That night Snape spends his time thinking. He sits down with a cup of cold
tea with no milk or sugar, or tea as a matter of fact. As usual he is too
preoccupied to notice. He lowers himself into his faithful chair and sits.
He sits and thinks. And he continues to think even as the shadows of the
fire dance on the floor.
Of course he has remembered his conversation with Hermione. It took him a while but then the advice came flooding back. Now his brow is creased in deep contemplation of his feelings.
She may be a child but she may be right. I mean, this did happen after Bitters got sick. He sighs heavily. But why? Why would that affect me? As far as I know she's a complete stranger. Frustrated with himself, Snape throws the mug across the room where it hit's the bare stone wall and shatters. Can someone really have this strong a hold on my feelings? What could I possibly miss? Nothing but her arguments, her disgraceful way of teaching, her pathetic attempts at potion-making, her sneer, the way her eyes glitter when she's angry, her walk, her long flowing hair, her eyes that seem to have hidden depths, her twisted smile, her uneasy laugh, the way her nose wrinkles in frustration, the feeling she gives you like there is something about her, something in her past that not a soul knows, well, everything about her. Oh God. Help me. I think I love her! It's impossible. Yet, somehow, she always makes me feel special. Makes me feel noticed. I've always felt different around her ever since she arrived here. I, well, I miss her. I really miss her. She seemed to be everywhere I was. And nowâE¦now she's not. Oh God. What do I do? He rests his head in his hands. How can this be so? But it is so. I must do something. I'm not myself without her. Why didn't I notice it before? Tomorrow. Tomorrow is Saturday. I'll visit her. I'll, well, just speak to her. Then see what happens. Yes that's what I'll do.
With a somewhat more relaxed body, Snape waves his wand and clears up the shattered ceramic mug in a second. He climbs into bed feeling much better. Feeling that things will shape up. With a free mind and a full heart, Snape drifts off into a blissful sleep.
****
With a week to herself and nothing to do, Miss Bitters has plenty of time to think. She occupies herself thinking about what she would do once she got back to teaching. But no matter how hard she tries to occupy her mind, thoughts that she has no control over filter across her mind. Her nights are restless with past memories. She has nightmares every night for there is nothing to take her mind off it. Nothing to help her forget during the early hours of the morning. But it isn't just those haunting memories that bother her. It is also the fact that she feels she is missing something. Not teaching or the satisfaction of getting through to those small-brained children. It is something greater. Something that not only tugs at her mind but also her soul. The feeling cuts deep inside and wont leave.
Why do I feel this way? What's wrong with me? It can't be my illness but what else is there to bother me so? Day after day Miss Bitters tries to figure it out but it is impossible.
Until she has a visitor.
Saturday afternoon Madam Promfry leads a man past the hospital beds. Bitters can not tell who it is or who he is visiting owing to the Chinese screen around her bed. But the heavy footsteps sound familiar. Could it be?
"Professor, someone to see you." Madam Promfry calls just as she reached the bed.
The man steps around the screen and awkwardly looks at Bitters.
"Snape!"
"Hello professor."
"I'll leave you two alone." Madam Promfry walks away and goes into her office.
"What a surprise. What..what are you doing here?"
"Well, I just wanted to talk." He gingerly pulls up a chair and sits uncomfortably on it.
"Oh." Bitters is too shocked to say anything of importance.
"So, how are you?"
"Fine. Better than I was."
Snape sighs not knowing exactly how to go about saying what he wants to. "Miss Bitters, I don't know if you've heard," he starts out slowly, "but I haven't been feeling too good myself lately. And someone talked to me and I, well, came to realize that something is missing." Here Snape pauses and Bitters feels like saying "~you too?" when she stops herself so she can hear what he has to say. "I came to realize that I missed...that I missed you." He blushes and bowls on quickly not wanting to look up form the ground to see her reaction. "Over the last week I've had no one to argue with. I feel lost and time goes by so slowly. The halls seem empty without you." At this he stops and, taking a deep breath, looks up to meet Bitters' comprehending eyes.
She realizes with a jolt that she feels the same way. She realizes that the strange feeling inside her for the past week was longing. Longing for someone like her. Her mouth is dry and she searches for something to say but can't. Her lips seem to be stuck together. Snape feels self-conscious and wonders if this was such as good idea.
"Well...um...I'll just be going then." Snape slowly gets to his feet.
"No. Wait." Bitters stares up at him, seeing him a new light. "I...I've felt like something was missing too. I didn't know what it was until now. You're the only one who's ever noticed me. You're different." She waits for an answer.
"Really?" Snape, his heart surprisingly light, smiles warmly at her for the first time in years. "You are the first person I've been able to, well, complain to. You realize what teaching is really about."
"Well you really know what making potions is really about." They both chuckle at this.
"Miss Bitters-"
"Please, Rebecca." She interjects.
"May I ask what the potion was really for? I know it wasn't for teaching." Snape asks with a smirk.
"You're right. It wasn't. It was for me. I...well, put it this way: if I'd had it earlier I wouldn't be here." Snape quickly notices a dark flash in her eyes before she looks away.
There's something she's not telling me. I always knew there was a secret in her. Severus. May I?" Bitters looks up for approval and Snape nods his head. "Severus," The name slips smoothly over her lips, "there seems to be hidden depths to you. Something secretly stored away inside you." She is interrupted by Madam Promfry who has returned to announce that visiting hours are over.
"I'm sorry Professor Snape but you'll have to leave now."
Snape looks deeply into Bitters' eyes not wanting to spend more time without her. Madam Promfry notices the fresh, alive gleam in his eyes.
"Don't worry Snape. She'll be out tomorrow."
Snape reluctantly leaves the hospital wing, Bitters staring longingly after him.
****
Of course he has remembered his conversation with Hermione. It took him a while but then the advice came flooding back. Now his brow is creased in deep contemplation of his feelings.
She may be a child but she may be right. I mean, this did happen after Bitters got sick. He sighs heavily. But why? Why would that affect me? As far as I know she's a complete stranger. Frustrated with himself, Snape throws the mug across the room where it hit's the bare stone wall and shatters. Can someone really have this strong a hold on my feelings? What could I possibly miss? Nothing but her arguments, her disgraceful way of teaching, her pathetic attempts at potion-making, her sneer, the way her eyes glitter when she's angry, her walk, her long flowing hair, her eyes that seem to have hidden depths, her twisted smile, her uneasy laugh, the way her nose wrinkles in frustration, the feeling she gives you like there is something about her, something in her past that not a soul knows, well, everything about her. Oh God. Help me. I think I love her! It's impossible. Yet, somehow, she always makes me feel special. Makes me feel noticed. I've always felt different around her ever since she arrived here. I, well, I miss her. I really miss her. She seemed to be everywhere I was. And nowâE¦now she's not. Oh God. What do I do? He rests his head in his hands. How can this be so? But it is so. I must do something. I'm not myself without her. Why didn't I notice it before? Tomorrow. Tomorrow is Saturday. I'll visit her. I'll, well, just speak to her. Then see what happens. Yes that's what I'll do.
With a somewhat more relaxed body, Snape waves his wand and clears up the shattered ceramic mug in a second. He climbs into bed feeling much better. Feeling that things will shape up. With a free mind and a full heart, Snape drifts off into a blissful sleep.
****
With a week to herself and nothing to do, Miss Bitters has plenty of time to think. She occupies herself thinking about what she would do once she got back to teaching. But no matter how hard she tries to occupy her mind, thoughts that she has no control over filter across her mind. Her nights are restless with past memories. She has nightmares every night for there is nothing to take her mind off it. Nothing to help her forget during the early hours of the morning. But it isn't just those haunting memories that bother her. It is also the fact that she feels she is missing something. Not teaching or the satisfaction of getting through to those small-brained children. It is something greater. Something that not only tugs at her mind but also her soul. The feeling cuts deep inside and wont leave.
Why do I feel this way? What's wrong with me? It can't be my illness but what else is there to bother me so? Day after day Miss Bitters tries to figure it out but it is impossible.
Until she has a visitor.
Saturday afternoon Madam Promfry leads a man past the hospital beds. Bitters can not tell who it is or who he is visiting owing to the Chinese screen around her bed. But the heavy footsteps sound familiar. Could it be?
"Professor, someone to see you." Madam Promfry calls just as she reached the bed.
The man steps around the screen and awkwardly looks at Bitters.
"Snape!"
"Hello professor."
"I'll leave you two alone." Madam Promfry walks away and goes into her office.
"What a surprise. What..what are you doing here?"
"Well, I just wanted to talk." He gingerly pulls up a chair and sits uncomfortably on it.
"Oh." Bitters is too shocked to say anything of importance.
"So, how are you?"
"Fine. Better than I was."
Snape sighs not knowing exactly how to go about saying what he wants to. "Miss Bitters, I don't know if you've heard," he starts out slowly, "but I haven't been feeling too good myself lately. And someone talked to me and I, well, came to realize that something is missing." Here Snape pauses and Bitters feels like saying "~you too?" when she stops herself so she can hear what he has to say. "I came to realize that I missed...that I missed you." He blushes and bowls on quickly not wanting to look up form the ground to see her reaction. "Over the last week I've had no one to argue with. I feel lost and time goes by so slowly. The halls seem empty without you." At this he stops and, taking a deep breath, looks up to meet Bitters' comprehending eyes.
She realizes with a jolt that she feels the same way. She realizes that the strange feeling inside her for the past week was longing. Longing for someone like her. Her mouth is dry and she searches for something to say but can't. Her lips seem to be stuck together. Snape feels self-conscious and wonders if this was such as good idea.
"Well...um...I'll just be going then." Snape slowly gets to his feet.
"No. Wait." Bitters stares up at him, seeing him a new light. "I...I've felt like something was missing too. I didn't know what it was until now. You're the only one who's ever noticed me. You're different." She waits for an answer.
"Really?" Snape, his heart surprisingly light, smiles warmly at her for the first time in years. "You are the first person I've been able to, well, complain to. You realize what teaching is really about."
"Well you really know what making potions is really about." They both chuckle at this.
"Miss Bitters-"
"Please, Rebecca." She interjects.
"May I ask what the potion was really for? I know it wasn't for teaching." Snape asks with a smirk.
"You're right. It wasn't. It was for me. I...well, put it this way: if I'd had it earlier I wouldn't be here." Snape quickly notices a dark flash in her eyes before she looks away.
There's something she's not telling me. I always knew there was a secret in her. Severus. May I?" Bitters looks up for approval and Snape nods his head. "Severus," The name slips smoothly over her lips, "there seems to be hidden depths to you. Something secretly stored away inside you." She is interrupted by Madam Promfry who has returned to announce that visiting hours are over.
"I'm sorry Professor Snape but you'll have to leave now."
Snape looks deeply into Bitters' eyes not wanting to spend more time without her. Madam Promfry notices the fresh, alive gleam in his eyes.
"Don't worry Snape. She'll be out tomorrow."
Snape reluctantly leaves the hospital wing, Bitters staring longingly after him.
****