The Story So Far
"Forget My Name"
How could I have let this happen? Tonight seems utterly unbelievable. My life went from ecstatic to an unbearable pain in a mere few hours. Now I'm just sitting here, waiting for someone to come and announce my fate. The smoke escaping from my lips makes it look as though it's cold outside, and maybe it is, but I can't tell. I'm numb on the inside.
The bridge jiggles slightly behind me and subtle ripples form in the water beneath my feet. The messenger has come and he sits beside me, a melancholy look on his face. I quietly whisper a sentence of explanation, hoping it substitutes for the extent of my feelings.
"I made sure that she was alright."
My voice cracks at the end and I miserably look up at Luke, willing him to either tell me what to do or leave me to my own devices. He nods knowingly and stares out into the expanse of water before us thinking intently. When he finally speaks the sound startles me.
"Do you want to stay? Neither your mom nor I can make you. Now it is a matter of what you really want Jess. You've been through a lot; whatever you want to do is fine with me. I'll understand."
Luke never looked me in the eye the whole time he was there, he just said his piece and left as quietly as he had come. I watched him go, replaying what he had said in my mind. Did I want to stay? Did I need to go?
I don't remember how I got here, but here I am, outside her window, staring at her lying comfortably on her bed. I haven't seen her since it happened. I wonder how she will react to me showing up without warning. She probably hates me and as I stand out here, I briefly wonder if I should just go back to Luke's. Then again, the thought of leaving and not saying goodbye plays in my mind and I cringe. I have to do this. I quietly knock on her window and she starts, her eyes darting to the window.
Her gaze falls on mine and she smiles warmly, reassuring me that she's not mad. After unlatching the window, Rory steps aside, allowing me to make my way into her room.
"My mom is home so you have to be quiet, okay?" I smile at the look on her face: a mix of worry and excitement.
"Yeah." I stare intensely into her sapphire eyes until she looks away, embarrassed. To regain composure I look around for a minute, trying to find a topic of interest we could talk about. My eyes fall upon a book sitting on her nightstand. "Ah, Ayn Rand. Of course," I said, picking the book up and examining the cover. "What's this one about?"
"Another story written by a political nut, you wouldn't be interested." She grinned at me and sat down on her bed, taking the book from my hands in the process. While doing that, I notice the blue cast encasing her broken arm. A pang of guilt hits my stomach as I kneel in front of her, taking the cast and examining it.
"How is it?"
"It's not that bad actually. It doesn't hurt and I can go around telling people at school really fake tragic stories about what happened and they'll never know the difference. So far four different people know four completely different grotesque stories." Rory smiles contently at me, and my face eases its severe frown of concern.
"Any of those stories are probably better than what really happened." I look up into her eyes for a brief second before standing up and turning around. "Look, Rory, I'm really sorry about tonight. I made you go get ice cream even though we were supposed to be studying and because of it, you ended up in the hospital. I ruined what I think could have been a good friendship and I can't forgive myself for that."
"Jess, wait. What are you talking about?"
"Just let me finish Rory. I can't stay here anymore. I've been waiting on the sidelines for months now and I've always known that we would just be friends. That's not what I want Rory. I miss you Rory."
"Jess, I'm right here."
"I know, but you'll never be mine. It's like that quote, 'The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them, knowing you can't have them.'"
At this point I've moved all around the room and looked at practically everything but Rory. In my mind I picture her to be staring at the back of my head, her mind running a mile a minute, trying to understand what I'm saying and failing. I move to sit next to her and force myself to look into her piercing gaze, just the way I had imagined it.
"I've tried every way I know how to make you understand without hurting you. I needed you to know how I felt before I left. I care about you Rory, more than you know, but I can't do anything about it. That's why I need you to do two things for me. First, let me have this moment."
She stared at me as I inched closer to her face. The last thing I remember seeing before drowning in mixed emotions was her eyes, growing anxious and nervous. She held back at first but after a second of my lips on hers, she gave in and allowed me to set the pace. I reached my hand to touch her cheek and she wrapped her hand around the back of my neck, pulling me closer. She wasn't supposed to want to do that.
I pulled back quickly and stared at her, scared. I had been so sure of myself coming into this, but after her movement, I wasn't. Her eyes flashed with fright and concern and she looked away, ashamed at what she had done. My voice stumbled when I tried to speak.
"Now, now I need you to forget me." I fought to gain control of the situation again and plead with her to look at me. When she turns back he ryes are filled with confusion but this time she can't seem to say anything and I'm grateful. "I need you to forget that I ever came here, that you ever met me. It's the only way I know that I can move on. I'm leaving tomorrow and I won't be coming back. I need you not to come and see me, not to write me, not to call me. Forget tonight and any other night for that matter ever happened. Please Rory, do that for me."
I stand up and slowly bend down until my eyes are level with hers. There are tears in her eyes and she still looks confused. I kiss her softly on the lips and whisper in her ear before I climb out the window and run back to Luke's.
"I love you, Rory."
How could I have let this happen? Tonight seems utterly unbelievable. My life went from ecstatic to an unbearable pain in a mere few hours. Now I'm just sitting here, waiting for someone to come and announce my fate. The smoke escaping from my lips makes it look as though it's cold outside, and maybe it is, but I can't tell. I'm numb on the inside.
The bridge jiggles slightly behind me and subtle ripples form in the water beneath my feet. The messenger has come and he sits beside me, a melancholy look on his face. I quietly whisper a sentence of explanation, hoping it substitutes for the extent of my feelings.
"I made sure that she was alright."
My voice cracks at the end and I miserably look up at Luke, willing him to either tell me what to do or leave me to my own devices. He nods knowingly and stares out into the expanse of water before us thinking intently. When he finally speaks the sound startles me.
"Do you want to stay? Neither your mom nor I can make you. Now it is a matter of what you really want Jess. You've been through a lot; whatever you want to do is fine with me. I'll understand."
Luke never looked me in the eye the whole time he was there, he just said his piece and left as quietly as he had come. I watched him go, replaying what he had said in my mind. Did I want to stay? Did I need to go?
I don't remember how I got here, but here I am, outside her window, staring at her lying comfortably on her bed. I haven't seen her since it happened. I wonder how she will react to me showing up without warning. She probably hates me and as I stand out here, I briefly wonder if I should just go back to Luke's. Then again, the thought of leaving and not saying goodbye plays in my mind and I cringe. I have to do this. I quietly knock on her window and she starts, her eyes darting to the window.
Her gaze falls on mine and she smiles warmly, reassuring me that she's not mad. After unlatching the window, Rory steps aside, allowing me to make my way into her room.
"My mom is home so you have to be quiet, okay?" I smile at the look on her face: a mix of worry and excitement.
"Yeah." I stare intensely into her sapphire eyes until she looks away, embarrassed. To regain composure I look around for a minute, trying to find a topic of interest we could talk about. My eyes fall upon a book sitting on her nightstand. "Ah, Ayn Rand. Of course," I said, picking the book up and examining the cover. "What's this one about?"
"Another story written by a political nut, you wouldn't be interested." She grinned at me and sat down on her bed, taking the book from my hands in the process. While doing that, I notice the blue cast encasing her broken arm. A pang of guilt hits my stomach as I kneel in front of her, taking the cast and examining it.
"How is it?"
"It's not that bad actually. It doesn't hurt and I can go around telling people at school really fake tragic stories about what happened and they'll never know the difference. So far four different people know four completely different grotesque stories." Rory smiles contently at me, and my face eases its severe frown of concern.
"Any of those stories are probably better than what really happened." I look up into her eyes for a brief second before standing up and turning around. "Look, Rory, I'm really sorry about tonight. I made you go get ice cream even though we were supposed to be studying and because of it, you ended up in the hospital. I ruined what I think could have been a good friendship and I can't forgive myself for that."
"Jess, wait. What are you talking about?"
"Just let me finish Rory. I can't stay here anymore. I've been waiting on the sidelines for months now and I've always known that we would just be friends. That's not what I want Rory. I miss you Rory."
"Jess, I'm right here."
"I know, but you'll never be mine. It's like that quote, 'The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them, knowing you can't have them.'"
At this point I've moved all around the room and looked at practically everything but Rory. In my mind I picture her to be staring at the back of my head, her mind running a mile a minute, trying to understand what I'm saying and failing. I move to sit next to her and force myself to look into her piercing gaze, just the way I had imagined it.
"I've tried every way I know how to make you understand without hurting you. I needed you to know how I felt before I left. I care about you Rory, more than you know, but I can't do anything about it. That's why I need you to do two things for me. First, let me have this moment."
She stared at me as I inched closer to her face. The last thing I remember seeing before drowning in mixed emotions was her eyes, growing anxious and nervous. She held back at first but after a second of my lips on hers, she gave in and allowed me to set the pace. I reached my hand to touch her cheek and she wrapped her hand around the back of my neck, pulling me closer. She wasn't supposed to want to do that.
I pulled back quickly and stared at her, scared. I had been so sure of myself coming into this, but after her movement, I wasn't. Her eyes flashed with fright and concern and she looked away, ashamed at what she had done. My voice stumbled when I tried to speak.
"Now, now I need you to forget me." I fought to gain control of the situation again and plead with her to look at me. When she turns back he ryes are filled with confusion but this time she can't seem to say anything and I'm grateful. "I need you to forget that I ever came here, that you ever met me. It's the only way I know that I can move on. I'm leaving tomorrow and I won't be coming back. I need you not to come and see me, not to write me, not to call me. Forget tonight and any other night for that matter ever happened. Please Rory, do that for me."
I stand up and slowly bend down until my eyes are level with hers. There are tears in her eyes and she still looks confused. I kiss her softly on the lips and whisper in her ear before I climb out the window and run back to Luke's.
"I love you, Rory."