Chapter 6: Don't Go To Him

             "Why didn't you tell me about what happened?"

             Rogue had been packing, and hadn't realised she'd left her bedroom door open, the voice of Jared Rickman startled her, and she jumped a little, and spun around, "Oh…hi…I uhm…it was personal," she answered, wandered over to her closet and pulled out her X-Men uniform, and folded it neatly.

             "If you'd told me, I wouldn't have bugged you about MutantX.  You should have just been honest with me," Jared leaned against the doorframe, shoving his hands in the pockets of his baggy jeans.  "You could have told me."

             "No, I couldn't…" Rogue sighed, "the only reason I told everyone in that Rec room is because Professor Xavier said I should – to prove that these drugs are dangerous in more ways than one," Rogue put the uniform into her bag.

             "Christ, no wonder you freaked when I took the pills out," Jared admitted.

Rogue gave a nonchalant shrug, never raising her eyes to him. 

"I'm sorry that I put you under that kind of pressure, Rogue," Jared said softly, "and…I'm sorry about what you had to go through…"

             "Forget about it," Rogue mumbled, continuing to pack.

             Jared looked at her, "why are you packing?"

             Rogue drew her breath, and tried to stay calm, she walked over to the dresser and opened one of the drawers, searching for things to take.  "I'm leavin' for a while," she said. 

"How long will you be gone for?" Jared asked softly.

"As long as it takes – gonna be with Remy."

             "You're going to this…Muir Island…place?" Jared raised his pierced eyebrow.

             "Yes," Rogue sighed, "Professor Xavier told me Remy is there working on the security of the Research Centre, we've known for a while that most of the chemicals that are being stolen from there are what is being made into Mutant X," she explained.  "

             Jared looked at her, "so now you're on crusade to stop it from being made."
             "Something like that," Rogue shrugged, "I know that it won't stop it forever, but it will slow it down…" she grabbed a few pairs of pants from the drawer and moved over to the bed where her bag was sitting, she stuffed them in quickly.

             "What good is slowing it down?" He asked.

             "Plenty, considering less mutants will be at risk if supplies are low.  First we need to slow the flow of the drugs getting out into the world, then we need to figure out who exactly is behind it all…"

             There was a long awkward silence, Rogue continued to put things into her bag, she couldn't find anything else to say to him.  She wanted him to go, yet didn't.  She wanted him to ask her if she loved him, yet dreaded that he would.

             Jared gave a sigh, "so…I guess you've made up your mind about me then?" he said finally.

             "I have," Rogue said, "Jared, you're sweet, you're funny, you're sensitive, and cute, and if I wasn't with Remy, I don't know, I could see somethin' happenin', maybe," she shrugged.  "But I made up my mind about Remy a long time ago…long before you were ever in the picture."

             "Right," Jared looked away, his expression full of sadness.

             "I'm sorry," Rogue looked down to the floor, "don't take it personally, Jared…it's not that I'm not interested in you," she walked over, "Believe me, I am very interested.  And I've been thinking about it ever since you told me—"

             "That I'm in love with you?" Jared asked.

             Rogue sighed, "I don't wanna hear that again," she stated, "Not from you…"

             "I can't not say it, Rogue.  It's how I feel," Jared pointed out, his voice full of emotion.

             "You don't know me well enough to feel it," Rogue sighed, "And if you do, then it's just infatuation…maybe that's all it is, Jared.  Because I'm like you, and you find what's familiar is home, and that's why you wanna be with me."

             Jared moved his eyes to hers, something in his eyes told Rogue that it was more than what she thought it might be, there was love there, in that moment, she saw as much love in his eyes as she'd ever seen from Remy.  Maybe more. 

             "No…that's not it…and I think you know that…"

             Rogue sighed.

             "Don't go to him," Jared pleaded.

             "I have to.  I love him," Rogue reminded, she turned away, she didn't want him looking at her in that way anymore, he could see she was already too close to being beaten into submission by the emotion in those bright green eyes of his.

             "You love me too, c'mon Rogue, that's why you're turnin' away from me now.  Because you're scared to admit it."

             "I'm turning away from you because I don't," Rogue walked over to the bed.  She heard Jared step behind her.

             "Don't go to him," he said again, his voice trembling, she could hear the emotion in his words, it made Rogue's heart thud in a heavy way to hear it.

             "You don't understand, I have to go to him…he's the most important thing in my life…" Rogue gave a sigh, "he's…my first love…the one who sets my heart on fire…bein' with him is like a drug – so much more intoxicating than MutantX, or alcohol…" she drew her breath, "I don't feel those things for you.  If I did, do you think I'd be packing right now?"

             Jared sighed, "why won't you give me a chance?"

             "Because giving you a chance would mean hurtin' Remy, and I can't bear to see him hurt," Rogue explained, she turned and looked back at him.  "Jared, don't make me say it anymore…I don't love you.  I can't love you, I don't know what else to say."

             Jared looked down to the floor, "Y'know…I might not be the one who sets your heart on fire…" he glanced back up to her, "But I'll never break it…"

             Rogue felt a lump forming in her throat, she swallowed nervously, and looked away.

             "And I might not be you 'first love', but…I could be the one that lasts…" he said softly.  "All I'm asking is that you stay…don't go to him…you've told me about all the times he's hurt you, Rogue.  I would never hurt you…I would never do anything to hurt you, ever."

             "But you already are hurtin' me," Rogue felt her eyes tearing up, "You're tryin' to make me choose between you and Remy, and it's hurtin' me so much my heart feels like it's bein' wrenched out of my chest here…" she dabbed at the corners of her eyes with her fingers.  "Do you think this is easy for me?" she demanded.   

             "It should be."

             "Its not," Rogue hissed, "It's hell.  Alright?  Living hell.  I know if I go with Remy I'm takin' the easy way out – the familiar road I know.  But that means I don't get to find out about the road I never been on – with you.  And vice versa.  If I go with you, I don't get to know what might have happened between me and Remy…" she looked away.  "I shouldn't have to make this decision, Jared.  But I will.  Remy is the one I choose.  With him, sure my powers might be a problem, but he isn't offering me temporary solutions, he's willing to deal with things, same as I am…"

             "Are you sure about that?"

             "Yes, yes I'm sure," Rogue clenched her fists, "and my decision is final, so when I get back me and you are gonna act like nothing ever happened here, and that we never had any discussions about love or the possibilities of bein' together or anything else.  We're just going to be friends, and that's it."

             Jared looked at her, his green eyes seemed to grow overcast, "I don't think that's enough for me."

             "Then maybe you should leave the institute…" Rogue pulled the strap of her bag over one shoulder, "because as far as I'm concerned the discussion ends now.  And when me and Remy do return, I don't want to be reminded of it – ever."
             "I can't guarantee that," Jared stated.

             "Why are you being such a dick about this?!" Rogue demanded, she held onto the strap of her bag, it was all she could do to stop from taking a hold of the strap and swinging the bag at his head in frustration. 

             "Because I love you, and I can't help being a dick about it!" Jared yelled at her, "and when you come back with Remy I'm gonna do all in my power to take you from him, because I think I deserve you more than he does!"

             "What's going on…?"

             Rogue and Jared both turned, Kitty Pryde was stood in the doorway, arms folded, she didn't look very happy.

             "Nothing is going on," Jared responded.

             Kitty looked to Rogue waiting for an explanation.

             "Nothing," Rogue sighed, "I gotta go…" she sighed, "Kitty, I'll call you from Muir Island," Rogue walked past, and brushed her gloved hand against Kitty's arm.

             Kitty looked at Rogue with suspicion, "Are you sure nothing is going on?"

             "I'm sure," Rogue faked a smile, and looked away, "bye…"

             When Rogue had finally left the room, Kitty threw a strange glance at Jared.

             "I heard what you said, Jared."

             "So?" Jared gave a shrug.

             "Look, you don't know her the way the rest of us do – the way Remy does – so stay out of her life.  She's made it clear she doesn't want you.  She doesn't need you fucking things up for her," Kitty said angrily.

             "I can't take no for an answer on this one, Kitty," Jared muttered, and with that left the room, leaving Kitty standing alone with her thoughts.

             Kitty sighed deeply to herself, and found herself wondering if it was worth getting in touch with Remy to warn him that Jared had plans to split them up.  Sighing and telling herself it wasn't her place to get involved, Kitty let it go.

             For now.