Nick and Sara sat in the hard orange chairs in the hospital waiting area,
Lexi between them. It seemed like they had just left, and here they were
again, waiting to see Carrie.
When they had arrived at home, they had finished cleaning up from the party and had reheated the leftover burgers for dinner. Catherine and Lindsey had come by, and Catherine had let Nick and Sara know that Grissom had given them they night off, in addition to any other days they needed to be with Carrie and Lexi. Both Nick and Sara were grateful. With all the chaos, they hadn't even realized what time it was, and the thought of going into work hadn't crossed their mind.
After they had eaten and fed Simba, they headed back to the hospital. Dr. Williams had insisted that Carrie needed her rest, but he promised to let them know when she woke up.
"Daddy, when can we see Mommy?" Lexi asked for what seemed like the hundredth time since they had been there.
"I don't know, shortcake," he said, squeezing her hand reassuringly, "Soon."
"Are you hungry?" Sara asked, hoping to distract the young girl. "We could get some ice cream or something from the cafeteria."
Lexi shook her head. "I don't think so. I just want to see my mommy."
Sara looked at Nick and sighed, and he shrugged. Thankfully Dr. Williams walked up to the threesome, and they knew that they wouldn't have to wait any longer. "You can see her now," he said with a soft smile, and Nick thanked him. The doctor nodded in acknowledgement as they headed toward the elevator.
When they reached Carrie's floor they walked towards her room, and Lexi rushed towards her mother's bed, wrapping her tiny arms around her tightly.
"Hey, sweetie," Carrie said, kissing her daughter's forehead.
"Hi, Mommy," she replied.
"We're gonna give you two some time alone," Nick said, "Lexi, we'll be right down the hall if you need us." Both Carrie and Lexi nodded as the couple left the room, and Lexi climbed onto the bed, snuggling up against her mother.
"Mommy, can I stay with you tonight?" she asked.
Carrie bit her lip, wanting to say yes, but knowing that it was impossible. "Sweetie, you know you can't do that."
"Why not?"
"It's just the rules," Carrie replied sadly. "But you know what you can do? See that box on the table over there?" Lexi turned and looked at the box. "Why don't you bring that over here?"
Lexi hopped off the bed and walked towards the table, picking up the box wrapped in gold and silver paper. "Is this for me?"
"Yup," Carrie said with a smile as Lexi climbed back onto the bed, "Open it."
Lexi carefully tore the paper off to reveal a pink and lavender photo box. She removed the top and placed it on the edge of the bed. Inside were several other wrapped gifts, along with a small scrapbook.
Lexi picked up the scrapbook first, and smiled when she saw her baby picture on the cover. "That's your baby book," Carrie explained, opening it to the first page, "I started that the day you were born, and it has all your firsts. Your first haircut, your first steps, your first word.." She said, letting her sentence trail.
"What was my first word?"
Carrie laughed. "Nala. That's why you named your doll. When you were a baby you couldn't get enough of "The Lion King", and you walked around the house with the movie case all day until finally I put it on. And then when you learned 'Nala', people thought it was just baby talk, but I knew that you knew what you were saying. You would hold the movie case right up in my face, like this," she said, holding the scrapbook up to her daughter's nose and making her giggle, "And say 'Nala! Nala!"
"I guess it's good that my dog's name is Simba, right?" Lexi said with a laugh, "Now they can be friends."
"Right," Carrie said, a smile playing across her lips.
Lexi smile as she flipped through the rest of the pages. "What's this?" she asked, pointing to a small square of yellow fabric glued to one of the pages.
"That was your security blanket. You carried that around all the time. That and Nala. But one day it ripped, and we had to throw it away. You were so upset, so we glued this piece into the book. You were only three. I don't expect you to remember," Carrie said, running her fingers over the fleecy material.
"I think I remember that," Lexi admitted, "Sort of." Carrie smiled and tucked a piece of blonde hair behind Lexi's ear. "Can I open the other presents?"
"Sure," Carrie said, closing the book and setting it to the side.
Lexi grabbed one of the wrapped presents and tore into the paper, revealing a photo album. On the cover was the picture of Lexi's sixth birthday at the park that Carrie so much adored.
"Those are all pictures of you and me," Carrie explained. "From the time you were born until now. There are some of us and Poppy, too."
Lexi flipped through the pages as Carrie explained what each one was. "That's your first birthday," she said, recalling each memory, "And that one's at the zoo, and that one at our vacation at the beach."
Lexi smiled and put the album aside as she ripped the paper off another package. Inside was a white picture frame, the words "Me and My Poppy" written along the bottom. "That's a picture of you, me, and Poppy when you were three months old," Carrie explained as Lexi admired the picture.
Lexi grabbed a final gift, this one a long, rectangular box. She tore off the paper, exposing a black velvet case. Lexi snapped it open and a gold heart locket encrusted with tiny diamonds fell into her hand. She held it by the chain, admiring its beauty.
"That one's the most special gift of all," Carrie said, tears springing to her eyes as she ran her fingers over the golden heart.
"What is it?"
"That belonged to my mother, and she gave it to me when I was fourteen. A year before." Her voice choked with emotion and she took a breath before continuing. "A year before she went to heaven. I think you should have it." Carrie took the necklace from Lexi's hands and opened the clasp, putting it around her daughter's neck.
Lexi held the locket part of the necklace out so she could look at it, and she ran her fingers over it lovingly. When she turned to look at her mother, tears were pooling in her large brown eyes.
"When you go to heaven, are you going to see your mom again?" she asked softly, on hand still holding onto the locket.
Carrie felt a single tear make its way down her cheek as she nodded. "Yeah, sweetie, I will."
"Then," she started slowly, "When I go to heaven, I'll see you again?"
Carrie bit her bottom lip to fight off the tears that threatened to spill. "That's right, sweetie. But I hope you don't have to go to heaven for a long, long time." A sob escaped her throat as she wrapped her arms around her daughter, clinging to her tightly.
"I love you, sweetie. I don't want you to forget that, okay?" She whispered into the little girl's hair. "I'll always love you."
"I know," she replied sadly. "I'll always love you, too, Mommy."
Carrie kissed her daughter's forehead as the young girl pulled away.
"Are you scared?" she whispered, her eyes wide as she memorized each feature on her mother's face.
Carrie shook her head. "No. Because I know that some day we'll be together again, just like me and my mom will be together again soon," she replied honestly, tucking a piece of blonde hair behind Lexi's ear. "And until then," she continued, "I know that your daddy and Sara will take good care of you."
Katie had helped Carrie change her will so that Nick and Sara were insured custody of Lexi when she passed, as her legal guardians. Carrie had also made Katie promise to help Nick and Sara legally adopt Lexi.
Lexi wrapped her arms around her mother's waist, and they lay like that for a few minutes, taking in each other's company, trying to make the moment last forever. Sadly it ended all too soon.
Nick popped his head in the doorway and rapped gently on the frame. "Dr. Williams said that we have to go soon," he said regretfully, "So get ready, Lex."
"She'll be out in a minute," Carrie said, and Nick nodded in understanding as he retreated once again to the hallway.
Lexi slowly hopped off the bed and placed each of her gifts back in the box. Placing it carefully on the table, she stood looking at her mother for a moment. Finally the tears escaped from her eyes and cascaded down her cheeks as she wrapped her arms around Carrie one final time.
"This might be the last time I see you, won't it?" she whispered, her voice shaky as the emotion pooled from her eyes.
Carrie gripped her daughter tightly, and could only nod. "Maybe," she was finally able to make out.
"I love you, Mommy."
"I love you, too. My little Alexandra Diana." She choked the words out, struggling to keep her composure for the young girl's sake. "Such a big name for such a little girl."
"Bye, Mommy," she said, finally pulling away.
"Bye, Lexi," Carrie answered, watching her daughter's form walk slowly out the door, the sobs still racking her body. She saw Nick scoop her up when she reach the hallway, and Sara rubbed her back as they walked towards the elevator and out of Carrie's range of vision.
"I'll see you again soon."
~*~*~*~
It was five o'clock the next morning when Nick received the call. The shrill ringing of the phone pulled him from his slumber and the comfort of Sara's arms.
"Hello?" he groggily answered, glancing at the red lights of the alarm clock and noting the time.
"Mr. Stokes?" a familiar voice said, "This is Dr. Williams." Immediately Nick felt a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach. "I'm so sorry."
Nick didn't need to hear anymore. He listened to the doctor's condolences and hung up the phone, hanging his head in his hands. Any thoughts of sleep were shattered, and he slipped silently out of the bed and headed down the hallway towards Lexi's room.
At eleven o'clock, after hours of soothing, they had finally been able to get her to fall asleep. Now he stood in her doorway, watching the steady rise and fall of her chest, and knew that as soon as she woke up he would have to tell her the heart-wrenching news.
He looked around her room, only scarcely decorated yet, and smiled sadly. Her favorite rag doll was clutched tightly in her hand as she lay under the pink floral bedspread. The walls were covered with framed Disney movie posters, and a large pile of stuffed animals was stacked in one corner of the room. Signs of the innocence of childhood; signs of the carefree life she should be living. Not signs of the death she would be faced with in the morning.
He heard the padded footsteps behind him as Sara walked through the hallway and put a hand next to him, her eyes questioning. He nodded as he pulled her to him, wrapping his arms protectively around her. "She's gone."
They stood there together, holding each other, as they watched the little girl sleep soundly, safe in her bed, dreading the morning, when they would have to break her heart, but knowing that it was inevitable. And Carrie watched this scene from above, knowing that her daughter was in good hands.
~*~*~*~*~
A/N~ This was a very emotional chapter for me to write. I was crying at one point, although having Sarah McLachlan singing "I Will Remember You" in the background probably didn't help any. lol Next chapter is the epilogue, and then *sniffle, sniffle*, the story is over! So please review, and you'll find out how it ends!!
~Emily
When they had arrived at home, they had finished cleaning up from the party and had reheated the leftover burgers for dinner. Catherine and Lindsey had come by, and Catherine had let Nick and Sara know that Grissom had given them they night off, in addition to any other days they needed to be with Carrie and Lexi. Both Nick and Sara were grateful. With all the chaos, they hadn't even realized what time it was, and the thought of going into work hadn't crossed their mind.
After they had eaten and fed Simba, they headed back to the hospital. Dr. Williams had insisted that Carrie needed her rest, but he promised to let them know when she woke up.
"Daddy, when can we see Mommy?" Lexi asked for what seemed like the hundredth time since they had been there.
"I don't know, shortcake," he said, squeezing her hand reassuringly, "Soon."
"Are you hungry?" Sara asked, hoping to distract the young girl. "We could get some ice cream or something from the cafeteria."
Lexi shook her head. "I don't think so. I just want to see my mommy."
Sara looked at Nick and sighed, and he shrugged. Thankfully Dr. Williams walked up to the threesome, and they knew that they wouldn't have to wait any longer. "You can see her now," he said with a soft smile, and Nick thanked him. The doctor nodded in acknowledgement as they headed toward the elevator.
When they reached Carrie's floor they walked towards her room, and Lexi rushed towards her mother's bed, wrapping her tiny arms around her tightly.
"Hey, sweetie," Carrie said, kissing her daughter's forehead.
"Hi, Mommy," she replied.
"We're gonna give you two some time alone," Nick said, "Lexi, we'll be right down the hall if you need us." Both Carrie and Lexi nodded as the couple left the room, and Lexi climbed onto the bed, snuggling up against her mother.
"Mommy, can I stay with you tonight?" she asked.
Carrie bit her lip, wanting to say yes, but knowing that it was impossible. "Sweetie, you know you can't do that."
"Why not?"
"It's just the rules," Carrie replied sadly. "But you know what you can do? See that box on the table over there?" Lexi turned and looked at the box. "Why don't you bring that over here?"
Lexi hopped off the bed and walked towards the table, picking up the box wrapped in gold and silver paper. "Is this for me?"
"Yup," Carrie said with a smile as Lexi climbed back onto the bed, "Open it."
Lexi carefully tore the paper off to reveal a pink and lavender photo box. She removed the top and placed it on the edge of the bed. Inside were several other wrapped gifts, along with a small scrapbook.
Lexi picked up the scrapbook first, and smiled when she saw her baby picture on the cover. "That's your baby book," Carrie explained, opening it to the first page, "I started that the day you were born, and it has all your firsts. Your first haircut, your first steps, your first word.." She said, letting her sentence trail.
"What was my first word?"
Carrie laughed. "Nala. That's why you named your doll. When you were a baby you couldn't get enough of "The Lion King", and you walked around the house with the movie case all day until finally I put it on. And then when you learned 'Nala', people thought it was just baby talk, but I knew that you knew what you were saying. You would hold the movie case right up in my face, like this," she said, holding the scrapbook up to her daughter's nose and making her giggle, "And say 'Nala! Nala!"
"I guess it's good that my dog's name is Simba, right?" Lexi said with a laugh, "Now they can be friends."
"Right," Carrie said, a smile playing across her lips.
Lexi smile as she flipped through the rest of the pages. "What's this?" she asked, pointing to a small square of yellow fabric glued to one of the pages.
"That was your security blanket. You carried that around all the time. That and Nala. But one day it ripped, and we had to throw it away. You were so upset, so we glued this piece into the book. You were only three. I don't expect you to remember," Carrie said, running her fingers over the fleecy material.
"I think I remember that," Lexi admitted, "Sort of." Carrie smiled and tucked a piece of blonde hair behind Lexi's ear. "Can I open the other presents?"
"Sure," Carrie said, closing the book and setting it to the side.
Lexi grabbed one of the wrapped presents and tore into the paper, revealing a photo album. On the cover was the picture of Lexi's sixth birthday at the park that Carrie so much adored.
"Those are all pictures of you and me," Carrie explained. "From the time you were born until now. There are some of us and Poppy, too."
Lexi flipped through the pages as Carrie explained what each one was. "That's your first birthday," she said, recalling each memory, "And that one's at the zoo, and that one at our vacation at the beach."
Lexi smiled and put the album aside as she ripped the paper off another package. Inside was a white picture frame, the words "Me and My Poppy" written along the bottom. "That's a picture of you, me, and Poppy when you were three months old," Carrie explained as Lexi admired the picture.
Lexi grabbed a final gift, this one a long, rectangular box. She tore off the paper, exposing a black velvet case. Lexi snapped it open and a gold heart locket encrusted with tiny diamonds fell into her hand. She held it by the chain, admiring its beauty.
"That one's the most special gift of all," Carrie said, tears springing to her eyes as she ran her fingers over the golden heart.
"What is it?"
"That belonged to my mother, and she gave it to me when I was fourteen. A year before." Her voice choked with emotion and she took a breath before continuing. "A year before she went to heaven. I think you should have it." Carrie took the necklace from Lexi's hands and opened the clasp, putting it around her daughter's neck.
Lexi held the locket part of the necklace out so she could look at it, and she ran her fingers over it lovingly. When she turned to look at her mother, tears were pooling in her large brown eyes.
"When you go to heaven, are you going to see your mom again?" she asked softly, on hand still holding onto the locket.
Carrie felt a single tear make its way down her cheek as she nodded. "Yeah, sweetie, I will."
"Then," she started slowly, "When I go to heaven, I'll see you again?"
Carrie bit her bottom lip to fight off the tears that threatened to spill. "That's right, sweetie. But I hope you don't have to go to heaven for a long, long time." A sob escaped her throat as she wrapped her arms around her daughter, clinging to her tightly.
"I love you, sweetie. I don't want you to forget that, okay?" She whispered into the little girl's hair. "I'll always love you."
"I know," she replied sadly. "I'll always love you, too, Mommy."
Carrie kissed her daughter's forehead as the young girl pulled away.
"Are you scared?" she whispered, her eyes wide as she memorized each feature on her mother's face.
Carrie shook her head. "No. Because I know that some day we'll be together again, just like me and my mom will be together again soon," she replied honestly, tucking a piece of blonde hair behind Lexi's ear. "And until then," she continued, "I know that your daddy and Sara will take good care of you."
Katie had helped Carrie change her will so that Nick and Sara were insured custody of Lexi when she passed, as her legal guardians. Carrie had also made Katie promise to help Nick and Sara legally adopt Lexi.
Lexi wrapped her arms around her mother's waist, and they lay like that for a few minutes, taking in each other's company, trying to make the moment last forever. Sadly it ended all too soon.
Nick popped his head in the doorway and rapped gently on the frame. "Dr. Williams said that we have to go soon," he said regretfully, "So get ready, Lex."
"She'll be out in a minute," Carrie said, and Nick nodded in understanding as he retreated once again to the hallway.
Lexi slowly hopped off the bed and placed each of her gifts back in the box. Placing it carefully on the table, she stood looking at her mother for a moment. Finally the tears escaped from her eyes and cascaded down her cheeks as she wrapped her arms around Carrie one final time.
"This might be the last time I see you, won't it?" she whispered, her voice shaky as the emotion pooled from her eyes.
Carrie gripped her daughter tightly, and could only nod. "Maybe," she was finally able to make out.
"I love you, Mommy."
"I love you, too. My little Alexandra Diana." She choked the words out, struggling to keep her composure for the young girl's sake. "Such a big name for such a little girl."
"Bye, Mommy," she said, finally pulling away.
"Bye, Lexi," Carrie answered, watching her daughter's form walk slowly out the door, the sobs still racking her body. She saw Nick scoop her up when she reach the hallway, and Sara rubbed her back as they walked towards the elevator and out of Carrie's range of vision.
"I'll see you again soon."
~*~*~*~
It was five o'clock the next morning when Nick received the call. The shrill ringing of the phone pulled him from his slumber and the comfort of Sara's arms.
"Hello?" he groggily answered, glancing at the red lights of the alarm clock and noting the time.
"Mr. Stokes?" a familiar voice said, "This is Dr. Williams." Immediately Nick felt a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach. "I'm so sorry."
Nick didn't need to hear anymore. He listened to the doctor's condolences and hung up the phone, hanging his head in his hands. Any thoughts of sleep were shattered, and he slipped silently out of the bed and headed down the hallway towards Lexi's room.
At eleven o'clock, after hours of soothing, they had finally been able to get her to fall asleep. Now he stood in her doorway, watching the steady rise and fall of her chest, and knew that as soon as she woke up he would have to tell her the heart-wrenching news.
He looked around her room, only scarcely decorated yet, and smiled sadly. Her favorite rag doll was clutched tightly in her hand as she lay under the pink floral bedspread. The walls were covered with framed Disney movie posters, and a large pile of stuffed animals was stacked in one corner of the room. Signs of the innocence of childhood; signs of the carefree life she should be living. Not signs of the death she would be faced with in the morning.
He heard the padded footsteps behind him as Sara walked through the hallway and put a hand next to him, her eyes questioning. He nodded as he pulled her to him, wrapping his arms protectively around her. "She's gone."
They stood there together, holding each other, as they watched the little girl sleep soundly, safe in her bed, dreading the morning, when they would have to break her heart, but knowing that it was inevitable. And Carrie watched this scene from above, knowing that her daughter was in good hands.
~*~*~*~*~
A/N~ This was a very emotional chapter for me to write. I was crying at one point, although having Sarah McLachlan singing "I Will Remember You" in the background probably didn't help any. lol Next chapter is the epilogue, and then *sniffle, sniffle*, the story is over! So please review, and you'll find out how it ends!!
~Emily