Fragile Autumn
Rated: PG13: for language, angst
**Introduction~ Sticky-Notes**
"The leaves are always the most beautiful right before they die..."
**** ~Daremoga hontowa kokoni iru imiwo shiratai. Doredake wakarewo kurikaseshitara iidarou?
~Everyone wants to know the reason for their own existence. How many farewells do I need to repeat?~ "Proof of Life," Yoko Ishida ****
I suppose you would like to hear my story.
I suppose you would like to hear what it's like to be the boy "doomed to death."
It's a strange experience, really...
...for supposedly fearless adults to cast worried glances at you whenever they think you're not looking.
...for people to point at you and mutter things behind their backs, pretending you can't hear.
I suppose I'm going to start at the beginning, like most stories do. But I suppose only fairly tales do that, mutilating the minds of children, telling them that in life, there is a definite beginning and end.
They're lying.
I was brought into this world asleep. That's what my mother had told me. Several years later I found out that, in reality, I wasn't breathing. The doctors didn't think I'd survive the night. My mother had the nerve to lie to me and tell me I was sleeping.
I hate that.
My mother was so weak, trying to cover me up with her supposed "motherly love."
It was a nice way of saying "pulling the wool over the child's eyes." Pretending. Playing make-believe.
I can't take that kind of crap.
I'm ashamed of my mother, the woman that would rather choose death than watch her own child whither away before her eyes.
...Excuse me. I didn't mean to stray off topic.
I, Sohma Akito, was born to Sohma Kenji and Sohma Hayasaki Marise on July 18th and I wasn't breathing. My first day on earth, and my body had already rejected me.
That's really sad.
Don't get me wrong. I don't want your pity. Pity sickens me; it's nauseating. It makes me want to scream, my blood freeze over. I don't want any of it at all.
My parents named me before I was born. They knew I was going to be a boy; they had high hopes for me. They called me Akito, "Autumn Son," because they thought I was going to be born in September. But, surprise, surprise, I was born two months too early. (1)
I think that's when my father knew what was going to happen to me. He was a Sohma; he understood the curse of the zodiac. My mother, on the other hand, was not. My father decided to wait to tell her the truth. To hide it from her.
It was his own version of "motherly love."
My father didn't want to scare her. He knew what happened to the last family head. Sohma Yuu, I believe it was...
Yuu didn't last long at all. He must have been twelve, something obscure like that. I don't remember anymore. I don't think anyone still remembers, or wants to remember. I know I've been compared to him though. "The same gray eyes" they'd say...
But that isn't true. I got my eyes from my mother.
...There must have been something special about his eyes for them to remember.
When I was younger, I would keep Yuu's name and age written down on a sticky note, hiding it in my sleeves. I told myself I was going to last longer than he did. I made it into a game. Death wasn't as frightening when you thought of it that way. A game...
Like tag,
Or pick-up-sticks,
Only the sticks grow fangs and rip you up inside out.
...I'm sorry. I'm falling off topic again.
Of course, they didn't tell me about Yuu or how old he was when the curse finally tore him apart. I think it was more "motherly love..."
It makes me gag.
I had to find out such things on my own. You'd be surprised how much you could hear by leaning against doors, with your eyes closed. About how much you could hear when your footsteps didn't even make a sound.
...Yuu died all alone. He was always bed-ridden, so he never met anybody. No body even knew his name until he was gone. Even then, people were never sure.
"Yukito was it?"
"No, I'm pretty sure it was Yuuichi. Or Youji maybe..."
So you see, I'm not even sure his name was Yuu.
That's another record of his I want to beat.
Another game.
I don't want to die like he did. I don't want to be forgotten.
I will not allow it.
I'll force people to remember me; I'll push it so hard into their brains that they'll bleed. That they'll scream for mercy...
That they'll remember my name.
I don't want to be weak like the past family heads. Because I'm not a weak person. No body will ever forget me.
I will not allow it.
...I beat Yuu's record. I'm turning twenty in three months.
I wonder how much longer I have?
I wonder if my name and age will ever be kept on a sticky-note.
A/N: (1) I was always curious as to why Akito was named...well, "Akito." I know it means autumn son, or something like that, but on information sites, people claim he's a cancer (Late June, Early to mid July, I believe.). Then I remembered what Momiji said in episode 15: "Children cursed with the zodiac are born a full two months earlier than the usual pregnancy term." I realized that if Akito was supposed to be born in September, because he was cursed, he would actually be born in July. It all makes sense now...
^_^0 Well, how did you all like it? This is my first Akito fanfiction. It's mostly going to focus on his past. Before each chapter, I'm going to use lyrics from Yoko Ishida's song "Proof of Life." It really reminds me of Akito and the first few lines of the song (the ones I used for this chapter) always strike me. You can find that song on her cd "Sweets" and they even sell it in the US (I got mine in a Suncoast.) If you read this, please use 30 seconds of your time to review ^^; It's not that hard. Because I'm fairly new to this site, each review makes me really happy. The more reviews I get, the more inspired I will be to finish the second chapter. ^_^0 Thank you so much for reading this...
Preview for Next Chapter: This will deal with the relationship between Akito and his mother, and also his rude awaking into the true reality of the world.
Please check for the update onegai!
Rated: PG13: for language, angst
**Introduction~ Sticky-Notes**
"The leaves are always the most beautiful right before they die..."
**** ~Daremoga hontowa kokoni iru imiwo shiratai. Doredake wakarewo kurikaseshitara iidarou?
~Everyone wants to know the reason for their own existence. How many farewells do I need to repeat?~ "Proof of Life," Yoko Ishida ****
I suppose you would like to hear my story.
I suppose you would like to hear what it's like to be the boy "doomed to death."
It's a strange experience, really...
...for supposedly fearless adults to cast worried glances at you whenever they think you're not looking.
...for people to point at you and mutter things behind their backs, pretending you can't hear.
I suppose I'm going to start at the beginning, like most stories do. But I suppose only fairly tales do that, mutilating the minds of children, telling them that in life, there is a definite beginning and end.
They're lying.
I was brought into this world asleep. That's what my mother had told me. Several years later I found out that, in reality, I wasn't breathing. The doctors didn't think I'd survive the night. My mother had the nerve to lie to me and tell me I was sleeping.
I hate that.
My mother was so weak, trying to cover me up with her supposed "motherly love."
It was a nice way of saying "pulling the wool over the child's eyes." Pretending. Playing make-believe.
I can't take that kind of crap.
I'm ashamed of my mother, the woman that would rather choose death than watch her own child whither away before her eyes.
...Excuse me. I didn't mean to stray off topic.
I, Sohma Akito, was born to Sohma Kenji and Sohma Hayasaki Marise on July 18th and I wasn't breathing. My first day on earth, and my body had already rejected me.
That's really sad.
Don't get me wrong. I don't want your pity. Pity sickens me; it's nauseating. It makes me want to scream, my blood freeze over. I don't want any of it at all.
My parents named me before I was born. They knew I was going to be a boy; they had high hopes for me. They called me Akito, "Autumn Son," because they thought I was going to be born in September. But, surprise, surprise, I was born two months too early. (1)
I think that's when my father knew what was going to happen to me. He was a Sohma; he understood the curse of the zodiac. My mother, on the other hand, was not. My father decided to wait to tell her the truth. To hide it from her.
It was his own version of "motherly love."
My father didn't want to scare her. He knew what happened to the last family head. Sohma Yuu, I believe it was...
Yuu didn't last long at all. He must have been twelve, something obscure like that. I don't remember anymore. I don't think anyone still remembers, or wants to remember. I know I've been compared to him though. "The same gray eyes" they'd say...
But that isn't true. I got my eyes from my mother.
...There must have been something special about his eyes for them to remember.
When I was younger, I would keep Yuu's name and age written down on a sticky note, hiding it in my sleeves. I told myself I was going to last longer than he did. I made it into a game. Death wasn't as frightening when you thought of it that way. A game...
Like tag,
Or pick-up-sticks,
Only the sticks grow fangs and rip you up inside out.
...I'm sorry. I'm falling off topic again.
Of course, they didn't tell me about Yuu or how old he was when the curse finally tore him apart. I think it was more "motherly love..."
It makes me gag.
I had to find out such things on my own. You'd be surprised how much you could hear by leaning against doors, with your eyes closed. About how much you could hear when your footsteps didn't even make a sound.
...Yuu died all alone. He was always bed-ridden, so he never met anybody. No body even knew his name until he was gone. Even then, people were never sure.
"Yukito was it?"
"No, I'm pretty sure it was Yuuichi. Or Youji maybe..."
So you see, I'm not even sure his name was Yuu.
That's another record of his I want to beat.
Another game.
I don't want to die like he did. I don't want to be forgotten.
I will not allow it.
I'll force people to remember me; I'll push it so hard into their brains that they'll bleed. That they'll scream for mercy...
That they'll remember my name.
I don't want to be weak like the past family heads. Because I'm not a weak person. No body will ever forget me.
I will not allow it.
...I beat Yuu's record. I'm turning twenty in three months.
I wonder how much longer I have?
I wonder if my name and age will ever be kept on a sticky-note.
A/N: (1) I was always curious as to why Akito was named...well, "Akito." I know it means autumn son, or something like that, but on information sites, people claim he's a cancer (Late June, Early to mid July, I believe.). Then I remembered what Momiji said in episode 15: "Children cursed with the zodiac are born a full two months earlier than the usual pregnancy term." I realized that if Akito was supposed to be born in September, because he was cursed, he would actually be born in July. It all makes sense now...
^_^0 Well, how did you all like it? This is my first Akito fanfiction. It's mostly going to focus on his past. Before each chapter, I'm going to use lyrics from Yoko Ishida's song "Proof of Life." It really reminds me of Akito and the first few lines of the song (the ones I used for this chapter) always strike me. You can find that song on her cd "Sweets" and they even sell it in the US (I got mine in a Suncoast.) If you read this, please use 30 seconds of your time to review ^^; It's not that hard. Because I'm fairly new to this site, each review makes me really happy. The more reviews I get, the more inspired I will be to finish the second chapter. ^_^0 Thank you so much for reading this...
Preview for Next Chapter: This will deal with the relationship between Akito and his mother, and also his rude awaking into the true reality of the world.
Please check for the update onegai!