Just to warn you, this chapter has implied shonen-ai in it and is a very
emotional chapter.
I was lying on the floor, injured. Oh damn it Katan, how could you have been so stupid?! Now you're in the same position as Rosiel-sama! I couldn't stay here; that blast could not have possibly killed Rosiel-sama; it was much to weak, he was definitely still alive, just unconscious. And he would eventually awaken too, but I had to find a way to get out before that happened. I lifted my head off the ground, the only part of my body not hurting like hell, and I saw a glimpse of Rosiel's body still on the bed.
He was bloody, yes, bloody. And naked. His sheets lay a heap on the floor. But I knew just from a glance he was definitely alive. Struggling to sit up, I felt the severe drop of my power from the effects of the blast. I had barely enough to stay awake. But I had to use it; if I didn't, I would surely die here.
I was able to close the wound most of the way with my remaining powers, at least enough to get away. Struggling to my feet, begging support from the bloodied bed post. I ambled out the door and felt my head swim for a moment.
But then, I stopped. I cursed myself for having a will and conscience and spun around for all my injured body would allow. And realized: How could I possibly leave my father, the one who created me for what I am? He treated me horribly sometimes and cared for absolutely no one but himself, but I owed my undying allegiance to him. I swore I wouldn't abandon this fallen, ruined angel of Heaven.
But I could do nothing. I had no power left and surely I could not leave Rosiel-sama here, alone. True, he was alive now, but injured and had suffered massive blood loss, so, if I were to leave him, he would surely die and all my problems would undoubtedly be solved. Did I really, at all care for this torturous angel? Did I care whether he lived or died? I decided, in the end, I didn't. I didn't need him, did I? I didn't know it then, but I did.
And so I left, thinking I would never return and go back to earth to live out the rest of my life free of the bondage that tied me to Rosiel-sama.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Where was I? It was a cool, crisp and sunny day with a light breeze blowing. Dead, colored leaves littered the ground of cement. All around was dark, wet green grass and graves. I was in a cemetery. A group of people arrived for a funeral and were crying and walking toward a large cascet before a priest. I was drawn to it, nearing.
The priest said many things in honor of the deceased and people went to say their dues to the open cascet. I neared the shiny, clean cascet and suddenly was horrified at what I saw.
Laying there in a fresh suit, his hair falling to the sides of his face, was my father, Rosiel-sama. Dead. I shuddered and clamped my eyes closed. Surely I was just imagining it. Surely this man before me was not my creator, Rosiel. But then a thought struck me. Memories flashed across my minds eye. My last memory is...
I had killed him. I had killed the man in front of me, and that's why he is dead and all these people are crying, because I killed him. I killed him mercilesly and didn't try to save him. And that's why, and that's why he is dead. May the angels weep for me.
It was then I no longer knew or cared about anything and felt myself becoming consumed in my grief. I collapsed to my knees before the cascet and buried my face in my hands, weeping. I think all the people disappeared and left only me and the cascet. But I was too lost in my grief and pain to notice.
And that is when I realized it. I may have sometimes despised him for all I knew, but I secretly knew that I was nothing without him. The allegiance I made to him runs deeper to an emotional depth as well. I knew then that I loved Rosiel-sama, even if he was twisted and sick and pathetic in so many ways, my life was lived only for him. I lived through him and there was no turning back. I was tied to him for eternity, but now that eternity was gone and left was only the man who I loved and cared for more than anything else. But he was dead.
Sobbing, I removed my face from my hands and stared at the form before me in desbelief; it all seemed so surreal. The one who made me what I am, was dead. I was unsure of why I cared, but I could no longer deny it, I always had loved him for what he is. An image of pain and beauty, torture and kindness, but it was all I had ever known.
And now that he was dead by my own hands, I didn't know where to go or what to do. Since the beginning of time, I had always followed his lead and was dependant on him for everything. So now, that I was alone, I had no idea what I should do. I realized I no longer now wanted to live without him. I wanted to return to our home in Eden, but I wondered did it even exist now? Did I even care if it existed?
"Sir Rosiel, Rosiel-sama, I'm sorry; I'm sorry for leaving you. I regret now leaving and I more than ever want to return to Eden with you. I know now that it was me and only me that killed you, and that is my biggest mistake. So, please, save me, help me, Rosiel-sama. I'm alone and I'm scared," I whispered hoarsely.
The cascet disappeared now and only his naked body lay there. I knelt before him, bowing before my master in reverence. Standing, I bended down and kissed his warm lips gently. Giving one last low sob, I stood and watched his form disappear completely through blurred eyes.
`````````````*...
Pain cut through me and I collapsed, the last thing I saw being Rosiel- sama. I awoke again to no pain at all and my power was restored to full. I opened my eyes and blinked stupidly for a second; everything had happened so fast. I stood and my eyes focused on blood splattered across a bedpost. Adjusting my eyes, I saw a blood-drenced Rosiel in the bed. I couldn't tell which was blood and which were the sheets.
I had no idea what was going on, but I would not leave my lord a second time. This task made much easier by the fact I was completely healed and healthy.
Approaching the bed, ignoring the blood, I scooped his limp form up in my arms, covered with the sheets, and walked out of the room with him tucked safely in my protective arms.
I had been given a second chance, I had to save Rosiel-sama this time, so I can live without the intense pain and guilt of his death and the fact that I killed him.
I was lying on the floor, injured. Oh damn it Katan, how could you have been so stupid?! Now you're in the same position as Rosiel-sama! I couldn't stay here; that blast could not have possibly killed Rosiel-sama; it was much to weak, he was definitely still alive, just unconscious. And he would eventually awaken too, but I had to find a way to get out before that happened. I lifted my head off the ground, the only part of my body not hurting like hell, and I saw a glimpse of Rosiel's body still on the bed.
He was bloody, yes, bloody. And naked. His sheets lay a heap on the floor. But I knew just from a glance he was definitely alive. Struggling to sit up, I felt the severe drop of my power from the effects of the blast. I had barely enough to stay awake. But I had to use it; if I didn't, I would surely die here.
I was able to close the wound most of the way with my remaining powers, at least enough to get away. Struggling to my feet, begging support from the bloodied bed post. I ambled out the door and felt my head swim for a moment.
But then, I stopped. I cursed myself for having a will and conscience and spun around for all my injured body would allow. And realized: How could I possibly leave my father, the one who created me for what I am? He treated me horribly sometimes and cared for absolutely no one but himself, but I owed my undying allegiance to him. I swore I wouldn't abandon this fallen, ruined angel of Heaven.
But I could do nothing. I had no power left and surely I could not leave Rosiel-sama here, alone. True, he was alive now, but injured and had suffered massive blood loss, so, if I were to leave him, he would surely die and all my problems would undoubtedly be solved. Did I really, at all care for this torturous angel? Did I care whether he lived or died? I decided, in the end, I didn't. I didn't need him, did I? I didn't know it then, but I did.
And so I left, thinking I would never return and go back to earth to live out the rest of my life free of the bondage that tied me to Rosiel-sama.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Where was I? It was a cool, crisp and sunny day with a light breeze blowing. Dead, colored leaves littered the ground of cement. All around was dark, wet green grass and graves. I was in a cemetery. A group of people arrived for a funeral and were crying and walking toward a large cascet before a priest. I was drawn to it, nearing.
The priest said many things in honor of the deceased and people went to say their dues to the open cascet. I neared the shiny, clean cascet and suddenly was horrified at what I saw.
Laying there in a fresh suit, his hair falling to the sides of his face, was my father, Rosiel-sama. Dead. I shuddered and clamped my eyes closed. Surely I was just imagining it. Surely this man before me was not my creator, Rosiel. But then a thought struck me. Memories flashed across my minds eye. My last memory is...
I had killed him. I had killed the man in front of me, and that's why he is dead and all these people are crying, because I killed him. I killed him mercilesly and didn't try to save him. And that's why, and that's why he is dead. May the angels weep for me.
It was then I no longer knew or cared about anything and felt myself becoming consumed in my grief. I collapsed to my knees before the cascet and buried my face in my hands, weeping. I think all the people disappeared and left only me and the cascet. But I was too lost in my grief and pain to notice.
And that is when I realized it. I may have sometimes despised him for all I knew, but I secretly knew that I was nothing without him. The allegiance I made to him runs deeper to an emotional depth as well. I knew then that I loved Rosiel-sama, even if he was twisted and sick and pathetic in so many ways, my life was lived only for him. I lived through him and there was no turning back. I was tied to him for eternity, but now that eternity was gone and left was only the man who I loved and cared for more than anything else. But he was dead.
Sobbing, I removed my face from my hands and stared at the form before me in desbelief; it all seemed so surreal. The one who made me what I am, was dead. I was unsure of why I cared, but I could no longer deny it, I always had loved him for what he is. An image of pain and beauty, torture and kindness, but it was all I had ever known.
And now that he was dead by my own hands, I didn't know where to go or what to do. Since the beginning of time, I had always followed his lead and was dependant on him for everything. So now, that I was alone, I had no idea what I should do. I realized I no longer now wanted to live without him. I wanted to return to our home in Eden, but I wondered did it even exist now? Did I even care if it existed?
"Sir Rosiel, Rosiel-sama, I'm sorry; I'm sorry for leaving you. I regret now leaving and I more than ever want to return to Eden with you. I know now that it was me and only me that killed you, and that is my biggest mistake. So, please, save me, help me, Rosiel-sama. I'm alone and I'm scared," I whispered hoarsely.
The cascet disappeared now and only his naked body lay there. I knelt before him, bowing before my master in reverence. Standing, I bended down and kissed his warm lips gently. Giving one last low sob, I stood and watched his form disappear completely through blurred eyes.
`````````````*...
Pain cut through me and I collapsed, the last thing I saw being Rosiel- sama. I awoke again to no pain at all and my power was restored to full. I opened my eyes and blinked stupidly for a second; everything had happened so fast. I stood and my eyes focused on blood splattered across a bedpost. Adjusting my eyes, I saw a blood-drenced Rosiel in the bed. I couldn't tell which was blood and which were the sheets.
I had no idea what was going on, but I would not leave my lord a second time. This task made much easier by the fact I was completely healed and healthy.
Approaching the bed, ignoring the blood, I scooped his limp form up in my arms, covered with the sheets, and walked out of the room with him tucked safely in my protective arms.
I had been given a second chance, I had to save Rosiel-sama this time, so I can live without the intense pain and guilt of his death and the fact that I killed him.