// I'm in love with a girl/finest girl in the world/I didn't know I could
feel this way/Think about her all the time/Always on my mind/I didn't
know/about love \\
"I'm in Love with a Girl" by Big Star
*
I swear, one of these days, I'm going to kill Kelso. I mean, he's one of my best friends. But he's an idiot. Jackie is my girlfriend! He needs to figure out that this means that he doesn't need to hit on her anymore. Especially after the whole 'get off my boyfriend' thing. I don't want to even look at him most days right now.
He gave Jackie a pink sweater for her birthday. A birthday she didn't even tell me about. She usually plays up any opportunity for gifts. She said she was trying to be less shallow. I guess that's my influence on her. She used to love getting gifts from her boyfriend, when her boyfriend was Kelso. But she stopped bugging me about presents a long time ago.
But I would get her a present for her birthday. Because that's what boyfriends do. I would have taken her out for a nice date too. Because it seems like the right thing to do. And because I love her. And I don't have the chance to show her too often.
It really gets me that she took that sweater.
*
Jackie wore the sweater today. I was really pissed off too. Because I know what Kelso is trying to do. He's trying to make me look bad. It's not my fault Jackie didn't tell me it was her birthday.
But then I made Jackie see why he gave her the sweater. He's trying to buy her love. Just like he used to whenever he screwed up. I think she honestly didn't know Kelso figured he could always win if he just gave her something.
She threw the sweater in his face. And she wasn't mad at me.
And since it was her birthday. I gave her a present. I gave her my favorite Led Zeppelin t-shirt. She gave me another one of those smiles when I gave it to her. That's number four. I don't know that she ever gave Kelso any of those.
I don't expect her to wear it or anything. But I want her to have something I love. Because I love her. It was a way I could show her that.
I just wonder if she knows that's what I showed her.
*
That day really opened my eyes to a lot of things. It put Michael in perspective. And even though I know Michael thinks he can get me back, I know he can't. The only reason I would consider taking him back is because he's safe. I expect him to cheat on me. I expect him to screw up. And if I expect it I can't exactly be let down. He sweet and sometimes he really can make me feel special, but he really doesn't love anyone more than he loves himself. He would never put anyone else first. And that's alright, because I know it now.
But Steven. You don't expect Steven Hyde to break your heart. You expect him to find strange ways to make you feel special all the time. Like when he gave me his Led Zeppelin t-shirt. I'm not a huge Zeppelin fan, but I know they are his favorite band. And I know he really loves that shirt. And that makes it so special to me. Because he did show me that he loves me by giving me that shirt. And I had hoped that was what it meant. That's why I slept in that shirt every night for a week after he gave it to me. That's why that shirt is under my pillow right now.
And he didn't give it to me because he screwed up. I didn't want him to know it was my birthday. I didn't want him to feel like he had to get me something. I wanted him to want to get me something. And that's what happened. He wanted me to have the shirt.
It's weird how one person can evoke so many different emotions in you. When I think about Steven right now, part of me wants to grin, because he's so great. Then another part of me wants to scream because he's hurt me more than anyone has ever hurt me. And there's this last part that just emerged in the past few hours, that sees a light at the end of the tunnel. But there's this bigger part of me that can't risk the rest of my heart to Steven Hyde.
"I'm in Love with a Girl" by Big Star
*
I swear, one of these days, I'm going to kill Kelso. I mean, he's one of my best friends. But he's an idiot. Jackie is my girlfriend! He needs to figure out that this means that he doesn't need to hit on her anymore. Especially after the whole 'get off my boyfriend' thing. I don't want to even look at him most days right now.
He gave Jackie a pink sweater for her birthday. A birthday she didn't even tell me about. She usually plays up any opportunity for gifts. She said she was trying to be less shallow. I guess that's my influence on her. She used to love getting gifts from her boyfriend, when her boyfriend was Kelso. But she stopped bugging me about presents a long time ago.
But I would get her a present for her birthday. Because that's what boyfriends do. I would have taken her out for a nice date too. Because it seems like the right thing to do. And because I love her. And I don't have the chance to show her too often.
It really gets me that she took that sweater.
*
Jackie wore the sweater today. I was really pissed off too. Because I know what Kelso is trying to do. He's trying to make me look bad. It's not my fault Jackie didn't tell me it was her birthday.
But then I made Jackie see why he gave her the sweater. He's trying to buy her love. Just like he used to whenever he screwed up. I think she honestly didn't know Kelso figured he could always win if he just gave her something.
She threw the sweater in his face. And she wasn't mad at me.
And since it was her birthday. I gave her a present. I gave her my favorite Led Zeppelin t-shirt. She gave me another one of those smiles when I gave it to her. That's number four. I don't know that she ever gave Kelso any of those.
I don't expect her to wear it or anything. But I want her to have something I love. Because I love her. It was a way I could show her that.
I just wonder if she knows that's what I showed her.
*
That day really opened my eyes to a lot of things. It put Michael in perspective. And even though I know Michael thinks he can get me back, I know he can't. The only reason I would consider taking him back is because he's safe. I expect him to cheat on me. I expect him to screw up. And if I expect it I can't exactly be let down. He sweet and sometimes he really can make me feel special, but he really doesn't love anyone more than he loves himself. He would never put anyone else first. And that's alright, because I know it now.
But Steven. You don't expect Steven Hyde to break your heart. You expect him to find strange ways to make you feel special all the time. Like when he gave me his Led Zeppelin t-shirt. I'm not a huge Zeppelin fan, but I know they are his favorite band. And I know he really loves that shirt. And that makes it so special to me. Because he did show me that he loves me by giving me that shirt. And I had hoped that was what it meant. That's why I slept in that shirt every night for a week after he gave it to me. That's why that shirt is under my pillow right now.
And he didn't give it to me because he screwed up. I didn't want him to know it was my birthday. I didn't want him to feel like he had to get me something. I wanted him to want to get me something. And that's what happened. He wanted me to have the shirt.
It's weird how one person can evoke so many different emotions in you. When I think about Steven right now, part of me wants to grin, because he's so great. Then another part of me wants to scream because he's hurt me more than anyone has ever hurt me. And there's this last part that just emerged in the past few hours, that sees a light at the end of the tunnel. But there's this bigger part of me that can't risk the rest of my heart to Steven Hyde.