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a)i)2) Regret
His tone is happy, lively. It's the happiest Vaughn thinks he's ever heard Weiss sound, as a matter of fact. He begins to grin, wondering what's gotten him so happy, and what it's got to do with Sydney.
"What's up, Eric?"
"Well, I'm just calling to let you know….that um, Sydney and I are getting married. And we'd like for you to be the best man."
"What?"
He'd honestly never considered Sydney and Weiss together, not even with the good friendship they'd developed before she'd disappeared.
And now….they were getting married, it seemed.
"You never mentioned anything like this! I didn't even know that you two were going out!"
He's not angry [not exactly]…….just surprised.
"We've been spending a lot of time together over the last few years….been working as partners, even, on most of our missions. It just….happened."
He swallows his bile, almost sick to the point of vomiting at the thought of her with another man, and then his heart stops.
[This is what it was like for her.]
He hunches over his stomach, holding his middle protectively, trying not to throw up, both from the thought of her with another man, even his best friend, and from the knowledge that he made her feel like this.
He wonders briefly if this is some sort of sick revenge, but he doesn't think that she'd play with Eric's feelings like that. But she's not like that, not like him.
He had the choice to go with her, after all. And he chose to stay with his wife, someone he loved dearly.
So, in theory, he shouldn't feel like this.
She's not his. Not anymore.
Not since he gave her up.
But then why does it hurt so much to know that she's getting married?
"Vaughn?
Vaughn, are you there?"
He forces himself to swallow, to speak again, to simulate happiness.
Because, after all, he should be happy. It's his best friend, isn't it? He should be happy that Eric's found someone who will make him happy.
He just wishes it was someone else.
"Yeah, Eric, I'm here. Congratulations! When's the big day?"
His words are empty, hollow even to his own ears, and he thinks Eric can hear the pain in his voice.
"Oh, sometime soon, I think. Summer, maybe. I'm leaving that all up to Sydney though….she'll have the entire thing planned out soon enough. I'll just have to hand over my credit card and pay the bills – oh, and probably show up on the day, but I'm not sure whether or not I actually have to do that…"
There's humour in his voice, and Vaughn can tell he's teasing someone on the other end of the line.
"Ericccccc! Let me talk to Michael."
It's been nearly four years since he heard her voice, and it still sends a lightning bolt straight to his heart like it did the first time he met her, he thinks absently.
"Hi, Sydney."
She calls him Michael, he calls her Sydney. It's impersonal, professional, even, just a fiancée talking to her fiance's best friend.
Their voices are even, controlled, betraying none of the pain [and still, desire] that lies within their hearts.
"Congratulations, Sydney. I'm sure you two will be very happy together."
"Thanks, Michael. It means a lot to Eric to have you as his best man."
He swallows the bile down, still, as he hears Eric wrestle the phone off his fiancée, Sydney giggling as she holds the phone out of reach.
Eric sounds a bit out of breath as he comes back to the phone. "Sorry, Mike. You know-"
He cuts off his words, suddenly aware of what he was about to say and exactly how big a mistake it would be to say it.
"You know what she's like."
"It's all right, Eric. You don't have to pretend around me. I'm happy for you, really."
It's a lie, every word of it. Because it's not all right, and he really would prefer it if they kept their newly-engaged happiness out of his life. And because he's not happy for them, even though he should be.
Because maybe it shows that she's moving on in a way that he never did, not even when he thought that she was dead.
Because a part of him still loves her, and had always hoped that she'd be his forever [even when he chose Lauren?].
It's selfish to want her even after he gave her up, he knows…..but he still wants her. Always has, always will.
But he has two beautiful children, and a wonderful wife, and he thinks that maybe that's enough, that maybe he should finally let go of her [because he can never have her].
* * *
Six months later, on a beach very like the one on which he married Lauren, he's
best man at their wedding.
And as he watches Weiss slide a golden ring onto Sydney's finger, he feels a stab of sharp pain.
And again he realises – This is what it was like for her.
And he resists the urge to break down and cry for the pain that he caused her.
And he tries to reestablish some sort of control over his emotions, tries to fight back the raging wave of jealousy crashing down within him as the priest pronounces, "You may now kiss the bride," and Eric and Sydney share a passionate kiss.
And the worst thing about it is that he can tell that she meant every single word of her vows, that she does genuinely love Eric.
She doesn't love you anymore, Mike, his head tells him loudly, almost shouting, at a painful volume into his ear. And neither do you, it adds on.
You're both happily married, now – you have children, for crying out loud. You love Lauren, she loves Eric. You're happy, they'll be happy. Everyone's happy. It's time to let go.
But his heart whispers to him softly, You'll love her forever…and so will she.
[he will live and die loving her, even while he carries the guilt from the pain caused by the ring that still lies on his finger]