// I don't mind you coming here/and wasting all my time/'Cause when you're
standing all so near/I kind of lose my mind \\
"Just What I Needed" by The Cars
*
I was going to tell Kelso about Jackie and I. Donna and Foreman are nagging us like there's no tomorrow. Jackie and I fooling around is far from the end of the world. But don't tell that to Donna and Foreman, because they would give you a lecture on how Kelso deserves to know. I don't go to class because I don't like being lectured to. If my friends are going to lecture me now, I might have to find new things to do.
Kelso and I were at the DMV. And, to some extent, I did tell Kelso what was going on. I told him something had gone on with Jackie and alluded to the fact that she might have been seeing one of his friends. It's not my fault he thought I was messing with him. But it was easier to let him believe I was kidding.
Donna, of course, took that to mean I have a heart. I'm still getting over Foreman reading too much into my relationship with Jackie. We are HAVING FUN. She's not so bad to be around when she's not talking. And the only way to keep her from talking is to otherwise occupy her lips. And that's a job I don't mind taking. Damn, that girl can kiss.
I think Jackie is worried about telling Kelso too. That kind of bugs me a little, but I understand. She's only really dated him. She wanted to marry him. And then there's the whole group thing. This really could ruin everything. What if Kelso decides to stop hanging around? I mean, he's a jackass most of the time, but I've known him forever. And would people start taking sides? But part of me wants Jackie to want to tell Kelso about us. But there's not an 'us' to talk about. We just make out.
Okay, so sometimes when she talks, I listen. Not always, because I really don't care about cheerleading, shopping, or David Cassidy or whatever other teen idol she's into. But sometimes she says things that make sense. She does think up weird comparisons though. She compared telling Kelso at the right time to setting her damn hair. And I listened to that! Something is seriously wrong with me. Maybe that's why I don't want to tell Kelso, because I may come to my senses tomorrow and realize Jackie and I are wrong.
Although, Jackie is about the hottest girl I know. And I've spent all summer making out with her, which is a good way to spend time. Maybe why I don't want to tell Kelso is because it will mean it is okay for Jackie and I to be a couple. Can I date Jackie? I'm not going to think about it right now. Because it doesn't matter. Because it's not going to happen.
*
I sat back after I read that entry. It was all so much. I had been afraid to tell Michael. I didn't want him to go after Steven. I liked what Steven and I had. It was so fun, simple, and hot. I didn't see how telling Michael would make it any better.
I guess I had an ulterior motive for not wanting to tell Michael. If he knew, then me being with Steven seemed almost like revenge for Michael running away and not marrying me. And I was really afraid that was how everyone would see it. I really liked Steven. I liked having someone who wasn't so absorbed in himself around. I liked that he would tell me the truth and not what I wanted to hear. I liked being around somebody who actually had thoughts in his brain.
I loved Michael, don't get me wrong. But when it was finally really over between us, I needed something different. And Steven was who was around. And I've always been attracted to Steven. I wouldn't have pursued someone for the hell of it. And I did pursue Steven. It got me the Veteran's Day date. And one hell of a kiss.
Steven was so right about not wanting to destroy the group by telling Michael. Donna was worried about that too. Eric was just concerned about his best friend going out with the Devil. I think it's funny that Eric calls me names. They all call each other names, when Eric finally started calling me names to my face I knew I really was a part of the group on my own and not just because of Michael. We were all worried about how Michael would take it.
I always knew that Steven was afraid of involvement. I knew it and I was okay with that in the beginning. Because I don't think I was really ready to be serious. And part of me thinks that I shouldn't have gone straight from dating Michael to dating Steven. I mean, normally I'm one of those girls who thinks girls always need boyfriends. And maybe I still do think that. But on the other hand, my relationship with Michael was really messed up. I'm sure I'll never know how many times he cheated on me. And when I kissed one guy, once, he broke up with me. That's real fair. Maybe I needed something normal in the middle there. Because Steven is definitely not normal. Did I make a mistake ever starting anything up with him?
"Just What I Needed" by The Cars
*
I was going to tell Kelso about Jackie and I. Donna and Foreman are nagging us like there's no tomorrow. Jackie and I fooling around is far from the end of the world. But don't tell that to Donna and Foreman, because they would give you a lecture on how Kelso deserves to know. I don't go to class because I don't like being lectured to. If my friends are going to lecture me now, I might have to find new things to do.
Kelso and I were at the DMV. And, to some extent, I did tell Kelso what was going on. I told him something had gone on with Jackie and alluded to the fact that she might have been seeing one of his friends. It's not my fault he thought I was messing with him. But it was easier to let him believe I was kidding.
Donna, of course, took that to mean I have a heart. I'm still getting over Foreman reading too much into my relationship with Jackie. We are HAVING FUN. She's not so bad to be around when she's not talking. And the only way to keep her from talking is to otherwise occupy her lips. And that's a job I don't mind taking. Damn, that girl can kiss.
I think Jackie is worried about telling Kelso too. That kind of bugs me a little, but I understand. She's only really dated him. She wanted to marry him. And then there's the whole group thing. This really could ruin everything. What if Kelso decides to stop hanging around? I mean, he's a jackass most of the time, but I've known him forever. And would people start taking sides? But part of me wants Jackie to want to tell Kelso about us. But there's not an 'us' to talk about. We just make out.
Okay, so sometimes when she talks, I listen. Not always, because I really don't care about cheerleading, shopping, or David Cassidy or whatever other teen idol she's into. But sometimes she says things that make sense. She does think up weird comparisons though. She compared telling Kelso at the right time to setting her damn hair. And I listened to that! Something is seriously wrong with me. Maybe that's why I don't want to tell Kelso, because I may come to my senses tomorrow and realize Jackie and I are wrong.
Although, Jackie is about the hottest girl I know. And I've spent all summer making out with her, which is a good way to spend time. Maybe why I don't want to tell Kelso is because it will mean it is okay for Jackie and I to be a couple. Can I date Jackie? I'm not going to think about it right now. Because it doesn't matter. Because it's not going to happen.
*
I sat back after I read that entry. It was all so much. I had been afraid to tell Michael. I didn't want him to go after Steven. I liked what Steven and I had. It was so fun, simple, and hot. I didn't see how telling Michael would make it any better.
I guess I had an ulterior motive for not wanting to tell Michael. If he knew, then me being with Steven seemed almost like revenge for Michael running away and not marrying me. And I was really afraid that was how everyone would see it. I really liked Steven. I liked having someone who wasn't so absorbed in himself around. I liked that he would tell me the truth and not what I wanted to hear. I liked being around somebody who actually had thoughts in his brain.
I loved Michael, don't get me wrong. But when it was finally really over between us, I needed something different. And Steven was who was around. And I've always been attracted to Steven. I wouldn't have pursued someone for the hell of it. And I did pursue Steven. It got me the Veteran's Day date. And one hell of a kiss.
Steven was so right about not wanting to destroy the group by telling Michael. Donna was worried about that too. Eric was just concerned about his best friend going out with the Devil. I think it's funny that Eric calls me names. They all call each other names, when Eric finally started calling me names to my face I knew I really was a part of the group on my own and not just because of Michael. We were all worried about how Michael would take it.
I always knew that Steven was afraid of involvement. I knew it and I was okay with that in the beginning. Because I don't think I was really ready to be serious. And part of me thinks that I shouldn't have gone straight from dating Michael to dating Steven. I mean, normally I'm one of those girls who thinks girls always need boyfriends. And maybe I still do think that. But on the other hand, my relationship with Michael was really messed up. I'm sure I'll never know how many times he cheated on me. And when I kissed one guy, once, he broke up with me. That's real fair. Maybe I needed something normal in the middle there. Because Steven is definitely not normal. Did I make a mistake ever starting anything up with him?