Hero Worship

~Natsu~

A/N: This is kind of an experimental piece. I'm not sure yet if I'm going to finish it or not…hmm…am very busy and do not technically have time for writing at the moment. But I've been writing anyway because it sure as hell beats French essays, don't you think? Let me know if you like it. Feedback is always appreciated. ^^

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Don't you totally hate how some evil fiend steals your mirror and replaces it with a picture of some horrifically rough looking person just to freak you out? So do I. That's my theory anyway. You know, to explain why what was reflected back at me as I stumbled blindly into the bathroom that morning was not the image of the rakishly handsome face that I've grown so accustomed to. I suppose I should have taken that shit-awful reflection as a sign.

You know those days that are so awful that from the second you wake up, you can actually feel the absolute awfulness that life has on the agenda? It was one of those days. And normally I'm perceptive enough to know when they're coming – people don't think I am, but I can be perceptive thank you very much – but the thing was, this wasn't just any day. It never really occurs to you that you're going to have a completely crap day on your birthday now, does it? Of course not. So there I am, staring at the monster in the mirror and thinking 'Hey, it's all good', because it's my birthday and there's no way stuff can go wrong today because this is my day baby! Besides, it was a Friday and Fridays are always cool.

Did I mention that my birthday is the thirteenth of April?

Okay, now I'm not superstitious but I think I might actually start to take that whole 'Friday the thirteenth? Big no-no' rule seriously now. And if you have any sense, you'll trust me on this one and take it seriously too. Next time a Friday rolls around, make a big point of checking that it is most definitely not the thirteenth of the month. And if it is, don't leave the house. I repeat, do not leave the house. Just grab enough food for the day, barricade yourself in your room and ignore anyone who tries to tell you to come out. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about. Because that day was quite possibly the worst day that has ever been had by anyone anywhere in the history of the world. In the history of the Universe, even.

So yeah, I think I've established that it turned out to be a less than perfect day. But of course, I didn't realise this. It didn't even occur to me that things might not be quite so cool until I tried to take a shower. An easy feat, I hear you say. You'd think so, wouldn't you? Not only had our shower somehow become completely broken between yesterday afternoon and this morning (i.e. it refused to work at all and then decided to hit me with angry and sporadic blasts of water that were alternatively boiling hot and freezing cold), but I mistook Jun's shampoo for mine. Again. And consequently ended up smelling like strawberry cheesecake. Again. Which is ironic, because according to the label, Jun's shampoo is coconut flavour. As if that wasn't enough, not only did I get strawberry-cheesecake-coconut in my hair, I also got it in my eye. And they must add like, special pain-inducing chemicals or something because man did it hurt.

Anyway, if the shower was a mild annoyance, breakfast was a disaster. In our family, we normally open birthday presents in the morning as soon as everyone has finished eating. It's one of the few traditions we have. But did I find a proud, smiling family waiting for me and bearing gifts as I padded into the room, dressed, dry and ready to face the day?

That would be a 'no'.

All I found was a cranky Jun hunched over a bowl of musli (she's on a diet) and a single envelope with my name hastily scribbled across the front. My sister looked up as I wandered into the room and shoved the envelope towards me with her free hand.

"That's from Mum and Dad," she informed me before returning to her breakfast.

"That's it?" I couldn't help asking. I know I've been taught to be grateful for what I get and all that, but birthdays are kind of special and it's usually customary to give your only son something cool. At least it is in our house. We make a big deal of birthdays.

"Just open it you ungrateful little twerp," Jun snapped. She's always going on about me being selfish and ungrateful and all that. "Oh…and happy birthday by the way," she added as a kindly afterthought, "You'll have to wait until the weekend for your present because I haven't had a chance to go buy anything yet."

Without much anticipation, I tore into the envelope and revealed a card with some kind of cartoon character on the front, might have been a dog, might have been a rat, who knows. There was a joke on it that I'm not even going to repeat. It was one of those ones that are so completely unfunny that you begin to think you've read it wrong or didn't understand the punch line. But then, I wasn't really paying attention to the punch line because I was so distracted by the grating sound of the electronic music that started to play as soon as I opened the card.

I slammed it shut before I'd even read the message from my parents.

Jun's head snapped up as soon as she heard the noise and gestured for me to hand her the card as she struggled to swallow her mouthful of musli. She had no idea how totally welcome to it she was. She read the front, then flipped the card open, still holding her spoon in one hand. She laughed her snorting little laugh and passed it back to me.

"That's cute," she said, still smiling to herself.

"It's dumb," I returned bluntly, I've always been one to speak my mind. "It doesn't make sense."

"Sure it does. Because that's that old pop song, isn't it?" Jun said as if it was a fact that everyone should know. I stared back blankly. "You know, that one that goes like, 'Where does my heart go when it's not found'," she demonstrated, singing the line of a (as far as I was concerned) completely non-existent song. "That one. You know."

"No. I don't."

"You must do. See because that's the joke isn't it?" She watched my face expectantly, waiting for me to get it. I hate when people look at me like that. Patiently waiting for poor dim Daisuke to catch on.

"It's dumb," I repeated blandly, rummaging in the cupboard for my Poptarts, "Where are Mum and Dad anyway?" Jun sighed like a long-suffering martyr.

"You know Dad's away on business, idiot. And Mum told you last night that she'd have to leave for work early this morning."

"But it's my birthday…where are the Poptarts?" Having pulled out half the contents of the cupboard, it was starting to become increasingly obvious that they were, in fact, not there. Jun appeared beside me and dumped her empty bowl in the sink.

"Do you know how full of calories those things are?" she replied.

"I don't care. And I didn't ask that anyway. I asked where they were."

"How would I know? You probably ate them all and forgot."

"I didn't!"

"Well whatever. Here," Jun pushed her box of musli into my hand, "it's much healthier anyway. Better for you." She prodded my stomach as if to demonstrate some point about my weight and then flounced out of the room. Just because she's getting fat and I'm not.

It may be healthier, but as it turned out, musli was definitely not better for me. I'm generally not a clumsy person. Being a soccer star and all, it's essential that I have good co-ordination. But I must have left it in bed or in the shower stinking of strawberry-cheesecake-coconut or something that morning because in the space of eating breakfast, I managed to tip half a bowl of musli down my favourite shirt and drop a glass of orange juice all over the kitchen floor. 

By the time I'd cleaned it all up and dug a crumpled, but clean shirt out of my drawer it was time to leave for school already and I was going to have to be running on nothing but half a bowl of powdery oats and raisins until lunchtime. But never mind. I could deal. The sun was shining, and my friends would be waiting outside to walk to school with me. Even if my family couldn't be bothered to get me a present, my friends would. Right?

Wrong.

I always walk to school with Takeru, Kari and Ken. It's like a rule of the world. And sometimes Taichi and Yamato walk with us too, depending on where Yamato spent the night. Whenever his Dad isn't there, he normally stays over with Taichi or Takeru. It's always cool when we they walk with us. Firstly because they are just the two most totally cool and fantastic people I know, and secondly because it pisses Jun off like nothing else. I sometimes wish I could tell her that Taichi and Yamato are a couple so she could just get over it, but then I'd probably only get a slap in the face and her screaming at me not to make up such stupid stories. Huh.

"Hi Dai!" Kari called, cheerily as ever, as I emerged from the doors of our apartment block. I smiled at her, happily noting that her brother and his boyfriend were gracing us with their presence. Taichi grinned and nodded a greeting, while Yamato smiled a languid smile that made my heart flutter as usual. I'll admit I had kind of a crush on him. Even if you could say nothing else good about my sister, you had to admit that she had good taste. Not especially original taste (I sometimes think that it must be one of the school rules that everybody has to lust after Ishida Yamato at some point in their academic career), but good nonetheless. And of course, it only goes to figure that Taichi manages to get what everybody can't have. So typical. So unfair. But I guess that that's just one more thing I admire about him.

"Hey, Happy Birthday Dai!" Takeru remembered to say, and I grinned back at him.

"Yeah, Happy Birthday." Yamato acknowledged with another smile and I grinned even harder. Until I noticed the look on Kari's face that is.

"Birthday?" She asked, looking alarmed.

"Kari! You told me it was tomorrow!" Taichi cried suddenly, staring at his sister.

"I thought it was! Oh Dai, I'm so sorry! I didn't think it was today!"

"How could you not know it was today? He's been going on about it for weeks." Takeru said, looking confused.

"Even I knew it was today," Yamato added.

"I know but I just thought…I'm sorry Dai!" Kari threw her arms around me in a brief apologetic hug. Whenever she does anything even slightly wrong, Kari goes into apology overdrive. She can't stand the thought that she might have upset someone.

"Yeah me too. Happy Birthday, Daisuke. We'll have to do something really special tomorrow to make up for it." Taichi assured me, looking pissed that he forgot.

"God, I feel awful Dai," Kari said, looking ready to die with guilt. Which naturally made me feel guilty for making her feel guilty. It's a vicious circle.

"It's really okay. Honest," I nudged her amiably with my elbow, starting to panic that she was going to start crying. I'm never sure what to do when that happens.

"Hey, can we go?" Yamato asked suddenly, "No offence Daisuke, but I'd appreciate it if we could leave before your sister comes out." He glanced anxiously back towards my building. Can you blame him?

We started the (ridiculously short) walk to school, Taichi and his sister engaged in a rare argument over whose fault forgetting my birthday was. It was the kind of argument that Kari would later vehemently refer to as 'just a heated discussion' and then tell me that I was 'silly' for thinking otherwise. It was only then I suddenly noticed that someone was missing.

"Hey TK, where's Ken?"

"Huh? Oh he had to go early," TK replied, strolling calmly between his brother and I, "He told us yesterday. Weren't you listening?"

"Guess not." I have a habit of doing that. Not listening when I should be. Which is perhaps why I missed what TK said about having to ask Kari something and found myself quite suddenly walking next to Yamato. On my own. Panic central.

I don't care what anybody says about what you do when you like people. Being mean to them or whatever. All I do is panic. Lose it completely. I talk nonsense or forget to talk at all and turn red or make some random stupid face. So of course the second I noticed TK had gone my brain went into overdrive desperately trying to think of something to say to start a conversation. I've never been a believer in silence. Luckily, Yamato got there first before I could say something stupid.

"Did you get anything good?"

"What?"

"Did you get anything good?" Yamato repeated with a patient smile. "For your birthday."

"Oh right. No." It came out blunter than I intended it to so I thought I'd better add something in explanation. You know, in case he just thought I wasn't happy with what I'd been given. Or something. "My parents aren't there," I said, hoping to sound tragic yet down to earth.

"Huh. Been there," Yamato muttered, eyes darkening in a weird way, and I was worried that maybe I'd hit a sore spot. Smooth, Dai. But it was gone in a breezy toss of blonde hair and Yamato was looking at me again. "Well you know what? We should do something today. Lord knows I've missed out on enough fucking birthdays. I'll talk to young Taichi there and we'll see what we can do, yeah?"

"Oh…you don't have to," I heard myself say way too politely, internally bubbling with excitement at just having an actual conversation with my idol's one-and-only.

"Why not? It'll be cool. Everyone deserves a birthday party."

"Well…wow…thanks." Was all I could think of to say, alarmed at how my brain could turn to such utter mush at such a small exchange. 

"It's not a problem. I'll make Tai do it all," Yamato grinned at me and I felt like I was expected to reply.

"Yeah…um…well I mean…he might not want to or…" was what I managed to come up with.

"We can deal with that. I'll just have to make him 'want to', won't I?" Yamato favoured me with a private smile as we reached the school gates and he moved away from me to walk with Taichi, who was handing out obligatory greetings and charming smiles to fortunate members of the bustling stream of students. As soon as the words had left his lips, my mind was bombarded by images of what they meant. And with the added excitement-inducing prospect of a party later, it's lucky that TK was there for me to follow or I probably wouldn't have been able to remember the way to homeroom.

Well I guess it probably seems to you that it was in fact shaping up to be a pretty good day. Yeah, that's what I thought too. So, I smelled weird and looked weird and didn't get any presents. Yamato had remembered my birthday (probably only because TK had reminded him, but that's irrelevant in the grand scheme of things) and I was getting a party tonight. Pretty sweet, I thought. Key word there being 'thought'.

We made it to homeroom in plenty of time for the bell. I slid into my seat next to TK and began to pull books out of my bag, noting absently that Ken's place on my other side was still empty. Our first lesson was in our homeroom groups, which meant no traipsing around the school to get to the right room. Not that I cared. It's fun to see how fast you can make it through the corridors without getting knocked down and trampled.

"Hey, what's that?" TK asked, reaching over and pulling something bright out of my pile of puke-coloured school books. Of course it had to be the goddamn singing card from my parents didn't it? I must have picked it up and shoved it in my bag along with everything else. Before I'd quite noticed what he was doing, TK had opened the card and the music was blaring across the classroom. I swear I am not exaggerating when I say that every single head in the room turned to look at me.

"TK! Close it!" I hissed and TK complied, looking rather shell-shocked as he did so.

The thing was, you're gonna love this, once the card was shut, the music didn't stop. Did not stop. It just kept going. And going and going and going…

TK turned to me with wide eyes and I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks I snatched the card back, opened it and slammed it shut again. Nothing. Oh joy. Luckily, before all my caring friends on the soccer team could start making catty comments, our homeroom teacher strolled in and ordered me to get rid of whatever was making that ridiculous noise. At least I thought it was lucky until I stepped outside the classroom and realised that I'd have to walk down the corridor carrying a singing birthday card. But I did it with my head held high and my shoulders thrown back and that's what matters.

I kept going until I was right outside the building and then stamped on the evil thing. It crunched and made a garbled screeching noise. One more good, solid stamp did it. I threw the remains in the trash and hoped my parents wouldn't expect to see it again.

By the time I got back to class, Ken was there. He smiled at me as I tried to slide unobtrusively back into my seat. I stress 'tried' because as I pulled the chair in with my foot, the leg got hit my school bag, which was as usual not pushed neatly under my desk, as it should have been, and the chair tipped back, taking me with it. The resulting almighty crash earned me a round of applause from my peers, which I accepted gracefully despite honestly feeling that my arm was broken. I did that once before when I was nine. Hurt like hell. But I got a lime green cast and an impressive scar to show for it so it wasn't all bad. When I had righted the chair and generally stopped making a spectacle of myself, the teacher took it into his own hands to make a further spectacle of me by asking loudly and unsympathetically if I was having a bad day and then kindly pointing out that my shirt was on inside out. The class loved that one. Bastard. He hates me. The feeling is mutual. I feel like an idiot most of the time without him reminding me.

When the teacher had finally shut his stupid fat mouth and we had started on our exercise in silence, Ken nudged me with a sympathetic smile.

"Happy Birthday Dai," He whispered before returning to his work.

I think I've bored you enough with the details of how awful my day was. Just use your imagination to picture how the rest of the day went on. Lost homework, falling flat on my face in the cafeteria at lunchtime then accidentally swallowing the sticker on my apple, managing to smash my head on my locker door…all that good stuff. There must have been like some evil bad luck gremlin following me around all day or something, I don't know.

But anyway the worst, the daddy of the bad luck, was the party that evening. Taichi had told me in passing at lunch that the party was going to be at Yamato's and to come by around seven. All well and good. Only Ken didn't know if he'd be able to make it. The extra credit project that had been consuming so much of his time recently was due Monday. And I would have to find some way of letting Jun know that I was leaving to see my friends without actually telling her where I was going or exactly which friends I would be seeing for fear of her gate crashing. But I have to let her know because last time she made my parents panic and call the police because I wasn't there.

I ended up just running out while her back was turned and leaving a note to my parents (if they ever decided to return home to their defenceless children) saying that I was at Ken's. Jun doesn't like Ken for some reason, probably because he's prettier than her, so I figured I'd be safe.

Yamato's apartment is small and artistically scruffy. Whereas my house normally just looks like a mess, his looks like it's supposed to be a mess, if you get what I mean. He answered the door to me himself, wearing dark jeans, a black shirt and an easy smile, looking as perfectly flawless as ever. Everyone else was already there except for Ken. Oh and Mimi. But then she lives in America now so I wasn't really expecting her to be there. Iori embarrassed himself horribly by yelling 'Surprise!' at the top of his lungs as I walked into the room, having obviously gotten the wrong end of the stick. It was bad for him but otherwise good because it made everyone laugh and got the whole party atmosphere thing going. Besides it cheered me up by making me think that perhaps my bad luck gremlin had crossed over to Iori, no doubt because he's more its height.

See, I'm sure the party would have been pretty good. All my friends were there, along with a cheerful selection of food and some cool music that I hadn't heard before. Only I just kept getting that feeling where you know stuff is missing that makes it not quite right and impossible for you to really enjoy yourself. I'm generally a pretty happy person, a real life and soul kind of guy but at that party, I just wasn't feeling it. Perhaps it was a leftover side effect of my killer day. Perhaps it was because my best friends was up to his elbows in equations and therefore couldn't be here. I don't know. But anyway, I was kind of flitting about between people and conversations, trying not to go near Yamato for fear of saying something stupid, and telling myself that no matter where I was on my birthday, it was far far better than sitting at home on my own with Jun.

I was trying to eat away the woes of the day when Taichi sauntered over to talk to me.

"I really am sorry you know," he told me, reaching for a handful of potato chips. I made some kind of unintelligible noise through a mouthful of cookie in response.

"About the getting the day wrong thing," he clarified, giving me time to swallow.

"No problem. It happens," I finally managed to get out.

"Yeah well. It's a pretty crappy thing to do. Forgetting when your friend's birthday is,"

"You didn't exactly forget."

"And I didn't exactly remember either," Taichi pointed out and I felt myself smile.

"Hey you're right. Well I guess that I better not speak to you any more, since you're such a crap friend. In fact, I better not even stand near you…" I took an exaggerated step away from him, taking me conveniently closer to more food.

"Well that's fine," he retorted jokingly, "I don't want you for a friend anyway. You're short."

"Well fine."

"Good."

"Fine." Taichi grinned amicably at me as I pouted convincingly. He'd come straight from soccer practice so his hair was still looking slightly windswept and he had a little smear of mud across one cheek that the shower had obviously missed. I'd like to hope that I'll get to be the team captain when I finally make it to upper school, but I've got Ken to compete with so I don't know what my chances are. Tai had no one to compete with because there just isn't anyone better than him at that end of the school. So unfair. Just like it's so unfair that he still gets half the cheerleading squad trailing around after him even though he's dating Yamato. Best of both worlds. Ugh, doesn't it just make you sick with envy? Thing is though, it's really hard to even be properly jealous of him because he's such a nice person. Nice and funny and interesting and tall and all that other stuff that he is.

"So how's your day been, birthday boy?" Taichi asked me, obviously still my friend even if I was short.

"Ugh…don't ask," I muttered, not wanting to be reminded.

"Rough, huh? Oh well. We all get them. Hey," he punched my shoulder in a chummy kind of way, "things can only get better, am I right?"

"Hope so."

Taichi opened his mouth to say something else but quickly got distracted as Yamato suddenly appeared out of nowhere and slid his arms around his boyfriend's waist. Oh good. Just what I needed. To be reminded of something else missing in my life. I had to reach for more cookies. Don't get me wrong; I think it's great that they feel comfortable enough to display affection in a room full of people. I just wish they wouldn't do it in front of me specifically. I was vaguely aware of the doorbell ringing as Yamato muttered something to Taichi, who grinned in response. I didn't want to know. They made such a fantastically perfect couple. There was this kind of novelty value to it…like when two of your favourite celebrities are an item. I was always impressed by the way they just seemed to be able to understand each other - they could communicate with nothing more than a glance and carried through the punch lines of each other's jokes and stories. They looked great together too. I know that's not really important but they did. Slender, beautiful Yamato and warm, charming Taichi. God, and they must have had an absolutely incredible sex life. You know what I mean, the 'make your mouth water' kind of sex life. And to top it off, they were best friends. Like best of the best. Like Ken and me just with the sex thing. Which is definitely something significant. Don't you hate people who have perfect lives?

"Hey…um…Dai?" Takeru's voice reached my ears over the din of my thoughts, "Your…er…sister's here."

To this day I still do not know how Jun figured out to come here of all places to look for me. But there she was, standing happily on the doorstep and announcing that I had to come home because our parents had been kind enough to return from what had in actuality probably been a sleazy night in a hotel away from the kids. I told her I wasn't coming but she was totally prepared for that and simply stated that if I wasn't coming then she was staying here until I would come. The look on Yamato's face decided that one for me. So I selflessly sacrificed my happiness for his well being. Talk about a knight in shining armour.

I walked home with my sister in silence while she prattled on about school and shoes and Yamato's eyes. That's one thing we share, the incredible ability to keep a conversation going strong even when you're getting zero response from the person you're talking to. Pretty useful providing you're not on the receiving end.

When we made it home, my parents were waiting, with a nice birthday cake with nice candles and nice cheerful smiles on their faces. Thing was, by that point I was sick of that day and just wanted to go to bed so that it would be over. I didn't want their niceness. I wanted to see Ken and eat crap and play video games. But Ken was busy and my family wanted to act like a family today for some reason. Which is stupid because we never act like a family on regular days. Like I said before, I'm normally a pretty happy guy, but that day…I just didn't want to know. I was in a major sulk.

"Happy birthday Dai!" Jun squealed, still hyper from getting to make a brief visit to Yamato's doorstep. I felt like hitting her all of a sudden. But I didn't. Instead, I smiled nicely back and kept smiling nicely while they sang an off-key round of 'Happy Birthday'. Then I blew out my candles.

"Make a wish!" Hyper Jun cried ecstatically.

So I did. My thoughts instantly turned to Taichi for some reason. I thought about the smear of mud on his cheek, his award winning smile, his cheerleaders and his wet-dream boyfriend. I thought of my day, the singing card, the gremlin, the apple sticker, and Ken's equations. It seemed like a perfectly logical wish really.

'I wish I had Taichi's life'

Makes sense, right? Of course it does. And it did to me too. Now, I'd just like to take a moment to point out that what happened next was not my fault. Not my fault in any way shape or form. There is no jury in the world that could ever condemn me for it because it simply and absolutely was not my fault. It was just a nice birthday cake with fifteen nice candles and a harmless wish made by a pissed off schoolboy who smelled of strawberry-coconut cheesecake. If you want to blame anyone, blame the gremlin. Because when I blew out those anorexic little candles, leaving them to trail their little candle smoke trails it was a completely innocent act.

I mean it's not like I actually thought for a second that it would come true.