Perfect Princess Tapeworm was swimming in the perfect royal swimming
pool when Jon Bon Jovi stepped up to the perfect pool. "Hey! Want me to
sing you a song?"
Perfect Princess Tapeworm looks up at him perfectly and nods a perfect nod. "Okay. But it has to be perfect."
Jon Bon Jovi began to sing. "It's myyyyyyyyyyy life-"
Princess Tapeworm frowns, oh so very perfectly. "Ewwwwww! That sucked. Go away!"
Jon Bon Jovi flops away, sad. He starts to sob and falls to his knees. "GOD! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MEEEE! I'M FRIGGIN FAMOUS!"
Then Breaking Benjamin passes by and since Jon Bon Jovi's scared of the lead singer, he sulks away. Breaking Benjamin comes over and asks to sing.
"Ok, you can't be worse than that dude, anyway." Princess Tape worm answers perfectly.
"My polyamorous friiiiiiiend got me in a mess of trouble agaaaaaain, so just when you think that you're all right-"
"Ok, you are friggin awesome! You are going to play at my son's...uh...birthing? Ok, whatever it's called. And I'm gonna name him Benjamin after you."
"What if it's a girl?" one of the guys asks.
"Then I'll call her Benjamina."
"COOL!"
Then, when the girl was born, Princess Tapeworm [really QUEEN Tapeworm but that sounds stupid.] started to dance to the music of the theme song of Buffy perfectly [like a girl who writes stories about girls called Tapeworm does every so often]. Everyone joins in so that they don't seem weird.
Breaking Benjamin begins to play because they are getting a little scared of Princess Tapeworm dancing, even if it is perfect dancing. Benjamina starts to cry.
When Breaking Benjamin gets to the 'My ployamorous friiiiend' she begins to laugh. So Princess Tapeworm changes her name to Polyamorous. So she was there forwards called Princess Polyamorous.
Then one day PP [as I will call her] meets Paula Cole and begins her singing career. Paula Cole makes her sing her songs and then she gets tired of the songs and smacks her silly.
So then she goes and joins the long old Cranberries. "You are so preeeeeeetty the waaaaaay you aaaaaaaaaaare.."
Then the Cranberries REALLY get old, and she quits and joins Xtina and Christina Aguleria the split personality singer. They make a new CD called Pitiful.
PP helps Xtina and Chris to make the debut song. A preview was: "I am pitiful no matter what you say.." Etc.
So then since more people can relate to Chris and Xtina calling themselves pitiful, millions of people buy the albums. There's even one man called Jason the X-master J who loves the song so much that he eats the CD for brunch. But that is another story and will be told at another time. So Xtina, Chris and PP get famous. One day PP come back home and her mother make her get drunk so they can marry her without her permission. When the media gets a hold of THAT they have a field day.
The Media Council decided to destroy the castle of Princess Tapeworm piece by piece. They begin with the tabloids, then go big to newspapers and scrolls like the Scrolling Times and Castle Daily.
So perfect Princess Tapeworm is sent to jail for child abuse and several other crimes that were mostly made up anyway. Perfect Ex-Princess Tapeworm screams that the very evil ghost of the very evil Lockturn made her do it but everyone knows that's a very evil lie.
So PP goes back to the singing business, this time with Sum 41. She marries Deryck and they live happy. UNTIL....
A drunken emu finds a very old spell book on the dusty ground and drunkenily reads from the very old spell book that was once on the dusty ground. The very old spell from the very old spell book that was once on the dusty ground that he reads brings people to life. He so happens to be drunkenily standing on the very evil grave of the very evil Lockturn.
So then the very evil Lockturn cackled very evilly. Then a wise wizard appeared wisely from behind a tall tree. The wise wizard was tired, very wise of him I might add, of everything having adjectives in front of them. The tall tree read his wise mind and told him that the secret to defeating the Adjective Army was to have the famous PP make Wonder Wonderbread and to have the very evil Lockturn turn into a very evil emu.
So the wise wizard joined heads with the tall tree and they came up with a wise, tall plan. The very evil Lockturn was still coming up from his very evil grave. When he finally came back, the wise wizard turned his into a very evil parrot. The very evil Lockturn cried very evilly and very angrily, "Hey! I just came back from the dead and now I'm a very evil parrot! No way! I hate you wise wizard!" Then the very evil Lockturn threw some dust at the wise wizard. But it turned out that I wasn't dust but drugs!
So that was how the wise wizard got high. For three wise days and three wise days he was high and it took him another wise day and another wise hour to get over coming down [for wise wizards it's less]. Then the wise wizard spent ten wise days and ten wise nights trying to get the very evil Lockturn. Finally the wise wizard did and turned the very evil Lockturn into a very evil emu. The very evil emu [aka the ex-very evil Lockturn] peaked the wise wizard on the head very evilly and ran away, his very evil tail shaking.
So now the wise wizard had to find PP. She was on tour with Sum 41. So the wise wizard found her at a concert.
"Everybody;s got their problems/ Everyone says the same things to you!"
"PP!!!!" the wise wizard cries wisely.
"I feel I've come realize/ how fast life can be comprised/ step back to see what's going on/ I can't believe his happened to you/ this happened to you/ it's just a problem I'm faced with-"
"PLEASE PP!!!" angry people began to stare angrily at the wise wizard. Why was he yelling piss?
Finally PP came over after the song was over. "What do you WANT, wise wizard?!?!?!?!!"
"I need you to bake wonderful Wonder Bread! You must save the kingdom!!!! And you have to come back to your husband, even it you don't like him."
"NO WAY! I have my husband. Could my mom have married me to Gregory Smith or something? But NO, she had to marry to Kid Rock!!!!"
"Kid Rock rocks!" yells a random person randomly.
"Not when he's your husband and he's running a perfect kingdom very imperfectly."
"True." Says the random person randomly.
"So will you return to the perfect kingdom and save us all from internal torture from the Adjective Army?" asks the wise wizard wisely.
"I think you mean ETERNAL!" corrects PP.
TO BE CONTINUED..
Perfect Princess Tapeworm looks up at him perfectly and nods a perfect nod. "Okay. But it has to be perfect."
Jon Bon Jovi began to sing. "It's myyyyyyyyyyy life-"
Princess Tapeworm frowns, oh so very perfectly. "Ewwwwww! That sucked. Go away!"
Jon Bon Jovi flops away, sad. He starts to sob and falls to his knees. "GOD! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MEEEE! I'M FRIGGIN FAMOUS!"
Then Breaking Benjamin passes by and since Jon Bon Jovi's scared of the lead singer, he sulks away. Breaking Benjamin comes over and asks to sing.
"Ok, you can't be worse than that dude, anyway." Princess Tape worm answers perfectly.
"My polyamorous friiiiiiiend got me in a mess of trouble agaaaaaain, so just when you think that you're all right-"
"Ok, you are friggin awesome! You are going to play at my son's...uh...birthing? Ok, whatever it's called. And I'm gonna name him Benjamin after you."
"What if it's a girl?" one of the guys asks.
"Then I'll call her Benjamina."
"COOL!"
Then, when the girl was born, Princess Tapeworm [really QUEEN Tapeworm but that sounds stupid.] started to dance to the music of the theme song of Buffy perfectly [like a girl who writes stories about girls called Tapeworm does every so often]. Everyone joins in so that they don't seem weird.
Breaking Benjamin begins to play because they are getting a little scared of Princess Tapeworm dancing, even if it is perfect dancing. Benjamina starts to cry.
When Breaking Benjamin gets to the 'My ployamorous friiiiend' she begins to laugh. So Princess Tapeworm changes her name to Polyamorous. So she was there forwards called Princess Polyamorous.
Then one day PP [as I will call her] meets Paula Cole and begins her singing career. Paula Cole makes her sing her songs and then she gets tired of the songs and smacks her silly.
So then she goes and joins the long old Cranberries. "You are so preeeeeeetty the waaaaaay you aaaaaaaaaaare.."
Then the Cranberries REALLY get old, and she quits and joins Xtina and Christina Aguleria the split personality singer. They make a new CD called Pitiful.
PP helps Xtina and Chris to make the debut song. A preview was: "I am pitiful no matter what you say.." Etc.
So then since more people can relate to Chris and Xtina calling themselves pitiful, millions of people buy the albums. There's even one man called Jason the X-master J who loves the song so much that he eats the CD for brunch. But that is another story and will be told at another time. So Xtina, Chris and PP get famous. One day PP come back home and her mother make her get drunk so they can marry her without her permission. When the media gets a hold of THAT they have a field day.
The Media Council decided to destroy the castle of Princess Tapeworm piece by piece. They begin with the tabloids, then go big to newspapers and scrolls like the Scrolling Times and Castle Daily.
So perfect Princess Tapeworm is sent to jail for child abuse and several other crimes that were mostly made up anyway. Perfect Ex-Princess Tapeworm screams that the very evil ghost of the very evil Lockturn made her do it but everyone knows that's a very evil lie.
So PP goes back to the singing business, this time with Sum 41. She marries Deryck and they live happy. UNTIL....
A drunken emu finds a very old spell book on the dusty ground and drunkenily reads from the very old spell book that was once on the dusty ground. The very old spell from the very old spell book that was once on the dusty ground that he reads brings people to life. He so happens to be drunkenily standing on the very evil grave of the very evil Lockturn.
So then the very evil Lockturn cackled very evilly. Then a wise wizard appeared wisely from behind a tall tree. The wise wizard was tired, very wise of him I might add, of everything having adjectives in front of them. The tall tree read his wise mind and told him that the secret to defeating the Adjective Army was to have the famous PP make Wonder Wonderbread and to have the very evil Lockturn turn into a very evil emu.
So the wise wizard joined heads with the tall tree and they came up with a wise, tall plan. The very evil Lockturn was still coming up from his very evil grave. When he finally came back, the wise wizard turned his into a very evil parrot. The very evil Lockturn cried very evilly and very angrily, "Hey! I just came back from the dead and now I'm a very evil parrot! No way! I hate you wise wizard!" Then the very evil Lockturn threw some dust at the wise wizard. But it turned out that I wasn't dust but drugs!
So that was how the wise wizard got high. For three wise days and three wise days he was high and it took him another wise day and another wise hour to get over coming down [for wise wizards it's less]. Then the wise wizard spent ten wise days and ten wise nights trying to get the very evil Lockturn. Finally the wise wizard did and turned the very evil Lockturn into a very evil emu. The very evil emu [aka the ex-very evil Lockturn] peaked the wise wizard on the head very evilly and ran away, his very evil tail shaking.
So now the wise wizard had to find PP. She was on tour with Sum 41. So the wise wizard found her at a concert.
"Everybody;s got their problems/ Everyone says the same things to you!"
"PP!!!!" the wise wizard cries wisely.
"I feel I've come realize/ how fast life can be comprised/ step back to see what's going on/ I can't believe his happened to you/ this happened to you/ it's just a problem I'm faced with-"
"PLEASE PP!!!" angry people began to stare angrily at the wise wizard. Why was he yelling piss?
Finally PP came over after the song was over. "What do you WANT, wise wizard?!?!?!?!!"
"I need you to bake wonderful Wonder Bread! You must save the kingdom!!!! And you have to come back to your husband, even it you don't like him."
"NO WAY! I have my husband. Could my mom have married me to Gregory Smith or something? But NO, she had to marry to Kid Rock!!!!"
"Kid Rock rocks!" yells a random person randomly.
"Not when he's your husband and he's running a perfect kingdom very imperfectly."
"True." Says the random person randomly.
"So will you return to the perfect kingdom and save us all from internal torture from the Adjective Army?" asks the wise wizard wisely.
"I think you mean ETERNAL!" corrects PP.
TO BE CONTINUED..