Hero Worship
Part Three
+ Natsu +
A/N: I'm working on a lot of original stuff right now so if you want me to continue with this, please review. Because the reviews are what keep me writing fanfiction – I need to know that there are people actually interested in reading this to motivate me to write more.
Right…er…personally, I think that Daisuke must have some kind of hidden character depth. I like Daisuke a lot and in the programme they made him really stupid and I'm making up for that. So I've made him artistic. Don't ask me why. I just see him as being artistic. *shrugs* Oh and for anyone who cares, 'Lord of the Flies' was written by William Golding and it is a fantastic book that everyone has to read. And just for the record, I liked Simon. He might have gone weird and insane, but he was my favourite character because he was a sweetie.
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He looked shorter. In true Motomiya style, that was the first thing I noticed. I don't know why I obsess about height so much…but as a short person, let me tell you that height is something fundamental in this crazy modern world. I mean, since when have you see a short supermodel? And have you ever tried to buy clothes when everything in the shop is made for people twice your size? Height matters. Life is hard for short people. If you're one of us you'll understand. Anyway. He looked shorter.
But when he grinned at me, his smile was still the same.
"Hey Dai," he exclaimed cheerfully and then continued without pausing to breathe, "Did you have a good day? You know what in practice today at lunch I scored a hat trick! I was just telling Yamato about it, right?" Taichi shifted his adoring gaze to Yamato, who smiled and nodded politely in response, shifting uncomfortably when that gaze lingered longer than necessary.
Well, I suppose that Taichi had already answered the obvious question. He was completely unaware of any switch. Which I suppose was a good thing.
"I saw your game Saturday, Dai," Taichi informed me, "Great goal."
"Thanks," I replied graciously, starting to wish that I had been there to see this supposedly incredible game myself.
"The rest of them won't stand a chance in the finals!"
"Nope. We'll wipe the floor with their sorry asses," I returned, throwing in one of Taichi's favourite victory phrases just for good measure. Hey, if you're going to do something, you might as well do it properly.
"You say that, and you'll lose," Yamato warned calmly, adjusting the strap of his guitar case that was slung over his shoulder.
"What are you talking about?" Taichi answered in my place. "There's no way we can lose! Not with Daisuke as our captain!"
"I was only saying that you shouldn't jinx yourself." Yamato's eyes bore into Taichi's impassively and you could practically see the shorter boy's indignation melt away under the force of Yamato's stare. It was actually pretty funny.
"Well…yeah…I guess you have a point there," Taichi muttered, before turning on me. "Dai! Don't jinx it!"
"Yes sir," I replied mockingly with a sharp salute, earning myself an amused grin from Yamato. Our gaze met for a moment, before Yamato tossed his hair out of his eyes and turned his head to watch the side exit of the building, which was the door that his brother would be coming out of.
"I told Takeru we'd walk home with them today," he explained without me needing to ask why we were still standing at the gates and making no effort to start the walk home.
"Oh. Okay," I replied simply and a silence fell between us. I used the time to study Tai. It was really freaky, seeing him like this. It'd take some getting used to, thinking of Taichi being younger than me. I mean this guy had been my hero for years. Who was I going to idolise now? Because surely there had to be someone above Taichi…hell, Taichi himself must have had somebody to look up to. It was just a case of finding the right person. Yes. That wouldn't be a problem.
They're funny things really, aren't they? Idols. Especially if your idol is somebody you've never met before, or somebody who's already dead. How does that work? You've never met them and yet you trust and admire them so completely that you might as well have known them your whole life. I guess I was lucky having an idol so close to home. Other people probably aren't so lucky…like, I wonder who Yamato's idol is? It's hard to imagine that Yamato could ever need anyone to look up to. Tall, beautiful, talented, intelligent, confident Yamato. He might as well idolise himself, for crying out loud. Perhaps he just didn't need an idol. I don't know.
And anyway, forget finding a new idol for myself, I was actually being idolised now by somebody else. Me, Taichi's hero, an idol in the flesh. How completely cool. I felt like I should get some kind of special nametag or something, just to show everybody, to announce my newfound status to the world. I am somebody. I mean something. I matter.
I glanced at Taichi, feeling that somebody else should be sharing in this ego-boosting revelation that I'd suddenly stumbled across, and found that I needn't have bothered. I had no chance of catching his eye when they were both permanently glued to Yamato. I had to stifle a laugh at the adoring expression on the scruffy-haired boy's face. I really hoped that I didn't look like that when I used to stare at Yamato. I hoped I didn't make it quite so obvious that I was staring either.
With an attention span as short as mine (or as short as Tai's, whatever), just watching two people stare in opposite directions gets boring pretty quickly and I soon felt my gaze starting to wander, scanning lazily over the petering flow of students exiting the school. Some nameless member of the cheerleading squad, distinguished from the crowd only by her red and white uniform, waved at me and I was busy waving back when my eyes lighted on a familiar face.
"Ken! Hi!" I called automatically, sprinting the few steps to meet him and catching the attention of Taichi and Yamato who followed my gaze to the boy approaching us with his eyes characteristically lowered. He's way more confident than he used to be, but he's still not all that hot on big crowds. Ken looked up at the sound of his name, his violet hair bouncing cheerfully as he did so. His hair's so funny like that. It always seems to be happier to see people than Ken is.
"Hello," he returned my greeting calmly as I reached him.
"Aw man, Ken I have had the best day, wait'll I tell you!" I exclaimed, holding my fist out to Ken for this stupid little hand greeting thing that we've done for ages, "Do you want to come over tonight?" I know you might think that telling someone about this whole 'I wished for someone else's life and it came true' thing might not be the best idea, but to be honest, it never even occurred to me that I might not tell Ken. I tell him everything, no exceptions. So why should this be any different?
Ken stared at my hand for a second and then looked up at me as if I had sprouted a second head. He just looked at me like I was a total freak. He didn't smile or anything, just stared. Before I'd managed to work out what was wrong, Taichi shoved past me, grinning from ear-to-ear.
"Ken man! Where've you been? I haven't seen you all day!" Taichi exclaimed, holding his fist out to Ken in much the same way that I still was. The difference was though that as soon as Tai started speaking, Ken's attention snapped to him and he broke out into a glowing smile, bringing his own fist down on top of Tai's.
"That stupid project again," Ken explained, speaking directly to Tai as if I didn't exist, "I'm sorry I wasn't around. It's almost finished. I should be able to eat lunch with you guys tomorrow."
"Well good. You better," Tai told my friend sternly, then slung an arm over his shoulders. "I missed ya," he added for good measure.
"Yeah I bet. Well hard as it is to believe, I would actually prefer to spend lunch with you and the soccer team than with a load of fractions."
This was surreal. I watched in confusion as Tai laughed and removed his arm from Ken's shoulders before proceeding to launch into a detailed account of his hat trick. I watched as Ken smiled and listened, hanging on Tai's every word with seemingly genuine interest. What the hell was happening?
I'm embarrassed to admit how long I actually stood there and watched the two of them engaged in animated conversation, completely oblivious to the rest of the world around them before I worked it out. If Tai now had my life, didn't it make sense that Ken would be his best friend, and not mine? Ken and I were just about as close as you could get, but Ken and Taichi on the other hand, hardly ever spoke, which would explain why he looked so confused by my enthusiastic greeting.
So I was standing there, fist hanging dejectedly at my side and I suddenly got this awful sinking feeling. I can't really explain why…I suppose it was just the thought that all my years of friendship with this one person had suddenly evaporated into nothing. That's not a nice thought. I felt hurt that Ken hadn't been able to bypass this whole wish reality thing…like it felt as though we were close enough for him to still be able to recognise me for who I had been, even though nobody else was able to. It felt like a rejection, stupid huh? And, this is weird, I felt angry too. Really pissed off at Tai for stealing my best friend. For getting Ken's friendship for nothing when I had spent all that time and effort slowly winning him round, getting him to trust me, giving him time to get used to having a proper friend again.
It was just a sudden flare of anger before I quickly realised how ridiculous it was for me to be angry with Tai. I mean it was hardly his fault. It wasn't like he was the one who made the wish. And to be fair, I had technically stolen both his best friend and his lover in one. So surely I had no right to condemn him for a lesser crime. I guess that everything good comes with a price. And anyway, the way I saw it, if I could win Ken's friendship once, I could surely do it again. Only now it would be easier because he'd already got used to having friends. So then I'd have Ken still, but I'd also have Yamato and all the other cool stuff that came with Taichi's life. No worries.
It still hurt though.
"Dai! We going?" Yamato's voice calling to me jerked my attention away from Ken and Taichi and I turned to see that Kari and TK were standing with Yamato and waiting for us. I noted absently that TK was almost as tall as Yamato now as I trudged back. I fell easily into step with Yamato as he started to walk, more than ready to leave the school behind.
"What were you so excited to see Ken about?" the too observant blonde enquired, tilting his head slightly to look at me as we walked. He smirked and raised one elegant eyebrow, "Having a bit on the side, huh?" he asked, "I'm not enough for you?"
The idea of Yamato being 'not enough' for me almost had me collapsed on the floor in hysterical laughter. Oh the irony. Instead, I controlled myself valiantly and glanced over my shoulder, past Kari and TK, to where Ken was laughing as Tai was doing an impression of their PE teacher.
"I heard that he did really well in practice a couple of days ago, scored an impossible goal. Just wanted to congratulate him," I lied, trusting that Yamato would have no interest in the younger boys' soccer team and wouldn't know that I was lying.
He didn't.
The walk back from school was basically uneventful. Tai kept running up to the front of our little procession to tell Yamato and I meaningless things about his day or his life in general. When he did, he would always smile at Yamato and walk as close to him as he could without arousing suspicion. And if Yamato answered him or smiled back, he'd get this flushed, cheerful look on his face as if somebody had just handed him a million bucks for nothing. It might have been kind of cute if it didn't demonstrate to me so clearly how completely unsubtle I must have always been around Yamato. Embarrassing.
"I think he has a crush on you, you know," I told Yamato after Tai had run back to Ken after about his ninety-fifth little escapade to talk to us. Yamato smiled in response.
"Yeah I know," he replied simply, confirming my absolute and total lack of subtlety. Yes. Score me.
The only other thing worth mentioning was a little run in we had with my ever-lovely older sister. Now she was something that Tai was totally welcome to. As is often the case with Jun, I heard her before I saw her and so, apparently, did Yamato. He stopped walking instantly and TK crashed right into him, too wrapped up in his conversation with Kari to notice his brother.
Jun rounded the corner, going in the opposite direction to us and talking to one of her girlfriends as she walked. Their conversation halted immediately as she caught sight of Yamato and they stopped where they were. It was like a showdown in a Western, Yamato and I with our motley posse facing Jun and her deputy. Jun got the first shot, her face breaking into a grin as she started forwards again and opened her mouth to speak to us. We were ready and waiting to take her on, when Taichi appeared out of nowhere and seized my/his sister's arm. I guess that whole materialising out of thin air was something that he and Yamato had learned together. Maybe they took an evening class or something.
Anyway, he grabbed her arm and pulled her to one side and said quietly in a 'concerned-friend-and-sensible-little-brother' kind of way, "He's had a really bad day Jun. I think he'd appreciate it if you just left him alone today…he doesn't even want to talk to us." Taichi threw a pointed look to Yamato, who caught on and did his best to look moody and traumatised.
Jun cocked her head to one side, taking in Yamato's expression, then looked back to Taichi. "What's wrong?" she asked, like a concerned relative addressing a doctor.
"He just broke up with his girlfriend," Taichi lied smoothly, without skipping a beat.
"Sumi?"
"Yeah." I assumed that this must have been another lie that Tai had fed Jun at an earlier date. Clever. I should of thought of something like that.
"He's still on the rebound," Taichi was saying, "so give him a week to get over her, okay?"
Jun still looked doubtful and I watched with interest as Taichi leaned forwards and whispered some further advice to his sister.
"You think?" she asked quietly as he pulled back. Tai nodded in response and Jun seemed satisfied with whatever he had told her. She then proceeded to approach Yamato cautiously, who stiffened noticeably as she drew up close to him.
"I'm sorry to hear about you and Sumi, Yama," Jun told him solemnly, before motioning for her friend to follow and brushing past us.
"What did you tell her?" I asked once Jun was safely around the next corner and Taichi grinned in response.
"Oh you know…just that she should give it a week and then play hard to get because you're so much more likely to notice her that way than if she takes it head on."
"Thanks," Yamato said from beside me and I turned to see him smiling gratefully at Taichi.
"No problem!" Taichi exclaimed, getting that look on his face again, returning Yamato's smile with one of his own. "She should leave you alone for a while. And if she doesn't then you have my total permission to shoot her. Seriously. I'm surprised you haven't done it already."
Yamato laughed at that, a genuine laugh of the 'turn you heart to mush' variety. After taking in Taichi's proud smile, something made me glance over my shoulder to look at Ken.
He had the weirdest expression on his face. It reminded me of the feelings I'd had earlier when he had failed to acknowledge my hand gesture. I could sympathise with that. Even if I had no idea where those feelings had come from in Ken's case.
When we got to the point where we would split up and go our separate ways, I took the turning that would take me to my apartment building out of pure habit. It's lucky though that Taichi and I live in kind of the same direction and you have to take the turning to get to his house as well.
"Dai? Aren't you coming to my place?" Yamato asked, pausing as I started down the next street
"Um…I don't know. Am I?" I replied, turning to face Yamato and I was surprised to see that he actually looked vaguely hurt.
"Well it's a Monday. You always come to mine on Mondays," he informed me and I kicked myself for not remembering that. Taichi had told me a thousand times before. Every Monday I would forget and ask him where he was going when he didn't take the turning that led to his house and every Monday he would reply that he was going to Yamato's until Yamato had to go to practice.
"Oh yeah! Sorry Yama, I was thinking it was Tuesday today. Of course I'm coming to yours!" I replied cheerfully, doubling back, taking his arm and leading the way enthusiastically. Perhaps it was a little too enthusiastically now that I mention it.
Enthusiastic or not, we made it to Yamato's apartment and crossed the threshold a few minutes later. The air-conditioning hit me like…well like a sudden blast of really cold air I suppose. Yamato dropped his bag on the floor, kicked off his shoes to join the rest of the artistic mess and collapsed on the sofa.
"Damn, it's hot out there," he sighed as he closed his eyes and folded his arms up behind his head while I hovered awkwardly near the door wondering what to do next. "Do you want a drink?" Yamato asked without moving.
"Yeah. Please," I replied, remembering to be polite just at the last minute.
"Okay," Yamato said but made no effort to get up or even move at all. It wasn't until I'd done a bit more awkward hovering that he propped himself up on one elbow and opened his eyes to look at me. "Well you know where everything is. Help yourself," he informed me calmly.
"Oh right. Sorry."
"Can you get me a glass of water while you're out there?" Yamato asked sweetly, flashing me an exaggerated pair of puppy eyes that I would never have pictured on his face.
"Sure," Like I was going to say 'no'.
"Aw thanks." He smiled at me and kissed air, then laid back and closed his eyes while I walked uncertainly into the kitchen and glanced around at the huge collection of cupboards surrounding me in all directions. Let me tell it to you straight, I had no idea where anything was. I had no vague inkling. Not even an inkling, goddammit! Okay…so even I'll admit that it was a kind of dumb thing to worry about, but at the time it did worry me. I mean I had no idea what had caused this wish to be granted or what it would take to suddenly make it un-granted. As far as I knew, even the slightest little thing could trigger everything to end and to be honest with you I was not ready for it to end yet. The thought had occurred to me that at some point I might want my own life back, but it had only been a brief passing thought. I wasn't desperate to go back to that life when I had only just begun to experience this one. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I didn't want to do anything that might suddenly jerk Yamato to the realisation that I wasn't his boyfriend. And I don't think he'd be too happy with me if that happened.
So…yeah. There were all these cupboards. And I had to go through every one of them before I found the glasses. I turned on the tap (at least that was just right there in the open, I managed to find it alright) and held my hand under the flow of water until it turned as close as it was going to get to being cold. I filled a glass for Yamato and then one for myself. Normally I'd have something slightly more exciting than water but I didn't have the strength for another frantic search in order to find something else. I did check the freezer for ice cubes though and found them in a tray conveniently right at the front. At least something decided to work out nicely.
When I trotted back into the living room, Yamato was sitting up, cross-legged on the sofa and had a book or something in his lap. He'd also undone the top few buttons of his shirt leaving it hanging partly open. Mmm. He didn't look up when I came in and so I made my way over and sat down next to him, placing the glasses carefully on the coffee table in front of us. I'm so proud of not spilling it everywhere. Yes. Go me. The only excess water anywhere in sight were the little drops of condensation that rolled easily down the side of the glasses and pooled on the top of the coffee table in plump little swells. The top of the table was glass too and you could see a load of magazines and old TV guides on the shelf below through the glass. It would have looked like a really classy table if it weren't for all the magazines and stuff. In fact a lot of things looked like that in Yamato's house – kind of classy but with a comfortable edge. The sofa was a dusty navy colour with plump cushions. The material it was covered in was really cool. If you rubbed it one way it was rough and bristly and if you rubbed it the other way it was smooth and silky. That amused me for a while. Rough…smooth…rough…smooth…
But I can only amuse myself silently for so long without a sketchpad or something and so I eventually had to interrupt Yamato to stop myself going insane. I wondered if he always ignored Taichi like this. I'd be surprised if he did.
"What are you reading?" I asked, tilting my head at the same time to try to catch a glimpse of the cover of the book. Yamato blinked and looked up at me, as if surprised to see me there.
"Huh?"
"What are you reading?"
"Oh. Sorry. I tuned you out again, huh?" he asked looking slightly sheepish. I nodded in response and he held up the cover of the book for me to see.
"'Lord of the Flies'?" I read the title, emblazoned across the cover.
"Yeah…I know we studied it last year…but I like it. Reminds me of…stuff." Yamato gave me a significant smile as if there was some private joke or something in the word 'stuff'. Would be helpful if I was in on it. I haven't even read the book so I didn't really stand any kind of understanding. I'm not really that big on books. I'm not saying they're not a good thing or anything, but I've never really found one that I didn't want to put down. I've never come across a book that's made me feel. Art can make me feel, not books. Not that I've read that many to judge on of course…but it's just an opinion I happen to have. I returned Yamato's smile with one of my own and hoped I looked like I got it. Silence fell once more and I was about to break it again when Yamato yawned and stretched both arms above his head, slim muscles flexing and open book still held in one hand. I was taking the opportunity to admire the view when Yamato relaxed again and then proceed to sigh and drape himself out across the sofa. Fair enough. If he wants to lie down…good for him. Only, it meant that his head was placed casually in my lap. Perhaps…not so good for me. Having made himself comfortable, lying on his back and with one arm trailing on the floor, Yamato brought the book up to convenient eye height and continued to read, oblivious to any kind of discomfort or panic being felt by the other party.
And you must be able to see how this could definitely be panic inducing. I mean come on now…the sex symbol of the school, the wet dream of half the student body, lying with his head in my lap. In fact, I think it qualifies as more than panic inducing. We had, ladies and gentlemen, a very dangerous, potentially code red situation on our hands.
But it's weird though…because although it was potentially code red…it never made it past it's potential stage. After a few minutes, I realised that it was still silent, Yamato's head was still in my lap and nothing terrible had happened. There was nothing except the gentle sound of his rhythmic breathing mingling with the gush of the air-conditioner. It wasn't long before I was confident that the threat had been almost completely eliminated and I cautiously lifted a hand to brush my fingertips through Yamato's hair. I've wanted to do that for a while now. He sighed and leaned into my touch, and I almost went into a panic all over again at getting a reaction. Can I just spoil the mood totally for a second to point out that I'm not normally this nervy and cowardly. Honestly. See, I'm fine with most things…heights, high speeds, scary animals, insects…all those things that lots of people are scared of. I can deal with all that fine. It's all good. The one thing that I am just really crap at though, is relationships. Intimate stuff. It scares the shit out of me. I might come over all cocky and self-assured, but I'm really not. If anything, I'm too cocky and self-assured to cover the fact that I'm scared as all get out. It's so unpredictable. And there's nothing to tell you that you're doing things wrong until after you've done them and it's too late.
That's probably why I've never had a proper girlfriend. Boyfriend. Whatever. I've never even had a proper kiss. There's been the occasional peck but nothing heavy. I'm sure stupid TK is more experienced than me, which isn't really something to be proud of…I wouldn't be surprised if Iori was more experienced than me. Stupid Iori.
Anyway so there we were on the sofa. His head, my lap, me stroking his hair absently. Aw idyllic huh?
"Yamato?" I asked finally, feeling comfortable enough to start up conversation again.
"Mm?" came the sleepy response.
"Who's your idol?"
"What?"
"Your idol. Who's your idol?" I repeated thoughtfully as the hand with Yamato's book in it dropped lazily to his chest and his eyes flicked upwards to look at me.
"My idol?" Yamato paused for a moment, thinking. "I don't know," he said finally, "I don't think I have one."
Aha. Just as I had expected. Give the boy a prize.
"You must have an idol," I continued, really just for the sake of making conversation, "and if you don't, pick somebody you admire just to humour me." Yamato smiled a bit at that and glanced back down at his hand resting on his chest."
"Okay then…Kurt Cobain. He can be my idol."
"The singer?"
"The one and only."
"Good choice," I replied, not really knowing anything about the guy myself. I'd have to make an effort to get to know. "Wasn't he the one that killed himself?"
"Yeah."
"Why would you want an idol who committed suicide?" I mused aloud and Yamato didn't reply. "I mean…you're not suicidal are you?" It was a random comment. I always just say whatever comes into my head. It's gotten me into trouble more than once. It was rhetorical, so I was surprised when I got an answer.
"Not anymore. You know that, Dai. What did have to bring it up again for?"
That threw me. A lot.
"What?"
"I'm okay now."
"Oh…well…I know but…"
"It was a long time ago."
"Yeah…um…I know that too." Yamato was silent again, leaving me to turn this new information over in my head. I suppose I should have just left it alone. But it's kind of hard to just ignore something like that. So of course, I had to make just one more comment. "If that's true though…why do you still idolise someone who killed themselves?" Yamato sighed.
"I don't know."
"Maybe you should get a new idol then." I didn't get a response to that either and I figured that I must have pissed him off, because Yamato simply lifted the book and started reading again without another word. I mean there's nothing wrong with idolising someone who killed himself, but it just seems kind of a bad idea for someone previously suicidal to strive to be like one of the most famous people ever to commit suicide. It's not just me, is it? It sounds kind of worrying to you too, right?
It gave me something to think about there, too. Because it was a possible imperfection. A problem. Some little smear on the flawless surface of Taichi and Yamato's relationship. If Yamato had ever been suicidal, I wondered when it had been, what had caused it, and why I hadn't noticed. Surely that's the kind of thing that people notice, right? Or perhaps it isn't…as I've probably mentioned before, I'm generally a happy person. I don't really know what it feels like to be depressed. Perhaps it isn't that noticeable.
"Ralph." Yamato's quiet voice shattered the silence suddenly.
"What did you say?" I asked, thinking I had perhaps misheard, being too wrapped up in my musings.
"Ralph. From the book." Yamato held his copy of Lord of the Flies up. "I think he's going to be my new idol."
"Yeah? Why?" I had no ideas who the characters were. I didn't even know that there was a Ralph in it.
"Because. He's the only one who didn't conform. He's the only one who didn't abandon himself to go with society. Because he kept fighting. And he did it while still keeping his dignity and his status in the readers' eyes even though he lost it all in the story."
"Oh." I wished I'd read the book to be able to agree. Yamato's eyes flicked back up to mine and he smiled.
"As opposed to Simon who was just insane."
I returned the smile, not knowing what else to do since I still had no idea who the characters were. Yamato's eyes lingered on mine for a minute and just as I could feel myself beginning to get uncomfortable again, he sat up and his eyes strayed above mine.
"You can already see that bruise," he muttered and it took me a minute to remember the whole smashing my head thing. That morning already seemed like it was days ago. His fingers trailed up my cheek and across my forehead and I found myself short of breath at the gentle touch. "It's going to be nasty by tomorrow. Try not to smash it again in the morning, okay?" Yamato asked with a smile.
"Yeah. I'll try," I replied, my voice not entirely steady.
"Good." Then he kissed me. It's weird, because I saw it coming, I knew he was going to do it, and yet I was still surprised by it. It wasn't sloppy and open-mouthed, nor was it just a perfunctory brush of lips against lips. It was something in between, lingering enough to be meaningful, not passionate enough to lead into anything. No tongues, no groping, just his hand on my chin and his lips against mine.
After that, he lay back down and started reading again, but this time aloud. I stayed there, listening to his mellow voice until it was time for Yamato's band practice and I had to make my way back to Taichi's house. When I got there, I dug around in Taichi's drawers until I found his dog-eared, pencil-marked copy of the book and sat reading it for what was left of the evening.
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A/N: Review! Review! It makes Dai-chan and I happy.