// Instant karma is gonna get you/Gonna knock you right on the head/Better
get yourself together/Pretty soon you're going to be dead/What in the world
you thinking of/Laughing in the face of love \\
"Instant Karma" by John Lennon
*
I could be with a drunk co-ed right now. Part of me thinks I'm a stupid ass for not going ahead and going with that girl. I mean, she was hot for me. But when she was about to take me to her room, I just froze. It doesn't make sense. How, how could Jackie have this effect on me? What about Jackie Burkhart makes me a good guy?
She promised nothing would happen on her end while she went to Marquette. And I blew it off. That's what I do, I'm Zen. And I wasn't going to make any kind of promises I couldn't keep. Because I didn't know I wouldn't be able to fool around. I should have known. I can't do that to her. Especially since she's my girlfriend now.
Fez said I loved her. I told him to shut up. But thinking about it now, I didn't deny it. I know Fez was just trying to piss me off, but what if it's true? What if I love her?
*
Good to know! Three words I wish I had never said. Jackie threw them back in my face when she got back from Marquette. So yeah, I'm an idiot. But I know she didn't do anything. You can tell with Jackie when she does stuff she's ashamed of, or stuff she shouldn't do. Like when she bought pot. That makes me feel good. It's almost like I can trust her. But you know, within reason. Because you can't trust anyone completely.
*
Love and trust. The two most important things in any relationship. And Steven can't trust anyone completely. I trusted him completely. Does that make me a fool? Should you trust somebody who can't trust you? I never did anything to him to make him not trust me. I never came close to kissing anyone else, let alone have sex with them.
Fez thought he loved me even back then. And Steven seemed a little confused. I think I loved him then too. But I didn't know it. I was too busy trying to get him to be a boyfriend. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. And it's not like he changed much, I just had to wriggle my way into his life.
I was angry that he wouldn't promise not to kiss any other girls. No, I was livid. I'm pretty, lots of boys would want to kiss me! I wanted to tear his head off and kick it. But I realized it was Steven. He doesn't like being fooled into things. Part of me wanted to treat my relationship with Steven like my relationship with Michael. But I couldn't do that. And Donna helped me realize that. And I do appreciate that Steven didn't make any promises he might not be able to keep. Michael would have made the promise and then broken it without a second thought.
It hurts me to compare Steven to Michael because Michael hurt me so many times, but he never hurt me this badly. Does that make Steven more important to me? Does that mean I should break my promise to myself for him? Or does it mean I need to finally learn to be more careful about who I give my heart to?
"Instant Karma" by John Lennon
*
I could be with a drunk co-ed right now. Part of me thinks I'm a stupid ass for not going ahead and going with that girl. I mean, she was hot for me. But when she was about to take me to her room, I just froze. It doesn't make sense. How, how could Jackie have this effect on me? What about Jackie Burkhart makes me a good guy?
She promised nothing would happen on her end while she went to Marquette. And I blew it off. That's what I do, I'm Zen. And I wasn't going to make any kind of promises I couldn't keep. Because I didn't know I wouldn't be able to fool around. I should have known. I can't do that to her. Especially since she's my girlfriend now.
Fez said I loved her. I told him to shut up. But thinking about it now, I didn't deny it. I know Fez was just trying to piss me off, but what if it's true? What if I love her?
*
Good to know! Three words I wish I had never said. Jackie threw them back in my face when she got back from Marquette. So yeah, I'm an idiot. But I know she didn't do anything. You can tell with Jackie when she does stuff she's ashamed of, or stuff she shouldn't do. Like when she bought pot. That makes me feel good. It's almost like I can trust her. But you know, within reason. Because you can't trust anyone completely.
*
Love and trust. The two most important things in any relationship. And Steven can't trust anyone completely. I trusted him completely. Does that make me a fool? Should you trust somebody who can't trust you? I never did anything to him to make him not trust me. I never came close to kissing anyone else, let alone have sex with them.
Fez thought he loved me even back then. And Steven seemed a little confused. I think I loved him then too. But I didn't know it. I was too busy trying to get him to be a boyfriend. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. And it's not like he changed much, I just had to wriggle my way into his life.
I was angry that he wouldn't promise not to kiss any other girls. No, I was livid. I'm pretty, lots of boys would want to kiss me! I wanted to tear his head off and kick it. But I realized it was Steven. He doesn't like being fooled into things. Part of me wanted to treat my relationship with Steven like my relationship with Michael. But I couldn't do that. And Donna helped me realize that. And I do appreciate that Steven didn't make any promises he might not be able to keep. Michael would have made the promise and then broken it without a second thought.
It hurts me to compare Steven to Michael because Michael hurt me so many times, but he never hurt me this badly. Does that make Steven more important to me? Does that mean I should break my promise to myself for him? Or does it mean I need to finally learn to be more careful about who I give my heart to?