// I feel the earth move/Under my feet/I feel the sky tumbling down/I feel
my heart start to trembling/Whenever you're around \\
"I Feel the Earth Move" by Carole King
*
Jackie and I went on a date. I went on a date with Jackie Burkhardt. If that weren't strange enough, I didn't have a bad time. Jackie and I decided we'd never work. But she wasn't annoying as hell or anything. It's nice to know she can actually shut up once and awhile and just sit there.
I still can't believe I took her out. I never should have hit that jerk she brought to Red's BBQ. Why do I care if he thinks Jackie is a bitch? Why do I care? I mean, I think Jackie is a bitch. At least, I say that I think Jackie is a bitch. I don't know what I actually think about her anymore. I know she's not nice, but she can be thoughtful occasionally. I guess it's just that she's my friend now. I've always protected Foreman from Donna and anyone else who wanted to pick on him. Maybe it's the same thing with Jackie.
Oh yeah. We kissed. That was some kiss. I mean really hot. Not that there was anything to it. Because if there was anything to that kiss, Jackie and I would still be out right now and I wouldn't be writing in my journal like a lame-ass. But Jackie said there was nothing there. Hot, yes. But not meant to be. Whatever meant to be is. Figures Jackie would be the kind of girl to believe in girly things like destiny and fate.
Maybe I think something was there. Maybe Jackie is afraid to admit it. Kelso did do a number on her. I can't believe I'm actually thinking this. Jackie and shouldn't have even considered a relationship. It's wrong on so many levels. So many levels.
*
Steven thought there was something there? I couldn't breathe. I was sitting at the table looking, staring at the page I had just read. I screwed that night up so bad. Of course I felt something when I kissed him. I've always felt something whenever I've kissed Steven. But he was so reluctant to even go out with me. I felt like I would have to push him every step of the way. And the thought of being to Steven what Fez is to me made me sick.
I was giving him a way out. And he took it. But he thought something was there. And he thought I was afraid of that. Maybe I was. I mean, I had dated Michael for what seems now like forever and I never had a kiss like that one with him. And that's scary. I realized some guy who didn't pretend to like me could move me more than my boyfriend ever did. Talk about setting yourself up for disappointment.
That night though, that's the night we figured out that it was fun to kiss each other. Maybe that's the reason it seemed natural for us to start making out over the summer. It was better than. bowling. And Steven doesn't hate bowling. I don't hate bowling either.
I like how Steven makes it seem like he's criticizing someone when he's actually praising them. When I "shut up" that was actually a compliment. A few months ago I would have probably been offended, but I know him now. I know he's not being mean, he just doesn't know how to actually be nice. And I don't mind that. Because he seems more real. Like with Michael, how do I know he didn't just say all kinds of nice things just to keep me from seeing what he really was? To keep me from breaking up with him.
I wonder if I ever really knew Michael. I don't think I ever did. At least not like I know Steven.
"I Feel the Earth Move" by Carole King
*
Jackie and I went on a date. I went on a date with Jackie Burkhardt. If that weren't strange enough, I didn't have a bad time. Jackie and I decided we'd never work. But she wasn't annoying as hell or anything. It's nice to know she can actually shut up once and awhile and just sit there.
I still can't believe I took her out. I never should have hit that jerk she brought to Red's BBQ. Why do I care if he thinks Jackie is a bitch? Why do I care? I mean, I think Jackie is a bitch. At least, I say that I think Jackie is a bitch. I don't know what I actually think about her anymore. I know she's not nice, but she can be thoughtful occasionally. I guess it's just that she's my friend now. I've always protected Foreman from Donna and anyone else who wanted to pick on him. Maybe it's the same thing with Jackie.
Oh yeah. We kissed. That was some kiss. I mean really hot. Not that there was anything to it. Because if there was anything to that kiss, Jackie and I would still be out right now and I wouldn't be writing in my journal like a lame-ass. But Jackie said there was nothing there. Hot, yes. But not meant to be. Whatever meant to be is. Figures Jackie would be the kind of girl to believe in girly things like destiny and fate.
Maybe I think something was there. Maybe Jackie is afraid to admit it. Kelso did do a number on her. I can't believe I'm actually thinking this. Jackie and shouldn't have even considered a relationship. It's wrong on so many levels. So many levels.
*
Steven thought there was something there? I couldn't breathe. I was sitting at the table looking, staring at the page I had just read. I screwed that night up so bad. Of course I felt something when I kissed him. I've always felt something whenever I've kissed Steven. But he was so reluctant to even go out with me. I felt like I would have to push him every step of the way. And the thought of being to Steven what Fez is to me made me sick.
I was giving him a way out. And he took it. But he thought something was there. And he thought I was afraid of that. Maybe I was. I mean, I had dated Michael for what seems now like forever and I never had a kiss like that one with him. And that's scary. I realized some guy who didn't pretend to like me could move me more than my boyfriend ever did. Talk about setting yourself up for disappointment.
That night though, that's the night we figured out that it was fun to kiss each other. Maybe that's the reason it seemed natural for us to start making out over the summer. It was better than. bowling. And Steven doesn't hate bowling. I don't hate bowling either.
I like how Steven makes it seem like he's criticizing someone when he's actually praising them. When I "shut up" that was actually a compliment. A few months ago I would have probably been offended, but I know him now. I know he's not being mean, he just doesn't know how to actually be nice. And I don't mind that. Because he seems more real. Like with Michael, how do I know he didn't just say all kinds of nice things just to keep me from seeing what he really was? To keep me from breaking up with him.
I wonder if I ever really knew Michael. I don't think I ever did. At least not like I know Steven.