Part 4 – One Day At a Time
James came out of the bathroom after taking more than 15 min under the hot water. His bones felt liquid and his muscles loose. His head was still heavy, and he sensed he had overdone the hot shower as he had trouble filling in his lungs with air. He grabbed a towel, dried off his hair with brisk movements and fumbled tying the towel around his middle while opening the door simultaneously.
The bathroom was filled with hot vapors, and he needed out. The coolness of the room air struck him as he sat heavily in the armchair by the desk.
After a minute he slowly got up, took the steps to the bed with the intention to grab his clothes and toss them in the hamper and stopped short as his discarded top was bunched in a heap close to the middle of the bed. He made a face as he clearly remembered laying both top and jeans at the bottom of the bed, one on top of the other. He liked order, he never tossed stuff around. A quick gaze to the desk confirmed that his wallet, cell and gun were lined up the way he had left them there. What the heck? I am imagining things! Phoenix can't be repeating itself!
He hesitantly sniffed the air and wrinkled his nose as there seemed to be a faint hint of a cool breezy perfume, the one he had smelled on her when they had kissed in New York. My wild imagination is taking the better of me! She never wore perfume before, but now she is The Boss, so why not?
After he looked around some more, he shook his head to clear it and decided that the Boss had put up the Wall again and had established the Lines of communication loud and clear, so he had to suck it up and stick to the plan for the 'other life', whatever that may turn out to be. But as he put clean clothes on, his mind couldn't shake the thought whether he would be able to love The Boss the way he had loved his Mexicana, the one with the charming shy smile and unruly hair.
He had tried to sleep but unsuccessfully; even the whiskey hadn't helped. Everything seemed so impossible, and the loneliness was crushing him with its weight. He wasn't sure when he had made the decision, but he put on socks and jeans, grabbed his jacket and wallet, and walked out of the room. He felt the need to be out from under the same roof with her and everyone else, and before he knew it, he found himself behind the wheel of the SUV he'd been driving during the day. The keys had been on the wall, lined up with the keys for the rest of the vehicles, just as he had left them a little over an hour ago.
He drove without direction for about 10 minutes after he left the compound; then a thought crossed his mind. The marina and the speedboats that Chicho had shown him the other day suddenly felt like the place to go to!
He didn't stop to analyze the sudden appeal but when a few days ago Chicho had talked about renting a speedboat from the 24 hr. rental shack and taking his girl on a speedy race with the waves, James had remembered the way he had enjoyed the only time he had ridden a speedboat: from the USS Independence that had been docked five miles off the cost of Karachi to the Karachi port on his way of being deployed to the US controlled zone near Kabul.
Not long after that he was alone on the rental boat; it wasn't very big, it could sleep two people at the bottom, but the tank was full, and the manner it picked up speed, tearing through the still dark water of the port, brought a smile to his face.
He cranked it to full speed and held on tight as the wind blew at him senseless, making him squint, almost unable to see as the water sprays hit his face and body. He went in circles a few times and then steered the boat inside, in the dark invisible horizon that very much resembled his soul.
When he finally stopped pushing the lever and the boat came to a stop in the black middle of the bay, James sat down hanging his feet above the water and stared in the darkness, his mind void of thoughts, his heart numb. The silence felt odd, even the water could not be heard lapping on the boat; slowly he felt the calm coming over him; he lay down under the starless sky and closed his eyes to the exhaustion that engulfed him.
James was woken up by the squeak of a startled seagull. He took a second to remember where he was before noticing that the bird had shit on his left leg, and that he had a full blown hardon that made his jeans tight and uncomfortable.
The horizon was slightly lit, and he estimated it couldn't be more that 5 a.m.
For fuck's sakes, he had given in after the speedy ride and had slept about five hours without realizing he was on a hard surface, with no cover, and not a single dream had bothered his mind! Wow! It had been a good night. Now came the day, but as long as he stuck to 'One day at a time!', he figured he should manage.
The five hour uninterrupted sleep was an achievement as the last two weeks after the trip to New York had been a nightmare. He had been waking every night by the incessant wet dream he had of Teresa and himself, sweaty and tangled together, only to realize that he was alone in his bed and the taste of her mouth on his and the feel of her hair and skin in his hands were the same memories he had fought over a year.
These two weeks the visions of her had turned slightly different; she wore white suites, the mass of hair was down sometimes and when it was not, it was tied in a stringent bun that made her look very distant. There was never a smile, never a sweet hint of it, but in his dreams, he somehow still managed to get the white outfits off her and to make her his. Yes, his! Even if only in these incessant dreams that made him get up for a smoke and then left him drained and unable to sleep almost until dawn!
His body had always been hungry for her, and it was this morning too, but as he stared at the lighting horizon his mind felt comfortably relaxed and drifted back to the sweet memories of them in Phoenix before all hell had broken loose. Yes, one day at a time, was the answer!
He got up, reached to grab some water to clean the shit off his jeans. The exercise took a while and before he knew it, his stupid hardon was gone and he felt like going back.
This time he rode the water slowly and as all he could see in his mind's eye was them laughing and enjoying the big house in Phoenix, he realized he loved his memories! They were all he had for now! Banishing them was too hard and unnecessary. He knew Teresa wanted him, she had kissed him in New York just as hot as she had many times before. She just needed to cross the line and be in his arms again; she knew it, he knew it, rushing it wouldn't help as it was the business that she needed to get in order first. She needed to secure her survival to move on to the next level, and he had to find a way to still be there.
When he walked in the house, it was empty except for the two soldiers on duty. They exchanged nods and James headed to the kitchen at the lower level.
He loved the new Krupps coffeemaker as the only thing required was to put a mug under the spout and press the button of choice. High technology, and yes, he loved technology gadgets!
The chef Pote had hired was not up yet, so he used the bathroom and mug in hand headed towards the security room.
One of Avi's men, who was on duty, had dozed off, his cell still in his hand as he had been scrolling on it. James smiled and briefly touched his shoulder. The soldier sprang up, eyes wide open and started apologizing. James dismissed him saying he would take over until the shift change at 6 a.m.
Just before the man closed the door, he turned his head and said: " So that you know, La Jefa came to look for you here yesterday night…and after I told her you had gone out, she made me turn on the lo-jack on the SUV…the Ford Explorer you drove yesterday and it showed you parked at the marina…" and the man had left before seeing James's surprise take over his face.
So, she had looked for him! He couldn't deny he was pleasantly surprised. But a few minutes later, when looking through the recordings, revealed her coming to his room, and then leaving in two minutes, wiping her eyes, his heart broke again with the senselessness of it all! Christ, Teresa! Why are you causing this to both of us? Why, damn it?
She must have heard him inside the bathroom and as much as he raked his brain as to how he could help her, he came up empty. The only thing he knew was that she needed his help but didn't want it, and he couldn't bring himself to cross is the line of pointing it out to her. She hadn't waited, she hadn't entered the bathroom! It was her choice, what could he possibly do?
His stomach gurgled and kept on making noises for the next few minutes until it was 6 a.m. and another one of Avi's men showed up to take over the shift.
James went to the kitchen planning to look for food and was pleasantly surprised with the cook being up. The man offered to make him eggs with bacon with a wide smile on his pudgy face.
Just as he was finishing his eggs, Pote waked in and eyed his empty plate suspiciously.
"Are you an early riser these days, cabron?" James hadn't expected a good morning, but the little jab was Pote's style, so he obliged him.
"Nah…I have heard of 'early mornings'…never been my favorite…", James said and kept sipping his second coffee.
Pote started making his and turned the TV on at the same time. Before they could even hear what the anchor was talking about Pote said: "Yesterday's job went well, you saved the day, cabron…"
"Yes, obviously the Feds cancelled the raid on the distillery… let's listen to news now…I wanna see if the Feds have alerted the media yet." James said and they both fell quiet listening to the TV.
A full minute passed, and three other news pieces were discussed without a mention of the cop's murder. So, Pote ventured again:
"It was a smart move on Teresa's part, you realize this cabron? Killing the cop and planting the evidence will help all the boys…you know when I realized what that pinche Judge had been doing to all these poor souls, and this pendejo Wheeler had been helping him with it….I lost it…shot him on the spot…like I shot Lucien as well for sicking the Feds on us, so that Teresa and Kelly Anne had to bamboozle them with a confession about the Judge's extortion…after you heard about the raid! I splashed his brain on the desk, the pendejo didn't see me coming…" Pote kept nodding.
"I'm sure you did!" James said flatly and then added: "…And I'm sure the girls did a fine job with the Feds as well…". So that's what else had transpired last night! Maybe that's what she had wanted to talk to him about but hadn't had the courage to neither wait for him, nor to join him in the shower! He almost smiled at his wishful thinking.
"You gotta cut her …and yourself …some slack, James! Things are dirty, can't swim in them and stay clean, cabron!" Pote insisted.
James looked pointedly at him and raised his eyebrows: "What have I done but follow orders? What are you talking about?" and as he didn't feel like discussing with Pote again the lines Teresa wouldn't cross but had been crossing for some time now, he walked out telling him he would be in the warehouse.