// Tears and fears and feeling proud/to say 'I love you' right out
loud/Dreams and schemes and circus crowds/I've looked at life that way/But
now old friends are acting strange/they shake their heads/they say I've
changed/well, something's lost/But something's gained/in every living
day/I've looked at life from both sides now/still somehow it's life's
illusions I recall/I really don't know life at all \\
"Both Sides Now" by Joni Mitchell
*
I could really just really go off on Jackie right now. First she orders me to go to Mrs. Foreman's dinner party tonight and then, when I say no, she takes Kelso. Kelso! Her ex-boyfriend. That she always gets back together with. I know she wanted to take me. But you don't order me around. I live my life, not the life Jackie wants me to live. And I know Kelso was standing there, basically begging to get invited to the party. But still. Doesn't she know she's my girlfriend?
I'm not going to buckle on this. I know that she would rather me be up there with her, because she asked me first. She just asked Kelso to get back at me. I'm just going to stay down here in the basement in my t-shirt and jeans and I'm going to watch 'Battle of the Network Stars,' lame as it is. Damn, I'm hungry though. And Mrs. Foreman has been cooking all day long. And it smells really good.
I can't buckle.
*
I buckled.
But to be fair so did Foreman, Red, and Fez. And we all know when he has a girlfriend, Kelso buckles like no other. At least I made a stand. I told Jackie no. And for a while I stood by it. Until I got hungry. And until I thought about Kelso sitting next to Jackie, acting like he was her boyfriend all over again.
While everyone else was apologizing though, I thought Jackie would expect me to apologize. But she didn't. She admitted she was bossy and said she would try to stop being so bossy. I didn't see that coming at all. Jackie doesn't like to believe she actually has faults. And she asked me to go to some Girl Scouts thing. She expected me to go, but at least she asked this time. And no one forced her to apologize.
Sometimes I want to take that girl and just strangle her. But sometimes she really makes me want to just take her and kiss her until she can't breathe anymore. She made me realize tonight that she is changing. She's growing up. She's been going through some rough stuff too. Her dad is in jail and her mom still isn't back. It's good that she can roll with the punches. Sometimes she really amazes me.
*
Sometimes Steven really amazes me. Like when he said he would go to my Girl Scout Alumni Breakfast and he was such a great flipper. And when he was done with that job, he stood by me and was the perfect boyfriend. I never knew he could be such a great boyfriend. Sometimes he acts completely out of character and is just great. Maybe that's what makes me want to be a good girlfriend for him. Because I never really minded bossing Michael around. But even before Steven told me he wouldn't go to the dinner with me, it didn't feel right telling him what he had to do.
Steven is so hard to read that sometimes it seems like you have to force him to do something. But I know that if I go to him and ask him to do something and I tell him it's something really important to me, he will do it for me. And I've never had that before. My dad always just gave me what I wanted, because it was easier than learning anything about me. Really, Mr. Foreman is more of a father to me than my dad is. Mr. Foreman is the one who thought it was important that I learned life skills, like changing a tire. My dad thinks giving me pretty things will just fix everything. Well, my dad may be right. Pretty things are nice to have. But once in a while, I would like for my dad to sit down and actually talk to me.
Steven thought I had changed. Looking back I think I've changed too. Because it was only important for Michael to be around because he looked pretty and he was a good accessory, if you will. With Steven, it's important to have him around because I want to share stuff with him. I want to know what he thinks about things. I could just sit and listen to him talk for hours. He has such strange ideas, but they are good ideas sometimes. And I amazed him. How often does someone really think you are amazing?
"Both Sides Now" by Joni Mitchell
*
I could really just really go off on Jackie right now. First she orders me to go to Mrs. Foreman's dinner party tonight and then, when I say no, she takes Kelso. Kelso! Her ex-boyfriend. That she always gets back together with. I know she wanted to take me. But you don't order me around. I live my life, not the life Jackie wants me to live. And I know Kelso was standing there, basically begging to get invited to the party. But still. Doesn't she know she's my girlfriend?
I'm not going to buckle on this. I know that she would rather me be up there with her, because she asked me first. She just asked Kelso to get back at me. I'm just going to stay down here in the basement in my t-shirt and jeans and I'm going to watch 'Battle of the Network Stars,' lame as it is. Damn, I'm hungry though. And Mrs. Foreman has been cooking all day long. And it smells really good.
I can't buckle.
*
I buckled.
But to be fair so did Foreman, Red, and Fez. And we all know when he has a girlfriend, Kelso buckles like no other. At least I made a stand. I told Jackie no. And for a while I stood by it. Until I got hungry. And until I thought about Kelso sitting next to Jackie, acting like he was her boyfriend all over again.
While everyone else was apologizing though, I thought Jackie would expect me to apologize. But she didn't. She admitted she was bossy and said she would try to stop being so bossy. I didn't see that coming at all. Jackie doesn't like to believe she actually has faults. And she asked me to go to some Girl Scouts thing. She expected me to go, but at least she asked this time. And no one forced her to apologize.
Sometimes I want to take that girl and just strangle her. But sometimes she really makes me want to just take her and kiss her until she can't breathe anymore. She made me realize tonight that she is changing. She's growing up. She's been going through some rough stuff too. Her dad is in jail and her mom still isn't back. It's good that she can roll with the punches. Sometimes she really amazes me.
*
Sometimes Steven really amazes me. Like when he said he would go to my Girl Scout Alumni Breakfast and he was such a great flipper. And when he was done with that job, he stood by me and was the perfect boyfriend. I never knew he could be such a great boyfriend. Sometimes he acts completely out of character and is just great. Maybe that's what makes me want to be a good girlfriend for him. Because I never really minded bossing Michael around. But even before Steven told me he wouldn't go to the dinner with me, it didn't feel right telling him what he had to do.
Steven is so hard to read that sometimes it seems like you have to force him to do something. But I know that if I go to him and ask him to do something and I tell him it's something really important to me, he will do it for me. And I've never had that before. My dad always just gave me what I wanted, because it was easier than learning anything about me. Really, Mr. Foreman is more of a father to me than my dad is. Mr. Foreman is the one who thought it was important that I learned life skills, like changing a tire. My dad thinks giving me pretty things will just fix everything. Well, my dad may be right. Pretty things are nice to have. But once in a while, I would like for my dad to sit down and actually talk to me.
Steven thought I had changed. Looking back I think I've changed too. Because it was only important for Michael to be around because he looked pretty and he was a good accessory, if you will. With Steven, it's important to have him around because I want to share stuff with him. I want to know what he thinks about things. I could just sit and listen to him talk for hours. He has such strange ideas, but they are good ideas sometimes. And I amazed him. How often does someone really think you are amazing?