CHAPTER FOUR
'How did I get stuck here again?' I wondered sourly and leaped up again to spew my guts over the rail. Oh yeah, it was LEGOLAS'S idea. And Aragorn's. And Gimli's too. They were all in on it! I mean, God, it wouldn't have hurt to just WALK to Gondor. But no, we have to take boats from the dead guys and sail there! Of course! What a brilliant idea!
"Katie, are you done yet? Because if you are, then you better come here," I heard Emily screech from...somewhere. I don't keep tabs on everyone at all times. I mean, give me a break!
I groaned, and grabbed a nearby bucket, holding out in front of my like a shield. You never know when the Spirits of Seasickness will attack. They're tricky little devils that enjoy watching me loose my lunch every fifteen minutes.
I finally asked one of the sailors where Bonnie and Emily were. He said up in the crow's nest. I thanked the skeletony dude and looked up at the long pole with the flimsy little nest up there. WAAAAAY up there. Eep.
It's funny, I was already used to having half the people on the ship dead people that were alive. They weren't actual real authentic skeletons though, more like skeletons with this thick black fog hanging around them. Somewhat like what a Nazgul might look like if you took away his cloak. Wait, that was a bad example. That would NOT be a pretty sight though.
Anyway, heights didn't worry me too much, as long as I didn't have to jump off, so I climbed up to the crow's nest without any trouble. I didn't even hurl!
"What do you want?" I grumbled when I reached the top. The sight before me was an...interesting one, let's just say. Bonnie, Emily, Harold, and the look out (who was-wow, you never would have guessed-another living dead guy) were seated on the floor with a stack of cards that look suspiciously fake. I reached down a picked one up. It was a crudely drawn eight of hearts. Oh my sweet crouton, they're gambling!!!
"BONNIE TABITHA!! EMILY GEMIMA!!! EXPLAIN TO ME WHY YOU'RE GAMBLING WITH THE DEAD LOOKOUT AND THE TALKING DANDELION!!!" I yelled and snatched up the cards. Gambling and my two friends were not good mixes!!
"God, Katie, don't get your panties in a twist. We're just-" Emily began to say but I interrupted again.
"Oh God, don't start with that preppy saying with the panties!! WHO THE FUZZ EVER WANTED TO CALL THEIR UNDERWEAR PANTIES? I sure don't! THEY'RE UNDERWEAR! AND THAT'S THAT!" I cried and pointed a warning finger at Emily. Normally I wouldn't care if they were gambling. Heck, I'd even join in. I wouldn't care if Emily called my undergarments panties either (even though I call them underwear, which is the proper and true name, no matter what everyone else says!) but seasickness makes you do crazy things. Veeeery crazy things.
"ALRIGHT! Shut your hole, please. We are playing GO FISH with Harold and Nightcrawler," she said. What? Nightcrawler? WHERE!! I wanna see the blue guy!!
"Come on, Katie, you're playing with us!" Bonnie said cheerfully and yanked me down. And then suddenly that weird feeling you get in your throat came up and I had to spew again. When that was over, Bonnie handed me cards.
"Hold it, where's Nightcrawler? Was he dropped into Middle Earth from his little X-men world or something?" I asked before we began.
"Nooo. Not that Nightcrawler. His real name is Fortenorshalostenamenkatopriquenmithnotosistkyst but we decided that was way too long-"
"No kidding."
"And way too hard to pronounce all the time so we named him Nightcrawler. Because, you know, he's blue," Emily explained. Indeed, instead of being black and glowing, he was blue and glowing.
"Not gay blue by the way," Bonnie added. We proceeded to play the game, no talking much until Bonnie decided to open her mouth. Big surprise, I mean, really, Bonnie NEVER opens her big mouth. Note the sarcasm.
"I am infatuated with a spatula." I started to laugh hysterically, even though some people would consider that hardly funny. Emily started to snicker a little, and the Nightcrawler dude just sort of stared at us like we were insane. Which we are.
"Pardon me, but, ah, what are you talking about?" he asked slowly, as though trying to comprehend what Bonnie declared.
"Uh, you know, Nightcrawler, we don't really know either," Emily said finally.
"I'm leaving you nut-cases to your deaths. C'mon, Harold, let's go find Legolas or Aragorn and ask him when we'll be there," I said with a sigh and slapped the so called "cards" down on the floor. Harold scrambled up my sleeve and onto my shoulder. Taking a deep breath, and forcing myself not to look down, I shimmied over the edge of the crow's nest. Five minutes later I was on the ship deck again, puking.
"Oh, hurry up old chap-"
"Don't you 'old chap' me! I am not old!!!" I said to Harold and straightened, determined not to throw up again. I left the bucket now filled with...well, yeah, and ambled off to find Aragorn or Legolas.
I found both of them both at the front of the ship, looked out onto the...big river...thing. Do you really expect me to pay attention to the names of things when I'm hurling all the time? Thank you. Anyway, once again, they were gibbering in Elvish. Neither of the noticed me. It was then I decided to annoy them and confuse them out of their little minds. Again.
"She did WHAT?" I cried after Aragorn finished saying something. I was speaking directly to the air in front of me. They ignored me and continued talking. Harold was giving me strange looks. "I SO cannot believe she is like, going out with HIM!" Once again, I was ignored. "And ohmigod, I cannot believe she WORE that horrendous skirt to SCHOOL! That skirt is SO last year! And her shirt? Give me a break! Since when were the Milk Drunkards popular? PU-lease!"
"Can you please leave?" Legolas asked me finally, glaring. I feigned a shocked expression and gasped, ignoring the Elf and continuing my conversation with the air.
"BETTY! I can't believe it, why did you TELL me he kissed you?" I cried and clapped my hands together in amazement at nothing at all.
"I have no earthly idea of what you're talking about," Aragorn said and gave me "the look".
"Seriously? You're mom didn't mind that you bombed the algebra quiz? Ooooooohmigod, you are SO LUCKY! My mom would never let me get away with that. And-seriously? SHE said that? To your FACE? Oooh she's such a witch!!" I screamed and rambled on like a Mary Sue for five more minutes. All the time I was pretending I was talking to the air in front of me. Then finally I said, "Alright, Betty, I'll talk to you later! See ya girlfriend!" and pretended to hand up a phone.
Then, I finally I smiled, and turned around. Then, I let myself finally notice Aragorn and Legolas were there and gave them a blank stare. Finally, I pulled an angry expression on my face and glared at Legolas, shaking a finger at him.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!" I yelled in his face. "I CAN'T TAKE LIVING IN THE SAME ROOM AS YOU!!!" After saying this, I resumed my blank expression.
"Katie, are you alright?" Aragorn asked gingerly.
"Of course. Why would you think otherwise?" I asked innocently, acting as though I did nothing minutes ago that they could hold against me. NEVER WOULD I BE GIVEN A SNORKLER'S GUIDE TO PAINTING!
"You were screaming at Legolas just a moment ago," he reminded me. I gave him a confused look.
"Screaming? Why would I scream at Legolas?" I inquired slowly. Hehe, my plan was working perfectly!
"I don't know, but you were," Legolas said haughtily. Talk about indignant. God, all I did was yell at him...
"Whatever. I did not! I never did! You two were hallucinating or something. I can't believe you would think that I would do something as mean as that to Leggy! I'm the nicest person in the world! God! I thought you guys were my friends! But if you're going to make conclusions like THAT one without proper evidence, I don't want to even know you. You're so-so-so- cruel! I HATE YOU!" I cried and crossed my arms over my chest before stomping off, Harold in tow.
As I rounded the corner I burst into a fit of laughter. MWUAHAHAHAHA! How easily it was to make them feel guilty. And I was so good at it too! Maybe I could take it up as a real job. And get paid for it!
Nah.
**************
I know, I know, waaay short. Oh well, live with it. I'm tired. It's 12:30 and I STILL haven't gotten to take possession of the TV yet. DERN IT! I'll never be able to watch Spy Game or Ocean's Eleven or LOTR. DERN IT, DERN IT, DERN IT!
Wishful Menace: Ha! I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! AND I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE NOT! AND YOU ARE NOT GODS! Sorry, a little hyper there...Harold rocks my socks too. Now, onto more pressing matters. Young padewon, I demand your screen name again because I didn't add you to my buddy list like I thought I did. Silly Katie, Trix are for kids! Oops, wrong line...Anyway, I need to bother you back. Won't that be fun? SO SMILE, YOU'RE ON CANDID CAMERA!
Gate Keeper-slash-CrimsonElf-slash-Calley: Katles! I HAVE A NEW ALIAS! YAY! No sleep is not cool. Young lady, go take your sleeping pills and sleep forever! Sorry, just had to say that. Luke? WHERE? I don't see any Lukes...Rip off, man!
Bjam: Well...well...no. I can't live without my muses! Plus they are my imaginary friends. I can't live without my imaginary friends. But you can visit them anytime you want. And I would have to say I'd be purple. Darkish glowy purple with dark green eyeballs. Fun, huh?
Dy: Grr...nuh uh!! For the last time, HE'S ALL MINE! Never will I share! I didn't pass pre-school, after all!
Cat: I wouldn't put it past humans...They're not good people! I am not human though. I am not entirely sure WHAT I am. I do know, however, that somewhere in me, I am part Elf. I SWEAR ON MY GRAVE THAT I AM!
'How did I get stuck here again?' I wondered sourly and leaped up again to spew my guts over the rail. Oh yeah, it was LEGOLAS'S idea. And Aragorn's. And Gimli's too. They were all in on it! I mean, God, it wouldn't have hurt to just WALK to Gondor. But no, we have to take boats from the dead guys and sail there! Of course! What a brilliant idea!
"Katie, are you done yet? Because if you are, then you better come here," I heard Emily screech from...somewhere. I don't keep tabs on everyone at all times. I mean, give me a break!
I groaned, and grabbed a nearby bucket, holding out in front of my like a shield. You never know when the Spirits of Seasickness will attack. They're tricky little devils that enjoy watching me loose my lunch every fifteen minutes.
I finally asked one of the sailors where Bonnie and Emily were. He said up in the crow's nest. I thanked the skeletony dude and looked up at the long pole with the flimsy little nest up there. WAAAAAY up there. Eep.
It's funny, I was already used to having half the people on the ship dead people that were alive. They weren't actual real authentic skeletons though, more like skeletons with this thick black fog hanging around them. Somewhat like what a Nazgul might look like if you took away his cloak. Wait, that was a bad example. That would NOT be a pretty sight though.
Anyway, heights didn't worry me too much, as long as I didn't have to jump off, so I climbed up to the crow's nest without any trouble. I didn't even hurl!
"What do you want?" I grumbled when I reached the top. The sight before me was an...interesting one, let's just say. Bonnie, Emily, Harold, and the look out (who was-wow, you never would have guessed-another living dead guy) were seated on the floor with a stack of cards that look suspiciously fake. I reached down a picked one up. It was a crudely drawn eight of hearts. Oh my sweet crouton, they're gambling!!!
"BONNIE TABITHA!! EMILY GEMIMA!!! EXPLAIN TO ME WHY YOU'RE GAMBLING WITH THE DEAD LOOKOUT AND THE TALKING DANDELION!!!" I yelled and snatched up the cards. Gambling and my two friends were not good mixes!!
"God, Katie, don't get your panties in a twist. We're just-" Emily began to say but I interrupted again.
"Oh God, don't start with that preppy saying with the panties!! WHO THE FUZZ EVER WANTED TO CALL THEIR UNDERWEAR PANTIES? I sure don't! THEY'RE UNDERWEAR! AND THAT'S THAT!" I cried and pointed a warning finger at Emily. Normally I wouldn't care if they were gambling. Heck, I'd even join in. I wouldn't care if Emily called my undergarments panties either (even though I call them underwear, which is the proper and true name, no matter what everyone else says!) but seasickness makes you do crazy things. Veeeery crazy things.
"ALRIGHT! Shut your hole, please. We are playing GO FISH with Harold and Nightcrawler," she said. What? Nightcrawler? WHERE!! I wanna see the blue guy!!
"Come on, Katie, you're playing with us!" Bonnie said cheerfully and yanked me down. And then suddenly that weird feeling you get in your throat came up and I had to spew again. When that was over, Bonnie handed me cards.
"Hold it, where's Nightcrawler? Was he dropped into Middle Earth from his little X-men world or something?" I asked before we began.
"Nooo. Not that Nightcrawler. His real name is Fortenorshalostenamenkatopriquenmithnotosistkyst but we decided that was way too long-"
"No kidding."
"And way too hard to pronounce all the time so we named him Nightcrawler. Because, you know, he's blue," Emily explained. Indeed, instead of being black and glowing, he was blue and glowing.
"Not gay blue by the way," Bonnie added. We proceeded to play the game, no talking much until Bonnie decided to open her mouth. Big surprise, I mean, really, Bonnie NEVER opens her big mouth. Note the sarcasm.
"I am infatuated with a spatula." I started to laugh hysterically, even though some people would consider that hardly funny. Emily started to snicker a little, and the Nightcrawler dude just sort of stared at us like we were insane. Which we are.
"Pardon me, but, ah, what are you talking about?" he asked slowly, as though trying to comprehend what Bonnie declared.
"Uh, you know, Nightcrawler, we don't really know either," Emily said finally.
"I'm leaving you nut-cases to your deaths. C'mon, Harold, let's go find Legolas or Aragorn and ask him when we'll be there," I said with a sigh and slapped the so called "cards" down on the floor. Harold scrambled up my sleeve and onto my shoulder. Taking a deep breath, and forcing myself not to look down, I shimmied over the edge of the crow's nest. Five minutes later I was on the ship deck again, puking.
"Oh, hurry up old chap-"
"Don't you 'old chap' me! I am not old!!!" I said to Harold and straightened, determined not to throw up again. I left the bucket now filled with...well, yeah, and ambled off to find Aragorn or Legolas.
I found both of them both at the front of the ship, looked out onto the...big river...thing. Do you really expect me to pay attention to the names of things when I'm hurling all the time? Thank you. Anyway, once again, they were gibbering in Elvish. Neither of the noticed me. It was then I decided to annoy them and confuse them out of their little minds. Again.
"She did WHAT?" I cried after Aragorn finished saying something. I was speaking directly to the air in front of me. They ignored me and continued talking. Harold was giving me strange looks. "I SO cannot believe she is like, going out with HIM!" Once again, I was ignored. "And ohmigod, I cannot believe she WORE that horrendous skirt to SCHOOL! That skirt is SO last year! And her shirt? Give me a break! Since when were the Milk Drunkards popular? PU-lease!"
"Can you please leave?" Legolas asked me finally, glaring. I feigned a shocked expression and gasped, ignoring the Elf and continuing my conversation with the air.
"BETTY! I can't believe it, why did you TELL me he kissed you?" I cried and clapped my hands together in amazement at nothing at all.
"I have no earthly idea of what you're talking about," Aragorn said and gave me "the look".
"Seriously? You're mom didn't mind that you bombed the algebra quiz? Ooooooohmigod, you are SO LUCKY! My mom would never let me get away with that. And-seriously? SHE said that? To your FACE? Oooh she's such a witch!!" I screamed and rambled on like a Mary Sue for five more minutes. All the time I was pretending I was talking to the air in front of me. Then finally I said, "Alright, Betty, I'll talk to you later! See ya girlfriend!" and pretended to hand up a phone.
Then, I finally I smiled, and turned around. Then, I let myself finally notice Aragorn and Legolas were there and gave them a blank stare. Finally, I pulled an angry expression on my face and glared at Legolas, shaking a finger at him.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!" I yelled in his face. "I CAN'T TAKE LIVING IN THE SAME ROOM AS YOU!!!" After saying this, I resumed my blank expression.
"Katie, are you alright?" Aragorn asked gingerly.
"Of course. Why would you think otherwise?" I asked innocently, acting as though I did nothing minutes ago that they could hold against me. NEVER WOULD I BE GIVEN A SNORKLER'S GUIDE TO PAINTING!
"You were screaming at Legolas just a moment ago," he reminded me. I gave him a confused look.
"Screaming? Why would I scream at Legolas?" I inquired slowly. Hehe, my plan was working perfectly!
"I don't know, but you were," Legolas said haughtily. Talk about indignant. God, all I did was yell at him...
"Whatever. I did not! I never did! You two were hallucinating or something. I can't believe you would think that I would do something as mean as that to Leggy! I'm the nicest person in the world! God! I thought you guys were my friends! But if you're going to make conclusions like THAT one without proper evidence, I don't want to even know you. You're so-so-so- cruel! I HATE YOU!" I cried and crossed my arms over my chest before stomping off, Harold in tow.
As I rounded the corner I burst into a fit of laughter. MWUAHAHAHAHA! How easily it was to make them feel guilty. And I was so good at it too! Maybe I could take it up as a real job. And get paid for it!
Nah.
**************
I know, I know, waaay short. Oh well, live with it. I'm tired. It's 12:30 and I STILL haven't gotten to take possession of the TV yet. DERN IT! I'll never be able to watch Spy Game or Ocean's Eleven or LOTR. DERN IT, DERN IT, DERN IT!
Wishful Menace: Ha! I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! AND I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE NOT! AND YOU ARE NOT GODS! Sorry, a little hyper there...Harold rocks my socks too. Now, onto more pressing matters. Young padewon, I demand your screen name again because I didn't add you to my buddy list like I thought I did. Silly Katie, Trix are for kids! Oops, wrong line...Anyway, I need to bother you back. Won't that be fun? SO SMILE, YOU'RE ON CANDID CAMERA!
Gate Keeper-slash-CrimsonElf-slash-Calley: Katles! I HAVE A NEW ALIAS! YAY! No sleep is not cool. Young lady, go take your sleeping pills and sleep forever! Sorry, just had to say that. Luke? WHERE? I don't see any Lukes...Rip off, man!
Bjam: Well...well...no. I can't live without my muses! Plus they are my imaginary friends. I can't live without my imaginary friends. But you can visit them anytime you want. And I would have to say I'd be purple. Darkish glowy purple with dark green eyeballs. Fun, huh?
Dy: Grr...nuh uh!! For the last time, HE'S ALL MINE! Never will I share! I didn't pass pre-school, after all!
Cat: I wouldn't put it past humans...They're not good people! I am not human though. I am not entirely sure WHAT I am. I do know, however, that somewhere in me, I am part Elf. I SWEAR ON MY GRAVE THAT I AM!