I am REALLY, REALLY sorry it took so long to post this. I was unable to
write anything this summer and then coming back to school was another kind
of craziness all unto itself. So once I finally had time to sit down and
write I had to reread all I had written. So I'm really sorry again and I
hope you all like this! (Oh yeah, and I'm going to keep writing and finish
this right now while I do actually have time so that this long of a hiatus
does not recur.)
*
// Wanna tell you about the girl I love/my she looks so fine/she's the only one that I've been dreaming of, maybe someday she will be all mine/I wanna tell her that I love her so/I thrill with her every touch/I wanna tell her she's the only one I really love \\
"Hey, Hey What Can I Do?" by Led Zeppelin
*
First it was Kelso and Jackie's panties. Then I hear about Jackie and Kelso hanging out together at The Hub. Does she not realize that they used to date?
Obviously she does. I told Jackie I wasn't cool with her spending time alone with Kelso. And she said she understood. She didn't give me a bunch of crap when I basically told her that I don't trust her. I don't trust anyone.
But maybe I should trust her.
All she did was call him her boyfriend. She's never come close to kissing him or wanting to go out with him or anything like that. So maybe I should go ahead and trust her. I mean, after all these months, the closest either of us has come to cheating was when I went on the college trip with the guys. Neither of us has cheated.
We should be in the clear by now. I mean, she loves me and I love her. I should be able to trust her. But I should be able to trust my parents too. Yeah, that didn't work out so well.
Right now I'm going to be okay with Jackie promising not to spend any time alone with Kelso. I know Kelso's a damn idiot, but Jackie, she's the girl I love.
*
I'm never talking to Kelso or Jackie again. That sounds petty and childish. But I don't want to kill my childhood friend. And I might actually hurt if I look at Jackie.
Okay, I do hurt. I hurt a lot.
I don't think anyone can actually blame me though. It's not everyday you see your girlfriend cuddling with her ex-boyfriend.
Especially not on the day after she promised that she wouldn't be alone with him anymore.
And I believed her.
Just goes to show me that I was right all along. Don't trust anyone. I'm going to work now. Hopefully I can talk Mrs. Foreman into buying me a beer to drown my sorrows in.
*
I wasn't sure what I should be feeling after reading those entries.
I was hurt. I was so hurt that Steven couldn't get past issues that were in the past to actually try to trust me. Even he realized that he should be able to trust me. I never actually cheated on him. I was confused. But I had stopped being confused for a very long time.
I was angry. I shouldn't have had to promise that I wouldn't spend time alone with Kelso. I don't throw fits when he's alone with Donna. And we all know he had a thing for her before she started dating Eric. I trusted him when he went to Madison.
Most of all, I was sad. I was sad for the soul inside of Steven that learned far too early in his life that people let you down. At least my parents waited until I had great friends to abandon me. I know certain people will let you down and there's not much you can do about it. But other people will help you no matter what. Steven doesn't have that.
I was sad that Steven didn't have enough faith in my feelings for him to trust that I wouldn't betray him. I was sad that there was really nothing I could do to reverse all of the bad things that had happened to him. And I was sad that anything ever had to come between us.
Had we lost our shot because he couldn't trust me? Can I really not trust him anymore because he lacked faith in me?
*
// Wanna tell you about the girl I love/my she looks so fine/she's the only one that I've been dreaming of, maybe someday she will be all mine/I wanna tell her that I love her so/I thrill with her every touch/I wanna tell her she's the only one I really love \\
"Hey, Hey What Can I Do?" by Led Zeppelin
*
First it was Kelso and Jackie's panties. Then I hear about Jackie and Kelso hanging out together at The Hub. Does she not realize that they used to date?
Obviously she does. I told Jackie I wasn't cool with her spending time alone with Kelso. And she said she understood. She didn't give me a bunch of crap when I basically told her that I don't trust her. I don't trust anyone.
But maybe I should trust her.
All she did was call him her boyfriend. She's never come close to kissing him or wanting to go out with him or anything like that. So maybe I should go ahead and trust her. I mean, after all these months, the closest either of us has come to cheating was when I went on the college trip with the guys. Neither of us has cheated.
We should be in the clear by now. I mean, she loves me and I love her. I should be able to trust her. But I should be able to trust my parents too. Yeah, that didn't work out so well.
Right now I'm going to be okay with Jackie promising not to spend any time alone with Kelso. I know Kelso's a damn idiot, but Jackie, she's the girl I love.
*
I'm never talking to Kelso or Jackie again. That sounds petty and childish. But I don't want to kill my childhood friend. And I might actually hurt if I look at Jackie.
Okay, I do hurt. I hurt a lot.
I don't think anyone can actually blame me though. It's not everyday you see your girlfriend cuddling with her ex-boyfriend.
Especially not on the day after she promised that she wouldn't be alone with him anymore.
And I believed her.
Just goes to show me that I was right all along. Don't trust anyone. I'm going to work now. Hopefully I can talk Mrs. Foreman into buying me a beer to drown my sorrows in.
*
I wasn't sure what I should be feeling after reading those entries.
I was hurt. I was so hurt that Steven couldn't get past issues that were in the past to actually try to trust me. Even he realized that he should be able to trust me. I never actually cheated on him. I was confused. But I had stopped being confused for a very long time.
I was angry. I shouldn't have had to promise that I wouldn't spend time alone with Kelso. I don't throw fits when he's alone with Donna. And we all know he had a thing for her before she started dating Eric. I trusted him when he went to Madison.
Most of all, I was sad. I was sad for the soul inside of Steven that learned far too early in his life that people let you down. At least my parents waited until I had great friends to abandon me. I know certain people will let you down and there's not much you can do about it. But other people will help you no matter what. Steven doesn't have that.
I was sad that Steven didn't have enough faith in my feelings for him to trust that I wouldn't betray him. I was sad that there was really nothing I could do to reverse all of the bad things that had happened to him. And I was sad that anything ever had to come between us.
Had we lost our shot because he couldn't trust me? Can I really not trust him anymore because he lacked faith in me?