FINALLY!!! I managed to upload a new chapter!!! I know this took even
longer than the last one, and I'm really sorry that I kept you waiting so
long. Summer holidays eventually arrived and I was away from anything I
could write on for two weeks. I still hope you haven't given up on me
(though you'd have a reason, sniff! *bows head*)
This chapter is somewhat of an birthday present to myself (I turned 16 the on Tuesday! I'm a big girl now!!!) and because I like Sirius so much there isn't too much Siri-torture in this chapter. It's one with a happy end!!! (doesn't mean the story is over, mind you)
All your reviews kept me going and for that I'm really grateful. I'd probably given up by now if it wasn't for you! THANKS TO ALL REVIEWERS!!!
Someone Reading: Thanks for reviewing! Maybe you should change your name into Someone STILL Reading, at least if you're reading this now! ;) I'm glad you liked the Remus-scene, I found it really hard to write. There's another one in this chapter, too, but I still think I need to practice torturing everybody's favorite werewold. (sounds good, huh?) I think you should be proud of your father, I don't know many men how show openly what they feel. I hate people who say that it's weak!
Sylvia: Thank you! Well, if you liked it, you can look forward to another in this chapter! Of course you're right about OotP. Though I must say that I'd like it batter if the title was SIRIUS BLACK and the Order of the Phoenix :) I just think that it was pointless to let him die, it wouldn't've been necessary. But it's her book, right? Don't wanna know what she'd do if she knew what I'm doing with her characters . . .
mette: Thanks! Well, the part wasn't very hard to write, because Snape is such a git! ;)
cestari: Thank you! Ok, it's not that I didn't like the book, I just didn't like the ending. That wasn't necessary. I mean what's Harry gonna do now without him? At least we know that he'll be with the Dursleys during summer until he's old enough to get his own place. About the bolt of light: Hey, I didn't say that this was a Killing Curse! I just think that it's about that arch: it seems to be some sort of portal to the death. But anyway it's nice to see that there's still hope out there! :) Of course it would be great if they could get him back! Somewhere I heard a rumor (was before OotP) saying that the victory over Voldemort depends if they can prove Sirius innocent. Don't know who said that or if it was confirmed. But it gives hope, doesn't it?
noraseyes: Thank you! Hope you're still reading, even though I was away for so long!
Lisande: Thanks for reviewing! I don't understand my problem with Remus- scenes either. I just write them and hope you people like them. ;) Don't worry, I'll be following your story as soon as possibe (Hope ff.net lets me *grumble*) ! Lets see if you like the next chapter, too . . .
MoonTrance: Thank you for reviewing! Sorry I took so long again *sigh* I'm sooooo slow . . . Nice to know that there are other people out there in denial! :) That's what fanfics are for, right? (I didn't know that you were reading this before . . .)
A.Dee: Thanks for reviewing! No need to worry, as I've already said: this is a very Sirius-friendly chapter ( He really earned that break!) Hope you like the next Remus-scene, too . . .
daniz: Thank you! Hope you still raed this, it's been a (very, very long) while, huh? Don't worry about Sirius, he'll be alright! Yeah, I do fail without spell chack. My stupid computer doesn't do it anymore. Wonder why? Maybe I should quit calling it stupid . . . Anyway, enjoy this chapter!
sirius the homocidial maniac: I simply love that name . . .*gg* Well, thank you for reviewing! Yeah what's up with the rock? You've no idea how long I've been brooding over that! Wanna see Sirius brooding? Then I suggest you read this chapter . . .
Sally Lupin-Black: Thanks for reviewing! Don't worry, I WILL write more Sirius-stories . . . but that might take a while, I'm as slow as a . . . how do you call these slime things that creep around in the garden and eat salad? Well, anyway I'm glad that you liked it! I'm looking forward to the "patted-on-the-head"-part, too!! ;)
Ok, so now lets come to the (hopefully) interesting part of the update. Chapter19!
PS: My computer quitted spell checking so I had to do it myself. And due to the fact that I'm not very good at it, the story is probably stacked with misspellings and grammar-mistakes. If it gets unbearable you can e-mail me and send a few flames and I will make you my beta (because I REALLY need one) ;)
Enjoy the story:
Flight
Sirius was shaking with cold. He could've sworn that the temperature in the small cell had dropped even lower when Voldmort had entered. He was pressing his arm to his stomach, trying to make the pain stop.
Snape.
Hate dimly glowed through the freezing cold in his chest. What was that bastard doing? Sirius knew that Dumbledore believed his Potions master faithful, but he didn't share that trust. Once a Daeth Eater, always a Death Eater.
'At least', he thought bitterly, 'it's easier to think clearly now.' He didn't know if it was for the pain still flowing through his system or for the disgust that bubbled up in his chest as he thought of Snape, but he'd been able to grab rational thoughts again.
He shifted slightly and tensed up as he suddenly felt something press in the small of his back. There hadn't been anything before in this cell. His thoughts flowed back to the unpleasant meeting earlier. Snape had dropped something behind his back.
He hesitated to reach out and take it. Again he wondered what the slimy git was planning. Did Dumbledore send him? Maybe he would help him? The thought nearly made him snort. He was sure that the slimeball had enjoyed their 'meeting' earlier.
He pulled himself together and carefully let go of his injured arm. Clenching his teeth and trying to ignore the throbbing pain he twisted around slightly and reached behind his back. His hand inched foreward slowly and after what seemed like an eternity his fingrtips brushed over a cool smooth surface . . . and were stopped in midair.
The chain holding his wrists gave a quiet rattle as it was pulled straight. He wrinkled his brow and streched out his hand with something like desperation growing in the pit of his stomach. Suddenly it seemed to be very important to get the thing in his hands. He had to reach it.
He twisted around a little further and once more the tips of his fingers made ghostly contact with the thing Snape had dropped. 'Come on, just a little futher.', he thought desperatly and streched his hand out as far as possible.
His fingertips came to rest on the thing again. He froze, trying not to loose contact. Slowly, very slowly, he pulled his hand back, fingertips pressing on the mysterious thing. The small scratchy noise echoed in his ears and he only just now realized that his heart was beating furiously.
When it finally came into reach he carefully picked the thing up, as though it would shatter any moment. His fingers curled around the smooth surface and he slowly pulled his arm from behind his back, the chain dragged over the rough stone floor. He stared at his fist for a few moments, then slowly opened his hand.
A stone.
He frowned at it slightly. He was sure that Snape had dropped this, there wasn't anything else lying on the floor. Snape had given him a stone. He felt something inside him crack. That bastard had given him a stone. Did he know what he'd done to him?
Of course he did, or he wouldn't have risked being caught by the Dark Lord himself. For a moment Sirius had really hoped, had believed that help would come. That they would get him out of here. And that mercyless asshole had known it.
He could imagine Snape's delight at the glint of hope in his eyes. That wasn't just a trick played on him. With this cruel joke something inside Sirius had shattered. They didn't want him back. He felt sick.
Maybe they didn't even care about him being held prisoner by Voldemort. Had they even tried to rescue him? Sirius hugged his knees to his chest and buried his face in his arms. Despair and hopelessness started to boil up in his chest.
He didn't want to die here. Harry needed him. The Order needed him. He had to help, he couldn't stay here. 'Oh, they need you, do they? What for? They're glad that they got rid of you, traitor!'
'Not you again! Go away!', Sirius thought back angrily. He was too tired to go through another discussion like this. The voice didn't belong to James. It was evil. It wasn't real. Or was it? But James would never say such things - would he?
'They don't need you, bastard. They made that pretty clear, didn't they? Go on and die, you'll do us all a favour!
Sirius pressed his palms against his temples. He shook his head, trying to will the small voice out of it. 'I don't believe you, you're lying! Leave me alone!' The pain in his arm was getting worse again and he felt like he was going to be sick.
'Come on, you know I'm right! They'll just get in trouble with you. Who wants a murderer for a godfather anyway? Harry's glad you're gone, just as everyone else. Face it traitor, you dying is the best for everyone.'
Sirius buried his face in his hands, nails digging deep into skin and flesh. It took him a few minutes to realize, that he was bleeding, but he didn't care. He had to get out of here, or this would drive him crazy within the next few days. If he wasn't nuts already.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Remus was sitting in Dumbledore's office again. His eyes were itchy and his whole body was aching, but he still was far from being able to sleep. The Headmaster was surveying the dark rings under his eyes with concern, but didn't say anything.
A knock at the door startled the two of them. Snape entered with a grim expression plastered on his pale face. Remus' stomach dropped. That could only be a bad sign. Dumbledore gestured for his potions master to sit and the professer sank into the armchair tiredly.
"Well? How bad is it?"
Remus heart sank even lower at the old wizard's grave voice. Obviously Dumbledore wasn't very optimistic about Sirius' condition. Snape cleared his throat.
"He's still alive.", he answered, hesitating to say more. After a few moments of silence he went on: "He's injured. There's a rather large cut in his arm, probably were He injected the blood. He was conscious, but nearly unresponsive."
"He could've supressed it.", Remus cut in, as if to make himself hopeful.
"Possible.", Snape remarked dryly, in a voice that declared how much he doubted what the werewolf had said. He looked at Dumbledore again, who hadn't said anything at all, but was watching the Potions master with a mixture of expectance and grief.
"The wound seemed to be infected. He was very cold. From what He said Black hasn't spoken at all nor did he show any sign of resignation. Though they think it's just a matter of time I asume that he can cope with the psychical distress. I'm more concerned about his bodily shape. Looks like he hasn't been given any food or water."
Remus didn't know if he should be relieved or even more worried. That Sirius might break under the mental torture had been his biggest fear, but if Snape was right he'd need their help as fast as possible. The guilt nagging at his insides grew a little more.
"Did you give him the stone?" Dumbledore's voice was calm. He seemed to take Sirius' resistance as a good sign.
"Yes. I dropped it behind him and I guess he noticed, too. But will he know what to do with it?", Snape directed the question at Dumbledore, clearly doubting. The Headmaster shook his head slowly.
"No, he won't."
Both Remus and Snape stared at him. For a moment the werewolf felt anger flaring up in his chest. What had all this been for then? Snape seemed to wonder about the very same question and it was obvious that he was angry. Dumbledore stared right back at them, with an expression Remus had never seen before on him.
Was he daring them to argue? Snape was looking at the Headmaster disbelieving. Remus felt the sudden urge to shake the old wizard and demand an explanation, while he was shaking his head slowly.
~*~*~*~*~*~
He felt the strong urge to throw himself against the wall. Maybe it would crumple? Then he could flee and get away from this horrible place. Maybe he should look for Snape before going into hiding again. Surely nobody would mind if he throttled him for being a cruel cold-hearted bastard.
Sirius was following his own thoughts with interest. It was funny, but he felt like he was an outsider watching himself brood. But the train of thought was familiar to him. As if . . . as if it wasn't the first time he was thinking like that. That was good sign, wasn't it?
He was looking at the wall, still wondering if he could break through all by himself. Probably not. It seemed very solid. He absentmindly traced a scar that ran over his right shoulder. In Azkaban he'd tried to do that and as far as he remembered it hadn't worked.
But he had escaped from Azkaban. He hadn't always been in this cell, had he? But what if he had just dreamed that he broke out? That meeting Harry, telling the truth to Remus, working for Dumbledore, being captured by the Death Eaters wasn't true; just something he'd dreamed up in a lonely night in his cell?
His cell. His cell had looked different. It hadn't been so big. And there had been a window. One couldn't see much through it, but it had been there. And the walls. There had been pictures on the walls. He had drawn them.
To remind himself of his past. Of good memories. He had found some stones that he could draw with and written on the walls and the floor. Names, dates, places, poems, even stories. It had helped distracting himself. And he could look at them if he forgot about himself.
There weren't pictures on the walls. This wasn't his cell, he wasn't in Azkaban. Was that a good thing? Or not? Had he wanted to get out of Azkaban? Yes. Yes, he had. But how had he gotten out of there? He had escaped, hadn't he? But how?
Sirius thought about that. He wondered why he had forgotten. It seemed to be very important. It was important. He had sneaked out of the door. So that they didn't notice. They had been cold and dark and horrible. Just like this cell.
He looked around, as if hoping there would appear a door somewhere. It didn't. He sank back, somewhat disappointed. And frustated. And angry. Very angry, and as he remembered that Snape had come through the door he got even angrier. That bastard had given him a stone instead of telling how to open the door.
He noticed that he was holding the stone, altough he didn't remember picking it up again. It seemed to be good for at least one thing: the voices kept quiet and he was grateful for it. He wondered what else he could do with the stone.
Still frowning he placed it on the dirty cell floor in front of him, careful not to move his injured arm too much. The stone and his anger had distracted him from the pain. Maybe Snape had done something good eventually.
He watched the stone attentively, as if waiting for it to do something. The stone however didn't even think about doing anything. After a few minutes he let out a sigh as if disappointed by the results of his experiment and picked it up again.
When his fingertips touched the surface of the little item a tingling sesation rushed through his hand. He pulled back apruptly, clenching his teeth as his injured arm practically screamed in pain. After the first shock had passed, he suspiciously looked at the small stone again.
It hadn't moved, nor had it changed or anything. It just lay there and dared him to reach out again. Sirius knew that feeling; one sometimes could feel it: magic. The stone was bespelled or something and it obviously was a very powerful spell or curse or whatever it was.
Why hadn't he felt it the first time? Had he done something to trigger that reaction? Against better knowledge he touched it, just for a few seconds, but this time it behaved like a normal stone.
This was odd. What was that thing doing? He touched it again, bolder this time and let his fingers linger on it for some moments before drawing away again. Nothing. Scraping up some more courage he picked it up and held it in his hand, ready to drop it any moment. But the stone didn't do anything.
'Maybe it likes me? Or does it try to trick me into something?', he thought with a frown.
'Oh come on, now you're really loosing it! It's a STONE.'
The voice that had appeared in the back of his mind let him jump two feet in the air and he dropped the stone.
'No, not you again, go away!', he thought back desperatly. He wouldn't be able to put up with this now, he was feeling very labile already. But unlike usual the voice kept quiet and didn't taunt him. Now this was odd again.
And then he recognised it. It had been there much longer then the evil one. It just sometimes appeared to tell him to stop being an idiot. The one that Remus thought didn't exsist, just because he ignored it most of the time.
A smile spread over his face. Maybe he should name it, so he wouldn't confuse them. But at the same moment he realized that he was really going nuts. It wasn't good to hear one voice, but having several of them . . .
Resigned Sirius put his head in his hands. He really was going mad. Twelve years in Azkaban obviously hadn't passed on him untouched. That, or the stuff he had been given was taking effect very quickly. He wanted to cry out in despair.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Remus has been wandereing the halls for nearly an hour now. Dumbledore had told them to go and wait for futher instructions. At first both of his two former students had refused to go and asked for an explanation. The Headmaster however had repeated his request in a calm voice that clearly said that the subject was closed.
Remus had followed the request reluctantly. He'd always trusted his former professor, even if the old wizard's decitions sometimes had been far beyond him. But this felt different. Seemingly Dumbledore refused to help Sirius, and Remus didn't understand it.
He had been worrying himself mad for a few days now. What if his friend wouldn't surrive this imprisonment? Or if he really cracked under the torture? He would never forgive himself for that. Never.
Was that how Sirius felt about Lily and James? He had never had the chance to say good-bye to them. Not being able to explain himself and ask his dead friends for forgiveness had pulled hard on the Animagus. Remus sometimes thought that he was maybe overreacting, with all the things going on right now and Harry being so much danger.
He had been sure that, once Azkaban had loosened its grip on Sirius enouhg, he'd be able to cope with everything and learn to live with it. But now he understood Sirius just all too good. Imagining that the Animagus had lived with this burden for more than fourteen years made him incredibly sad.
While going through the dark halls, pictures of a wet, dimly lit cell came to his mind. He saw his friend tied to the wall, blood-strained and unconscious, bruises and curse-marks all over his body.
He stopped to lean against a windowstill, clenching his eyes shut and trying to will the imagines away. Sirius was all right, he had to be. He would be of no use to them if he wasn't. Raking sweat-damp hands through his hair Remus stared up to the dark sky, a strong urge to scream in despair welling up in his chest.
It wasn't fair to Sirius. He'd been through so much already. It was bad enough that he was still unable to prove his innocence and had to live worse than a street mutt at times. If he'd die now, than for what? He knew his friend and dying without being a use to somebody in the last seconds of his live was one of the worst things he could imagine.
Worthless. Sirius had always been afraid to his friends. It was one of the major things that haunted him when he was dreaming about Lily and James. How he'd been unable to protect them. It had ripped at Remus heart to listen to his friend speaking like that.
After Dumbledore had introduced him to the other members of the Order and explained what had happened in that fateful Halloween night fiveteen years ago, not much had believed in Sirius' innocence so willingly. He'd once witnessed Raphaella Winterspoon muttering about 'the worthless turncoat scum' while sitting next to Sirius.
How the colour had drained from his friend's face, his tense back and his blank-forced expression for the rest of one meeting. This and other sharp side-remarks had made Sirius loose more and more faith in the other Ordermembers and in himself.
Remus swallowed hard, he just now noticed the tears welling up in eyes. If it hadn't been for him . . .
Between the painful stings of guilt he felt rage towards Wormtail. He had betrayed them all. He'd killed Lily and James, he had made life hell for both Sirius and Remus. And he was the reason that they all were fighting this war a second time now.
He leaned his forehead against the window and closed his eyes, a single tear gliding down his cheek. He would make it up to Sirius, he would not let him down again. No matter at what cost . . .
~*~*~*~*~*~
Sirius brooded. In the small cell he quickly got bored and if he let boredom get the better of him, the visions would come again. And the claustrophobic attacks. And the voices. So he was doing his best not to get bored.
And the best thing to do to prevent himself from getting bored was brooding. He was brooding over the stone. If he concentrated onto it, the thing seemed to get some kind of energy.
He was convinced that it held a spell that could absorb magical energy, which was required to do magic, especially wandless magic. And then spill that energy . . . like a blast. A small dose had numbed his hand for the better part of two hours, at least as far as he could tell. So what could more of this energy do?
He had learned this all in school, he was sure of it. Azkaban had made him forget so much. After thinking his theory over again and again he decided that there was no other way to explain it. And that it was time to use it . . .
He picked the stone up and held it close to his face, as if pleading it to work with him. Then he placed it in front of him, so that it couldn't be missed by somebody standing right before him. Then he sat back and waited.
He was ice-cold by now, so cold that he could feel his own teeth clattering quietly. He found it hard to move, but mercyfully the throbbing pain in his arm was numbed slightly by the cold. And if he was lucky . . .
After what seemed to be an eternity that he'd spent concentrating on the small stone in front of him the wall in front of him started to shake slightly and slowly the hidden door formed again. Please, please let it be . . .
Fate was kind to him at least once and a hooded figure carrying a tray entered. The Death Eater sneered down at him, obviously not happy about his task. He muttered something about wasted talents under his breath and marched up to the prisoner chained to the wall.
Sirius looked up at him with deep sunken eyes; he didn't have to make an effort to look haunted. He kept his face a stone-like mask, blank of any emotion and after making sure that the Death Eater had caught his gaze lowered it back to the stone in front of him and gave a small sigh, as if adressing it. The Death Eater stopped in his tracks, watching him suspiciously.
He looked over his shoulder as if checking that he wasn't being watched. Seemingly this was the case, because he placed the tray on the cell floor and slowly stepped up to the Animagus. He followed his stare and noticed the stone lying there in front of him.
Sirius could almost see him smirk under the mask; obviously he believed him mad. With a snort he bend down to pick it up. Maybe he could have some fun if he stripped the maniac huddling there in the corner of his little 'friend'. Because the mad idiot seemingly thought of it as 'company'.
As his fingertips made contact with the smooth surface of the stone, there was a bright flash of light and the Death Eater went down on the floor, stunned. Sirius poked him with his foot carefully and then let a smile spread over his face.
He extended his good hand and let it slink into the man's wand-pocket. He pulled the long wooden stick out and looked at it for a moment. Realizing that he probably didn't have much time he freed himself of the shackles holding his wrists and shakily got to his feet.
Deciding that four feet would serve him better on his flight he transformed into the giant black dog and snuck out of the cell as silent as a ghost . . .
AN: So he finally managed to get out of this hell-hole! Isn't he great? So smart and brave! I love him!!! Now he just needs to get home and heal properly and to get "patted on the head". And everybody's happy. At least I think so.
Now I'm really interested what you think about it! If the different POV's were very confusing, if the plot with the stone simply was lame, if the evil voice wasn't evil but just honest . . .or if you liked it! No matter what you think about it, I WANT TO KNOW!
Just send a review and you'll make me the happiest girl on this world! ;)
See you next chapter!
This chapter is somewhat of an birthday present to myself (I turned 16 the on Tuesday! I'm a big girl now!!!) and because I like Sirius so much there isn't too much Siri-torture in this chapter. It's one with a happy end!!! (doesn't mean the story is over, mind you)
All your reviews kept me going and for that I'm really grateful. I'd probably given up by now if it wasn't for you! THANKS TO ALL REVIEWERS!!!
Someone Reading: Thanks for reviewing! Maybe you should change your name into Someone STILL Reading, at least if you're reading this now! ;) I'm glad you liked the Remus-scene, I found it really hard to write. There's another one in this chapter, too, but I still think I need to practice torturing everybody's favorite werewold. (sounds good, huh?) I think you should be proud of your father, I don't know many men how show openly what they feel. I hate people who say that it's weak!
Sylvia: Thank you! Well, if you liked it, you can look forward to another in this chapter! Of course you're right about OotP. Though I must say that I'd like it batter if the title was SIRIUS BLACK and the Order of the Phoenix :) I just think that it was pointless to let him die, it wouldn't've been necessary. But it's her book, right? Don't wanna know what she'd do if she knew what I'm doing with her characters . . .
mette: Thanks! Well, the part wasn't very hard to write, because Snape is such a git! ;)
cestari: Thank you! Ok, it's not that I didn't like the book, I just didn't like the ending. That wasn't necessary. I mean what's Harry gonna do now without him? At least we know that he'll be with the Dursleys during summer until he's old enough to get his own place. About the bolt of light: Hey, I didn't say that this was a Killing Curse! I just think that it's about that arch: it seems to be some sort of portal to the death. But anyway it's nice to see that there's still hope out there! :) Of course it would be great if they could get him back! Somewhere I heard a rumor (was before OotP) saying that the victory over Voldemort depends if they can prove Sirius innocent. Don't know who said that or if it was confirmed. But it gives hope, doesn't it?
noraseyes: Thank you! Hope you're still reading, even though I was away for so long!
Lisande: Thanks for reviewing! I don't understand my problem with Remus- scenes either. I just write them and hope you people like them. ;) Don't worry, I'll be following your story as soon as possibe (Hope ff.net lets me *grumble*) ! Lets see if you like the next chapter, too . . .
MoonTrance: Thank you for reviewing! Sorry I took so long again *sigh* I'm sooooo slow . . . Nice to know that there are other people out there in denial! :) That's what fanfics are for, right? (I didn't know that you were reading this before . . .)
A.Dee: Thanks for reviewing! No need to worry, as I've already said: this is a very Sirius-friendly chapter ( He really earned that break!) Hope you like the next Remus-scene, too . . .
daniz: Thank you! Hope you still raed this, it's been a (very, very long) while, huh? Don't worry about Sirius, he'll be alright! Yeah, I do fail without spell chack. My stupid computer doesn't do it anymore. Wonder why? Maybe I should quit calling it stupid . . . Anyway, enjoy this chapter!
sirius the homocidial maniac: I simply love that name . . .*gg* Well, thank you for reviewing! Yeah what's up with the rock? You've no idea how long I've been brooding over that! Wanna see Sirius brooding? Then I suggest you read this chapter . . .
Sally Lupin-Black: Thanks for reviewing! Don't worry, I WILL write more Sirius-stories . . . but that might take a while, I'm as slow as a . . . how do you call these slime things that creep around in the garden and eat salad? Well, anyway I'm glad that you liked it! I'm looking forward to the "patted-on-the-head"-part, too!! ;)
Ok, so now lets come to the (hopefully) interesting part of the update. Chapter19!
PS: My computer quitted spell checking so I had to do it myself. And due to the fact that I'm not very good at it, the story is probably stacked with misspellings and grammar-mistakes. If it gets unbearable you can e-mail me and send a few flames and I will make you my beta (because I REALLY need one) ;)
Enjoy the story:
Flight
Sirius was shaking with cold. He could've sworn that the temperature in the small cell had dropped even lower when Voldmort had entered. He was pressing his arm to his stomach, trying to make the pain stop.
Snape.
Hate dimly glowed through the freezing cold in his chest. What was that bastard doing? Sirius knew that Dumbledore believed his Potions master faithful, but he didn't share that trust. Once a Daeth Eater, always a Death Eater.
'At least', he thought bitterly, 'it's easier to think clearly now.' He didn't know if it was for the pain still flowing through his system or for the disgust that bubbled up in his chest as he thought of Snape, but he'd been able to grab rational thoughts again.
He shifted slightly and tensed up as he suddenly felt something press in the small of his back. There hadn't been anything before in this cell. His thoughts flowed back to the unpleasant meeting earlier. Snape had dropped something behind his back.
He hesitated to reach out and take it. Again he wondered what the slimy git was planning. Did Dumbledore send him? Maybe he would help him? The thought nearly made him snort. He was sure that the slimeball had enjoyed their 'meeting' earlier.
He pulled himself together and carefully let go of his injured arm. Clenching his teeth and trying to ignore the throbbing pain he twisted around slightly and reached behind his back. His hand inched foreward slowly and after what seemed like an eternity his fingrtips brushed over a cool smooth surface . . . and were stopped in midair.
The chain holding his wrists gave a quiet rattle as it was pulled straight. He wrinkled his brow and streched out his hand with something like desperation growing in the pit of his stomach. Suddenly it seemed to be very important to get the thing in his hands. He had to reach it.
He twisted around a little further and once more the tips of his fingers made ghostly contact with the thing Snape had dropped. 'Come on, just a little futher.', he thought desperatly and streched his hand out as far as possible.
His fingertips came to rest on the thing again. He froze, trying not to loose contact. Slowly, very slowly, he pulled his hand back, fingertips pressing on the mysterious thing. The small scratchy noise echoed in his ears and he only just now realized that his heart was beating furiously.
When it finally came into reach he carefully picked the thing up, as though it would shatter any moment. His fingers curled around the smooth surface and he slowly pulled his arm from behind his back, the chain dragged over the rough stone floor. He stared at his fist for a few moments, then slowly opened his hand.
A stone.
He frowned at it slightly. He was sure that Snape had dropped this, there wasn't anything else lying on the floor. Snape had given him a stone. He felt something inside him crack. That bastard had given him a stone. Did he know what he'd done to him?
Of course he did, or he wouldn't have risked being caught by the Dark Lord himself. For a moment Sirius had really hoped, had believed that help would come. That they would get him out of here. And that mercyless asshole had known it.
He could imagine Snape's delight at the glint of hope in his eyes. That wasn't just a trick played on him. With this cruel joke something inside Sirius had shattered. They didn't want him back. He felt sick.
Maybe they didn't even care about him being held prisoner by Voldemort. Had they even tried to rescue him? Sirius hugged his knees to his chest and buried his face in his arms. Despair and hopelessness started to boil up in his chest.
He didn't want to die here. Harry needed him. The Order needed him. He had to help, he couldn't stay here. 'Oh, they need you, do they? What for? They're glad that they got rid of you, traitor!'
'Not you again! Go away!', Sirius thought back angrily. He was too tired to go through another discussion like this. The voice didn't belong to James. It was evil. It wasn't real. Or was it? But James would never say such things - would he?
'They don't need you, bastard. They made that pretty clear, didn't they? Go on and die, you'll do us all a favour!
Sirius pressed his palms against his temples. He shook his head, trying to will the small voice out of it. 'I don't believe you, you're lying! Leave me alone!' The pain in his arm was getting worse again and he felt like he was going to be sick.
'Come on, you know I'm right! They'll just get in trouble with you. Who wants a murderer for a godfather anyway? Harry's glad you're gone, just as everyone else. Face it traitor, you dying is the best for everyone.'
Sirius buried his face in his hands, nails digging deep into skin and flesh. It took him a few minutes to realize, that he was bleeding, but he didn't care. He had to get out of here, or this would drive him crazy within the next few days. If he wasn't nuts already.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Remus was sitting in Dumbledore's office again. His eyes were itchy and his whole body was aching, but he still was far from being able to sleep. The Headmaster was surveying the dark rings under his eyes with concern, but didn't say anything.
A knock at the door startled the two of them. Snape entered with a grim expression plastered on his pale face. Remus' stomach dropped. That could only be a bad sign. Dumbledore gestured for his potions master to sit and the professer sank into the armchair tiredly.
"Well? How bad is it?"
Remus heart sank even lower at the old wizard's grave voice. Obviously Dumbledore wasn't very optimistic about Sirius' condition. Snape cleared his throat.
"He's still alive.", he answered, hesitating to say more. After a few moments of silence he went on: "He's injured. There's a rather large cut in his arm, probably were He injected the blood. He was conscious, but nearly unresponsive."
"He could've supressed it.", Remus cut in, as if to make himself hopeful.
"Possible.", Snape remarked dryly, in a voice that declared how much he doubted what the werewolf had said. He looked at Dumbledore again, who hadn't said anything at all, but was watching the Potions master with a mixture of expectance and grief.
"The wound seemed to be infected. He was very cold. From what He said Black hasn't spoken at all nor did he show any sign of resignation. Though they think it's just a matter of time I asume that he can cope with the psychical distress. I'm more concerned about his bodily shape. Looks like he hasn't been given any food or water."
Remus didn't know if he should be relieved or even more worried. That Sirius might break under the mental torture had been his biggest fear, but if Snape was right he'd need their help as fast as possible. The guilt nagging at his insides grew a little more.
"Did you give him the stone?" Dumbledore's voice was calm. He seemed to take Sirius' resistance as a good sign.
"Yes. I dropped it behind him and I guess he noticed, too. But will he know what to do with it?", Snape directed the question at Dumbledore, clearly doubting. The Headmaster shook his head slowly.
"No, he won't."
Both Remus and Snape stared at him. For a moment the werewolf felt anger flaring up in his chest. What had all this been for then? Snape seemed to wonder about the very same question and it was obvious that he was angry. Dumbledore stared right back at them, with an expression Remus had never seen before on him.
Was he daring them to argue? Snape was looking at the Headmaster disbelieving. Remus felt the sudden urge to shake the old wizard and demand an explanation, while he was shaking his head slowly.
~*~*~*~*~*~
He felt the strong urge to throw himself against the wall. Maybe it would crumple? Then he could flee and get away from this horrible place. Maybe he should look for Snape before going into hiding again. Surely nobody would mind if he throttled him for being a cruel cold-hearted bastard.
Sirius was following his own thoughts with interest. It was funny, but he felt like he was an outsider watching himself brood. But the train of thought was familiar to him. As if . . . as if it wasn't the first time he was thinking like that. That was good sign, wasn't it?
He was looking at the wall, still wondering if he could break through all by himself. Probably not. It seemed very solid. He absentmindly traced a scar that ran over his right shoulder. In Azkaban he'd tried to do that and as far as he remembered it hadn't worked.
But he had escaped from Azkaban. He hadn't always been in this cell, had he? But what if he had just dreamed that he broke out? That meeting Harry, telling the truth to Remus, working for Dumbledore, being captured by the Death Eaters wasn't true; just something he'd dreamed up in a lonely night in his cell?
His cell. His cell had looked different. It hadn't been so big. And there had been a window. One couldn't see much through it, but it had been there. And the walls. There had been pictures on the walls. He had drawn them.
To remind himself of his past. Of good memories. He had found some stones that he could draw with and written on the walls and the floor. Names, dates, places, poems, even stories. It had helped distracting himself. And he could look at them if he forgot about himself.
There weren't pictures on the walls. This wasn't his cell, he wasn't in Azkaban. Was that a good thing? Or not? Had he wanted to get out of Azkaban? Yes. Yes, he had. But how had he gotten out of there? He had escaped, hadn't he? But how?
Sirius thought about that. He wondered why he had forgotten. It seemed to be very important. It was important. He had sneaked out of the door. So that they didn't notice. They had been cold and dark and horrible. Just like this cell.
He looked around, as if hoping there would appear a door somewhere. It didn't. He sank back, somewhat disappointed. And frustated. And angry. Very angry, and as he remembered that Snape had come through the door he got even angrier. That bastard had given him a stone instead of telling how to open the door.
He noticed that he was holding the stone, altough he didn't remember picking it up again. It seemed to be good for at least one thing: the voices kept quiet and he was grateful for it. He wondered what else he could do with the stone.
Still frowning he placed it on the dirty cell floor in front of him, careful not to move his injured arm too much. The stone and his anger had distracted him from the pain. Maybe Snape had done something good eventually.
He watched the stone attentively, as if waiting for it to do something. The stone however didn't even think about doing anything. After a few minutes he let out a sigh as if disappointed by the results of his experiment and picked it up again.
When his fingertips touched the surface of the little item a tingling sesation rushed through his hand. He pulled back apruptly, clenching his teeth as his injured arm practically screamed in pain. After the first shock had passed, he suspiciously looked at the small stone again.
It hadn't moved, nor had it changed or anything. It just lay there and dared him to reach out again. Sirius knew that feeling; one sometimes could feel it: magic. The stone was bespelled or something and it obviously was a very powerful spell or curse or whatever it was.
Why hadn't he felt it the first time? Had he done something to trigger that reaction? Against better knowledge he touched it, just for a few seconds, but this time it behaved like a normal stone.
This was odd. What was that thing doing? He touched it again, bolder this time and let his fingers linger on it for some moments before drawing away again. Nothing. Scraping up some more courage he picked it up and held it in his hand, ready to drop it any moment. But the stone didn't do anything.
'Maybe it likes me? Or does it try to trick me into something?', he thought with a frown.
'Oh come on, now you're really loosing it! It's a STONE.'
The voice that had appeared in the back of his mind let him jump two feet in the air and he dropped the stone.
'No, not you again, go away!', he thought back desperatly. He wouldn't be able to put up with this now, he was feeling very labile already. But unlike usual the voice kept quiet and didn't taunt him. Now this was odd again.
And then he recognised it. It had been there much longer then the evil one. It just sometimes appeared to tell him to stop being an idiot. The one that Remus thought didn't exsist, just because he ignored it most of the time.
A smile spread over his face. Maybe he should name it, so he wouldn't confuse them. But at the same moment he realized that he was really going nuts. It wasn't good to hear one voice, but having several of them . . .
Resigned Sirius put his head in his hands. He really was going mad. Twelve years in Azkaban obviously hadn't passed on him untouched. That, or the stuff he had been given was taking effect very quickly. He wanted to cry out in despair.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Remus has been wandereing the halls for nearly an hour now. Dumbledore had told them to go and wait for futher instructions. At first both of his two former students had refused to go and asked for an explanation. The Headmaster however had repeated his request in a calm voice that clearly said that the subject was closed.
Remus had followed the request reluctantly. He'd always trusted his former professor, even if the old wizard's decitions sometimes had been far beyond him. But this felt different. Seemingly Dumbledore refused to help Sirius, and Remus didn't understand it.
He had been worrying himself mad for a few days now. What if his friend wouldn't surrive this imprisonment? Or if he really cracked under the torture? He would never forgive himself for that. Never.
Was that how Sirius felt about Lily and James? He had never had the chance to say good-bye to them. Not being able to explain himself and ask his dead friends for forgiveness had pulled hard on the Animagus. Remus sometimes thought that he was maybe overreacting, with all the things going on right now and Harry being so much danger.
He had been sure that, once Azkaban had loosened its grip on Sirius enouhg, he'd be able to cope with everything and learn to live with it. But now he understood Sirius just all too good. Imagining that the Animagus had lived with this burden for more than fourteen years made him incredibly sad.
While going through the dark halls, pictures of a wet, dimly lit cell came to his mind. He saw his friend tied to the wall, blood-strained and unconscious, bruises and curse-marks all over his body.
He stopped to lean against a windowstill, clenching his eyes shut and trying to will the imagines away. Sirius was all right, he had to be. He would be of no use to them if he wasn't. Raking sweat-damp hands through his hair Remus stared up to the dark sky, a strong urge to scream in despair welling up in his chest.
It wasn't fair to Sirius. He'd been through so much already. It was bad enough that he was still unable to prove his innocence and had to live worse than a street mutt at times. If he'd die now, than for what? He knew his friend and dying without being a use to somebody in the last seconds of his live was one of the worst things he could imagine.
Worthless. Sirius had always been afraid to his friends. It was one of the major things that haunted him when he was dreaming about Lily and James. How he'd been unable to protect them. It had ripped at Remus heart to listen to his friend speaking like that.
After Dumbledore had introduced him to the other members of the Order and explained what had happened in that fateful Halloween night fiveteen years ago, not much had believed in Sirius' innocence so willingly. He'd once witnessed Raphaella Winterspoon muttering about 'the worthless turncoat scum' while sitting next to Sirius.
How the colour had drained from his friend's face, his tense back and his blank-forced expression for the rest of one meeting. This and other sharp side-remarks had made Sirius loose more and more faith in the other Ordermembers and in himself.
Remus swallowed hard, he just now noticed the tears welling up in eyes. If it hadn't been for him . . .
Between the painful stings of guilt he felt rage towards Wormtail. He had betrayed them all. He'd killed Lily and James, he had made life hell for both Sirius and Remus. And he was the reason that they all were fighting this war a second time now.
He leaned his forehead against the window and closed his eyes, a single tear gliding down his cheek. He would make it up to Sirius, he would not let him down again. No matter at what cost . . .
~*~*~*~*~*~
Sirius brooded. In the small cell he quickly got bored and if he let boredom get the better of him, the visions would come again. And the claustrophobic attacks. And the voices. So he was doing his best not to get bored.
And the best thing to do to prevent himself from getting bored was brooding. He was brooding over the stone. If he concentrated onto it, the thing seemed to get some kind of energy.
He was convinced that it held a spell that could absorb magical energy, which was required to do magic, especially wandless magic. And then spill that energy . . . like a blast. A small dose had numbed his hand for the better part of two hours, at least as far as he could tell. So what could more of this energy do?
He had learned this all in school, he was sure of it. Azkaban had made him forget so much. After thinking his theory over again and again he decided that there was no other way to explain it. And that it was time to use it . . .
He picked the stone up and held it close to his face, as if pleading it to work with him. Then he placed it in front of him, so that it couldn't be missed by somebody standing right before him. Then he sat back and waited.
He was ice-cold by now, so cold that he could feel his own teeth clattering quietly. He found it hard to move, but mercyfully the throbbing pain in his arm was numbed slightly by the cold. And if he was lucky . . .
After what seemed to be an eternity that he'd spent concentrating on the small stone in front of him the wall in front of him started to shake slightly and slowly the hidden door formed again. Please, please let it be . . .
Fate was kind to him at least once and a hooded figure carrying a tray entered. The Death Eater sneered down at him, obviously not happy about his task. He muttered something about wasted talents under his breath and marched up to the prisoner chained to the wall.
Sirius looked up at him with deep sunken eyes; he didn't have to make an effort to look haunted. He kept his face a stone-like mask, blank of any emotion and after making sure that the Death Eater had caught his gaze lowered it back to the stone in front of him and gave a small sigh, as if adressing it. The Death Eater stopped in his tracks, watching him suspiciously.
He looked over his shoulder as if checking that he wasn't being watched. Seemingly this was the case, because he placed the tray on the cell floor and slowly stepped up to the Animagus. He followed his stare and noticed the stone lying there in front of him.
Sirius could almost see him smirk under the mask; obviously he believed him mad. With a snort he bend down to pick it up. Maybe he could have some fun if he stripped the maniac huddling there in the corner of his little 'friend'. Because the mad idiot seemingly thought of it as 'company'.
As his fingertips made contact with the smooth surface of the stone, there was a bright flash of light and the Death Eater went down on the floor, stunned. Sirius poked him with his foot carefully and then let a smile spread over his face.
He extended his good hand and let it slink into the man's wand-pocket. He pulled the long wooden stick out and looked at it for a moment. Realizing that he probably didn't have much time he freed himself of the shackles holding his wrists and shakily got to his feet.
Deciding that four feet would serve him better on his flight he transformed into the giant black dog and snuck out of the cell as silent as a ghost . . .
AN: So he finally managed to get out of this hell-hole! Isn't he great? So smart and brave! I love him!!! Now he just needs to get home and heal properly and to get "patted on the head". And everybody's happy. At least I think so.
Now I'm really interested what you think about it! If the different POV's were very confusing, if the plot with the stone simply was lame, if the evil voice wasn't evil but just honest . . .or if you liked it! No matter what you think about it, I WANT TO KNOW!
Just send a review and you'll make me the happiest girl on this world! ;)
See you next chapter!