Look Mom! No angst! Seriously, completely angst free. I needed a pick-me-up last night so I wrote something happy. Nah, actually I was planning this for awhile. Enjoy! Reviews are the food of life…
Peace
-elodie
Wisp
Chapter 13
Roger took a step gingerly, lifting one foot up and placing it on the stair to steady himself.
"Don't worry, Roger. I've got you," Winnie said encouragingly, holding onto his elbow tightly.
Roger turned to her, eyebrows raised. "So you're saying that if I fall, little Miss Winnie will be able to catch me?"
Winnie grinned and shrugged her shoulders. "I suppose so."
"That's so reassuring."
"Up you go. Just a few more flights."
"Again, that's so reassuring."
Coming home from the hospital was a surprise, especially to Roger. Just at the point where he should have died, something happened. He just suddenly felt better. Even the doctors had thought he was a goner. But he lived.
Winnie couldn't help smiling. He didn't have a clue…
* * *
"Got the noisemakers?"
"We don't want to give him a heart attack."
"Well, he deserves a nice scare after the one he gave us."
"That wasn't his fault…"
"Maureen, Joanne, shut up and find the noisemakers," Mark ordered, busy setting up his camera. "Collins, do you have Roger's special party hat?"
Collins held up a hideous pirate hat with a huge plumed feather sticking out of it. "Check!"
Mark nodded, holding the camera up. "Great. July 20th, one PM, Eastern Standard Time. Observe as we wait for Roger and Winnie to enter. Roger has recovered from his near-death experience and we've decided to give him another one, complete with pirate hats." He panned the loft, making sure he captured Maureen, Joanne and Collins with similar hats to the one saved specially for Roger, although they were a little less flashy. Roger needed his time in the limelight, whether he wanted it or not.
"Mark, we don't have a hat for Winnie."
Mark grinned devilishly. "Oh, yes we do. It's on my bed, if you want to go get it."
Collins disappeared into Mark's bedroom and came out with an incredulous look on his face and a gigantic hat in his hand. It was a purple and green leopard-print sombrero "You can't be serious."
"Oh, but I am."
"I didn't even know that they made these. You're spending the night on the couch, I'm assuming."
"You'd be surprised. Winnie's pretty flexible."
"Famous last words…"
Mark snorted. "As always. Are they getting closer?"
"A flight down, I think. What's the signal?"
"Winnie's going to tell Roger that it's wicked hot out."
"Those exact words?"
"Hey, they're Winnie's, not mine. I guess it's a Massachusetts thing."
Collins shook his head. "Massachusetts slang. Never really understood it. I never got how something could be 'wicked' cool."
"Must be something with Salem and the witches."
"Yeah, maybe that's it."
Joanne shushed them. "I can hear their footsteps."
The doorknob turned slightly. They could hear Winnie say, "Ugh, it's wicked hot out." The door swung open.
"Surprise!"
Joanne and Maureen blew the noisemakers and Collins leaped in front of Roger and stuffed the pirate hat on his head.
Roger stood in stunned silence, staring at them. "What the fuck?" He finally asked.
"Smile for the camera, Roger," Mark chirped, leaning in close.
"It's a surprise party, stupid!" Winnie nudged him. "It's fun! We're celebrating the fact that you're still alive. Smile a bit, stupid."
Roger bashfully grinned and lifted the hat off his head. "What's with the hats?"
"Pure humiliation," Mark answered as Collins placed Winnie's hat on her head.
She shrieked, "Mark! You said I didn't have to wear one!"
"I lied."
"I forgive you." She leaned in to kiss him, instead smashing the brim into his forehead. "Oops, sorry. But it serves you right."
Mark grinned. "I know. So, Roger, are you surprised?"
"Fuck yeah." He placed the hat back on his head. "Y'know, I kind of like this hat. Next time we go out, I think I may wear it."
"Oh god," Collins muttered. "Mark, you've created a monster."
"Roger, Winnie and I have another surprise for you. And actually for Collins, Maureen and Joanne also," Mark told them all, wrapping his arm around Winnie's shoulders. "You all know that Winnie's aunt Lilia lives in Provincetown and has invited us to stay anytime we like. Well, we've decided that we're going to visit at the end of September and you're invited to come along. And in Roger's case, your attendance is required."
Maureen grinned. "Ooh, Provincetown! That sounds great. Dyke
paradise! Pookie, let's go. It'd be fun."
Joanne sighed, smiling widely. "Of course, Honeybear. We do need to take a trip that doesn't consist of visiting parents."
Mark cringed, "Well, there's a slight catch. You see; we have to make a tiny stopover in Scarsdale. Mom's been itching to see me, and well… I kind of want her to meet Winnie."
"Well, I want to meet her." Winnie said.
"Famous last words…"
* * *
Fast forward two months, and the heroes are found climbing out of Joanne's borrowed minivan in the driveway of the Cohen childhood home.
"Mark Cohen, I haven't seen you in three years!" Mark nearly had the wind knocked out of him as a short, plump woman ran to him and threw her arms around his shoulders. She pushed herself off of him and grabbed his face, pulling him down so that she could kiss both of his cheeks soundly.
"Mom," He complained, wiping off the lipstick as soon as she let go.
"You never call, you never visit, then one day you appear out of the blue with a van full of people! Honey, you shouldn't surprise me like that." She turned to the four people milling behind him. "Oh, Tom Collins, it's good to see you again." She grabbed him in a tight hug. "And how is your poor mother doing? She's coping I hope."
Collins nodded, wincing a bit. "Yeah, she's fine."
"I admired your father, I did. Only met him once, but he seemed like a fine man."
"Thank you, Mrs. Cohen. I appreciate that."
Mrs. Cohen hugged Roger as well. "I hope you're well, Roger Davis."
"So far, so good, ma'am." Roger said quietly.
"Oh, and…Maureen. It's nice to… Well, I certainly look forward to hearing what you've been up to. And who's this?"
Joanne looked up like a deer caught in headlights. She was trying to keep Mrs. Cohen from noticing her presence as she dragged a bag from the back of the van.
"Mrs. Cohen, this is my girlfriend," Maureen said. "Joanne Jefferson. Joanne, this is Mark's mother." Maureen pulled Joanne to her, wrapping her arm around her waist and giving her a big sloppy kiss on the cheek.
"Charmed," Mrs. Cohen said.
"It's very nice to meet you, Mrs. Cohen," Joanne said politely, holding out a hand to shake.
Mark brought his mother's attention to Winnie. "Mom, this is my girlfriend Winnie. Winnie, this is the Wicked Witch of the West."
Mrs. Cohen scowled at her son but embraced Winnie. "Ignore my son the joker. It's so nice to meet you. Ooh, do you want to see what Mark looked like as a little boy? I've got so many pictures. Come, I'll make you some cocoa." She led Winnie inside the house. Winnie turned back to shook Mark a 'save me' glance but he just shrugged and helped Joanne drag their bag inside the house.
* * *
"Ooh, and there's little Marky in the bathtub at age three. Wasn't he so cute? He was such a little chubbo!"
"Mom!" Mark blushed furiously. "Do you really have to show everyone those pictures?"
"I think she does, Mark," Collins laughed. "Nice Mohawk. Well, you always shove that camera of yours in our faces. Now it's your turn to be embarrassed."
Mark protested, "But this is different!"
"Oh, Mark. You're still carrying around that old camera? Didn't your father always tell you that it's rude to film everyone all the time?"
Mark could feel a little bit of anger boil up inside him but bit his tongue to keep himself quiet.
Winnie giggled, "I can see you certainly liked spaghetti enough. Oh, what a cute tush you had!"
"Winnie!"
"It's cuter now…" Winnie grinned slyly.
Mark moaned and covered his face with his hands. "Remind me again why we came?"
"Because you haven't visited in awhile, that's why. Oh, by the way Mark, Cindy and the kids are popping over tomorrow. You finally get to meet your nephews."
"Oh, fun fun…" Mark stood up and stretched. "I'm going for a walk. Anyone want to come?"
Winnie shook her head. "Nah. These pictures are too cute. I want to see all of them!"
Mark groaned. "Mom, is there any way you could skip the junior high years? Please?"
"Why?"
"Mom, you know why…" Mark hissed, his face flushing pink.
Mrs. Cohen sighed. "Mark, most teenage boys get acne. Although, yours was a particularly bad case, but it's completely normal. And the braces weren't so bad. And you wanted to wear those horn-rimmed glasses."
Mark threw up his hands and made a sound of disgust. "Bye everyone," He yelled as the door slammed.
This was too embarrassing… Why did his mother have to crack out all the baby pictures? She didn't do that when he'd brought Maureen to visit. Of course, she'd never really liked Maureen. But she barely knew Winnie. He'd only mentioned her on the phone once.
Maybe Maureen was just the sort of person people like Mrs. Cohen didn't like.
A chilly autumn breeze ruffled his shaggy hair and he shivered. Why hadn't he grabbed his jacket? He wished he'd grabbed his camera too. Oh well. Too late.
Just seeing all the houses, looking exactly the same of course, just killed him. It reminded him how much he'd hated it here.
"Mark! Wait up, man."
Mark turned to see Roger running to catch up with him, Mark's jacket and camera in hand.
"Just figured you'd want these."
Mark smiled. "Thanks, Roger. You wanna come with me?"
"Actually, yeah. You're mother's giving me a headache. And I don't appreciate seeing pictures of you naked. I've only seen you naked once, and that was by accident and I prefer to keep it that way."
Mark snorted. "Glad to hear that. And don't blame me for that one time. The lock wouldn't work."
"Could've put a chair in front of it."
"I was getting laid. You think I thought of that? Besides, I've seen you naked on multiple occasions."
"What!"
"Oh yeah, you nudist you." Mark grinned at Roger's alarmed expression. "Well, you always walk around naked!"
"When no one's home!"
Mark smiled sympathetically. "Well, when you think that no one's home. And I must say, and this is coming from a completely straight man's perspective, nice."
Roger shook his head, trying to dispel the comment from his mind. "OK, that's enough."
"So, who else have you seen naked?"
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah, I'm curious."
Roger made a face, biting his lip in thought. "Well, there's you, and then Collins, Maureen and Winnie."
"Maureen and Winnie?" Mark lifted his eyebrows in alarm.
Roger shrugged. "Maureen flashed me and I walked in on Winnie changing. Oh, and when I walked in on you two going at it. And Collins was drunk and hit on me once. His pick up lines are pretty out there. Then he unzipped his fly and… Never mind. What about you?"
"Well, I walked in on Mimi in the shower. Obviously Winnie, as you so eloquently pointed out. Maureen, another obvious one. And, well, you."
A sharp wind blew, sending chills down Mark's back. He shivered and shrugged on his coat. "Hey, feel like hitting a bar? Nothing else to do. We'll leave the rest of the perverts to look at my evolution from nudist to nerd to cool nerd."
Roger raised an eyebrow. "Cool nerd?"
"C'mon, at least give me that one."
"OK, I'll admit that you're cooler now than you were five years ago. But still… Anyway, a bar sounds fine. I need a few beers to be able to deal with your mother when we get home."
"She's not that bad."
"After you left, she pulled out the pubescent years. Man, you were a crater face!"
Mark blushed, "Gee thanks, Roger." He turned the camera on and held it up close in Roger's face. "Smile!"