Choices
by : epiphanies
Hey guys. My cruise was awesome. I met about twenty people that I made instant friends with, I miss them deathly...work and school is as usual. Very busy. Found this from a little bit ago, decided to post it for your viewing pleasure.
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I can't believe it.
It's so stupid! He's stupid! He's red haired and freckled and gangly and stupid, and I find it an absolute abhorrence that I find myself falling for him.
And for no actual, sensible, logical reason. We don't get along, we don't like the same things or have the same hobbies. Hell, neither of us are what you would call supremely physically attractive, so it can't even be that.
Most of the time when he's not in the same room, I find myself insisting that the feelings are complete rubbish. But as soon as he walks in, blank faced and hunched shoulders, the fluttering in my stomach screams that I'm lying to myself again.
If I had a choice, there would be no possible way I would have feelings for him. If I had complete control over the situation, no sparks would be flying, no hands would be sweating, and no hearts would be pounding. But I have no choice. I have no control.
It's like when I just want him to shut up, and he doesn't, and my heartbeat picks up when I think of the oppourtunities for me to make his words cease. It's like when I'm irritated and he walks into the room, and he can't figure out why I'm annoyed, when it's because I want to rip the freckles off of his face so that I don't have to worry about my desire to count and memorize each and every last one.
It's a completely stupid situation. I can't help the way I feel, but I certainly don't have to like it. No. I'll sit here, fantasizing about freckles and red hair and wallow in my misery.
Because I didn't choose this.