// How long has this been going on/Your friends with their fancy
persuasion/Don't admit that it's part of a scheme/But I can't help but have
my suspicions/'Cause I'm not quite as dumb as I seem \\
"How Long has this Been Going On?" by Jackson Browne
*
Kelso's girlfriend from California has decided to grace us with her presence. Annette. Yeah, she's hot and all and it's nice that there is someone to distract Kelso from Jackie. But she's also distracting Jackie from me. That's not going to work very well for long. Jackie is jealous. She swears she isn't. But she is.
Part of me wants to believe it's just because Annette is the first girl Kelso has dated since they broke up. Or maybe Annette represents the hurt she felt when Kelso left for California instead of marrying her. Or maybe she's still in love with Kelso. Maybe she's just with me because she knows it pisses Kelso off.
I really don't know what I should think about this. And I don't really have anyone to talk to this about because Donna is busy putting up with Annette and Foreman would say I need to dump Jackie because she's the devil. I could talk to Fez, but he doesn't really have that much experience with women.
Donna and Foreman are convinced that Annette is just a blonde, virginal version of Jackie. I can kind of see it. As long as it's Jackie from a year ago. Jackie has changed. I wouldn't be with Jackie if she was still the brat who needed to control everything and everyone around her. Now Jackie kind of rolls with things. And she's a little more giving.
I really hope she's not still in love with Kelso. Because I don't think I'm ready to give her up yet.
*
She called Kelso her boyfriend.
I don't know what the hell that means. Does it means she still has feelings for him? Does that mean these past six months have meant nothing to her? Does this mean I mean nothing to her?
That's probably what it is. I mean, it's always been Jackie and Kelso. She always takes him back, no matter how bad he screws up. And this wouldn't be the first time she's wanted me during her down time. I was just the idiot who thought this time would be different.
I could stand the humiliation of her calling Kelso her boyfriend, if I knew it was just a slip of the tongue. But I saw her eyes afterwards. It wasn't just a slip of the tongue. It was something more.
So I think it's over.
*
That was the biggest mistake of my life. I had never felt so betrayed by myself before. I had let myself down plenty of times before. Every time I took Michael's cheating ass back, I let myself down. But to do something that showed to everyone that I still had some issues to deal with pertaining to Michael.
I didn't want to believe it. Because I thought there was nothing there. I thought I was done hurting over Michael. But I think seeing Michael with Annette reminded me of when I caught him kissing Laurie. I don't know what was going through my head. I don't know how I could ever have done something so stupid. I don't know how I could hurt Steven that badly.
That one incident probably poisoned the rest of my relationship with Steven. Because it made him feel justified in not trusting me. It gave him a reason to hold back from me. Not to say he wouldn't have found one if I hadn't given him one.
But it hurt to see that he thought he might have meant nothing to me. He's meant more to me than anyone. He's my strength. He's the sane voice in my head that helps me calm down and take anything that's dealt to me. He's the one who knows me. And I think that's always been the case. I've never really had to explain myself to Steven. We're so different, but we're the same. He hides behind his Zen. I hide behind my shallowness. And we only let each other in.
"How Long has this Been Going On?" by Jackson Browne
*
Kelso's girlfriend from California has decided to grace us with her presence. Annette. Yeah, she's hot and all and it's nice that there is someone to distract Kelso from Jackie. But she's also distracting Jackie from me. That's not going to work very well for long. Jackie is jealous. She swears she isn't. But she is.
Part of me wants to believe it's just because Annette is the first girl Kelso has dated since they broke up. Or maybe Annette represents the hurt she felt when Kelso left for California instead of marrying her. Or maybe she's still in love with Kelso. Maybe she's just with me because she knows it pisses Kelso off.
I really don't know what I should think about this. And I don't really have anyone to talk to this about because Donna is busy putting up with Annette and Foreman would say I need to dump Jackie because she's the devil. I could talk to Fez, but he doesn't really have that much experience with women.
Donna and Foreman are convinced that Annette is just a blonde, virginal version of Jackie. I can kind of see it. As long as it's Jackie from a year ago. Jackie has changed. I wouldn't be with Jackie if she was still the brat who needed to control everything and everyone around her. Now Jackie kind of rolls with things. And she's a little more giving.
I really hope she's not still in love with Kelso. Because I don't think I'm ready to give her up yet.
*
She called Kelso her boyfriend.
I don't know what the hell that means. Does it means she still has feelings for him? Does that mean these past six months have meant nothing to her? Does this mean I mean nothing to her?
That's probably what it is. I mean, it's always been Jackie and Kelso. She always takes him back, no matter how bad he screws up. And this wouldn't be the first time she's wanted me during her down time. I was just the idiot who thought this time would be different.
I could stand the humiliation of her calling Kelso her boyfriend, if I knew it was just a slip of the tongue. But I saw her eyes afterwards. It wasn't just a slip of the tongue. It was something more.
So I think it's over.
*
That was the biggest mistake of my life. I had never felt so betrayed by myself before. I had let myself down plenty of times before. Every time I took Michael's cheating ass back, I let myself down. But to do something that showed to everyone that I still had some issues to deal with pertaining to Michael.
I didn't want to believe it. Because I thought there was nothing there. I thought I was done hurting over Michael. But I think seeing Michael with Annette reminded me of when I caught him kissing Laurie. I don't know what was going through my head. I don't know how I could ever have done something so stupid. I don't know how I could hurt Steven that badly.
That one incident probably poisoned the rest of my relationship with Steven. Because it made him feel justified in not trusting me. It gave him a reason to hold back from me. Not to say he wouldn't have found one if I hadn't given him one.
But it hurt to see that he thought he might have meant nothing to me. He's meant more to me than anyone. He's my strength. He's the sane voice in my head that helps me calm down and take anything that's dealt to me. He's the one who knows me. And I think that's always been the case. I've never really had to explain myself to Steven. We're so different, but we're the same. He hides behind his Zen. I hide behind my shallowness. And we only let each other in.