CHAPTER 15: TRIALS
The room was small, dark and quiet. All was still, the calm before the storm. Anakin tried to ease his nerves, because he never felt more anxious in his life. He found himself in a small training room just outside of the main training arena. He was awaiting the call for his sparring match.
He had sparred before. Qui-Gon had given him a crash course in lightsaber techniques, but he was still behind most of the other children. They had trained all their lives and Anakin had only trained for a few months. Qui-Gon always told Anakin how proud he was after each match. The fact that Anakin could keep up with students his age despite his lack of training proved his abilities.
Anakin still felt uneasy. The fact remained, he had never won a sparring match, and despite Qui-Gon's supportive praise, Anakin couldn't help but feel inferior. He hadn't been able to win a podrace when he first started either, but this was different. No one had expected him to win a podrace, many expected him to win a saber match.
It's easy to fail when you're the underdog, everyone expects you to. It also makes victory much sweeter, because you've overcome great odds. Being gifted is a much more difficult life. When you succeed, you receive little praise because your success is expected, but when you fail, it's absolutely devastating. The feeling of failure is magnified. That's what no one understood.
Many envied his abilities, Anakin in turn wished he could give them away, he wished for a simple life without people placing expectations on him. The life of a gifted person, is a sad and lonely one. No one admires or understands you, they either envy your success, or chastise your failings.
It had been months since his vision that never came true. Master Yoda as well as Qui-Gon tried to put it into perspective telling him that it may yet come true or that seeing death in a vision didn't always mean death. It could be 'symbolic,' what ever that meant. Anakin felt uneasy, he was just a kid, and both Qui-Gon and Yoda confessed that his powers were a heavy burden for a mere child.
Anakin didn't want sympathy though, he wanted admiration. He would not fail them. He would win this match, he had to. For this match was no ordinary match, today was trials day. Trials day was an annual event at the temple. It was simply the day that padawans nominated to take the trials did just that. Activity stopped that day. Jedi returned from missions, classes were canceled, all the Jedi who could come to be spectators did.
Ordinarily, Anakin would have loved this day, after all, any day without class is a good one. Today, though he was uneasy. The presence of so many Jedi meant that nearly the entire order would be watching him spar today, and as the "chosen one" all eyes would be on him. Everyone would be judging him. He must win.
Obi-Wan would be among those taking the trials. This decision to allow him such an honor shocked most of the order, but whenever asked, Master Windu would merely say: "Anyone who saves the lives of two Jedi masters ought to at least be given a chance." To which, most agreed. They figured if there was too much of the dark in him he wouldn't be able to pass the trials.
"Anakin, are you even listening to me?" Obi-Wan asked, snapping Anakin out of his trance.
"Yes." Anakin lied.
"Good. Now what do you do if he attacks low?" Obi-Wan repeated the question that previously went unanswered.
"Perry, then counterattack high." Anakin answered with confidence, he knew the answer, yet he knew that executing it in battle was a completely different matter.
"Alright." Obi-Wan said with assurity in his voice. "I think you're ready."
"Kenobi/Skywalker, ten minutes." A mechanical voice rang over the speaker in the room.
"Are you ready, Ani?" Qui-Gon who had been standing there the whole time asked.
Anakin nodded even though he was unsure.
"Take a moment to meditate then head out to the arena, I'll head to the coach's box." Obi-Wan stated, then headed for the door that lead to the arena. He then turned back briefly before exiting with Qui-Gon. "May the force be with you."
"And with you." Anakin returned.
Obi-Wan exited the tiny room, closed the door behind him and turned to Qui- Gon. "It's been so long since I've said that." Obi-Wan said with a nervous chuckle.
"So, the first stage of your trials? I remember when I had to take the trials." Qui-Gon reminisced.
"Has much changed?" Obi-Wan wondered, he was always interested in the history of the order.
"No, it's exactly the same. We also had to pick a padawan which we would have one week to train for a sparring match. I picked Xanatos, and I was so impressed with him that I made him my apprentice." Qui-Gon chuckled to himself.
"I was very impressed with Anakin, but I suppose he's already got a master." Obi-Wan said with a grin.
"I appreciate you choosing Anakin. I'll admit, he's not easy to train, especially when it comes to saber techniques. He tends to get ahead of himself. You've done an amazing job, he's really come leaps and bounds. I never knew you were that good a swordsman." Qui-Gon said.
"When you spend half your life with the Jedi then the other half with the Sith, you tend to learn all the tricks." Obi-Wan said, trying to think of a modest way to accept the compliment. "Besides, Anakin was a natural choice for me, were both-controversial."
"To say the least." Qui-Gon chuckled.
"I'd better get to the coach's box." Obi-Wan said with hesitation in his voice. Despite his cool demeanor, he was just as nervous if not more so than Anakin.
"Don't worry, he'll do fine." Qui-Gon assured him, picking up on his friend's anxiety. "And so will you."
Obi-Wan gave a nod and Qui-Gon headed to the stands to watch his padawan's match. Obi-Wan headed around the large, oval-shaped arena to his coaching box on the other side. From this vantage point he could call out commands to Anakin.
Both padawans were summoned out into the arena. The crowd was eerily silent, it was not polite to cheer at such an event. Not only would it break concentration, it would force many to choose sides. "No sides are there. All Jedi we are." Yoda would always say to the cheering younglings who knew no better.
Anakin made his way to the middle of the arena. He looked across the way to see who his opponent was. It was Irnak Dksem, a young Trovian about his age. Irnak was among the most skilled of Anakin's age group, in fact he was second only to Feris Olin.
Irnak and Anakin bowed to the council who were judging the competition and seated at a long table situated in between the coach's boxes. They then bowed to their coaches, Anakin to Obi-Wan and Irnak to Siri who had also been nominated to take the trials. They then bowed to one another and ignited their training-lightsabers.
The two padawans lunged at each other at the same time. They crossed blades and then each tried their most advanced maneuver. It showed their impatience and immaturity, they each used their best move first to try and score points early when it would have been more beneficial to start with simpler moves first. It was a typical padawan mistake that would have gone unnoticed by anyone other than the keen-eyed Jedi.
The two battled on, each giving it their all. The only sounds that could be heard were the clashing of lightsabers and the two padawans grunting from exertion. Of course even these sounds were drowned out by the occasional voice of Ki Adi Mundi awarding one player a point and even more prominent was the sound of the two coaches barking instructions to their students.
Siri was constantly talking. She commented on every little move Irnak made. Anakin was grateful that Obi-Wan's advice wasn't overbearing. Siri was constantly offering her student advice and Obi-Wan was quiet for the most part. He only spoke occasionally and in snippets like: "Watch your footwork." Small things Anakin could focus on and gain an advantage.
Qui-Gon had a seat next to Xanatos and the two old friends watched the match together.
"Anakin's really improved." Xanatos whispered to Qui-Gon.
"Yes, he and Obi-Wan are great together." Qui-Gon noted. "Can you feel it?"
"Feel what?"
"That tremor in the force when they're together. It's almost as if they're meant to be a team." Qui-Gon said beaming with pride.
"Yes, I feel it. The only strange thing is that I can't feel the same when you're with them." Xanatos remarked sheepishly, he wanted to point it out to Qui-Gon but wondered if perhaps this was the wrong time.
"What do you mean?" Qui-Gon said raising his voice so that many of the other spectators were now looking at them.
"Nothing, old friend." Xanatos said turning his attention back to the match. "Merely an observation. I meant nothing by it."
Qui-Gon felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. Xanatos was right. Was the force trying to tell them something? Was Obi-Wan meant to train Anakin? He would have to meditate on this.
Meanwhile the match had ended and Anakin had won by a mere two points. The boy beamed with pride and Obi-Wan did too. Anakin had won his first match and he had helped.
Anakin felt grateful to Obi-Wan, as well. At first he didn't trust this rather intimidating looking man but the more Anakin got to know him, the more he realized that despite all his flaws, there was a good man inside Obi-Wan Kenobi, a just man who for a moment had his sense of justice skewed.
Obi-Wan was able to put things in a way that Anakin understood them. Qui- Gon was of course a wonderful teacher but often Qui-Gon got too deeply in to how to use your feelings in a lightsaber duel. Obi-Wan explained things in a more methodical way that was better suited for Anakin's mechanical mind. It was as if Obi-Wan broke the steps down and made using a lightsaber as easy as using a hydrospanner.
Obi-Wan felt a bit of satisfaction at Anakin's win and then that was replaced with a feeling of unease. He still had a long way to go with the trials. Siri went out into the arena to reassure Irnak.
"I'm sorry, I lost. I tried my best." The Trovian said hanging his furry head.
"That's all anyone can ask of you." Siri said with kindness in her voice. "Just because Anakin outscored you does not mean you lost, nor does it mean I will not pass the trials. You improved your skills greatly this last week and that's what this was all about."
The young Trovian smiled and headed back to the freshener to change into a fresh tunic and then join the spectators. Anakin turned to see Obi-Wan kneeling beside him.
"There is much strength in you young Skywalker, but there is also weakness. You must learn to embrace your weaknesses or you'll never appreciate your strengths. Remember, the man who doesn't seek power is the one who is most able to harness it." Obi-Wan said, touching Anakin on the shoulder.
"Thank you." Anakin said lamely. He didn't know how to respond, the words Obi-Wan spoke were beautiful and wise beyond his years. In that moment, Anakin as well as the rest of the arena saw not the creepy guy who walks the temple's halls but rather a wise Jedi Master.
Anakin then turned and followed Irnak to the freshener and Obi-Wan turned and followed Siri to face the rest of the trials.
**
Later that day Obi-Wan sat alone in the room of a thousand fountains. He was preparing himself mentally for the task ahead. He had passed all the other trials, the training of a padawan, the individual sparring session with several practice droids and of course the teamwork session where everyone nominated must work as a team to accomplish some task.
All that was left was the cave. No one knew quite what the cave was. It was located in an isolated room of the temple that was kept locked to keep out curious padawans. Everyone who had taken the trials previously knew what the cave was but none would speak of what went on inside. All they would say to the padawans is that the cave is strong with the darkside of the force and that your worst fear lives inside.
Obi-Wan didn't know what to expect and that made it all the more terrifying. He sat on a rock letting the artificial light warm his face when his peace was interrupted by a familiar voice.
"So, Oafy-Wan, I hear they're letting you take the trials." Bruck Chun stated, with a sneer.
"Good, then your hearing is fine." Obi-Wan said sarcastically.
"I guess they'll let anyone take the trials nowadays." Bruck scoffed.
"Yet they won't let you. What's that tell you?" Obi-Wan said in a calm tone.
"You're gonna fail. You may have been able to pass all the previous trials, but the cave is the toughest. You're lightsaber won't save you in there." Bruck mocked.
"Don't you have anything better to do?" Obi-Wan asked, now rising from his medative stance to face Bruck.
"Like whoop you in a lightsaber duel?" Buck declared in his most challenging tone.
"Whoop me?" Obi-Wan mocked. "Why don't you challenge me when you grow up?" Obi-Wan said, walking towards the door.
"One day I'll be the most powerful Jedi in the galaxy Obi-Wan!" Bruck shouted at him as he walked away. "I won't let them shun me! You and I will duel again and we'll finish what we started twelve years ago!"
"I look forward to it. Only then you won't be able to go to the medics and rat me out." Obi-Wan declared and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
'I shouldn't have said that.' Obi-Wan thought. 'I need to let go of the darkness.' The anger had left Obi-Wan but the tempting call of the darkside still remained. He could hear the heavy voice in his head: 'You could end it. You have the power. Take him out, be rid of his annoyance forever.'
"No!" Obi-Wan said to himself, grabbing his head with both hands. "I did not battle with you all these years only to let you drag me down again for the likes of Bruck Chun!"
"Obi-Wan? Who are you talking to?" Qui-Gon appeared, and asked with concern in his voice.
"No one. No one." Obi-Wan said composing himself.
"They're waiting for you. It's your turn at the cave." Qui-Gon said, still concerned.
"Let's go." Obi-Wan said, and the two headed down the hall. "I'm ready." The truth is, he was. He didn't know what the cave would throw at him, all he knew was that his worst fears had already been realized. This came with the realization that the darkside had not left him. His battle with the darkside would never be over, he'd never be fully rid of the monster within.
The room was small, dark and quiet. All was still, the calm before the storm. Anakin tried to ease his nerves, because he never felt more anxious in his life. He found himself in a small training room just outside of the main training arena. He was awaiting the call for his sparring match.
He had sparred before. Qui-Gon had given him a crash course in lightsaber techniques, but he was still behind most of the other children. They had trained all their lives and Anakin had only trained for a few months. Qui-Gon always told Anakin how proud he was after each match. The fact that Anakin could keep up with students his age despite his lack of training proved his abilities.
Anakin still felt uneasy. The fact remained, he had never won a sparring match, and despite Qui-Gon's supportive praise, Anakin couldn't help but feel inferior. He hadn't been able to win a podrace when he first started either, but this was different. No one had expected him to win a podrace, many expected him to win a saber match.
It's easy to fail when you're the underdog, everyone expects you to. It also makes victory much sweeter, because you've overcome great odds. Being gifted is a much more difficult life. When you succeed, you receive little praise because your success is expected, but when you fail, it's absolutely devastating. The feeling of failure is magnified. That's what no one understood.
Many envied his abilities, Anakin in turn wished he could give them away, he wished for a simple life without people placing expectations on him. The life of a gifted person, is a sad and lonely one. No one admires or understands you, they either envy your success, or chastise your failings.
It had been months since his vision that never came true. Master Yoda as well as Qui-Gon tried to put it into perspective telling him that it may yet come true or that seeing death in a vision didn't always mean death. It could be 'symbolic,' what ever that meant. Anakin felt uneasy, he was just a kid, and both Qui-Gon and Yoda confessed that his powers were a heavy burden for a mere child.
Anakin didn't want sympathy though, he wanted admiration. He would not fail them. He would win this match, he had to. For this match was no ordinary match, today was trials day. Trials day was an annual event at the temple. It was simply the day that padawans nominated to take the trials did just that. Activity stopped that day. Jedi returned from missions, classes were canceled, all the Jedi who could come to be spectators did.
Ordinarily, Anakin would have loved this day, after all, any day without class is a good one. Today, though he was uneasy. The presence of so many Jedi meant that nearly the entire order would be watching him spar today, and as the "chosen one" all eyes would be on him. Everyone would be judging him. He must win.
Obi-Wan would be among those taking the trials. This decision to allow him such an honor shocked most of the order, but whenever asked, Master Windu would merely say: "Anyone who saves the lives of two Jedi masters ought to at least be given a chance." To which, most agreed. They figured if there was too much of the dark in him he wouldn't be able to pass the trials.
"Anakin, are you even listening to me?" Obi-Wan asked, snapping Anakin out of his trance.
"Yes." Anakin lied.
"Good. Now what do you do if he attacks low?" Obi-Wan repeated the question that previously went unanswered.
"Perry, then counterattack high." Anakin answered with confidence, he knew the answer, yet he knew that executing it in battle was a completely different matter.
"Alright." Obi-Wan said with assurity in his voice. "I think you're ready."
"Kenobi/Skywalker, ten minutes." A mechanical voice rang over the speaker in the room.
"Are you ready, Ani?" Qui-Gon who had been standing there the whole time asked.
Anakin nodded even though he was unsure.
"Take a moment to meditate then head out to the arena, I'll head to the coach's box." Obi-Wan stated, then headed for the door that lead to the arena. He then turned back briefly before exiting with Qui-Gon. "May the force be with you."
"And with you." Anakin returned.
Obi-Wan exited the tiny room, closed the door behind him and turned to Qui- Gon. "It's been so long since I've said that." Obi-Wan said with a nervous chuckle.
"So, the first stage of your trials? I remember when I had to take the trials." Qui-Gon reminisced.
"Has much changed?" Obi-Wan wondered, he was always interested in the history of the order.
"No, it's exactly the same. We also had to pick a padawan which we would have one week to train for a sparring match. I picked Xanatos, and I was so impressed with him that I made him my apprentice." Qui-Gon chuckled to himself.
"I was very impressed with Anakin, but I suppose he's already got a master." Obi-Wan said with a grin.
"I appreciate you choosing Anakin. I'll admit, he's not easy to train, especially when it comes to saber techniques. He tends to get ahead of himself. You've done an amazing job, he's really come leaps and bounds. I never knew you were that good a swordsman." Qui-Gon said.
"When you spend half your life with the Jedi then the other half with the Sith, you tend to learn all the tricks." Obi-Wan said, trying to think of a modest way to accept the compliment. "Besides, Anakin was a natural choice for me, were both-controversial."
"To say the least." Qui-Gon chuckled.
"I'd better get to the coach's box." Obi-Wan said with hesitation in his voice. Despite his cool demeanor, he was just as nervous if not more so than Anakin.
"Don't worry, he'll do fine." Qui-Gon assured him, picking up on his friend's anxiety. "And so will you."
Obi-Wan gave a nod and Qui-Gon headed to the stands to watch his padawan's match. Obi-Wan headed around the large, oval-shaped arena to his coaching box on the other side. From this vantage point he could call out commands to Anakin.
Both padawans were summoned out into the arena. The crowd was eerily silent, it was not polite to cheer at such an event. Not only would it break concentration, it would force many to choose sides. "No sides are there. All Jedi we are." Yoda would always say to the cheering younglings who knew no better.
Anakin made his way to the middle of the arena. He looked across the way to see who his opponent was. It was Irnak Dksem, a young Trovian about his age. Irnak was among the most skilled of Anakin's age group, in fact he was second only to Feris Olin.
Irnak and Anakin bowed to the council who were judging the competition and seated at a long table situated in between the coach's boxes. They then bowed to their coaches, Anakin to Obi-Wan and Irnak to Siri who had also been nominated to take the trials. They then bowed to one another and ignited their training-lightsabers.
The two padawans lunged at each other at the same time. They crossed blades and then each tried their most advanced maneuver. It showed their impatience and immaturity, they each used their best move first to try and score points early when it would have been more beneficial to start with simpler moves first. It was a typical padawan mistake that would have gone unnoticed by anyone other than the keen-eyed Jedi.
The two battled on, each giving it their all. The only sounds that could be heard were the clashing of lightsabers and the two padawans grunting from exertion. Of course even these sounds were drowned out by the occasional voice of Ki Adi Mundi awarding one player a point and even more prominent was the sound of the two coaches barking instructions to their students.
Siri was constantly talking. She commented on every little move Irnak made. Anakin was grateful that Obi-Wan's advice wasn't overbearing. Siri was constantly offering her student advice and Obi-Wan was quiet for the most part. He only spoke occasionally and in snippets like: "Watch your footwork." Small things Anakin could focus on and gain an advantage.
Qui-Gon had a seat next to Xanatos and the two old friends watched the match together.
"Anakin's really improved." Xanatos whispered to Qui-Gon.
"Yes, he and Obi-Wan are great together." Qui-Gon noted. "Can you feel it?"
"Feel what?"
"That tremor in the force when they're together. It's almost as if they're meant to be a team." Qui-Gon said beaming with pride.
"Yes, I feel it. The only strange thing is that I can't feel the same when you're with them." Xanatos remarked sheepishly, he wanted to point it out to Qui-Gon but wondered if perhaps this was the wrong time.
"What do you mean?" Qui-Gon said raising his voice so that many of the other spectators were now looking at them.
"Nothing, old friend." Xanatos said turning his attention back to the match. "Merely an observation. I meant nothing by it."
Qui-Gon felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. Xanatos was right. Was the force trying to tell them something? Was Obi-Wan meant to train Anakin? He would have to meditate on this.
Meanwhile the match had ended and Anakin had won by a mere two points. The boy beamed with pride and Obi-Wan did too. Anakin had won his first match and he had helped.
Anakin felt grateful to Obi-Wan, as well. At first he didn't trust this rather intimidating looking man but the more Anakin got to know him, the more he realized that despite all his flaws, there was a good man inside Obi-Wan Kenobi, a just man who for a moment had his sense of justice skewed.
Obi-Wan was able to put things in a way that Anakin understood them. Qui- Gon was of course a wonderful teacher but often Qui-Gon got too deeply in to how to use your feelings in a lightsaber duel. Obi-Wan explained things in a more methodical way that was better suited for Anakin's mechanical mind. It was as if Obi-Wan broke the steps down and made using a lightsaber as easy as using a hydrospanner.
Obi-Wan felt a bit of satisfaction at Anakin's win and then that was replaced with a feeling of unease. He still had a long way to go with the trials. Siri went out into the arena to reassure Irnak.
"I'm sorry, I lost. I tried my best." The Trovian said hanging his furry head.
"That's all anyone can ask of you." Siri said with kindness in her voice. "Just because Anakin outscored you does not mean you lost, nor does it mean I will not pass the trials. You improved your skills greatly this last week and that's what this was all about."
The young Trovian smiled and headed back to the freshener to change into a fresh tunic and then join the spectators. Anakin turned to see Obi-Wan kneeling beside him.
"There is much strength in you young Skywalker, but there is also weakness. You must learn to embrace your weaknesses or you'll never appreciate your strengths. Remember, the man who doesn't seek power is the one who is most able to harness it." Obi-Wan said, touching Anakin on the shoulder.
"Thank you." Anakin said lamely. He didn't know how to respond, the words Obi-Wan spoke were beautiful and wise beyond his years. In that moment, Anakin as well as the rest of the arena saw not the creepy guy who walks the temple's halls but rather a wise Jedi Master.
Anakin then turned and followed Irnak to the freshener and Obi-Wan turned and followed Siri to face the rest of the trials.
**
Later that day Obi-Wan sat alone in the room of a thousand fountains. He was preparing himself mentally for the task ahead. He had passed all the other trials, the training of a padawan, the individual sparring session with several practice droids and of course the teamwork session where everyone nominated must work as a team to accomplish some task.
All that was left was the cave. No one knew quite what the cave was. It was located in an isolated room of the temple that was kept locked to keep out curious padawans. Everyone who had taken the trials previously knew what the cave was but none would speak of what went on inside. All they would say to the padawans is that the cave is strong with the darkside of the force and that your worst fear lives inside.
Obi-Wan didn't know what to expect and that made it all the more terrifying. He sat on a rock letting the artificial light warm his face when his peace was interrupted by a familiar voice.
"So, Oafy-Wan, I hear they're letting you take the trials." Bruck Chun stated, with a sneer.
"Good, then your hearing is fine." Obi-Wan said sarcastically.
"I guess they'll let anyone take the trials nowadays." Bruck scoffed.
"Yet they won't let you. What's that tell you?" Obi-Wan said in a calm tone.
"You're gonna fail. You may have been able to pass all the previous trials, but the cave is the toughest. You're lightsaber won't save you in there." Bruck mocked.
"Don't you have anything better to do?" Obi-Wan asked, now rising from his medative stance to face Bruck.
"Like whoop you in a lightsaber duel?" Buck declared in his most challenging tone.
"Whoop me?" Obi-Wan mocked. "Why don't you challenge me when you grow up?" Obi-Wan said, walking towards the door.
"One day I'll be the most powerful Jedi in the galaxy Obi-Wan!" Bruck shouted at him as he walked away. "I won't let them shun me! You and I will duel again and we'll finish what we started twelve years ago!"
"I look forward to it. Only then you won't be able to go to the medics and rat me out." Obi-Wan declared and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
'I shouldn't have said that.' Obi-Wan thought. 'I need to let go of the darkness.' The anger had left Obi-Wan but the tempting call of the darkside still remained. He could hear the heavy voice in his head: 'You could end it. You have the power. Take him out, be rid of his annoyance forever.'
"No!" Obi-Wan said to himself, grabbing his head with both hands. "I did not battle with you all these years only to let you drag me down again for the likes of Bruck Chun!"
"Obi-Wan? Who are you talking to?" Qui-Gon appeared, and asked with concern in his voice.
"No one. No one." Obi-Wan said composing himself.
"They're waiting for you. It's your turn at the cave." Qui-Gon said, still concerned.
"Let's go." Obi-Wan said, and the two headed down the hall. "I'm ready." The truth is, he was. He didn't know what the cave would throw at him, all he knew was that his worst fears had already been realized. This came with the realization that the darkside had not left him. His battle with the darkside would never be over, he'd never be fully rid of the monster within.