Title: Life and Death
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Sadly, no interesting disclaimer this time. So no, I don't own them.
Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter.
~*~*~*~*~
Nick gripped the steering wheel tightly with both hands as he drove the Tahoe through the streets of Las Vegas. No matter how hard he thought about what happened, he couldn't believe it.
Lexi wasn't his daughter.
His brain told him that he should have seen it coming, but his heart told him something different. He had been so sure that she was his. There had been dozens of clues along the way, but Sara had been the only one to pick up on them. He had been completely blind to it all.
And now he didn't know what to do.
He loved Lexi, and he wanted her to be a part of his and Sara's family more than anything, but he knew it wasn't going to be that easy. For one thing, he didn't know if Sara still wanted to share her life with Lexi. He had thought Sara loved Lexi and would want to be a mother to her no matter what, but as soon as Greg broke the horrible news she had given him a quick "I have to go" and had rushed off, her angry steps on the tile floor the only sound in the lab.
Everyone knew Lexi, and although not all had met her, they felt her bubbly presence whenever she came to visit Nick and Sara at work. The lab had grown silent when Greg presented his results.
At a time when he needed her the most, Sara had left him without an explanation. He assumed she needed some space, some time to think. He knew this had to be hard for her, but he also knew that he needed her with him. To get through it. Her words from the day they spent at the park with Lexi resounded in his head.
'We're in this together.'
He gripped the wheel tighter as he rounded a corner. Sara had said they were in it together, but then she ran off and he had no idea where she went.
His thoughts were interrupted by the shrill ringing of his cell phone. He pulled the phone from its clip and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Sara's number flash across the screen.
"Hello?"
"Nick, it's me," Sara said.
"I know," he replied, "Where are you? Where did you go?"
"I just left Carrie's. I'm in the car now," she explained, and Nick noticed the strain in her voice.
"Sara, you didn't…" he started. He should have known Sara would go there to tell her off.
"It's not important, Nick," Sara said, her voice heavy with emotion, "Lexi's gone."
"What do you mean she's gone?!" Nick cried, worry and fear coursing through his body.
The tears Sara had been trying to hold back began pouring from her eyes. "I went to Carrie's, and we started yelling, and I guess Lexi heard us because when I was leaving Carrie stopped me and told me she was gone," she sobbed, "It's all my fault, Nick."
"No, no, it's not your fault," Nick said, trying to soothe Sara over the phone while racking his brain to think where the little girl would have gone.
"Yes it is. I shouldn't have gone over there. If I hadn't none of this would have happened."
"Sara, listen to me; this is not your fault, okay honey?" Nick said, "Now we have to concentrate on finding Lexi. Where are you going now?"
"I'm going to the apartment to see if she's there, and Carrie's driving through the neighborhood. If she's walking she couldn't have gone far," Sara explained, "But Carrie said she knows how the buses work, so she could have taken one. If she did she could be anywhere."
"Don't be so pessimistic," Nick said softly, "I'll go to the house on the off chance she went there. We'll find her," he said, trying to convince himself of the fact more than Sara. "Did you call the police?"
"Brass has uniforms out all over town," she said.
"Good."
He heard Sara still crying on the other line. "We're never going to find her, Nick. And it's all my fault."
"We'll find her, " he said again, taking a deep breath, "We have to."
~*~*~
Lexi stared out the window as the bus passed building after building. She tightened her hold on Nala as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. She knew that by now they were looking for her, but she didn't care.
They lied to her.
All of them.
~*~*~
Carrie drove through the streets around her apartment slowly, her eyes frantically searching the sidewalks for her daughter. Although it was late and few people were walking the sidewalks of the residential area, it seemed as if she would never find the little girl.
Once she stopped the car and rushed up to a young blonde girl holding the hand of another woman, but it wasn't Lexi. She apologized profusely for grabbing the girl and returned to the black vehicle to continue her search.
'How could this have happened?' she asked herself as she rounded another corner.
If she had been honest with Nick in the first place none of this would have happened. But no, she had to go through the whole charade of lying to him, and to Lexi.
God, she lied to Lexi.
She had never really thought of it that way before, and the idea of lying to her six, almost seven, year-old daughter made her sick to her stomach. She tried to picture how Lexi must have felt, tried to picture her face falling as she heard that Nick wasn't really her father, and that it was all a big lie.
She remembered Sara's words as the other woman flung them at her, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"A little white lie is not telling a girl who's been fatherless her entire life that she has a father, a father who would walk through fire for her, when she doesn't."
Tears fell from her eyes as she realized that Sara was completely right. She had been selfish, thinking only of herself, not of Lexi, or even Nick. She had lied to both of them, and the consequences were unbearable. Lexi was gone, and it was all her fault.
She vowed that as soon as she found Lexi she would change. She would stop lying and tell Nick the truth. She would tell him the truth about Lexi, and she would tell him the truth about what happened to their relationship over seven years before. No matter what Katie said.
~*~*~
Sara pulled up to the apartment and quickly hopped out of the truck. She ran up the stairs and rushed into the room, hoping to God to find the little girl there.
"Lexi! Lexi!" she called, but her voice echoed in the empty room. She collapsed onto the sofa and cradled her head in her hands as she let the tears fall freely.
This was all her fault. 'Me and my stupid temper,' she thought to herself. If she had just stayed away from Carrie none of this would have happened, and Lexi would still be safe in her bed, not out on the dangerous streets of Las Vegas.
She should have stayed with Nick when he needed her, not run off like that. This had to have hit him much harder than it hit her, and she had left him to deal with it by himself.
How would he ever forgive her? Not only had she left him alone, but by going there she had also caused the child he loved most in the world to run away. There was only one solution: she had to find Lexi.
She jumped off the couch and walked into the kitchen, checking the answering machine to make sure Lexi hadn't called. Sadly there were no messages.
She walked through the hallway and stopped at the picture from the carnival. She softly ran her fingers over the frame and closed her eyes to relive the memory. She remembered Lexi's words as they had left the carnival that night.
"Thank you for taking me. It was so much fun. I think this was even more fun than that day we went to the park."
Sara had known how much Lexi had enjoyed it, because she loved going to the park more than anything.
Suddenly she froze. She grabbed her car keys and rushed out the door.
She knew where Lexi was.
~*~*~
Carrie shook her head in frustration. She had been driving around for a half hour, and had covered a radius of four miles around her apartment, and still she hadn't seen Lexi. There was no way she had walked. She had to have taken a bus.
She could kick herself for teaching her daughter how to use the bus system. At the time she had thought it was a valuable life lesson to use if Lexi was ever in trouble and needed a way to get home. She had never considered it a way for her to run away.
She decided she would go back to the apartment and see if the little girl had gone back home. She pulled into her designated parking space and rushed up the stairs and into the tiny apartment to find it as empty as it had been when she had left it.
Letting the tears fall as she realized she might never find her little girl, she walked into Lexi's bedroom for some sign as to where she had gone. She looked over her possessions and saw that only her sneakers, jacket, and Nala were gone, and that there was no note of any kind. She glanced at the bed and noticed that Lexi had made it before she left, and the fact made the tears come full force.
She collapsed onto her daughter's bed and rolled into a tiny ball, her tears wetting the pink and yellow quilt.
Lexi was gone. Her Lexi, who loved pink and flowers and playing in the park was gone, and she had no idea where to find her.
Suddenly she sat up and her eyes grew wide.
She knew where Lexi was.
~*~*~
Lexi pushed her feet against the ground, making the swing go back and forth slowly. She held tightly to Nala with one hand and pulled her jacket close with the other.
Looking up at the bleak night sky, she wished she hadn't left, but knew she had to. People thought that just because she was only six, almost seven, that she didn't have feelings, but she did. When she found out that her daddy wasn't really her daddy, she was heartbroken.
What did that mean anyway? Did that mean he didn't love her anymore? She was so confused, and so cold, and she wanted to go home, but she knew she couldn't. She couldn't go home to a mother who lied to her or to a daddy who didn't love her.
She looked up in fear as she heard tires screech to a halt and saw a figure running towards her in the dark. She jumped off the swing and tried to get away, but stopped when she heard a familiar voice call her name.
"Lexi!"
Sara ran towards her and pulled her into her arms, holding onto her tightly as tears cascaded down face.
When Lexi saw Sara crying tears spilled from her eyes, and Sara ran her fingers over Lexi's hair to soothe her.
"It's okay, munchkin. It's okay," she whispered, still holding onto her tightly.
"I'm sorry, Sara, I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Lexi repeated, still crying.
Sara pulled away to look the little girl in the face. "I want you to listen to me, Lexi, okay?" Lexi nodded. "I know that I yelled at your mom tonight, and that she yelled at me, and that we both said some mean things, but none of it is your fault, okay? Your mom loves you very much, and so do I, and so does your daddy, and none of that is going to change, no matter what happens. We'll always love you."
Lexi looked down at the doll still clutched in her hands. "Daddy doesn't love me anymore."
Sara looked at her in shock. "What do you mean he doesn't love you anymore? He loves you very, very much. He's out looking for you right now."
"You and Mommy said that he wasn't really my daddy. But right before I even met you, Mommy said that all it takes for someone to be a parent is that they have to love you very, very much. And Daddy loved me very, very much, and that's why he's my dad. And that's why you're my other mom, because you love me very, very much, too. And the only way Daddy wouldn't be my dad would be if he stopped loving me."
Sara pulled Lexi into her arms again. "You're right," she whispered into her hair, "He's your daddy because he loves you, and nothing is going to change that, no matter what any tests say."
"I love you, Sara," Lexi said.
"I love you too, munchkin," Sara said, and both heads turned as Carrie rushed towards them.
"Thank God I found you," Carrie breathed as she scooped Lexi up in her arms. "I'm so, so sorry. I love you. You know that, don't you?"
"I know," Lexi said.
"And I'm so sorry I lied to you. I'm gonna change. I promise. I'll never lie to you again," Carrie promised, "Or to anyone else."
Sara caught the look cast her way at the last part of Carrie's statement, and she smiled softly in understanding.
"Mommy?" Lexi began.
"Yeah, baby?"
"Can we go home?"
Carrie smiled and brushed a stray strand of hair behind her daughter's ear. "Of course, baby."
"But before that, can we go see Daddy? I want to tell him I love him," Lexi said.
"I think he'd love to hear that," Sara said with a soft smile.
Lexi wriggled free of her mother's arms and took her hand, putting out the other one for Sara to take, and the three walked through the park together.
"It's a good thing I found you," Sara said with a teasing glint in her eye, "Because I don't know where I would find another flower girl. Poor Lindsey would be all alone."
Lexi smiled. "Is my dress at your house?" she asked.
"Yeah. And in three weeks you'll get to wear it," she said with a smile.
"Three weeks?" Carrie asked, "You decided on a date?"
"The third. It's going to be small, just for family and close friends," Sara explained as she opened the door to the Tahoe and got in, "And after that I think a certain someone is having a birthday." She looked at Lexi and winked.
"You remembered!" Lexi squealed.
"Of course I remembered. Your dad's been trying to decide how we should celebrate," Sara said with a smile, "I'll see you later, Lex. I love you."
"I love you too, Sara." Lexi jumped up and gave her a kiss and a hug. Sara shut the door and watched Carrie and Lexi fade into the distance as she picked up her cell phone.
"Nick? We found her."
~*~*~*~*~
A/N~ Was that too corny? Fluffy? Let me know what you think. Your reviews are what keep me writing. I've developed an addiction to them! Anywho, next chapter: The Wedding!! I think there's only going to be about three more chapters, but if there's enough interest there may be a sequel.
~Emily
(Oh yeah: Since the next chapter is the wedding, I'm going to need a wedding song, obviously, but I can't think of one that's perfect enough for them. Any suggestions please let me know!! You can email me at ChocolateFrogz@aol.com. Thank you so much!)