Title: Evasive Maneuvers
Author: Stexgirl2000
Disclaimers: I don't own them, I get no money for them, and nothing that
is Star Trek or Enterprise belongs to me. (Darn it!)
Rating: PG-13 (for bad language)
Category: Romance/Humor
Codes: R/S, A, Tu
Spoilers: None
Summary: How do you get out of being exposed?
*** Evasive Maneuvers
All through dinner she knew they was dying to ask her. All through dinner she steered the conversation through every topic under the sun. She hoped that her eyes were telling them, "don't ask". Please. God. Don't. Ask. Me. Or. I'll. Kill. You.
Realistically, she knew that she had a snowball's chance in hell.
It her own damn fault, though. Usually she was so careful of what she said, of how she said it, of how she guided her body language. But nooooo, she had lose her temper over a trivial little thing, and boom!, she blew it for both of them.
All that Hoshi could now do was pray that she could get through dessert without Jon or Trip asking why she had stormed out of Malcolm's room at midnight. It was so embarrassing; her yelling at Malcolm that he was an uptight ass, barreling out the door without listening to see if anyone was out in the corridor. And to make matters worse, there was Jon and Trip, walking Porthos and shooting the breeze, three doors down the corridor. Trip's jaw actually dropped and Jon looked like a deer in headlights. When she'd seen them, Hoshi whirled around in the opposite direction and ran for dear life.
In desperation, she bargained with universe. Please, if you get me through this I swear I won't torture Travis anymore over the whoopee cushion on my chair, I'll cheerfully work with Phlox on my claustrophobia, I'll make more of an effort to help T'pol learn to interact with the crew, I'll sit through Trip's stories of his cousins, I'll even watch waterpolo with Jon. I've forgiven Malcolm and he's forgiven me and I know we'll both be more careful. Please, get me through this.
When Trip uncovered the dessert, Hoshi knew that the universe was not going to cooperate with her tonight. It was content at blowing a huge raspberry at her instead.
Pineapple upside down cake, with whipped cream on the side.
Oh... hell. Trip knew about her and Malcolm-or he thought he knew- and he was going to torture her about it while Jon Archer played the innocent captain.
Bastards.
"I understand that this is now one of your favorite desserts, Hoshi." Trip fought hard to keep a straight face.
Looking at his smug face and Jon's amused but curious expression, Hoshi decided that the best defense, was a good offence. Bad, dangerous Hoshi shoved embarrassed Hoshi out of the way. Dangerous Hoshi had a plan.
Looking at both men, she sliced herself a large piece of cake and proceeded to spoon whipped cream into her mouth, very, very, very, slowly.
"Pineapple cake is nice...but I also like pecan pie...sundaes with lots of gooey, hot fudge...but what I really like is whipped cream...straight up," she purred. "Sometimes the simplest things are the most...fulfilling. Don't you agree?"
She flicked her tongue around the spoon and set it down. Hoshi dipped her fingers into the whipped cream and licked them at a slow pace, one finger at a time.
Jon actually blushed, while Trip's jaw dropped for the second time in less than twenty-four hours. However, she could see from their eyes they were going to try to go on. No matter, she was going to win.
"Ummm, Hoshi, is there anything you want to tell us?" Jon stammered, vainly trying to get his best Captain's voice to come out. "About you and Malcolm?"
"Yeah, Hoshi, why were you comin' out his room so late?" Trip was trying not stare at her licking.
"Do you really, really, really want to know?" she dipped her pointer finger into more of the whipped cream and moved it slowly into her mouth. Trip was now blushing and Jon looked as if he wanted to sink into the floor.
Trip tried to speak, but only could manage to nod his head.
Hoshi stopped what she was doing and smiled brightly. "I told him that I was frustrated and wanted to screw his brains out and he refused because I'm an Ensign and he's a Lieutenant. But don't worry, we've since agreed to just be friends."
As she finished speaking, Hoshi wished that she had had a camera with her. Both of their jaws were practically on the floor. Time to make the grand exit.
"I thank you for dinner, gentlemen. It's been fun." She took her piece of pineapple cake, the bowl of whipped cream, and walked out without a glance.
As the door closed she could hear Trip say shakily, "Sweet Jesus, do you think she was tellin' us the truth?"
After the door closed she faintly heard Jon break down in laughter saying "Oh, we'll never really know the truth. One thing's for sure, you owe me two beers. I told you they weren't lovers....."
Leaving the messhall, Hoshi patted herself on the back. God, I am so damn good. They didn't even notice what I took with me.
Later that night, after they shared the pineapple cake in bed, she told Malcolm the whole story word by word. It took him ten minutes to stop laughing.
"Are you sure you didn't go to military school Hoshi, love? That was brilliant! Absolutely brilliant. Do remind me to never ever get on your bad side." Malcolm's blue eyes sparkled at her with pride.
"Well, I've just been paying attention to what you've been saying about out flanking the enemy and evasive maneuvers and ..." she stopped as he began to kiss her neck.
"Why don't we do some maneuvers of our own?" he breathed into her ear.
"Only if we use the whipped cream."
*** Evasive Maneuvers
All through dinner she knew they was dying to ask her. All through dinner she steered the conversation through every topic under the sun. She hoped that her eyes were telling them, "don't ask". Please. God. Don't. Ask. Me. Or. I'll. Kill. You.
Realistically, she knew that she had a snowball's chance in hell.
It her own damn fault, though. Usually she was so careful of what she said, of how she said it, of how she guided her body language. But nooooo, she had lose her temper over a trivial little thing, and boom!, she blew it for both of them.
All that Hoshi could now do was pray that she could get through dessert without Jon or Trip asking why she had stormed out of Malcolm's room at midnight. It was so embarrassing; her yelling at Malcolm that he was an uptight ass, barreling out the door without listening to see if anyone was out in the corridor. And to make matters worse, there was Jon and Trip, walking Porthos and shooting the breeze, three doors down the corridor. Trip's jaw actually dropped and Jon looked like a deer in headlights. When she'd seen them, Hoshi whirled around in the opposite direction and ran for dear life.
In desperation, she bargained with universe. Please, if you get me through this I swear I won't torture Travis anymore over the whoopee cushion on my chair, I'll cheerfully work with Phlox on my claustrophobia, I'll make more of an effort to help T'pol learn to interact with the crew, I'll sit through Trip's stories of his cousins, I'll even watch waterpolo with Jon. I've forgiven Malcolm and he's forgiven me and I know we'll both be more careful. Please, get me through this.
When Trip uncovered the dessert, Hoshi knew that the universe was not going to cooperate with her tonight. It was content at blowing a huge raspberry at her instead.
Pineapple upside down cake, with whipped cream on the side.
Oh... hell. Trip knew about her and Malcolm-or he thought he knew- and he was going to torture her about it while Jon Archer played the innocent captain.
Bastards.
"I understand that this is now one of your favorite desserts, Hoshi." Trip fought hard to keep a straight face.
Looking at his smug face and Jon's amused but curious expression, Hoshi decided that the best defense, was a good offence. Bad, dangerous Hoshi shoved embarrassed Hoshi out of the way. Dangerous Hoshi had a plan.
Looking at both men, she sliced herself a large piece of cake and proceeded to spoon whipped cream into her mouth, very, very, very, slowly.
"Pineapple cake is nice...but I also like pecan pie...sundaes with lots of gooey, hot fudge...but what I really like is whipped cream...straight up," she purred. "Sometimes the simplest things are the most...fulfilling. Don't you agree?"
She flicked her tongue around the spoon and set it down. Hoshi dipped her fingers into the whipped cream and licked them at a slow pace, one finger at a time.
Jon actually blushed, while Trip's jaw dropped for the second time in less than twenty-four hours. However, she could see from their eyes they were going to try to go on. No matter, she was going to win.
"Ummm, Hoshi, is there anything you want to tell us?" Jon stammered, vainly trying to get his best Captain's voice to come out. "About you and Malcolm?"
"Yeah, Hoshi, why were you comin' out his room so late?" Trip was trying not stare at her licking.
"Do you really, really, really want to know?" she dipped her pointer finger into more of the whipped cream and moved it slowly into her mouth. Trip was now blushing and Jon looked as if he wanted to sink into the floor.
Trip tried to speak, but only could manage to nod his head.
Hoshi stopped what she was doing and smiled brightly. "I told him that I was frustrated and wanted to screw his brains out and he refused because I'm an Ensign and he's a Lieutenant. But don't worry, we've since agreed to just be friends."
As she finished speaking, Hoshi wished that she had had a camera with her. Both of their jaws were practically on the floor. Time to make the grand exit.
"I thank you for dinner, gentlemen. It's been fun." She took her piece of pineapple cake, the bowl of whipped cream, and walked out without a glance.
As the door closed she could hear Trip say shakily, "Sweet Jesus, do you think she was tellin' us the truth?"
After the door closed she faintly heard Jon break down in laughter saying "Oh, we'll never really know the truth. One thing's for sure, you owe me two beers. I told you they weren't lovers....."
Leaving the messhall, Hoshi patted herself on the back. God, I am so damn good. They didn't even notice what I took with me.
Later that night, after they shared the pineapple cake in bed, she told Malcolm the whole story word by word. It took him ten minutes to stop laughing.
"Are you sure you didn't go to military school Hoshi, love? That was brilliant! Absolutely brilliant. Do remind me to never ever get on your bad side." Malcolm's blue eyes sparkled at her with pride.
"Well, I've just been paying attention to what you've been saying about out flanking the enemy and evasive maneuvers and ..." she stopped as he began to kiss her neck.
"Why don't we do some maneuvers of our own?" he breathed into her ear.
"Only if we use the whipped cream."