Some days, Ron really hated living in Hogwarts, so much so that he looked forward to going back to a house full of longing and resentments. Because for the life of him, he couldn't think of Hogwarts as his home. He had tried for months on an end, to just be a smidgen as comfortable as he used to be here. Feel something other than the constant desire to run, run and never look back at anything. And he would have ran away too if it hadn't been the fact that he had nothing on him if he ran away.
The thought of living on the streets with just a bag on his back, a wand and wizards hunting him down only to berate him more once found scared him even more. He feared the eventual conversation he would have to have with his family because he was not even close to being ready for that. Every emotion felt disarrayed, every negative feeling amplified by a hundred. He just felt so exhausted every moment of his waking life, head heavy, throat always tight.
He didn't even know how he should feel now that he was doing a lot better than the past few months of his life, when the wounds of broken relationships were fresh. And now that they scarred, it frustrated him even more that he was doing better but still not, anything at all. He didn't want to be just constantly in mend but never fine. He wanted to just jump around in the garden without regrets once again, even if it was alone. He wanted to feel adrenaline in his veins as he went into another adventure. He wanted his careless smile. He wanted happiness.
Time healing was such a bullshit saying in his opinion, even if the feeling was not forever, what about the foreverness feeling of the moment he was in. What about the loneliness that was eating him up from inside, turning his thoughts darker and darker until he couldn't even recognize himself any longer.
He hated himself, despised himself from every fiber of his being. From his waking moment to the moment he went to sleep, there was no respite from it. He felt the kind of hate that makes you physically seethe, until every part of you is so hot that you feel your on fire. Your brain refuses to do anything but feel and feel and feel until you can't anymore and you left with a numbness that encompasses you only for the cards to fall at the slightest mistake and feel that self-hatred burning in you once again like a fire that won't stop until you do.
And by merlin Ron saw his mistakes in every corner of the halls, whether it be in Harry himself, Hermione, his siblings or even the new friends Harry seemed to hang out with. He spent more time glaring at his mistakes than he did anything. And everyone hated him for it. He wasn't already super popular before this year because well, people only talked to him because he hung out with Harry and Hermione, the Boy-Who-Lived and the smartest witch of her generation and the other few times, they talked to him because he was either the brother of Bill, Charlies or any other one of the six.
It only took the slightest whisper of a bit exaggerated story of what happened for everyone to turn against him. The consequence, the seat next to him was always empty in class or in the great hall. So, in conclusion it was definitely true that everything was stacked against him. His friends, family, classmates, even a few teachers. Honestly, he doesn't think he is going to last long in this environment even with his diary because he doesn't know how he can be strong, not like this. There is nothing he knows that can do anything for him in this situation and no one probably will teach him how to do so.
He doesn't want to keep fighting or he can't, probably doesn't matter anyways, because the diary will be gone and all he will be remembered by is someone who couldn't cope up with his choices and a lifetime of memories left behind that no one will remember, a room that said so much and nothing at the same time, just a simple meaningless existence that he couldn't find meaning in.