Chapter 30
The Ties That Bind
Obi-Wan knocked on the door to Sabé's room several hours later. He'd been thinking about his contact with Anakin. It wasn't as if he hadn't tried to convince Sabé he still loved her, but she'd been refusing to see him since she'd had the first operation. The medics were hopeful she'd one day regain some use of her legs, but were uncertain how much. He didn't care; he just wanted the playful young woman he'd given a back massage to, back. He frowned when he received no reply and tried again. He knew she was inside; he could feel her presence. He tried the door and it slid open silently.
She was asleep. He could see it instantly in the peaceful lines of her beautiful face. He stepped inside, allowing the door to close behind him and walked to her bedside. Gently, he sat next to her, lifting one hand to carefully move a strand of hair from her face. She murmured something in her sleep, words that sounded distinctly like his name, and he tenderly cupped her cheek in his hand. She sighed softly, turning her face into his hand and gently nuzzling it.
His heart almost broke when she froze, her whole body tightening, strain lines returning to her face. Her eyes opened and she recoiled from his touch as if bitten. "Obi-Wan!" She looked shocked, but not pleasantly so. "Get out."
"I can't."
She turned her face away from him, "Please? I don't want you here."
"We have to talk, Sabé."
"I don't want to talk to you, Obi-Wan," she turned to glare at him and he could feel her pain, the hurt she was trying to hide. "Just go, please."
He shook his head, reaching out to touch her but letting his hand fall when she pulled back. "I can't do that. You're hurting, Sabé, and it's hurting me in return. You're pushing me away because of a physical injury. Did you honestly think I wouldn't love you if we were bonded and something happened to you? I'm connected to you, handmaiden, in ways that terrify me. Don't give up on me simply because of something you can't control."
She pulled herself into a sitting position. "Is this what you want, Obi-Wan?" she asked, her voice cracking. "A shell of the person you knew?"
"Of course not! I want the fire, the banter, the arguments, I need you, Sabé, don't be selfish in this!"
"What not?" she screamed at him, tears glittering in her eyes, "You are! You want me to be something I can never be again, you want that woman who was your equal. I'm not her!"
He grabbed her by the shoulders, shaking her, "You are her, you're just drowning in so much self pity you can't see past the end of your nose. Wake up, Sabé, I'm not going anywhere. I loved you before, I love you now, nothing you can do can change that."
"I don't want your love, Obi-Wan," she spat at him, "And I don't want your pity. Go find some other woman to torture with your understanding."
"Is that how you view this?" he asked shocked. "As torture? I'm a trial for you to pass, is that it? I'm not, Sabé; I'm a flesh and blood man who fell for a woman when he shouldn't have. I'd give up anything for you, I've already given up much to take this chance, and now you want to back out? Now? When I finally have the council's permission?"
Her jaw dropped, the anger melting from her frame. "What?" she asked, her voice softly horrified. "No, they can't. I won't do it; I don't want this. This last accident should have proven that I'm not suitable as a Jedi bride. If I died while doing my duty and we were already bonded, where would you have been Obi-Wan? What would it have done to you? I can't let you do this."
That hurt. He felt the pain clear through to his heart. "What happened to me when I thought you had died, Sabé?" he asked her softly, his voice thick with sorrow. "I thought I'd lost you and I wanted to die. I wanted to be left alone to self destruct and deal with the pain in the only way I knew how. Are you surprised, that I wanted to join you in death, my love?"
"Don't call me that."
"Why not? It's the truth."
She shrugged. Three days. See you then.* Obi-Wan cut off the connection, and began to grin. He opened his eyes to find Sabé watching him, a puzzled look on her face.
"You look awful smug."
"Just talking to Anakin. I relayed your message but I think you might have a fight on your hands when we join them in a few days."
Sabé's eyes widened. "We're going to the lake country?"
He nodded and a brilliant smile lit her face before fading slightly. "But, I can't walk..."
He leaned forward, grasping her hand and gently kissed the back of it. "I'll be your legs, love. Trust me, everything will be fine."
She searched his gaze. She really didn't want to leave the medical lab, but she was willing to give in. Obi-Wan didn't yet know she had no intention of allowing him to bond with her, but the time they had was a time she intended to enjoy.
The Ties That Bind
Obi-Wan knocked on the door to Sabé's room several hours later. He'd been thinking about his contact with Anakin. It wasn't as if he hadn't tried to convince Sabé he still loved her, but she'd been refusing to see him since she'd had the first operation. The medics were hopeful she'd one day regain some use of her legs, but were uncertain how much. He didn't care; he just wanted the playful young woman he'd given a back massage to, back. He frowned when he received no reply and tried again. He knew she was inside; he could feel her presence. He tried the door and it slid open silently.
She was asleep. He could see it instantly in the peaceful lines of her beautiful face. He stepped inside, allowing the door to close behind him and walked to her bedside. Gently, he sat next to her, lifting one hand to carefully move a strand of hair from her face. She murmured something in her sleep, words that sounded distinctly like his name, and he tenderly cupped her cheek in his hand. She sighed softly, turning her face into his hand and gently nuzzling it.
His heart almost broke when she froze, her whole body tightening, strain lines returning to her face. Her eyes opened and she recoiled from his touch as if bitten. "Obi-Wan!" She looked shocked, but not pleasantly so. "Get out."
"I can't."
She turned her face away from him, "Please? I don't want you here."
"We have to talk, Sabé."
"I don't want to talk to you, Obi-Wan," she turned to glare at him and he could feel her pain, the hurt she was trying to hide. "Just go, please."
He shook his head, reaching out to touch her but letting his hand fall when she pulled back. "I can't do that. You're hurting, Sabé, and it's hurting me in return. You're pushing me away because of a physical injury. Did you honestly think I wouldn't love you if we were bonded and something happened to you? I'm connected to you, handmaiden, in ways that terrify me. Don't give up on me simply because of something you can't control."
She pulled herself into a sitting position. "Is this what you want, Obi-Wan?" she asked, her voice cracking. "A shell of the person you knew?"
"Of course not! I want the fire, the banter, the arguments, I need you, Sabé, don't be selfish in this!"
"What not?" she screamed at him, tears glittering in her eyes, "You are! You want me to be something I can never be again, you want that woman who was your equal. I'm not her!"
He grabbed her by the shoulders, shaking her, "You are her, you're just drowning in so much self pity you can't see past the end of your nose. Wake up, Sabé, I'm not going anywhere. I loved you before, I love you now, nothing you can do can change that."
"I don't want your love, Obi-Wan," she spat at him, "And I don't want your pity. Go find some other woman to torture with your understanding."
"Is that how you view this?" he asked shocked. "As torture? I'm a trial for you to pass, is that it? I'm not, Sabé; I'm a flesh and blood man who fell for a woman when he shouldn't have. I'd give up anything for you, I've already given up much to take this chance, and now you want to back out? Now? When I finally have the council's permission?"
Her jaw dropped, the anger melting from her frame. "What?" she asked, her voice softly horrified. "No, they can't. I won't do it; I don't want this. This last accident should have proven that I'm not suitable as a Jedi bride. If I died while doing my duty and we were already bonded, where would you have been Obi-Wan? What would it have done to you? I can't let you do this."
That hurt. He felt the pain clear through to his heart. "What happened to me when I thought you had died, Sabé?" he asked her softly, his voice thick with sorrow. "I thought I'd lost you and I wanted to die. I wanted to be left alone to self destruct and deal with the pain in the only way I knew how. Are you surprised, that I wanted to join you in death, my love?"
"Don't call me that."
"Why not? It's the truth."
She shrugged. Three days. See you then.* Obi-Wan cut off the connection, and began to grin. He opened his eyes to find Sabé watching him, a puzzled look on her face.
"You look awful smug."
"Just talking to Anakin. I relayed your message but I think you might have a fight on your hands when we join them in a few days."
Sabé's eyes widened. "We're going to the lake country?"
He nodded and a brilliant smile lit her face before fading slightly. "But, I can't walk..."
He leaned forward, grasping her hand and gently kissed the back of it. "I'll be your legs, love. Trust me, everything will be fine."
She searched his gaze. She really didn't want to leave the medical lab, but she was willing to give in. Obi-Wan didn't yet know she had no intention of allowing him to bond with her, but the time they had was a time she intended to enjoy.