Part 2: She Is Really All Alone...
Teresa stood in the middle of the corridor for a second and thought that she owed amends to everyone, just that her relationship with James was the most complicated one, it would have to wait.
She found herself in front of Pote and Kelly Anne's suite and disregarding the late hour, knocked. The door opened almost immediately and Kelly Anne in sweats and a loose top, hair in a pigtail, shily smiled at her while stepping aside for her to enter.
"Everything ok?" Kelly Anne said in a low voice.
"Yeah…", Teresa didn't know how to start but as she heard running water again, she knew Pote wasn't joining them, which was good as she wanted talk to her friend alone.
"I came to say that …ahh…I didn't mean to be so curt and snappy with you today….", Teresa struggled for words as a direct apology somehow wasn't coming out. "I just am not ready to call it quits here ...despite the problems that we have…and may have as we grow the business".
Kelly Anne nodded briefly and sat down on the chair she had been occupying before, eyes fixed on Teresa.
"And…ahh…now that I know you guys are expecting…I understand why you may be hesitant to take risks, believe me I get it!", she finished fast daring Kelly Anne to say something.
As she only lifted the glass of juice from the table and took a slow sip, Teresa added: "Please, tell me you understand."
"I do", Kelly Anne said with a sad expression, "I'm the easy one to ..ahh…be made to understand…you shouldn't worry about me… Pote is already making plans to send me away…I mean I can work the legal matters from anywhere…it's the men you need to ensure understand the risks…", her voice trailed off and Teresa had the distinct feeling that she had said 'the men' but she had meant one of them, as the other one, would certainly follow her with no questions asked.
"Is Pote also upset with what we did tonight?" Teresa said, just to verify her hunch.
"Pote…he…gets upset when there's discord among us…you see?…He said James was very down when he left for the hit." Kelly Anne's face didn't hide her sadness.
"What exactly does 'down' mean?" Teresa's English was better than at any time before, but sometimes Americans really confused her with the use of general phrases which could mean ten things!
"You'll need to talk to Pote himself…as he saw James out, not me …or maybe firsthand to James ...", Kelly Anne sighed as it was clear this conversation was not easy on her: "I'm not giving you personal advice…I'm just worried about you …and us…all of us."
"I know", Teresa felt a tiny bit lighter as it was clear that Kelly Anne didn't hold a grudge, as well as that she would readily ship to wherever Pote would send her, if the situation escalated again.
Teresa felt she had gotten some understanding that only partially qualified as forgiveness, but the stakes at the top remained high and she felt more alone that ever! She felt she was biting her lower lip hard as she closed the door on her way out.
Kelly Anne stared at the closed door after Teresa for a full minute without blinking.
It had cut like a knife when her friend had snapped at her today but telling Teresa the truth was not a place Kelly Anne was willing to go to. She had almost cost this woman her life a year ago and had been taken back in the family; she had been a traitor and deserved to be made to feel down; her only option was to bury it and hope her friend would find her way with the other members of the family. The thought of the family breaking down terrified her, but the thought of putting herself and her unborn child in danger terrified her more.
A few minutes later Pote came out of the bathroom, towel around his middle, water still glistening in the hair on his chest and head.
"What was this about?" his voice was grumpy.
Kelly Anne wasn't looking for another tough conversation. She just shook her head searching for words: "Teresa is…ahh…fumbling…", and as he gave her a look signifying lack of comprehension, she clarified: "She wanted to apologize for snapping at me today…in a roundabout way…it's eating her up inside."
"Hmm", Pote grumbled, "You think?"
"Yeah…she was very much down; I could read it on her face…" Kelly Anne said.
"Nah", Pote wasn't buying it: "She is tough….actually was tough…now James is making her soft again…and I don't mean personally…I mean as La Jefa…you know what I mean!", he stared at her searching for agreement.
Kelly Anne sniffled a little, and when she looked up at him her eyes were watery, and her chin trembled:
"I broke them…Teresa and James…"
Pote regretted he had steered the conversation in this direction immediately. He tried to say something, but nothing came out. He rolled his eyes in a sign of bafflement and then finally said with a heavy voice: "We broke them…you and I..."
Kelly Anne swiftly lifted her head as she had been staring at her hands in her lap: "How?"
He cleared his throat: "I couldn't…" …imagine it would be you to betray us, he wanted to say, but the words wouldn't come out….so instead he said: " …imagine anyone else but James having the skillset to do it… " He felt silent not knowing how much more he wanted to say.
"Or the lack thereof…" Kelly Anne said wiping a tear that had slid down her cheek.
Pote had gotten himself convinced in less than 15 minutes that James had been the mole. He hadn't stopped pushing Teresa in this same direction and the haste of his actions had gnawed at him for a long time now.
As he only wrinkled his forehead at her comment, Kelly Anne added: "Had I been a stronger…smarter person….I would have been able to resist Finch and his…" her voice trailed off.
"Yeah…", Pote said fast but his glare softened and he quickly come to sit by her on the bed.
"And if you had not been high on this shit that we're selling…" he said lifting her chin to look at him: "You would've sought our help and come clean…you know?"
She sniffled a few times and her head went down to hide her face that was getting distorted by her internal turmoil as he continued: "You know how many times I have nightmares about the things the powder does to people…But there's no way out for me…I was born in the cartel, that's all I have always known…You though?…You come from money and class…What are you even doing here with me?…With all of us?", he took her hand in his and squeezed it.
She sniffled again and let her head lean on his shoulder. "I love you, Kelly Anne….You know that…But what happened in Phoenix is not only your cross to bear…I was in Teresa's ear about James being the only possible mole all the time…".
"And she listened to you?" Kelly Anne ventured.
"Yeah….We have this bond…But I overstepped my boundaries…I kept nagging despite knowing she loved ese cabron James and the things I said were hurting her…It was a line I crossed that I can never forgive myself for…". Pote shook his head and exhaled deeply. He wasn't one to open easily or often and she had seen him do that only when he had admitted to killing Chino Parra, but the Phoenix drama seemed to have weighted on him even more.
Kelly Anne looked up at him, lifted her face to his and kissed him softly.
He kind of smiled and went on unfazed: "That's why I made James stay, for her…you know she had told him to leave after his wound had healed….I caught him on his way out…What's wrong with her?...But I can't do more than that, can't bring him to her bed, it's another line I wouldn't cross…Teresita needs to figure her out her tonterias (shit) alone!" he fell silent for a few seconds.
"She is really all alone…if you really think about it!", Kelly Anne almost whispered.
"Hmm", Pote harrumphed in agreement: "She either trusts this cabron James or not…I mean her low blow today ….The way she told him about the CIA …After him going to work for Finch for her…It cut my heart, let alone his…She was never like this…She had a heart, you know?" Pote got up and headed to the dresser. Then stopped and turned around: "Or maybe I shouldn't have told him to stay because ...maybe she doesn't care for him like I thought she did!"
"I told her to talk to him…although she probably has," Kelly Anne muttered.
"Yeah…she should… if she thinks she is hurting his sensibilities…They got this soft back in Phoenix, it used to drive me nuts!" Pote even raised his voice a little: "Always talking about not shedding blood, doing it with honesty…pendejadas como asi (such bullshit)!"
"I didn't really know James in Dallas…I saw him with Camila at a reception once…was he ever meaner and tougher?" Kelly Anne said.
"He was a mean cabron when he worked for Camila but he was always sweet on Teresa… Then when he joined us in Malta something had changed….He was the same shooter and thinker, but he had lost some of the darkness…If you know what I mean…" Pote said.
"I think I know…you need to lose some of it too...you need to soften up too as this…" her hand made a circular motion: "…The drugs…the money….are a means to an end…and we have our end cooked up!" Then she got up with a sigh and headed towards the bedroom.