there was no sign of Imporor.

Mr. Censor: Overkill much?

Spectral: Well the imps are gone ain't they?

Mr. Censor: You could've killed the audience with that blast!

Spectral: Yeah… but I didn't.

            The studio was instantly repaired and Spectral sat back down behind his desk.

Spectral: Somebody go retrieve O'Connell…

            A giant skeleton bird flew in and dropped O'Connell into a chair next to Spectral's desk.

Spectral: Greetings.

O'Connell: Uhh…hello…where am I?

Spectral: SILENCE! Just answer the questions or be vaporized!

O'Connell: Okay…

Spectral: The first one comes from the one known as mel. She asks, " 1: What do you think of Herman? 2: Did you hate Van and his friends when you first saw them? 3: Have you ever met Van's father? What was he like?"

O'Connell: Herman's my commanding officer, no they just seemed like normal annoying spies, and no but I think Herman has…

Spectral: Moving along…the next question comes from Black Fireball. She asks, " Is your hair naturally that color or did you just dye it? Are you related to Reese?"

O'Connell: My hair's always been this color and I am in no way related to the blue devil.

Spectral: *invisible* Shiro Amayagi asks this! *activates tape recorder* "Would you like to star in my new movie? Your hair is just TOO perfect to pass up! Who's your hair stylist? Just curious." *turns off tape recorder*

O'Connell: Uhhh…sure…call my agent…and my hairdresser is Barbara from "New Helic City Hair"

Spectral: The next question is fr--- hold that thought…*is attacked by several rapid ferrets*

***Please stand by***

Background noise: DIE! Die you Rodents of the Underworld! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! BURN! METEO!

BOOM!!!!

            The screen shakes and when the dust clears, everything's back to normal except…

Spectral: *on fire* Okay…now where was I? Oh yes…the next question comes from the reviewer that calls themselves Razor. They ask, " I was wondering why you always blush every time you go near Jewel, or someone brings her up as a topic of conversation? And then you always turn a bright crimson red and deny it when someone asks you about it?"

O'Connell: *blushing* No reason…

Spectral: Quite. Shadow Vixen *screams heard in background* Now what the Hell was that? Any way, she asks, " "Do you know you're really unappreatiated, but still incredibly cute? I love your hair! Do you dye it? Why's it always on one side of your head? What's the best and worst thing about being a soldier? I LOVE YOU!!!"

O'Connell: Yes I knew that. Nope…and it's all an illusion…The best is being in charge and getting to pilot the cooler zoids…the worst…looking like I do with communal showers…and thank you!

Talos (from the distance): But he's mine!!!

Spectral: Moving along and ignoring my crazy friend…Trimogrow asks, "Can you sing without me? Can I have your military base? And why do you always hang out with Herman even if you're a Captain?"

O'Connell: I've never sung with you so yes, NO, and that is classified information.

Spectral: my fav Thomas Schubaltz asks, " Why are you so dang cute? You aren't mean to Thomas are you? And what do the marks on your cheeks signify? Pikachu?"

O'Connell: I just am. Uhh…who's Thomas…and I don't know what they symbolize…and what in the world is a Pikachu?

Spectral: I just can't resist…*jumps up on desk* Prepare for Trouble and Make it Double! To infest the world with devastation! To conquer all peoples in every nation! To fight the powers of light and love! To extend my power to the stars above! I am…Spectral! The Master of darkness, blasting off with evils might! Surrender now or say good night! *strikes dramatic pose!*

Audience: *cheers*

Spectral: *draws Amon Blade* KAZA NO KIZU!

Audience: *Silent and Mega Crispy*

Spectral: My arch-nemesis asks," How did your hair turn blue? How did it feel to get blasted by all those attacks in Elemental Scatter? FR dumped Jewel and she was wondering if you were available for a date. o-O"

O'Connell: It has always been blue! It hurt a lot! Sure! I'll call her!

Spectral: One of my new evil students, Maelgwyn asks," How does it feel to be one of the most underrated and insignificant characters in CC/GF? I've sent Spectral some incriminating pictures of you and a certain Republican major. And finally, why do you fly the Pteres? They really, really, ****."

O'Connell: It's not good…I fly the zoids they give me…and what pictures?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Spectral: These ones…that need censoring. Extreme censoring…

Mr. Censor: Someone call for me?

Spectral: No. The Fire Fox *dramatic music* asks, " Why did you join the army? If the shortest distance between two points is a line then why does waiting in one take so long?"

O'Connell: I joined the army because Herman joined the army, and…

Spectral: I'll handle this one…it takes so long because I command it to be so! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *evil music plays and lightning strikes* Well…now that we're out of time…I have one more thing to do…Knock Knock.

O'Connell: Who's there?

Spectral: Shocking.

O'Connell: Shocking who?

Spectral: Shocking you! *presses button!*

            O'Connell was electrocuted and then thrown out the window.

Spectral: See ya all next time people!

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Next Time: The award show!

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Okay…

Maelgwyn

Dark Magician3

Blade Dragoon

Light Angel

Cerberus

You people who wanted to learn the ways of evil from me… you've given me a great idea. Go to my fic called "The Council of Evil" and leave a review containing to following information.


Character Name:

Appearance:

Age:

Basic Weapon of Choice (like sword or staff or guns, nothing advanced (like Amon Blade)…I'll handle that):

Personality:

Dramatic Entrance:

Dramatic Exit:

That is all. Now I'm off. *disappears in a cloud of smoke*