CHAPTER THREE
"Katie...please tell me I'm hallucinating," Emily hissed as the brown head started bobbing out of view. I squinted feebly then looked at Legolas.
"Legolas...can you see-"
"There's a little girl running after a young woman, and she's calling her name, which seems to be Bonnie," the Elf answered after a moment of gazing at the retreating figures.
"Woah, dude, Bonnie has poofed up here too!" I said and sighed. Poor Middle Earth. God could have at least given them a break by not sending Boolanda here too. Oh well. "Be right back, okay? I'll be just a minute. Hold this," I added and thrust Harold into Legolas's hands. The Elf looked down at the dandelion, startled to find it had a face. Which was looking more and more irritated by the minute.
"Alright..." I kicked Obstinate Fool into a gallop. It took a moment, but he started eventually. Wow, the horse is actually obeying me. We tore toward the two people in the distance. Emily was clutching the saddle in desperate attempts to not become unhorsed. I was having slight trouble myself. Finally Obstinate Fool pulled around the two girls and screeched to a halt. He let out a snort, and stomped one leg warily, as if expecting thanks. Well, fine.
"Thank thy tablecloth for the fine meal," I said to the horse, but patted his neck anyway. He tossed his mane in reply. Emily panted behind me.
"Kaitlin, never ever do that again," she hissed. I ignored her and looked down. Sure enough, Bonnie was standing there, holding the little girl's hand, blinking rapidly. Her mouth slowly dropped in surprise.
"Katie?"
"Top o' the mornin' to ye Put Put," I said and grinned at her astonished expression.
"What are you doing here?" she cried and yanked me off the horse to hug me.
"I poofed here," I answered matter-of-factly.
"Emily too?" she asked, even though it was obvious the Wally Woman was gasping for air at my side.
"Yes'm."
"Awesome! Are you traveling with someone?" she questioned excitedly.
"Uh huh..." I trailed off, reluctant to tell her who I was traveling WITH.
"Who?" she persisted.
"I forgot."
"Tell me, Katie."
"Never."
"Fine. Where'd you turn up at first?"
"Rivendell," I said slowly.
"Oh. I turned up here. Cinthanthium and her family agreed to let me stay with them for a while. Fun, huh? But now that you poofed up here, I think I'll just come along with you. Hold on a second. Come on, Cinth," Bonnie said to the little girl. She seemed calm about the whole situation. Then again, she had probably already gotten used to having herself here already. Pretty much like I was feeling. She and the girl-who was obviously the Cinthanthium person-took off toward the village. I blinked and then sighed. Great. Another freak to add to our procession. I swung back onto Obstinate Fool.
Bonnie came back into sight fifteen minutes later. I crossed my arms, impatient for her to get back to us. She finally reached us and tossed her bag up to Emily, who caught it at the last minute. Then, Bonnie hugged the little girl, and scrambled onto Obstinate Fool without asking. Talk about courtesy.
"So, where and who are we going back to?" she asked when we started at a brisk trot back to the Company.
"I can't tell. If I do you'll run off in that direction screaming, 'CATCH THE HOTT ELFIES!!'"
"Wait a minute-Leggy's here? YIPPIE!!" she yelled and clapped her hands. I rolled me eyes and hope she wouldn't kill anyone. You can never tell with loony-bin escapees. When we were almost back to the group, Bonnie slipped off and rocketed toward the Elf. Emily and I stayed where we were on Obstinate Fool though. We soon pulled up to Aragorn, who simply pointed to the back of the line, where Legolas was trying to detach a sugar high Bonnie from his middle. I bit back a laugh and slid off as Emily did, trotting over to the Elf.
"Poor Elfling. Stuck in the clutches of an apprentice Satan," I clucked sympathetically.
"I'll take one arm, you take the other," Emily said and we yanked Bonnie away from Legolas. He straightened, brushing himself off, looking very annoyed. Harold was on the ground screeching about how it ruined his dignity to be dropped on the ground. I scooped up the angry dandelion, and tried to keep a firm hold on Bonnie's arm.
"And, look, it's Aragorn!" Bonnie screeched and struggled. She broke away and began to prance around Aragorn's horse. The horse gave her a wild look, and started backing away. She paused, and added, "I like the horsies too. There's lots."
"That's nice, Bonnie, now come over here. You can pet my horsie if you do," I said in a coddling voice. The young'un would have to be bribed in order to calm down. T'was the only way.
"Smo smay," she said and obediently and reached up to pat Obstinate Fool.
"We cannot linger. Katie, Emily, come, don't hold us-"
"Hush up, Elven Hottness, or else I'll attack you again!" Bonnie snapped and continued to pet my horse. I raised my eyebrow. She's creepy...Then again, so is everyone else in the world.
"Aragorn, we have a new addition to our party," I said slowly to Aragorn, hoping he wouldn't object. I was positive even if he did, Bonnie would still follow us or stalk us or something, but still, it'd be nice to sleep without feeling insecure. Then again, I always did feel insecure with SOME of these people.
"Katie, please, just get back in formation so we can go."
"Sir, yes, sir!" I yelled and saluted. Emily pulled Bonnie onto Obstinate Fool. He didn't seem to happy about carrying three people at once, but oh well. He would survive. Now, if you assume any of us HUMANS would survive, then you have another thing coming. I'll tell you one thing, and that's that Bonnie never shuts up. She WILL find something or another to ramble on about. One way or another.
*********
"Don't you think there's more clouds in the sky here than on Earth, Katie?" Bonnie asked after a while.
"Zip it," I muttered.
"Emily, do you still believe Aragorn's name is pronounced Aragon?" she wondered aloud fifteen minutes later.
"Yeah, now be quiet," Emily snapped.
"Hey, Legolas, can I sell your shirt at an auction?" she questioned Legolas ten minutes later. Legolas didn't reply, but I saw him breath in deeply, as though trying to control his annoyance.
"I want to see your sword, Aragorn," she said when the Elf gave no sign of answering. That didn't get her anywhere either. This girl needs better social skills.
"Gimli, did you know that you get to go sailing when you grow up?" she informed Gimli, who simply ignored her. These people learned fast. Probably from having me hang around so much.
"Hey, look, it's a talking dandelion! He's so cute!" she cried and plucked Harold from his seat on my shoulder. To do this, she had to lean around Emily. At the same moment she was talking, Obstinate Fool stumbled and she sputtered when she spoke.
"Crap, I just spit in Emily's hair! Sorry Emiloo!" she said when she leaned back and looked at Emily's head.
"BONNIE!!!!!!!!!!" I finally yelled so loud that Obstinate Fool started to tense under me. Quickly, I quieted him down. I still feared him bolting on my again. That would so not be cool. Definitely not.
"Yes, Katie? There's no need to shout," Bonnie said innocently. Grr...
"Bonnie, dear, just SHUT UP, get that through your head," I said slowly and loudly so she really would get it. Was this the torture I put others through? On the one hand, I sincerely hoped it was. It was truly a nightmare, which would achieve my life goal. But on the other hand, I felt very sorry for those who I put through this. Only a sliver of regret though. It was far too much fun to feel very sorry.
"But...but...Katie! You know that I can't do that! That would defeat the whole purpose for coming along on this joyride!" she said in horror.
"You don't even know where the joyride is going," Emily remarked.
"So?"
"We're going to Gondor..." Legolas turned around and gave me a weird look. Like I was weird or something. Wait. I am. But it was different.
"How'd you know that?" he asked. I stopped for a moment to ponder this. How did I know it? Well, of course!
"I read the Lord of the Rings. Every person who is a real Tolkienite has. And if you are a Tolkienite, it's common knowledge to know that after Aragorn awakens the dead dudes, it's off to Gondor, the wonderful land of Gondor," I said finally. Such a simple answer, but it took me a while to think of it. It just goes to show how stupid I am.
"I see..."
"Katie, please, CUT THE WIZARD OF OZ QUOTES! You've been saying them ever since we got here!" Emily cried.
"You got a problem with the Wizard of Oz?"
"YES!!!"
"Is that so, Dorothy?"
"GAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" You know, it's fun driving Emily up the wall. It's very easy too. Why do I think that? Well, I have several theories.
M first theory is the Reverse Psychology Theory. She could be faking it. She might think that if she keeps pretending it annoys her, I'll get tired of it. Fat chance, I'll never give up. But I must say, reverse psychology is a good idea. I would have though of it myself.
Another is the Crazy Magnet Theory. She might be working for higher forces. These higher forces don't want my crazy looniness to affect their plots, so what do they do? The send Emily down in place of themselves. This way, Emily will be affected by the randomness and not them. She sort of would be a magnet. All of the crazy energy would flow to her. Those higher forces would be left in peace.
There's also the simpler theory, which I call the Simple Theory (it's a rather brilliant name). I could be just driving her crazy and that's all. It's a boring thought, but there is a lot of truth to it. I sincerely doubt that higher forces would ask Emily to work for him. I mean, come on, it's Emily. I bet she couldn't keep a job sweeping floors at the local supermarket if she tried. Anyway, that theory, while the most uninteresting one yet, seems the most true one.
And the last theory is the Big Bang Theory. I think it's already safe to say that Emily is an alien. But what if she were an alien on a mission? Her mission might just be to brain wash me. This life time is but a test, to see if I am capable of being taken up into the alien colony. See, I think she might have warped me into the crazy, insane mental prisoner I am now. In doing this, it makes me more able to accept the fact that aliens want me to join them. The aliens must want me for my excellent intelligence. Indeed, I am quite smart (Deny it all you want, but I am smart!!). So, when I am weird enough, they will beam me up into their big happy alien family!
Hmm...I think way too much. I really should stop doing that.
******** Alright peeps. I'm really sorry this took so long to update. I had major case of writers block. I hate it when that happens. It's probably because I got Sims Superstar. IT ROCKS MAN! I love it so much!
Anyway, you can all thank...that person. That person who IMed me last night! You never told me your name, shame on you whoever you are...
Cat: yes, screaming is a necessity. So is music when doing homework.
Dy: Nuh uh. I have full custody over the Elf! Trust me on this one. You can borrow Orlando Bloom though, just not Lego. And I know he's not gay! But SOME of us seem to think that. *shoots an accusing glare at Emily.*
CrimsonElf: Yes, you can blame the Bonnie Person or the Emily Person, just not the Katie Person.
Audrey: I'll sell you one for nine hundred dollars and fifty three cents...Interested?
Bjam: No, I wish I'd done five, but nope, only three now. Talking dandelions are awesome. Besides, Harold is a good name for a dandelion, don't you think? And no, I wasn't at the Hobbit Weed! I was just getting high off caffine...Yeah, I SHOULD have done the "I see dead people" and yet...I never thought of it. BAD KATIE!
Songelf: *gasp* You're parents ate it? HOW DARE THEY? GET YOUR PITCHFORKS MEN, MAN THE WATER CANON! Tonight we raid the sugar supply!
"Katie...please tell me I'm hallucinating," Emily hissed as the brown head started bobbing out of view. I squinted feebly then looked at Legolas.
"Legolas...can you see-"
"There's a little girl running after a young woman, and she's calling her name, which seems to be Bonnie," the Elf answered after a moment of gazing at the retreating figures.
"Woah, dude, Bonnie has poofed up here too!" I said and sighed. Poor Middle Earth. God could have at least given them a break by not sending Boolanda here too. Oh well. "Be right back, okay? I'll be just a minute. Hold this," I added and thrust Harold into Legolas's hands. The Elf looked down at the dandelion, startled to find it had a face. Which was looking more and more irritated by the minute.
"Alright..." I kicked Obstinate Fool into a gallop. It took a moment, but he started eventually. Wow, the horse is actually obeying me. We tore toward the two people in the distance. Emily was clutching the saddle in desperate attempts to not become unhorsed. I was having slight trouble myself. Finally Obstinate Fool pulled around the two girls and screeched to a halt. He let out a snort, and stomped one leg warily, as if expecting thanks. Well, fine.
"Thank thy tablecloth for the fine meal," I said to the horse, but patted his neck anyway. He tossed his mane in reply. Emily panted behind me.
"Kaitlin, never ever do that again," she hissed. I ignored her and looked down. Sure enough, Bonnie was standing there, holding the little girl's hand, blinking rapidly. Her mouth slowly dropped in surprise.
"Katie?"
"Top o' the mornin' to ye Put Put," I said and grinned at her astonished expression.
"What are you doing here?" she cried and yanked me off the horse to hug me.
"I poofed here," I answered matter-of-factly.
"Emily too?" she asked, even though it was obvious the Wally Woman was gasping for air at my side.
"Yes'm."
"Awesome! Are you traveling with someone?" she questioned excitedly.
"Uh huh..." I trailed off, reluctant to tell her who I was traveling WITH.
"Who?" she persisted.
"I forgot."
"Tell me, Katie."
"Never."
"Fine. Where'd you turn up at first?"
"Rivendell," I said slowly.
"Oh. I turned up here. Cinthanthium and her family agreed to let me stay with them for a while. Fun, huh? But now that you poofed up here, I think I'll just come along with you. Hold on a second. Come on, Cinth," Bonnie said to the little girl. She seemed calm about the whole situation. Then again, she had probably already gotten used to having herself here already. Pretty much like I was feeling. She and the girl-who was obviously the Cinthanthium person-took off toward the village. I blinked and then sighed. Great. Another freak to add to our procession. I swung back onto Obstinate Fool.
Bonnie came back into sight fifteen minutes later. I crossed my arms, impatient for her to get back to us. She finally reached us and tossed her bag up to Emily, who caught it at the last minute. Then, Bonnie hugged the little girl, and scrambled onto Obstinate Fool without asking. Talk about courtesy.
"So, where and who are we going back to?" she asked when we started at a brisk trot back to the Company.
"I can't tell. If I do you'll run off in that direction screaming, 'CATCH THE HOTT ELFIES!!'"
"Wait a minute-Leggy's here? YIPPIE!!" she yelled and clapped her hands. I rolled me eyes and hope she wouldn't kill anyone. You can never tell with loony-bin escapees. When we were almost back to the group, Bonnie slipped off and rocketed toward the Elf. Emily and I stayed where we were on Obstinate Fool though. We soon pulled up to Aragorn, who simply pointed to the back of the line, where Legolas was trying to detach a sugar high Bonnie from his middle. I bit back a laugh and slid off as Emily did, trotting over to the Elf.
"Poor Elfling. Stuck in the clutches of an apprentice Satan," I clucked sympathetically.
"I'll take one arm, you take the other," Emily said and we yanked Bonnie away from Legolas. He straightened, brushing himself off, looking very annoyed. Harold was on the ground screeching about how it ruined his dignity to be dropped on the ground. I scooped up the angry dandelion, and tried to keep a firm hold on Bonnie's arm.
"And, look, it's Aragorn!" Bonnie screeched and struggled. She broke away and began to prance around Aragorn's horse. The horse gave her a wild look, and started backing away. She paused, and added, "I like the horsies too. There's lots."
"That's nice, Bonnie, now come over here. You can pet my horsie if you do," I said in a coddling voice. The young'un would have to be bribed in order to calm down. T'was the only way.
"Smo smay," she said and obediently and reached up to pat Obstinate Fool.
"We cannot linger. Katie, Emily, come, don't hold us-"
"Hush up, Elven Hottness, or else I'll attack you again!" Bonnie snapped and continued to pet my horse. I raised my eyebrow. She's creepy...Then again, so is everyone else in the world.
"Aragorn, we have a new addition to our party," I said slowly to Aragorn, hoping he wouldn't object. I was positive even if he did, Bonnie would still follow us or stalk us or something, but still, it'd be nice to sleep without feeling insecure. Then again, I always did feel insecure with SOME of these people.
"Katie, please, just get back in formation so we can go."
"Sir, yes, sir!" I yelled and saluted. Emily pulled Bonnie onto Obstinate Fool. He didn't seem to happy about carrying three people at once, but oh well. He would survive. Now, if you assume any of us HUMANS would survive, then you have another thing coming. I'll tell you one thing, and that's that Bonnie never shuts up. She WILL find something or another to ramble on about. One way or another.
*********
"Don't you think there's more clouds in the sky here than on Earth, Katie?" Bonnie asked after a while.
"Zip it," I muttered.
"Emily, do you still believe Aragorn's name is pronounced Aragon?" she wondered aloud fifteen minutes later.
"Yeah, now be quiet," Emily snapped.
"Hey, Legolas, can I sell your shirt at an auction?" she questioned Legolas ten minutes later. Legolas didn't reply, but I saw him breath in deeply, as though trying to control his annoyance.
"I want to see your sword, Aragorn," she said when the Elf gave no sign of answering. That didn't get her anywhere either. This girl needs better social skills.
"Gimli, did you know that you get to go sailing when you grow up?" she informed Gimli, who simply ignored her. These people learned fast. Probably from having me hang around so much.
"Hey, look, it's a talking dandelion! He's so cute!" she cried and plucked Harold from his seat on my shoulder. To do this, she had to lean around Emily. At the same moment she was talking, Obstinate Fool stumbled and she sputtered when she spoke.
"Crap, I just spit in Emily's hair! Sorry Emiloo!" she said when she leaned back and looked at Emily's head.
"BONNIE!!!!!!!!!!" I finally yelled so loud that Obstinate Fool started to tense under me. Quickly, I quieted him down. I still feared him bolting on my again. That would so not be cool. Definitely not.
"Yes, Katie? There's no need to shout," Bonnie said innocently. Grr...
"Bonnie, dear, just SHUT UP, get that through your head," I said slowly and loudly so she really would get it. Was this the torture I put others through? On the one hand, I sincerely hoped it was. It was truly a nightmare, which would achieve my life goal. But on the other hand, I felt very sorry for those who I put through this. Only a sliver of regret though. It was far too much fun to feel very sorry.
"But...but...Katie! You know that I can't do that! That would defeat the whole purpose for coming along on this joyride!" she said in horror.
"You don't even know where the joyride is going," Emily remarked.
"So?"
"We're going to Gondor..." Legolas turned around and gave me a weird look. Like I was weird or something. Wait. I am. But it was different.
"How'd you know that?" he asked. I stopped for a moment to ponder this. How did I know it? Well, of course!
"I read the Lord of the Rings. Every person who is a real Tolkienite has. And if you are a Tolkienite, it's common knowledge to know that after Aragorn awakens the dead dudes, it's off to Gondor, the wonderful land of Gondor," I said finally. Such a simple answer, but it took me a while to think of it. It just goes to show how stupid I am.
"I see..."
"Katie, please, CUT THE WIZARD OF OZ QUOTES! You've been saying them ever since we got here!" Emily cried.
"You got a problem with the Wizard of Oz?"
"YES!!!"
"Is that so, Dorothy?"
"GAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" You know, it's fun driving Emily up the wall. It's very easy too. Why do I think that? Well, I have several theories.
M first theory is the Reverse Psychology Theory. She could be faking it. She might think that if she keeps pretending it annoys her, I'll get tired of it. Fat chance, I'll never give up. But I must say, reverse psychology is a good idea. I would have though of it myself.
Another is the Crazy Magnet Theory. She might be working for higher forces. These higher forces don't want my crazy looniness to affect their plots, so what do they do? The send Emily down in place of themselves. This way, Emily will be affected by the randomness and not them. She sort of would be a magnet. All of the crazy energy would flow to her. Those higher forces would be left in peace.
There's also the simpler theory, which I call the Simple Theory (it's a rather brilliant name). I could be just driving her crazy and that's all. It's a boring thought, but there is a lot of truth to it. I sincerely doubt that higher forces would ask Emily to work for him. I mean, come on, it's Emily. I bet she couldn't keep a job sweeping floors at the local supermarket if she tried. Anyway, that theory, while the most uninteresting one yet, seems the most true one.
And the last theory is the Big Bang Theory. I think it's already safe to say that Emily is an alien. But what if she were an alien on a mission? Her mission might just be to brain wash me. This life time is but a test, to see if I am capable of being taken up into the alien colony. See, I think she might have warped me into the crazy, insane mental prisoner I am now. In doing this, it makes me more able to accept the fact that aliens want me to join them. The aliens must want me for my excellent intelligence. Indeed, I am quite smart (Deny it all you want, but I am smart!!). So, when I am weird enough, they will beam me up into their big happy alien family!
Hmm...I think way too much. I really should stop doing that.
******** Alright peeps. I'm really sorry this took so long to update. I had major case of writers block. I hate it when that happens. It's probably because I got Sims Superstar. IT ROCKS MAN! I love it so much!
Anyway, you can all thank...that person. That person who IMed me last night! You never told me your name, shame on you whoever you are...
Cat: yes, screaming is a necessity. So is music when doing homework.
Dy: Nuh uh. I have full custody over the Elf! Trust me on this one. You can borrow Orlando Bloom though, just not Lego. And I know he's not gay! But SOME of us seem to think that. *shoots an accusing glare at Emily.*
CrimsonElf: Yes, you can blame the Bonnie Person or the Emily Person, just not the Katie Person.
Audrey: I'll sell you one for nine hundred dollars and fifty three cents...Interested?
Bjam: No, I wish I'd done five, but nope, only three now. Talking dandelions are awesome. Besides, Harold is a good name for a dandelion, don't you think? And no, I wasn't at the Hobbit Weed! I was just getting high off caffine...Yeah, I SHOULD have done the "I see dead people" and yet...I never thought of it. BAD KATIE!
Songelf: *gasp* You're parents ate it? HOW DARE THEY? GET YOUR PITCHFORKS MEN, MAN THE WATER CANON! Tonight we raid the sugar supply!