The Story So Far 4
"It's Been A Summer"
The door to the apartment stuck in its frame and I had to kick it open because of the weight of my bag. I was cruelly welcomed by a grungy apartment that looked as though it hadn't been cleaned since I had left. I closed the door behind me and made my way down the hall to my old room. After throwing my duffel onto my bed, I left the room to see a teenage girl standing in the hallway. Her alarmed face softened when she saw me and she threw her arms around my neck.
"Jess! You're back! Oh my God you're back!"
I encircle her with my arms and hug her close to me. I missed her more than I thought I had. After a minute I pull back and stare at my sister.
"Hey Carly."
"How did you get here?"
"Bus. Sorry I didn't call but I didn't have time."
"Why are you here?"
"Wow, love you too."
"I'm sorry. I missed you, I love you, yadda yadda yadda, why are you back?"
"I couldn't stay anymore."
"What happened? Did Luke kick you out or something?"
"Or something." My face turns into a tired frown as I remember the events that let to Carly and I's reunion. She notices this and hesitantly speaks again.
"Lizzie didn't tell me you were coming back."
"That's cuz Lizzie doesn't know."
"Oh." Her face falls as she imagines all the worst-case-scenarios that could soon take place when our mother comes home. I go over them in my head as well and none of them end happily. We stand together in awkward silence for a few minutes, just staring at one another, hoping that the other isn't feeling as uncomfortable as we are.
"You stopped writing." She sounds sad and I know that my letters had been the only things that had kept her going for a while.
"I know."
"Why?"
"I couldn't anymore."
"I needed you."
"I know."
"Dustin said that you would write again. He was sure that something had happened and that tomorrow I would get a letter. Tomorrow never came."
"I'm sorry. I just couldn't. With you, here, alone. I just couldn't."
Again we stand and stare. Shifting from one foot to another got old about five minutes ago so now I'm left wringing my hands. I try to offer her some kind of comfort because I fear she's lost faith in her older brother.
"I wanted to call."
"You could have." And that's true, I could have.
"I didn't know what to say."
"I wouldn't have either." I'm oddly comforted by this fact and it seems like we've done all the small talk that we're going to do.
"Well, I'm gonna go unpack."
"Yeah, okay. Do you, uh, need any help?"
"Thanks, but I think I got it." I lift my duffel from its place on the floor and make my way down the familiar path to my room, my sanctuary. It looks exactly the same. My posters are still up; the same Clash poster is falling down at the top left hand corner. My shelves are still piled high with the books I hadn't brought with me and my dresser drawers are slightly pulled out. I guess I was in a hurry when I left and didn't take the time to straighten them out.
My CD player is still on the floor next to my bed and I slip in Verve Pipe. The first song comes on and I set out to clean up my room. Most of my stuff is still back at Luke's so there's not much to clean up, but I do what I can. I unpack my duffel into my drawers and hang some shirts on the hangers that are in the closet. Satisfied with my work, I flop down on my bed and take For Whom The Bell Tolls out of my back pocket.
Lizzie came home a few hours later as I had dreaded. I assume she'd heard from Carly that I was back, so I wasn't surprised when she came into my room and sat down at my desk. I sat up on my bed and turned the volume down on my CD player.
"Well, it's been a while, huh?" She didn't sound bitter, but not exactly welcoming either.
"Yeah, I guess it has been."
"What are you doing here, Jess?"
"I needed to leave."
"What did you do?"
I sighed. I knew this was going to come up. Lizzie isn't the type that's accepting and doesn't ask questions. She jumps to conclusions and I figured that it would be better that I told her straight out rather than her hearing the wrong story later.
"I crashed a car."
"That's it?" She seemed shocked. I would be too if I were her. I have a record that involves much worse things. She probably figured that if I came back, it would be because I'd done something really bad. Like really bad.
"I hurt Rory." It was harder to say than I thought it would be. Just her name caught in my throat and I looked away from my mom's eyes.
"Who the hell is Rory." She said it so exasperatedly that it shouldn't be considered a question, but I needed to answer. I needed to define my relationship with her.
"The town princess, my friend."
"Let me guess. You were afraid the town would attack you if you stayed because you'd hurt their precious angel?"
"Partly."
"What's the other part?"
I sighed. I knew the answer and I knew how I felt, but I couldn't form it into words as easily as the feeling cut through me. I was ashamed. I was scared.
"I'm scared. I don't trust myself not to hurt her again." I said it under my breath but she heard me anyway. Her face turned from one of shock, to one of disgrace, to one of a compassionate pity.
"How long are you planning on staying?"
"I'm not sure. How long can I stay?"
"Depends, are you going to be screwing around again?"
I looked her square in the eye, knowing that my answer to this question would determine my welcome. "No."
She looked back at me for a long time. She believed me, I could see it in her eyes, but she couldn't trust me again, not this soon. "Stay. As long as you want. Just keep out of trouble."
I looked at her, amazed. "Thanks."
"Don't mention it. Dinner at Louie's at seven. Carly insisted on a family meal."
I smiled genuinely for the first time that day. I nodded and my mom left silently. I lied there for a while, propping my head against the headboard of my bed with a single pillow. The CD had ended, but I didn't notice. Carly stood in the doorway and quietly watched me.
"Yeah?" I said, letting her know I'd seen her.
"Nothing. I just missed you."
"I missed you too." I waved her into the room and she sat on the bed beside me. "How've things been?"
"They got worse after you left. Frank kept coming back." Her voice was strained and I could tell she had been miserable.
"What did you do?"
"I went over to Dustin's whenever he came over. Mrs. Freeman always made cookies when I came over."
I smiled, knowing Dustin's mom all too well. Dustin had been my best friend while I lived up here; I would probably see him later tonight after dinner. His mom always looked after us when things got bad at home. Carly was dating Dustin, even though he was seventeen and she was only fifteen. When I'd first heard they were going out, I was mad. I thought Dustin was doing it for a laugh, like he didn't really care about my sister. Then one night we all went to the movies, I went with some random girl and we doubled with Dustin and Carly. I watched them like a hawk that night, as all big brothers do, and I noticed how sweet he was with her. He was different with her than with most other girls he'd dated. When we left the theatre that night, I pulled him aside and basically said, "You break her heart, I'll break your neck." That had been the first and last time I ever quoted The Fast and the Furious. He assured me that he cared about her and would never do that, and I believed him. That had been months ago and they were still dating.
"Well, don't worry. I'm here now." I hugged her close.
"Are you staying?" Her voice was hesitant, like she didn't want to get her hopes up.
"I'm planning on it."
"Good, I don't think I could take it if you left again."
She sighed happily and we both lied there for a while, thinking things over.
"So, what's this I hear about Louie's?"
She blushed, "Oh, yeah, well I figured that since you were back and all, we should have at least one family meal before everything is chaos again."
"Good plan."
(A/N: Hey guys! I reread the first couple chapters of this and decided I might continue it. I lost my notes on the chapters though, so this will probably turn out to be scattered in the end. Okay, well, thanks for reading. Please review if you get the chance. ~Amanda)
"It's Been A Summer"
The door to the apartment stuck in its frame and I had to kick it open because of the weight of my bag. I was cruelly welcomed by a grungy apartment that looked as though it hadn't been cleaned since I had left. I closed the door behind me and made my way down the hall to my old room. After throwing my duffel onto my bed, I left the room to see a teenage girl standing in the hallway. Her alarmed face softened when she saw me and she threw her arms around my neck.
"Jess! You're back! Oh my God you're back!"
I encircle her with my arms and hug her close to me. I missed her more than I thought I had. After a minute I pull back and stare at my sister.
"Hey Carly."
"How did you get here?"
"Bus. Sorry I didn't call but I didn't have time."
"Why are you here?"
"Wow, love you too."
"I'm sorry. I missed you, I love you, yadda yadda yadda, why are you back?"
"I couldn't stay anymore."
"What happened? Did Luke kick you out or something?"
"Or something." My face turns into a tired frown as I remember the events that let to Carly and I's reunion. She notices this and hesitantly speaks again.
"Lizzie didn't tell me you were coming back."
"That's cuz Lizzie doesn't know."
"Oh." Her face falls as she imagines all the worst-case-scenarios that could soon take place when our mother comes home. I go over them in my head as well and none of them end happily. We stand together in awkward silence for a few minutes, just staring at one another, hoping that the other isn't feeling as uncomfortable as we are.
"You stopped writing." She sounds sad and I know that my letters had been the only things that had kept her going for a while.
"I know."
"Why?"
"I couldn't anymore."
"I needed you."
"I know."
"Dustin said that you would write again. He was sure that something had happened and that tomorrow I would get a letter. Tomorrow never came."
"I'm sorry. I just couldn't. With you, here, alone. I just couldn't."
Again we stand and stare. Shifting from one foot to another got old about five minutes ago so now I'm left wringing my hands. I try to offer her some kind of comfort because I fear she's lost faith in her older brother.
"I wanted to call."
"You could have." And that's true, I could have.
"I didn't know what to say."
"I wouldn't have either." I'm oddly comforted by this fact and it seems like we've done all the small talk that we're going to do.
"Well, I'm gonna go unpack."
"Yeah, okay. Do you, uh, need any help?"
"Thanks, but I think I got it." I lift my duffel from its place on the floor and make my way down the familiar path to my room, my sanctuary. It looks exactly the same. My posters are still up; the same Clash poster is falling down at the top left hand corner. My shelves are still piled high with the books I hadn't brought with me and my dresser drawers are slightly pulled out. I guess I was in a hurry when I left and didn't take the time to straighten them out.
My CD player is still on the floor next to my bed and I slip in Verve Pipe. The first song comes on and I set out to clean up my room. Most of my stuff is still back at Luke's so there's not much to clean up, but I do what I can. I unpack my duffel into my drawers and hang some shirts on the hangers that are in the closet. Satisfied with my work, I flop down on my bed and take For Whom The Bell Tolls out of my back pocket.
Lizzie came home a few hours later as I had dreaded. I assume she'd heard from Carly that I was back, so I wasn't surprised when she came into my room and sat down at my desk. I sat up on my bed and turned the volume down on my CD player.
"Well, it's been a while, huh?" She didn't sound bitter, but not exactly welcoming either.
"Yeah, I guess it has been."
"What are you doing here, Jess?"
"I needed to leave."
"What did you do?"
I sighed. I knew this was going to come up. Lizzie isn't the type that's accepting and doesn't ask questions. She jumps to conclusions and I figured that it would be better that I told her straight out rather than her hearing the wrong story later.
"I crashed a car."
"That's it?" She seemed shocked. I would be too if I were her. I have a record that involves much worse things. She probably figured that if I came back, it would be because I'd done something really bad. Like really bad.
"I hurt Rory." It was harder to say than I thought it would be. Just her name caught in my throat and I looked away from my mom's eyes.
"Who the hell is Rory." She said it so exasperatedly that it shouldn't be considered a question, but I needed to answer. I needed to define my relationship with her.
"The town princess, my friend."
"Let me guess. You were afraid the town would attack you if you stayed because you'd hurt their precious angel?"
"Partly."
"What's the other part?"
I sighed. I knew the answer and I knew how I felt, but I couldn't form it into words as easily as the feeling cut through me. I was ashamed. I was scared.
"I'm scared. I don't trust myself not to hurt her again." I said it under my breath but she heard me anyway. Her face turned from one of shock, to one of disgrace, to one of a compassionate pity.
"How long are you planning on staying?"
"I'm not sure. How long can I stay?"
"Depends, are you going to be screwing around again?"
I looked her square in the eye, knowing that my answer to this question would determine my welcome. "No."
She looked back at me for a long time. She believed me, I could see it in her eyes, but she couldn't trust me again, not this soon. "Stay. As long as you want. Just keep out of trouble."
I looked at her, amazed. "Thanks."
"Don't mention it. Dinner at Louie's at seven. Carly insisted on a family meal."
I smiled genuinely for the first time that day. I nodded and my mom left silently. I lied there for a while, propping my head against the headboard of my bed with a single pillow. The CD had ended, but I didn't notice. Carly stood in the doorway and quietly watched me.
"Yeah?" I said, letting her know I'd seen her.
"Nothing. I just missed you."
"I missed you too." I waved her into the room and she sat on the bed beside me. "How've things been?"
"They got worse after you left. Frank kept coming back." Her voice was strained and I could tell she had been miserable.
"What did you do?"
"I went over to Dustin's whenever he came over. Mrs. Freeman always made cookies when I came over."
I smiled, knowing Dustin's mom all too well. Dustin had been my best friend while I lived up here; I would probably see him later tonight after dinner. His mom always looked after us when things got bad at home. Carly was dating Dustin, even though he was seventeen and she was only fifteen. When I'd first heard they were going out, I was mad. I thought Dustin was doing it for a laugh, like he didn't really care about my sister. Then one night we all went to the movies, I went with some random girl and we doubled with Dustin and Carly. I watched them like a hawk that night, as all big brothers do, and I noticed how sweet he was with her. He was different with her than with most other girls he'd dated. When we left the theatre that night, I pulled him aside and basically said, "You break her heart, I'll break your neck." That had been the first and last time I ever quoted The Fast and the Furious. He assured me that he cared about her and would never do that, and I believed him. That had been months ago and they were still dating.
"Well, don't worry. I'm here now." I hugged her close.
"Are you staying?" Her voice was hesitant, like she didn't want to get her hopes up.
"I'm planning on it."
"Good, I don't think I could take it if you left again."
She sighed happily and we both lied there for a while, thinking things over.
"So, what's this I hear about Louie's?"
She blushed, "Oh, yeah, well I figured that since you were back and all, we should have at least one family meal before everything is chaos again."
"Good plan."
(A/N: Hey guys! I reread the first couple chapters of this and decided I might continue it. I lost my notes on the chapters though, so this will probably turn out to be scattered in the end. Okay, well, thanks for reading. Please review if you get the chance. ~Amanda)