Fragile Autumn
A/N: I actually did Chapter 1 and this chapter in the same day. ^_^0 Ah, it's nice to get on writing kicks. I'm not as happy with this chapter as my other ones, but I hope you like it anyway. ^_^0 Chapter 3, which I am working on now, seems to be starting off a lot better than this one. XD You guys have been making me so happy with all the reviews. I've never gotten so many :O Thank you so much!!
Lori R: Angsty fics are always fun XD Yuki is quite the bishie too, ne? ^^ Thankies!
Kimna: Computers can really be evil o_o; To tell you the truth, the internet of my computer hasn't been working so I've been posting these chapters via floppy. Waah! The pain! Akito is a bit hard to understand ^^; But I do my best! Thanks for reviewing!
Kireina- Aw... no, nobody deserves to see something like that. You'll get to see Akito's reaction in this chapter. ^^
Anee: I tried my best to make it unexpected, which is why the ending was so abrupt. Glad I conveyed that XD I'm not sure how I'd handle it if someone I loved was going to die.
Joanne: ^^; Thanks a lot...
Arrei: ^_^ Ee! Thank you so much! I still find your skills superior to mine though XD My stuff is closer to tortured poetry than fanfiction...
Hiei_luver45: XD Wow, someone else who started their review with a "O.O" Yeah...I feel sorry for him too.
Rei Sohma: ^^ Thank you thank you thank you! So sorry about the mistake with your fic again..^^;
LunaCat: ^^ It's goal is to be sad. O_o hm... I believe all the fics I've written so far have been angst...
Visual: ^^ I really love fics that dig into the characters emotions. That's why I enjoy writing them so much.
Val Kyrie: Lack of information? Ha! You're in luck, I'm working on an Akito shrine website right now XD I'll let you know when I put it up. Yeah, I can't imagine Akito being the type of person to openly accept pity. Thanks for the review!
Hyper Riceball: ^^ Wah..no, thank you! It really makes me feel honored to be getting such nice reviews...I'm glad you like it!
Haru-the-bishie-chaser: XD Woo...cool screen name! *bishie chaser! Wahahaha!* I know, Akito fics are hard to find x_x it makes things very hard for his loyal fans. Thanks!
*_* I worship you all! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!
And I shall begin...
New Japanese for this Chapter:
Otousan- Father
Nani- What
Juunishi- Zodiac o_O I'd be surprised if most of you didn't know that by now.
Ne- There isn't a direct translation. It most closely means "You think?" "Right?" "Huh?" "Agree?"
**Chapter 2- Rain**
****
~ Arigatou ganbattane koe kakete agetai todoku youni.
~ I want to tell you "thank you" and that you tried your best.
****
It was raining on my mother's funeral.
She used to tell me that it rained because angels were crying.
.I don't think it's going to rain when I die.
I didn't understand death back then. I just remember my father telling me I was never going to see mother again. He wouldn't even hug me, or wipe away my tears. The man just mentally shoved me away.
His true loved had died, and he knew that his son was soon to follow.
That must have been emotionally damaging.
...He blamed me for mother's death. Father wouldn't say that, but I was able tell from his movements and his cold eyes. And the words he chose to explain death to me. He didn't want to believe that he held me responsible. Father tried to fool himself. Of course, that never works.
I began to hate my mother.
I hated that she left me; that she wasn't going to be coming back. That she killed herself in front of my very eyes. That she would rather have me watch her die, than suffer herself when I died.
She was too weak.
And at age five, I knew that was the truth. I knew she was too weak and I couldn't stand it.
What kind of person would chose to die of their own free will?
I remember that a few days after the funeral, my cousin Shigure approached me. He had the intention of pitying me, letting me cry on his shoulder. He didn't know what he would get instead.
"Akito-san..." the young teenager crouched so he was at my level of height, "Are you okay, Akito-san?"
"I'm fine." I spoke coldly, as if my voice was icing over.
Shigure looked a bit perplexed, tilting his head to the side. "I'm really sorry about your mother, Akito-san." He started to fiddle with his kimono sleeve nervously.
"Why should you be sorry? She was too weak," I looked down, a small smile played on my lips, "Weak people don't deserve to live long."
Shigure took a step back, utterly shocked at my reply. He paused for a moment, and then turned away, leaving me alone.
I'm sorry? Did I scare you away, Shigure? Did my reaction astonish you? Are little children supposed to speak such harsh words? Am I scary?
Did I break like Okaasan?
I remember about hearing a boy in my family, a few years older than me, who was born with the ability to erase any memories from a person's mind.
Sohma Hatori.
It was another curse; it came with being the dragon juunishi. Somebody had to be cursed in order to protect the secret of the curse itself. Isn't that ironic? .I'll get to the point.
The memories of mother were poisoning my soul. I couldn't stop thinking about her, about what she was like, about how pathetic she was. My mind was swelling.
"Would you like to go for a walk?"
"You're hands are always so cold..."
"Akito-kun?"
...It hurt so much.
Hatori is the son of my doctor.
It would be easy to reach him.
On August 10th, my father drove me over to the house of my doctor, Sohma Hitoshi, and his son, Sohma Hatori. Father sat down in a chair and started talking to Hitoshi, telling him about my eating habits, how many times I had been sick in the past month, and whether or not I was recovering steadily from my last "episode." I silently walked out of the room, making sure my small feet didn't make that "pitter-patter" noise against the floor.
I was going to find Hatori.
I was going to forget mother.
Everything was going to be okay.
I found Hatori fairly soon, he was in a chair, leaning over a desk, scribbling something down on a piece of paper. It must have been his homework. He was, after all, only thirteen. That was my first time seeing him, I have to admit, his height and his deep voice had intimidated me. I began to fear him less, when I realized in a sense, he was mine.
He was mine because I was the reason he was still alive. Because I was dying for him. Without me, there would be no Sohma Hatori.
That boy owes me everything in the world.
...But I didn't know yet.
"Hatori-san?" I spoke, my voice almost a murmur.
I don't think he heard me.
"Hatori-san?" I spoke again, a little bit louder.
He jumped up and turned around in his chair. His eyes softened when he realized it was just a little boy, the little boy his father takes care of so often. "What is it Akito-san?"
"I want to forget."
Hatori visibly twitched. I doubt he ever got used to his 'gift.' I also don't think he expected those words to come from the voice of a mere child.
"What," he stood up out of his chair slowly, "What would you like to forget, Akito-san?" I'm sure he wished I would be gone by the time he got out of his chair. That I would change my decision and cower away quickly. But I was still there, my deep gray eyes staring up at him unsettlingly.
"Okaasan." I didn't realize how desperate my voice sounded, how broken...
Hatori looked at me, a hint of concern in his usually indifferent eyes, "Your mother? Why would you--?"
"I want to forget...!" I spoke, my voice becoming louder, trying to stop myself from crying.
Tears disgust me. They're a sign of weakness.
And weak people die.
"L-Let me forget!" I was pleading now. "Please, Hatori-san!"
Hatori paused, searching for something in my eyes that would give me away, that would make me stop. He wasn't going to find anything.
He didn't find anything.
"Alight." Hatori breathed, I could tell he was in a mental struggle. He must of known I was cursed. That I was doomed to become his master.
Why else would he not refuse my demands?
"Sit down, Akito-san."
I obeyed, whimpering faintly. He kneeled down in front of me and placed his hand over my face. I closed my eyes. it felt soothing against the warmth of his hands.
This is it.
I'm going to be saved.
Weakness is a disease.
I'm not going to catch it.
"AKITO!"
...Or so I thought.
I felt Hatori's hand jerked away from me. When I opened my eyes I saw that my father had grabbed him from behind and was pulling him towards the other end of the room.
"STAY AWAY FROM MY SON, YOU BASTARD!" He was screaming, his eyes full of rage.
I moved my hands to cover my ears. I didn't care about my tears anymore. They swelled up in my eyes as I trembled, curling up into a small ball. Trying to become invisible.
It's too loud...
Stop, Otousan...!
Father had dragged Hatori off me and thrown him roughly against the wall.
...And then he came for me.
I shrieked and kicked as he hauled me up over his shoulder, tears overflowing from my eyes. I beat on his back as hard as my small hands could. Gasping.I was already using too much of my energy.
"NO! STOP IT! OTOUSAN! I WANT TO FORGET! OTOUSAN!" My voice was cracking. I wasn't used to raising my voice yet. I wanted help. I wanted him to let me go.
I wanted him to let me forget.
Catching a glance at Hatori, I noticed he looked absolutely terrified and shaken up.
So different from the usual image of him, ne?
Father didn't care I that I was screaming and struggling, he took out of the room and placed me forcefully in a chair.
"Are you aware about what you nearly just did?! Are you, Akito?!"
I was crying too hard to answer. I was hyperventilating, my breath felt like it was just on the tip of my tongue, and it would run away when I tried to catch it. More games.it was playing tag.
Suffocating.
"Answer me, Akito!" He grabbed tightly onto my shoulders. "Why would you want forget your own mother?!" He seemed completely oblivious of my attempts to get air. What I was about to do with Hatori, to father, was completely unforgivable.
The only words I was able to choke out were, "Weak...d-dead..."
"Akito." He pulled me close to his face, his words were spoken through gritted teeth. "Do you know why your mother is dead, Akito?"
My eyes widened, I shook my head, my breaths slowly becoming more mild. It was giving me a chance to catch up. A running start.
"Because she didn't want to be alive when you die."
Tag.
You're it.
Silent.
I froze, completely silent. I wasn't wheezing anymore because I stopped breathing. My breath was knocked out of me. It didn't want to play anymore.
Die.
Died.
Dead.
Gone forever.
Okaasan...
"You're dying Akito. You are dying for the people in this family. You were born to die for them." Father's voice was getting fainter, it was becoming harder for him to speak.
My voice was small, I forced the breath through my lips, "N-Nani?"
Father sounded almost cruel. He hadn't practiced for this. He didn't expect it to be so early. Keeping such emotions locked up...
"Did you ever wonder why you're sick all the time? Why you hardly leave the house...? You aren't going to live much longer, Akito."
...They can release themselves in unimaginable ways.
I had just recently learned what death was, and here it was, staring me in the face. It wants me to play.
I was frozen, my mouth hung open as if I was about to say something, as if I was going to protest.
No.
That's not true.
It can't be true.
It's fake.
It's a dream.
Wake me up.
WAKE ME UP!
My father embraced me, hugging me tightly as he started to cry. I felt his tears on the back of my neck.
"I'm sorry, A-Akito...I'm so sorry..."
...It's a frightening thing for a child to watch an adult cry.
Adults are not immortal.
Adults are afraid.
I'm not going to reach adulthood.
At age five, my innocence was stripped away from me.
The world looks so different now.
~End Chapter 2~
A/N: I hope you liked it...or...well..whatever. I suppose you can't really *like* angst. After this, your going to see how Akito developed to be who he was in the series. Remember, please take a little bit of time to leave a review. You don't know how much I appreciate them. All the reviews so far have been overflowing me with joy! Thanks so much for reading this far :O
Preview for Next Chapter:
3 years later: Akito learns that there are others weaker than himself...
A/N: I actually did Chapter 1 and this chapter in the same day. ^_^0 Ah, it's nice to get on writing kicks. I'm not as happy with this chapter as my other ones, but I hope you like it anyway. ^_^0 Chapter 3, which I am working on now, seems to be starting off a lot better than this one. XD You guys have been making me so happy with all the reviews. I've never gotten so many :O Thank you so much!!
Lori R: Angsty fics are always fun XD Yuki is quite the bishie too, ne? ^^ Thankies!
Kimna: Computers can really be evil o_o; To tell you the truth, the internet of my computer hasn't been working so I've been posting these chapters via floppy. Waah! The pain! Akito is a bit hard to understand ^^; But I do my best! Thanks for reviewing!
Kireina- Aw... no, nobody deserves to see something like that. You'll get to see Akito's reaction in this chapter. ^^
Anee: I tried my best to make it unexpected, which is why the ending was so abrupt. Glad I conveyed that XD I'm not sure how I'd handle it if someone I loved was going to die.
Joanne: ^^; Thanks a lot...
Arrei: ^_^ Ee! Thank you so much! I still find your skills superior to mine though XD My stuff is closer to tortured poetry than fanfiction...
Hiei_luver45: XD Wow, someone else who started their review with a "O.O" Yeah...I feel sorry for him too.
Rei Sohma: ^^ Thank you thank you thank you! So sorry about the mistake with your fic again..^^;
LunaCat: ^^ It's goal is to be sad. O_o hm... I believe all the fics I've written so far have been angst...
Visual: ^^ I really love fics that dig into the characters emotions. That's why I enjoy writing them so much.
Val Kyrie: Lack of information? Ha! You're in luck, I'm working on an Akito shrine website right now XD I'll let you know when I put it up. Yeah, I can't imagine Akito being the type of person to openly accept pity. Thanks for the review!
Hyper Riceball: ^^ Wah..no, thank you! It really makes me feel honored to be getting such nice reviews...I'm glad you like it!
Haru-the-bishie-chaser: XD Woo...cool screen name! *bishie chaser! Wahahaha!* I know, Akito fics are hard to find x_x it makes things very hard for his loyal fans. Thanks!
*_* I worship you all! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!
And I shall begin...
New Japanese for this Chapter:
Otousan- Father
Nani- What
Juunishi- Zodiac o_O I'd be surprised if most of you didn't know that by now.
Ne- There isn't a direct translation. It most closely means "You think?" "Right?" "Huh?" "Agree?"
**Chapter 2- Rain**
****
~ Arigatou ganbattane koe kakete agetai todoku youni.
~ I want to tell you "thank you" and that you tried your best.
****
It was raining on my mother's funeral.
She used to tell me that it rained because angels were crying.
.I don't think it's going to rain when I die.
I didn't understand death back then. I just remember my father telling me I was never going to see mother again. He wouldn't even hug me, or wipe away my tears. The man just mentally shoved me away.
His true loved had died, and he knew that his son was soon to follow.
That must have been emotionally damaging.
...He blamed me for mother's death. Father wouldn't say that, but I was able tell from his movements and his cold eyes. And the words he chose to explain death to me. He didn't want to believe that he held me responsible. Father tried to fool himself. Of course, that never works.
I began to hate my mother.
I hated that she left me; that she wasn't going to be coming back. That she killed herself in front of my very eyes. That she would rather have me watch her die, than suffer herself when I died.
She was too weak.
And at age five, I knew that was the truth. I knew she was too weak and I couldn't stand it.
What kind of person would chose to die of their own free will?
I remember that a few days after the funeral, my cousin Shigure approached me. He had the intention of pitying me, letting me cry on his shoulder. He didn't know what he would get instead.
"Akito-san..." the young teenager crouched so he was at my level of height, "Are you okay, Akito-san?"
"I'm fine." I spoke coldly, as if my voice was icing over.
Shigure looked a bit perplexed, tilting his head to the side. "I'm really sorry about your mother, Akito-san." He started to fiddle with his kimono sleeve nervously.
"Why should you be sorry? She was too weak," I looked down, a small smile played on my lips, "Weak people don't deserve to live long."
Shigure took a step back, utterly shocked at my reply. He paused for a moment, and then turned away, leaving me alone.
I'm sorry? Did I scare you away, Shigure? Did my reaction astonish you? Are little children supposed to speak such harsh words? Am I scary?
Did I break like Okaasan?
I remember about hearing a boy in my family, a few years older than me, who was born with the ability to erase any memories from a person's mind.
Sohma Hatori.
It was another curse; it came with being the dragon juunishi. Somebody had to be cursed in order to protect the secret of the curse itself. Isn't that ironic? .I'll get to the point.
The memories of mother were poisoning my soul. I couldn't stop thinking about her, about what she was like, about how pathetic she was. My mind was swelling.
"Would you like to go for a walk?"
"You're hands are always so cold..."
"Akito-kun?"
...It hurt so much.
Hatori is the son of my doctor.
It would be easy to reach him.
On August 10th, my father drove me over to the house of my doctor, Sohma Hitoshi, and his son, Sohma Hatori. Father sat down in a chair and started talking to Hitoshi, telling him about my eating habits, how many times I had been sick in the past month, and whether or not I was recovering steadily from my last "episode." I silently walked out of the room, making sure my small feet didn't make that "pitter-patter" noise against the floor.
I was going to find Hatori.
I was going to forget mother.
Everything was going to be okay.
I found Hatori fairly soon, he was in a chair, leaning over a desk, scribbling something down on a piece of paper. It must have been his homework. He was, after all, only thirteen. That was my first time seeing him, I have to admit, his height and his deep voice had intimidated me. I began to fear him less, when I realized in a sense, he was mine.
He was mine because I was the reason he was still alive. Because I was dying for him. Without me, there would be no Sohma Hatori.
That boy owes me everything in the world.
...But I didn't know yet.
"Hatori-san?" I spoke, my voice almost a murmur.
I don't think he heard me.
"Hatori-san?" I spoke again, a little bit louder.
He jumped up and turned around in his chair. His eyes softened when he realized it was just a little boy, the little boy his father takes care of so often. "What is it Akito-san?"
"I want to forget."
Hatori visibly twitched. I doubt he ever got used to his 'gift.' I also don't think he expected those words to come from the voice of a mere child.
"What," he stood up out of his chair slowly, "What would you like to forget, Akito-san?" I'm sure he wished I would be gone by the time he got out of his chair. That I would change my decision and cower away quickly. But I was still there, my deep gray eyes staring up at him unsettlingly.
"Okaasan." I didn't realize how desperate my voice sounded, how broken...
Hatori looked at me, a hint of concern in his usually indifferent eyes, "Your mother? Why would you--?"
"I want to forget...!" I spoke, my voice becoming louder, trying to stop myself from crying.
Tears disgust me. They're a sign of weakness.
And weak people die.
"L-Let me forget!" I was pleading now. "Please, Hatori-san!"
Hatori paused, searching for something in my eyes that would give me away, that would make me stop. He wasn't going to find anything.
He didn't find anything.
"Alight." Hatori breathed, I could tell he was in a mental struggle. He must of known I was cursed. That I was doomed to become his master.
Why else would he not refuse my demands?
"Sit down, Akito-san."
I obeyed, whimpering faintly. He kneeled down in front of me and placed his hand over my face. I closed my eyes. it felt soothing against the warmth of his hands.
This is it.
I'm going to be saved.
Weakness is a disease.
I'm not going to catch it.
"AKITO!"
...Or so I thought.
I felt Hatori's hand jerked away from me. When I opened my eyes I saw that my father had grabbed him from behind and was pulling him towards the other end of the room.
"STAY AWAY FROM MY SON, YOU BASTARD!" He was screaming, his eyes full of rage.
I moved my hands to cover my ears. I didn't care about my tears anymore. They swelled up in my eyes as I trembled, curling up into a small ball. Trying to become invisible.
It's too loud...
Stop, Otousan...!
Father had dragged Hatori off me and thrown him roughly against the wall.
...And then he came for me.
I shrieked and kicked as he hauled me up over his shoulder, tears overflowing from my eyes. I beat on his back as hard as my small hands could. Gasping.I was already using too much of my energy.
"NO! STOP IT! OTOUSAN! I WANT TO FORGET! OTOUSAN!" My voice was cracking. I wasn't used to raising my voice yet. I wanted help. I wanted him to let me go.
I wanted him to let me forget.
Catching a glance at Hatori, I noticed he looked absolutely terrified and shaken up.
So different from the usual image of him, ne?
Father didn't care I that I was screaming and struggling, he took out of the room and placed me forcefully in a chair.
"Are you aware about what you nearly just did?! Are you, Akito?!"
I was crying too hard to answer. I was hyperventilating, my breath felt like it was just on the tip of my tongue, and it would run away when I tried to catch it. More games.it was playing tag.
Suffocating.
"Answer me, Akito!" He grabbed tightly onto my shoulders. "Why would you want forget your own mother?!" He seemed completely oblivious of my attempts to get air. What I was about to do with Hatori, to father, was completely unforgivable.
The only words I was able to choke out were, "Weak...d-dead..."
"Akito." He pulled me close to his face, his words were spoken through gritted teeth. "Do you know why your mother is dead, Akito?"
My eyes widened, I shook my head, my breaths slowly becoming more mild. It was giving me a chance to catch up. A running start.
"Because she didn't want to be alive when you die."
Tag.
You're it.
Silent.
I froze, completely silent. I wasn't wheezing anymore because I stopped breathing. My breath was knocked out of me. It didn't want to play anymore.
Die.
Died.
Dead.
Gone forever.
Okaasan...
"You're dying Akito. You are dying for the people in this family. You were born to die for them." Father's voice was getting fainter, it was becoming harder for him to speak.
My voice was small, I forced the breath through my lips, "N-Nani?"
Father sounded almost cruel. He hadn't practiced for this. He didn't expect it to be so early. Keeping such emotions locked up...
"Did you ever wonder why you're sick all the time? Why you hardly leave the house...? You aren't going to live much longer, Akito."
...They can release themselves in unimaginable ways.
I had just recently learned what death was, and here it was, staring me in the face. It wants me to play.
I was frozen, my mouth hung open as if I was about to say something, as if I was going to protest.
No.
That's not true.
It can't be true.
It's fake.
It's a dream.
Wake me up.
WAKE ME UP!
My father embraced me, hugging me tightly as he started to cry. I felt his tears on the back of my neck.
"I'm sorry, A-Akito...I'm so sorry..."
...It's a frightening thing for a child to watch an adult cry.
Adults are not immortal.
Adults are afraid.
I'm not going to reach adulthood.
At age five, my innocence was stripped away from me.
The world looks so different now.
~End Chapter 2~
A/N: I hope you liked it...or...well..whatever. I suppose you can't really *like* angst. After this, your going to see how Akito developed to be who he was in the series. Remember, please take a little bit of time to leave a review. You don't know how much I appreciate them. All the reviews so far have been overflowing me with joy! Thanks so much for reading this far :O
Preview for Next Chapter:
3 years later: Akito learns that there are others weaker than himself...