A/N: This is not a love story. The reason for the title will be clear during the story. Contains suicide and self-harm.
There was nothing but silence and moonlight, and it was driving her crazy. Actually, everything had been driving her crazy lately. Her mother, her friends, school ….. She felt uneasy and, at times, invisible.
She lay on the bed, staring into the darkness of her bedroom. A silent tear rolled down her cheek.
She loved her friends dearly, but she didn't feel right around them anymore. They had changed, it seemed, and were leaving her behind. She couldn't even talk to them.
She was failing in school. She had never been a great student, but she had never failed before, either. She knew her mother would be mad, but she honestly didn't care.
She slowly sat up and got off the bed. She walked across the dark room and stood in front of the full-length mirror. She wore only a thin white nightgown that seemed to glow in the pale moonlight. Her long hair hung in tangles around her face.
She looked at her reflection's arms. Even though it was too dim to see, she could visualize the white scars that covered her thin arms. She smiled slightly at that thought. She thought the scars were simply beautiful.
'In two years, they never noticed. Not once. They never saw the cuts or scars. But they will. They'll see. They'll all see.'
Sighing, she turned away from the mirror. She was overcome by a sudden rush of adrenaline, and her heart began to beat so fast that she began to feel faint and fell to her knees.
'It must be nerves. I'm just nervous because I'm gonna leave them all behind.' She vigorously shook her head. 'No. I don't care. They've done nothing but take me for granted. It's better this way.'
She crawled to her bedside table and opened the drawer. She pulled a book and some papers out, and there it was. At the bottom of the drawer, a gleaming silver knife lay in wait. She reached into the drawer.
The phone rang at that moment. It startled her and she slammed the drawer shut. Breathing heavily, she reached over and picked up the phone on the desk.
"Hello?"
"Mina-chan? It's Makoto."
"Oh. Hi Mako."
"Rei asked me to call you and let you know that there's a Senshi meeting tomorrow before school."
"Okay."
"So I'll see you tomorrow morning?"
"Yeah, sure, I guess."
"Hey, are you okay?"
"Um, yeah, I'm fine."
"Well, you don't sound fine." There was obvious concern in Makoto's voice, and Minako sighed internally.
"I'm just really tired …. Usa-chan dragged me around the mall for five hours today …."
"Well …. Okay. If you're sure you're okay." Makoto sounded doubtful.
"I'm sure, Makoto. I'll see you at Rei's."
"Bye Minako." Minako hung up the phone without saying goodbye, and threw it at the wall.
"Dammit." She whispered. "The last night of my life, and she finally decides she cares!" She yanked open the drawer again, and pulled out the knife. "It doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore."
Minako slowly stood up and moved to her desk. Placing the knife on the desk, she sat down and took a piece of paper from a stack in the corner, and a pen from a desk drawer. After thinking for a moment, she began to write.
*Minna-san,
I'm sorry. Not for what I've done, but for not doing it sooner.
During the last two years, it has become increasingly obvious to me that I am no longer important to any of you. You don't even seem to notice me anymore. Since we eliminated Chaos from the universe, I've become almost invisible. And it hurts more than you know.
I was the first. I was Sailor V. I was the world's heroine and I loved it. I was happy. I was in the spotlight, I was loved, I was idolized. When I joined up with the Sailor Senshi at last, I was no longer the star. I was playing second fiddle to someone who didn't even WANT to be a Senshi.
I have almost come to hate every single one of you. Almost. Not once did anyone try and get to know me. You assumed that I was the happy, kind, bubbly person that you knew. You were content with the Minako that you saw. But that Minako doesn't exist anymore. Maybe she never truly did.
Nevertheless, I still feel, somewhere within my heart, a deep love for all of you. And that's why I'm writing this. To tell you that, after everything, you are still my friends and I still love you.
Usagi, Ami, Rei, Makoto, Chibi-Usa, Hotaru, Setsuna, Michiru, Haruka. My friends. Forever.
Don't hate me. Don't cry for me. Don't forget me.
Yours Forever
Aino Minako*
Minako folded the letter slowly. She got up and took the letter in one hand and the knife in the other. She walked to her bed and carefully placed the letter on the nightstand. Then she sat down on the edge of the bed and turned her arm up, the scars still barely visible.
She spent a few moments just sitting there, staring at her arm. She blinked and brought the knife to her wrist.
She didn't even feel it when she made the first cut. Or the second. Or the tenth.
She didn't hear the knife fall to the floor.
She only felt the calm that filled her body, replacing the blood that was now draining onto the floor. She only heard the slow beating of her dying heart.
She fell backwards onto the bed. Her tangled hair fell around her, framing her in gold, and her blood quickly stained the white comforter.
Even with her last breath, she did not close her eyes.
The day was grey and rainy, and it matched the mood of every one of the Sailor Senshi. They stood in the cemetery, clutching flowers, looking at the fresh grave before them.
Slowly, with tears running down her cheeks, Mizuno Ami approached the grave.
"I still don't fully understand why you did this, Minako. But I miss you. You were a good Sailor Senshi, and an even better friend. I won't forget you." Ami placed a blue flower on top of the grave and turned away.
"Minako." Kino Makoto stepped forward now. "I never thought I'd be here, girl. I never thought I have to say goodbye to you. Not so soon. I hope you're happier now, wherever you are. I won't forget you." She set a green flower next to the blue one, and turned to join Ami. And it was Hino Rei's turn.
"Hi Minako. I've never had to say goodbye to a friend before, and I don't really know what to say. Just know that I care about you, and I won't forget you." A red flower joined the other two, and Rei moved towards Ami and Makoto.
Tsukino Chibi-Usa stood in front of the grave now. She placed a pink flower on the grave. "I won't forget you, Minako." That was all she said before she walked away. Tomoe Hotaru came forward next.
"Minako, I never really knew you, but you were everything I had always wanted to be. Beautiful, friendly and popular. Now I know that deception is everywhere, even where we least expect it. I won't forget you." Hotaru placed a purple flower with the others and joined her friends.
"I never understood why people killed themselves. Life was always a precious gift in my mind, and I didn't know why someone would want to throw it away. I still don't completely understand, but I won't forget you, Minako." Ten'oh Haruka spoke this in one breath, and it was nearly inaudible to Kaioh Michiru, who stood beside her.
"You were a beautiful person, Minako, and you always will be." Michiru whispered. "Even in death, you give something to us all. Be free. I won't forget you." Haruka and Michiru placed flowers of yellow and teal on the grave, and walked away. Meioh Setsuna stepped forward.
"For the first time in my long life, I want to turn back time so badly that it makes me cry. I wish I could go back, and help you. We all do. But I know that I can't. So I will do the next best thing, Minako. I won't forget you." Setsuna set her crimson flower with the others, and turned to her friends.
The one remaining teen came towards the grave. Silent tears cascaded down her cheeks.
"Minako. Mina-chan. I'm so sorry I didn't know you were hurting. I'm sorry you felt so bad that you had to leave us. You were the best friend I've ever had. You were the sweetest, kindest, most caring person that I've ever met. And now you're gone forever. Forever. I wish I could have helped you. But it's too late for that now. I just want you to know that – that I don't hate you for this. I don't hate you, and I won't forget you. Ever. Goodbye Mina-chan." Tsukino Usagi placed an orange flower on the grave, on top of the others. With a final look at her friend's final resting place, she walked away, and joined her friends.
Together, they turned and left the cemetery. No words were exchanged, but they all silently consoled one another.
Aino Minako
1986-2003
Love Lost