Chapter 5: Apology
Rogue found Kitty in the mansion grounds gazebo, sitting on the banister, looking out at the view, darkness having fallen long ago, stars sparkling, and a bright moon hanging low in the sky. Kitty looked deep in thought about something.
Rogue stepped up to the gazebo slowly, "Kitty?" she asked.
Kitty sighed, "what?"
"Can…we talk?" Rogue asked softly, she stepped closer.
"That's all we ever do…" Kitty turned towards Rogue.
"Yeah, but…I owe you an apology," Rogue sighed, she hugged herself against a slight chill in the air. "Actually, I owe you a lot of them."
"I'm listening," Kitty responded.
"You…were right," Rogue shrugged, "about the rape…about Remy…about me…" Rogue kicked the ground stubbornly, "I should have told the Professor…it might have avoided us all a lot of punishment and grief over it."
Kitty gave a shrug, and looked back over the view.
"So I did…I went to him and told him everything…" Rogue trailed off, "and I'm sorry I didn't listen to you."
Kitty shrugged, "I was harsh."
"I've been…really…really stubborn…and self-involved…it gets kind of hard to see everyone else has problems when you have so many of your own," Rogue admitted, she sat up on the banister of the gazebo, directly across from Kitty. "Sometimes…it feels like it's only ever me, and I wake up wondering why its always me, why no one else…" Rogue admitted, "But then, what you said…about Remy havin' his own problems, made sense to me, and then I realised it wasn't just me…and I realised whatever problems I'm having must be miniscule compared to the pain of losin' a child…"
Kitty looked at Rogue, "he doesn't talk about it, but he had a lot of plans for that Kid, Rogue."
"He told you that?" Rogue asked.
"Yeah, one night. Since the night you tried to kill yourself me and him got along a lot better. And when you guys were avoiding each other during Bella Donna's stay in the mansion, he spoke to me a lot…I guess he figured I was the only one who'd listen," Kitty glanced over to the view again. "He said that kid was gonna be everything right in his life, that it was going to make up for everything he'd ever done wrong…it was going to take everything bad in his life and make it good, and it was going to be his reason for straightening his life out…"
Rogue bit into her lip so hard it bled, "I never told you this, but…that night, just before Bella Donna told us she was having contractions, me and Remy agreed to get back together – and I'd agreed I'd play whatever part he wanted me to play in his life – even if it involved takin' care of a baby that wasn't mine," Rogue said. "And in those brief moments, and in the waitin' room I had these ideas and thoughts also about that baby…all these plans jumpin' into my head," Rogue sighed, "I mean…its obvious with my powers, havin' a baby is gonna be impossible for me…and it might have been my only chance to be a mother if Remy had that baby."
Rogue sighed, she'd thought about it a lot, she tried to avoid the thought of it as much as she could, but it was still there in her mind. She stood up, and straightened her shirt which had bunched up at her waist, "Professor wants to see us all in the rec room in fifteen minutes," she glanced at her watch. "I'll see you then."
Fifteen minutes later, everyone was seated or standing in the recreation room waiting, all wondering what the Professor wanted to see them for. Kitty entered the recreation room last, and made her way over to Rogue, "hey."
Rogue feigned a smile, "hey."
"So…what's this about…?" Kitty asked, she leaned against the wall.
Rogue didn't have a chance to answer, Professor Xavier came in, his face grim, and the chatter of the students, even the instructors also present in the room, fell to an uncanny sudden silence, as if on cue. They gave him their full attention.
"I'm sorry to keep you all up so late, I understand some of you are rather tired, and I hope you will forgive me," Professor Xavier said softly, "but there is something that is needed to be discussed immediately which I think cannot be ignored any longer," he stated.
"What's wrong?" Jean asked, she was sitting on the couch, in between Scott and Kurt.
"As some of you might already know – and some might have only heard rumours of – a drug known as MutantX is making its presence known in the world. This drug is a potent suppressant against Mutant ability believed to have been concocted from several chemicals stolen from Muir Island over the span of nine months."
There were looks of surprise in almost everyone's faces, except from Kitty and Rogue.
"A lot of mutants would look at this drug as a miracle cure for unwanted mutant powers," Professor Xavier continued. "I should not need to school you on the dangers of drugs, the addictions, side effects, the possible deaths occurring from drug use – any of this could and probably will apply to the drug itself…"
Rogue kept her eyes to the floor.
"One of our students came upon this drug several months ago – and last month used this drug, with dire results," Professor Xavier stated, "ending up in a dangerous situation, hurt, and scared."
They all looked at each other, and Rogue stepped forward, looking at them all, they looked back with some apprehension.
"I came across it and thought it was gonna solve all my problems…" she tried to ignore the way they looked at her, sympathy and sorrow for her, it made her feel so cold inside. "And without my powers I was defenceless when a guy in a nightclub drugged my drinks a month ago," she sighed. "I passed out and spent some time coming in and out of consciousness while this guy…raped me…"
There were some looks of shock, a few gasps, a few swear words, Rogue ignored them still, "and its taken me a month to deal with it – a month to admit what an idiot I was for having taken it – to admit to my mistake."
More silence, Rogue drew her breath and continued to speak, despite she was scared, and embarrassed, feeling humiliated, she knew now that she had to let everyone know what had happened, so they wouldn't repeat her mistakes. It was then that she noticed Jared, who was standing opposite her about nine feet away, looked as almost as if he would cry.
"I made the mistake of tryin' to cheat my powers away…to rid myself of my powers temporarily without even workin' to achieve it, and like all cheaters, I got what I wanted, but lost so much more…I paid a price…and I'm standin' here now…scared to death that you're all gonna look at me different…or feel sorry for me…"
More silence. Rogue pressed on, her heart thudding heavy in her chest,
"But I gotta get the message across to y'all that…there is no EASY way of dealing with our powers, there is no temporary solution. And I'm just hopin' that if you're walkin' down the street and someone tries to sell you pills that can make it all better, that you'll walk away…or that if you happen to come into possession of those pills…" Rogue glanced over to Jared momentarily, "that you'll have the strength to flush them away."
Professor Xavier nodded, "Pills are a medication, a cure to deal with an illness. Being a mutant is not an illness, or an affliction, or a curse that can be cured – it doesn't need to be cured…And I hope you'll all learn from Rogue's mistake," he admitted, "even Hanks – Hank's mutation didn't become so drastic until after he attempted to suppress the effects of his original mutation.
Rogue sighed, "can't cheat your powers," she said, then deciding she'd said enough, left the room silently, and began down the hallway, trying to calm herself down.
"Rogue!"
Rogue looked over her shoulder, Kitty was running after her. She stopped, and waited on the smaller girl.
Kitty skidded to a halt, "that was extremely brave."
"I was scared shitless," Rogue remarked, looking away.
"I'm really proud of you, even I wouldn't have had the nerve to tell everyone about it…" Kitty admitted.
Rogue nodded, understanding.
"So…what now?" Kitty asked.
"I'm…gonna take off…to Muir Island," Rogue explained, "The professor finally told me what Remy is working on – he's securing the Research centre and finding out the weak spots so they can prevent more break-ins and theft of the chemicals – that's where the supplies for MutantX are being taken from – chemicals stolen from there are being made into this drug."
"Yeah, I know…" Kitty reminded, "remember you and Remy were the prime suspects for it on the trip to Muir Island last October…" she reminded.
"I remember…" Rogue sighed, "Anyway, the sooner we stop the chemicals from being stolen, the sooner MutantX will get off the streets," Rogue explained, "and the safer all of us will be from temptation."
"Does Remy know you're going there?" Kitty asked.
"No. Gonna surprise him…" Rogue explained, "I just hope by the time I get there he won't be so mad at me anymore."
"I'm sure he'll have cooled down by now," Kitty assured.
"Lets hope so."