// Over time I've been building my castle of love/Just for two/Though you
never knew you were my reason/I've gone much too far for you now to
say/That I've got to throw my castle away/Over dreams I have picked out a
perfect come true/Though you never knew it was of you I'd been dreaming \\
"Overjoyed" by Stevie Wonder
*
I broke up with Jackie. She ran away of course. Because Jackie doesn't always deal with things well. That's a lie. Jackie doesn't run away. She runs to other people. She runs to me. She deals with things, she rolls with the punches. I mean, she's been handling her dad being in jail really well. And her mom still isn't back. But Jackie's not letting it get the best of her. But she ran away this time. And I thought she was probably running to Kelso.
But I was wrong. Well, maybe I was right in a way because she apparently went to talk to Annette. And Annette told Jackie that she was going to fight for Kelso. It made Jackie realize that she didn't want to fight for Kelso. She wanted to fight for me.
So she came back to Foreman's basement and fought for me. She wasn't fighting any other person. She was fighting me for me. Weird as it sounds, that's what she was doing. I don't even kind of trust people and I think Jackie knows that. I mean, when your own parents ditch you it's really easy to never rely on people. And I don't rely on people.
Jackie came back and started telling me how she didn't want to fight for Kelso even though she might still have feelings for him. And she was trying to tell me why, but I didn't want to listen. It was my chance to get out of the relationship. It was my chance to get rid of Jackie. But then Jackie told me why it was me she wanted to fight for.
It's because she loves me. And it's not like the time when I went to jail for her. She really loves me. She looked me in the eye, knowing very well that I could laugh at the love she was offering freely, knowing I was very likely to walk away, and she still told me that she loved me. She put the ball in my court and told me that if I couldn't deal with her and Kelso's past, if that was more important than her love for me, then that was my bag.
Part of me was ready to say, I don't need this. It's my senior year of high school. I should be living it up. I don't need a girlfriend. I don't need to go to football games because she is cheerleading. I don't need to call her every day. I don't need to go out on dates.
But she's the first girl that has ever mattered to me. Ever. I had a thing for Donna and I've had a couple of other girls that I went out with more than once. But I was willing to risk never talking to Kelso ever again by dating Jackie. I was willing to rip the entire group apart to be with Jackie.
I didn't tell her that I love her. I can't be like Kelso who always told her that he loved her. When I tell her that I love her, it has to matter. It has to be because I want to, not because she just said it. Plus, she's been in love before. I never have. I know that I love her. And I know I want to be with her for a long time. And I think a part of her knows that I love her. Actions are more important than words anyways.
But I did take her to the dance. She barely even looked at Kelso. And she felt so right in my arms. God help me, but I love that girl.
*
I wiped away the tears that were streaming down my face. When we were going through that, I was so focused on not losing Steven, that I didn't even think about how everything was affecting him. I was so concerned about proving that Michael wasn't as important to me as he was that I didn't see how hurt he was. I should have known.
He loved me even then. It seemed to make when he finally told me that he loved me mean more, because I know now that he wasn't just saying it to get in my good graces. He just finally realized that people need to hear the words 'I love you.' Preferably not after you've just gone and slept with somebody else.
I spent so much of our relationship fighting him, forcing him to open up to me. I know he's not naturally very open with his emotions or anything. Sometimes I get so sick of having to push Steven into opening himself up to me. Sometimes I think it's not worth it. Sometimes I think I should just give up and accept what he gives me. But when I read that he's loved me since at least February, then I know it has been worth it.
And it did feel so right to be in his arms at that dance. Because I love that boy.
"Overjoyed" by Stevie Wonder
*
I broke up with Jackie. She ran away of course. Because Jackie doesn't always deal with things well. That's a lie. Jackie doesn't run away. She runs to other people. She runs to me. She deals with things, she rolls with the punches. I mean, she's been handling her dad being in jail really well. And her mom still isn't back. But Jackie's not letting it get the best of her. But she ran away this time. And I thought she was probably running to Kelso.
But I was wrong. Well, maybe I was right in a way because she apparently went to talk to Annette. And Annette told Jackie that she was going to fight for Kelso. It made Jackie realize that she didn't want to fight for Kelso. She wanted to fight for me.
So she came back to Foreman's basement and fought for me. She wasn't fighting any other person. She was fighting me for me. Weird as it sounds, that's what she was doing. I don't even kind of trust people and I think Jackie knows that. I mean, when your own parents ditch you it's really easy to never rely on people. And I don't rely on people.
Jackie came back and started telling me how she didn't want to fight for Kelso even though she might still have feelings for him. And she was trying to tell me why, but I didn't want to listen. It was my chance to get out of the relationship. It was my chance to get rid of Jackie. But then Jackie told me why it was me she wanted to fight for.
It's because she loves me. And it's not like the time when I went to jail for her. She really loves me. She looked me in the eye, knowing very well that I could laugh at the love she was offering freely, knowing I was very likely to walk away, and she still told me that she loved me. She put the ball in my court and told me that if I couldn't deal with her and Kelso's past, if that was more important than her love for me, then that was my bag.
Part of me was ready to say, I don't need this. It's my senior year of high school. I should be living it up. I don't need a girlfriend. I don't need to go to football games because she is cheerleading. I don't need to call her every day. I don't need to go out on dates.
But she's the first girl that has ever mattered to me. Ever. I had a thing for Donna and I've had a couple of other girls that I went out with more than once. But I was willing to risk never talking to Kelso ever again by dating Jackie. I was willing to rip the entire group apart to be with Jackie.
I didn't tell her that I love her. I can't be like Kelso who always told her that he loved her. When I tell her that I love her, it has to matter. It has to be because I want to, not because she just said it. Plus, she's been in love before. I never have. I know that I love her. And I know I want to be with her for a long time. And I think a part of her knows that I love her. Actions are more important than words anyways.
But I did take her to the dance. She barely even looked at Kelso. And she felt so right in my arms. God help me, but I love that girl.
*
I wiped away the tears that were streaming down my face. When we were going through that, I was so focused on not losing Steven, that I didn't even think about how everything was affecting him. I was so concerned about proving that Michael wasn't as important to me as he was that I didn't see how hurt he was. I should have known.
He loved me even then. It seemed to make when he finally told me that he loved me mean more, because I know now that he wasn't just saying it to get in my good graces. He just finally realized that people need to hear the words 'I love you.' Preferably not after you've just gone and slept with somebody else.
I spent so much of our relationship fighting him, forcing him to open up to me. I know he's not naturally very open with his emotions or anything. Sometimes I get so sick of having to push Steven into opening himself up to me. Sometimes I think it's not worth it. Sometimes I think I should just give up and accept what he gives me. But when I read that he's loved me since at least February, then I know it has been worth it.
And it did feel so right to be in his arms at that dance. Because I love that boy.