UPDATE!!! Finally, I managed to finish the next chapter! Really, you have no idea how hard I struggled this time.
I'm really sorry, that you all had to wait for so long, but now that school's started again I've no time for nothing, really. The worst thing is, that we have a new English teacher, and that she doesn't tolerate students who aren't clinging to her lips for every word she speaks. God damn the woman!
So that means, that English lessons (were most of this story was written) aren't free for fanfics anymore, and that brings me in a real trouble. I hope you understand, if I'm not able to update once a week, so please hang on if it takes time again!
Thans to Lisande for beta-reading and encouraging me and toTurelie Telcontar for helping me with the layout! Do you like it?
And now a big thanks to all reviewers:
mette: Thank you! Hope you like this chapter, too!
Turelie Telcontar: Thank you so much for the tip with the html-format! Thanks to you the layout finally worked out the way I wanted it to! *jumps into air happily* Don't worry, I don't plan to use that stuff on him any time soon!
karno-L: Thanks for reviewing! Well, yes I plan to finish it soon. But don't worry, there's a new (and much better planned) story waiting for you!
noraseyes: Thanks for your review! 'm really sorry, but I won't write much more. The story's as good as finished. But hey, that doesn't mean I'll never write anything again! Quite the opposite!
Sylvia: Thank you for reviewing! I hope you're still reading, considering how long you had to wait this time. Actually I don't really know how to finish, all I know is, that it will be soon! And see it from my point: If there was a '...they lived happiely ever after' I wouldn't have things to write fanfics about. If you don't understand everything, it's probably my fault. I didn't plan the whole story further than the fourth chapter. I just thought something up for the next chapter, I think that's why some things don't really fit. Sorry! :)
Someone Reading: Thanks for reviewing! Yes, it's almost over. And don't worry, I won't torture sirius in the last chapters. He gets his well-earned 'patted-on-the-head' part. Don't worry about stories, I'm already working on the next ans I promise that it's going to be good. Althought you'll have to wait a bit more! Please hang on!
Sally Lupin-Black: Thank YOU! Yes, he'll get a few nice cosy, somewhat mushy comfort scenes with Remus before the end. And then you can look forward for the next fic!
Ok, and now to your well-earned next chapter! Enjoy!
Back
Rapt both Harry and Remus watched as Sirius shifted on the bed and creaked his eyes open. Slowly he blinked blearily in dim the light. His gaze was slightly unfocused and he didn't seem to recognise them. Harry reached over and gently took his hand.
"Sirius?" he asked quietly, his expression tense. His godfather looked up at him, blinking rapidly and finally he focused his eyes on the teen. Relieve washed through his features and his cracked lips curved into a small smile. He opened his mouth and feebly tried to raise his head, but Remus pushed him back into the pillows.
"Whatever you have to tell, it can wait. You had us really worried, my friend."
He tried to keep a stern face, but couldn't hide the smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth. Harry was looking at his godfather with a similar expression and the scolding look he gave him made the smile on Remus' face grow even wider. Sirius looked at him, his tired eyes mutely telling how sorry he was.
Again he tried to speak, but all that came out was dry rasp, followed by a coughing fit. Remus wanted to reach for him and turn him on the side so he wouldn't choke. But to his surprise Harry acted quicklier. He pulled Sirius' shoulder and let him lean over the bed, kneeling beside and waiting for the coughing to subside. After the Animagus had stopped gasping for breath he passed him a glass of water, carefully assisting Sirius in holding it up.
After sipping some of the cool liquid Sirius let himself fall back on the pillows exhausted, still lying on his side. Harry rested an arm on the matresse next to him and put his head on it. Sirius was smiling tiredly, and as their foreheads touched Remus felt that it was time to go. He slipped out and decided to come back later.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Harry felt his chest swell with happiness, like a giant balloon that threated to explode. He couldn't dress the feelings in words, so he simply smiled at his godfather, overjoyed to have Sirius back. Sirius stared right back, but his eyes looked at him sadly.
'I'm sorry.' he mouthed, his brow furrowing slightly as he watched his godson guiltily. But Harry only shook his head and kept smiling.
"I'm just glad to have you back." he whispered, the balloon finally bursting and tears forming in his eyes. Tears of joy.
(A/N: If I wouldn't love you folks so much by now, I would've ended it here.)
~*~*~*~*~*~
Remus re-entered the infirmary an hour later to find Sirius asleep and Harry watching him with a content smile. He had to chuckle quietly at the irony. Startled by the tiny noise Harry whirled his head around to look at him. Remus grinned and took a seat next to him. The teen looked at him sheepishly.
"As I see you're taking good care of him."
Harry looked down and re-adjusted his glasses. Shyly he nodded. "I really missed him." he said with a small smile.
"We all did, believe me." He looked up at his former professor with a doubtful expression.
"Even Snape?"
Remus folded his hands in his lap and rocked his chair lightly. "He'll torture me in the most gruesome ways possible and let me die in great pain, if I ever tell you." He sighed dramatically. "I guess I'll take the secret to the grave."
Harry stared at him for a moment before snorting with supressed laugter. Remus looked around as if checking that the gloomy Potions Master wasn't standing behind him. Harry pressed a hand to his mouth to keep from laughing out loud.
Whipping tears from the corners of his eyes he shakily asked: "Can I tell Sirius?"
Remus eyes widened in shock and this time the teen couldn't tell if it was an act or not. The werewolf shook his head with a slightly reddened face. "No, better not. We don't want him masakered by Snape after we finally have him back, just because he might think dear Severus needs a review, do we?"
Harry tilted his head as if thinking hard, then agreed. "No, it's better if you guard the secret until your death."
~*~*~*~*~*~
The cell was dark. He tried to adjust his eyes to the pitch-black night surrounding him, but the darkness didn't thin out. It was totally still; not a single sound could be heard in the tiny room. His ears started to hurt under the pressure. He wrapped his arms around himself and waited. He didn't know what for, but there was nothing else he could do.
The darkness seemed to come closer and corner him; with a shudder he closed his eyes and tried to ignore the growing anxity in his chest. What was going on? His body began to tremble; he hadn't even realized that it was cold in the room.
The soundless dark around him was like a thick, black blanket, pressing down on him and forcing the air out of his lungs. Suffocating him slowly. He tried to calm his racing heart and drew in a deep breath. The air slowly flowed in like a thick liquid, lazily winding down his windpipe. It didn't care that his panic grew with each passing second.
His chest felt empty and the harder he tried the more impossible it seemed to breath. As if somebody was pressing a pillow onto his face. The silence was unbearable now and he dimly wondered if he would break under its weight. He kept fighting for breath.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
The noise of footsteps echoed around him and he twisted around to find out where the sounds where coming from. Hope flickered in the back of his mind. Thick darkness pressed onto his eyes while the tapping noise aproached.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
His head began to feel dizzy, it was as if all the air had been sucked out of the room, leaving him to die slowly on suffocation.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Remus sat in the chair and watched his friend sleep. After talking to Harry for a while Madam Pomfrey had bustled in to shoo them away and let her patient alone. At the treat of loosing fifty house points Harry had started to back up, still highly reluctant to leave Sirius' side.
Fortunately Remus wouldn't have to worry about house points and after promising Harry that he'd stay with his godfather, the teen had gone backto the dorm rooms. On the other side was backtaling to the matron a very bad idea and for a moment he'd earnestly wondered if he was going to live through the acidly hissed triade she'd given him. Never mess with an overprotective medi-witch.
With a sigh Remus sat back and silently reviewed the last days. For him it had felt more like years. The joy of having his friend back warmed him to the tips of his fingers. He winced slightly as he remembered the reason for Sirius' outburst and the following drama.
"Stop blaming all this shit on yourself, it doesn't help anyone! It won't bring James back to you if you play the martyr's part!!!"
Sirius' shocked expression and his aprupt leave had been the last things he'd seen. It was only now that he remembered them so clearly. Trying to ignore the guilty sting in his chest didn't work and soon the content feeling of having Sirius back had ebbed away totally. Had Sirius been thinking about that the last few days?
~*~*~*~*~*~
Tap. Tap. Tap.
The footsteps stopped right before him, but he couldn't see anything through the thick curtain of utter darkness. His eyes hurt, but he didn't dare to close them. Breath in. Breath out. In. Out. In. Out.
Slowly his heart came back to a steady rhythm. He forced himself to take deep breaths. Now total silence pressed painfully onto his ears again. Slowly he felt around, but his hands only found thin air. Still shivers run down his spine and he could practically feel somebody standing near him.
"Hello?"
His voice was swallowed by the stillness without the slightest trace of an echo. He winced as the air around him moved slightly, as if somebody was walking around him. No answer.
"Is there anybody?"
This time cold air rushed past him and ruffled his hair. He shivered. The darkness was pressing down on him with nearly unbearable force. His breath hitched in his throat and he quickly forced himself to breath evenly.
"Please, is there anybody? Help!"
A cold hand touched his shoulder. He froze in shock, not daring to turn around. Again the air moved in a cool whisp. He was trembling.
"Hello Sirius. Missed me?"
At the quiet whisper he turned around.
And stared at James.
His friend was staring right back, hair messy as ever and glasses slightly askew. His face was pale and expressionless, his icy hand still on Sirius' shoulder. But his eyes bore into Sirius' with a strange red glimmer. Carefully Sirius tried to draw back, but the hand on his shoulder tightened painfully.
"Did you, Sirius? Miss me, I mean? Did you think about me at all?"
Sirius just stared, unable to speak. His breath came in short, rasped gasps, and his throat hurt from the now ice-cold air. James was still staring at him, the red glow in his eyes growing more and more. Sirius' shoulder started to scream in pain as the bruising grip intensed even more.
"But why should you, after murdering me?"
James leaned in, his nose now touching his friend's. Sirius winced at the nearly painful cold suddenly rushing through his face. Red eyes pierced him with their gaze. His chest felt strangly empty, as if his heart had stopped beating . . .
"No –" he whispered before cold lips lowered on his mouth.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Remus shuddered at the thought that his nasty words nearly had been the last thing Sirius heard in his live. He didn't want to think about what he'd done when he'd lost Sirius because of that. He'd probably have blamed it on himself. No, he sure would have. With a sigh he realized that Sirius had been feeling exactly this way.
Lost in his own thoughts he first didn't consciuosly register the quiet sound coming from the bed. But a chocked whimper from his friend brought him back to reality. In less then a heartbeat he was out of the chair and beside Sirius, gently shaking his shoulder to wake him up. He was obviuosly having a nightmare.
"Sirius. C'mon Sirius, it's just a dream, wake up. Sirius!"
With a gasp Sirius' eyes shot open and his uninjured hand lashed out to fight of his invisible attacker. Remuscaught it in midair before it could box his ears, and pushed the Animagus back down.
Sirius didn't try to fight him, he just stared at the werewolf with dark haunted eyes. He was panting slightly, his thin chest raising and falling rapidly. For a few seconds the two friends stared at each other, not saying anything. Slowly Sirius calmed down, still keeping silent and looking at Remus with a strange expression.
He caught the werewolf completely unaware as he reached out his good arm and pulled Remus to him in a loose hug. With a sigh he burried his face in Remus' shoulder. Carefully the other wrapped his arms around his friend and sat them both up, letting Sirius lean on him for support.
It probably looked stupid with two adults holding each other and rocking slightly back and forth. But he didn't care. He had his friend back, and he prayed that he would never loose him again. Sirius clung to him as well as his injured arm would allow, not caring about how they must look either. It just felt so good to be held. So save.
Remus didn't ask verbally, but they had known each other long enough to communicate without words. He closed his eyes to will the despair and hopelessness when thinking about the last days away and huddled a bit closer to his friend. The body heat was oddly comforting to his aching body.
"I heard James. All the time." he whispered into Remus shoulder, but the werewolf caught the words nonetheless. He started to stroke circles on Sirius' back to sooth the pain. Sirius' tone had told him clearly how much the memory hurt.
"What did he say?" he inquired quietly, his hand rubbing the tense muscles in the small of Sirius' back. The Animagus pressed his face against Remus shoulder and silently fought against the tears welling up in his eyes.
"Hates me. I killed them all. I killed Harry." With great effort he forced the words out. Remus was rocking him like a small child.
"Harry isn't dead. You didn't kill him. You didn't kill anybody."
For a moment there was silence. "I know."
"James would never say something like this."
Again moments passed silently. "No, he wouldn't"
Sirius drew a deep breath and cuddled closer. Remus hand rubbing his back felt good, and he was wonderfully warm. None of them said anything for a while; they just sat there and let the last days pass in their minds.
A/N: All right, I'm as good as finished now. I think there'll be one or two more chapters and then I'll call it a story and start (or go on) with the next one. Yes you read right, the next fic is already started!
That much I can tell you: It'll be called 'Back to Life', feature Sirius (of course, whom else?) a small Harry (!), and much much torture of favorite characters! Until then,
lara