CHAPTER FIVE
"Lorenzo..."
"I'm not answering to that name!" Legolas snapped irritably as we approached Pelennor Fields. I glanced up at him with a scowl. He didn't notice, however, because he was watching Aragorn's big flag thing being yanked up onto the ship's mast. Aragorn was standing further ahead of us, looking at the Gondor men on the fields. They seemed to be very happy to see Aragorn. The Orcs, however, were not, and they were jumping into the water, and fleeing before the ships. That's right, COWER YOU FOOLS! It's amazing; just a moment ago they were cheering for us. But they were fooled! Yes they were! No, we are not the massive army coming to save your sorry hides, little foul beasts, we are the ones who are coming for your soul, WE ARE THE L.G.M.s!
"Okay, okay, whatever. I have a problem. A major one. I keep hearing Sims singing rock songs in my mind. Is that a bad thing?" I asked him. I was ignored again though. No one listened to me, I swear! Hmmm... "Hey, Legolas, a Balrog is standing behind you." Grr...alright, that's it, time for the big guns. "The Balrog that's also known as Ariavasiel." MWUAHAHAHAHA!
"I'm sure," he said dully and turned around, raising his eyebrow questioningly.
"Now listen to me!! Or I'll sing the Happy Tree Elf song!!" I threatened. I was serious. I would use the bigger guns if I had to.
"The what song?"
"The Happy Tree Elf song!" I cried happily. That's right, he had never heard it before...poor lost soul.
"Eru help me..."
"Ooooh, I'm a happy tree Elf, tree Elf, I'm a happy tree Elf la-da-da- dee-dee!" I sang in a high voice. "Oh look there's a little foooooox! He looks like he wants to plaaaaaaay! CHOMP!!" I made the sound of jaws snapping over something and grinned at the Elf. He gave me the infamous evil look.
"Thank you for that unentertaining performance. Now go away," he said through gritted teeth. I shot him a beaming smile.
"Didn't you like it?"
"No."
"W-w-what?" My eye opened wide and my made my lower lip tremble. The puppy dog face. Muhahahahaha... "But it's a work of art! You're mean!!! SAY YOU'RE SORRY!!"
"KATIE!"
"Alright, alrighty, God, I'm shutting up now..."
"Good!"
"I'm a lost puppy. I need a home. Adopt me!"
"Leave me alone!!"
"What a way to treat a poor little puppy..." I said in remorse. Who knew Legolas was such a cruel loser? "Who lives in a pine apple under the sea?" I sang in revenge.
"Go—away—now!!"
"NUH UH! SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS! That's what you're supposed to say! Stupid Elf, useless long eared loser!" I cried and stalked off. Bahh...Emily and Bonnie were better than HIM. And that's really saying something...
As I was walking down the length of the ship, searching for the two Idiots I was forced to refer to as my friends, I couldn't help but look out over the railing. Uh oh. Don't look down, Katie. DO NOT LOOK DOWN AT THE BIG CHURNING SEA WAVE THINGS! Instead I looked at the bank of the river which we were just about to land on. Ahhh...good stuff. The Orcs were nearly gone. The Men fighting on the land seemed to find new energy and began to slaughter the little fools. Whee! I wouldn't have to fight! Because sure enough, I was willing to bet I'd end up under another Orc...NOT good.
"Bart! Look! The little Orcies are running away from those dudes over there!" Bonnie suddenly appeared at my shoulder and was tugging my sleeve, pointing.
"Yes, Bonnie, dear, I know," I said and detached my self from her grip and leaned over to hiss to Emily, "Why didn't you lock her in a cage? I thought you had more sense that this, woman! Honestly..."
"Shut up, Katie, you moron. BE SERIOUS!" she screeched and sent me a look. I glared back at her and we continued to stare each other down. My eyes began to water and I blinked.
"HA! I won! I won the staring contest!" she cried shrilly and jumped around happily, clapping. "Oh boy, I won the lottery!"
"We don't have an Oklahoma lottery. Neither does Middle Earth," I reminded her slowly.
"What? What are you saying? Are you calling me a cheater? KATIE! You little moth ball! I hate you! I hate your soul! I hope you burn! BURN, YOU HEAR ME!!!" she yelled and pointed her finger at me. Accidentally, she wacked me in the eye. Or rather she wacked my glasses. It sent them flying upward, thus scratching my forehead on the nose-pieces. And believe me, that hurts. "Oops, sorry, Bart."
"HEE HEE! Katie got pokeded in the eyes!" Bonnie said and laughed loudly. I took my glasses off, giving both of them dirty looks while I adjusted the nose-piece so that they weren't all bent out of shape. Then I jammed them back on my nose.
"Silence, little cretins, for you mustn't take the wrath of the Dark Lord—"
"Lard Lord..." Emily muttered.
"--the Dark Lord Of the Daisy Balloons lightly!" I finished.
"Eep, you're sounding like Eomer..." Emily informed me.
"Is that bad?"
"Yes, dear," Emily answered with a dramatic sigh.
"Uh oh!" I gasped in horror.
"Uh oh is right. Hurry, you better go get the jello before it eats everyone alive!!!" she told me seriously.
"Okay, and you better get the SCISSORS OF DOOM!" Bonnie interjected randomly. I snorted, but immediately stopped laughing.
"Hey. Why are we stopping? Why are we going to shore?" I asked.
"Katie, the whole point with the ships was to HELP the Gondor and Rohan men," Emily explained slowly, as though talking to a three-year-old.
"Oh. I knew that."
"Sure you did."
"But I did!"
"I don't believe you."
"You don't?"
"No."
"Oh. Why?"
"Because I don't."
"Why?"
"You are an untrustworthy person."
"Why?"
"You were born that way."
"Why?"
"Because God made you that way."
"Why?"
"Because he felt like it."
"Why?"
"I DON'T KNOW!"
"Why?"
"Katie? Shut up."
"Why?"
"ARG!!!" Emily screeched and stomped off.
"Good bye my freaky da'lings!"
"NO QUOTES FROM LXM!" she yelled over her shoulder.
"You don't need her, Katie. You're special without the pony tails," Bonnie said seriously.
"Riiight...And the name's Lavern."
*************
"Now, Katie—"
"Lavern."
"—stay RIGHT here. Do not move what so ever or else I will—I will tie you up again!" the Elf threatened me, his eyes very solemn and scary. Eep. "If you so much as step off this ship—"
"It's a boat."
"—I will personally search you out and make you sorry you ever even thought about it," he said, going on as though I didn't interrupt him.
"Okay. I'm smart now, Legolas, dear. Remember? The last time I got stuck under an Orc," I answered with a grin.
"Katie—"
"It's Lavern!"
"—I'm not jesting. I'm serious!"
"You sure don't look like Sirius," I said offhandedly. It was true!
"Who?" he asked. He didn't understand my joke. Figures.
"Nevermind. I swear on Emily's unworthy hide—"
"HEY!" Emily cried and swatted my head.
"—I will not step off this boat, or I will forever live in a box," I said and saluted him. "Worry not!"
"I worry," he said dryly and grabbed his bow before following Aragorn and Gimli off the ship. I waved to them from the railing.
"Good bye my freaky da'lings! Have fun going to kill the Orcs! PLAY NICELY! If the bigger kid pushes you into a mud puddle, don't run and tell the teacher, smack him in the nose!" I called down to them, still waving. Emily pulled me back, shaking her head.
"Katie..."
"For the love of Fuzzy, IT'S LAVERN!"
"Can't you be serious?"
"No, I can't, Rowling owns him," I told her patiently, although I was actually annoyed. Sirius is his own man! Not everyone else's! Why couldn't they understand people couldn't take his identity? "Why do people keep trying to impersonate him?"
"KATIE!" Emily cried.
"LAVERN!" Bonnie cried with Emily at the same time. I fell silent, scowling at them.
"Why do I have to be serious?" I muttered finally, mostly to myself.
"Because, Katie, this is not some time you can goof off in class! It's a friggin battlefield out there, and you're sitting here cracking jokes!" Emily said in exasperation. She was obviously getting irritated. Well, so was I!
"It's not like I can do anything about it, Emily! What do you want me to do, go throw myself in mortal peril?"
"You did at Helms Deep!"
"You guys were at Helms Deep?" Bonnie asked. We both glared at her.
"That was different!" I said to Emily. Feeble attempt at defending myself, but at least I tried.
"How so?" she challenged, placing her hands on her hips.
"It just was! You be quiet! At least I didn't wait down in the caves!"
"So what?"
"So what nothing!"
"GO SNIFF A RUBBER SPONGE!" she yelled.
"THE SOCKS HATE YOU TOO!" I shouted back and crossed my arms. She followed my example and we continued to glare daggers at each other. Which was somewhat hard, since we technically weren't REALLY mad at the other, and we had to stop ourselves from laughing. Which is hard, mind you. Finally we both grinned at each other, causing Bonnie to give us weird looks.
"I thought you were mad at each other?" she cried, clearly confused. Then again, Bonnie is often in that state anyway, so you never know...
"No. Yes. Well, sort of," Emily finished lamely. More weird looks.
"Right..."
"Wrong!" I cried and marched over to the railing of the ship. "Looks scary out there...Hey, look, I think I see Acorn..." I pointed to a blob on the horizon line, on a hose.
"How can you tell?" Bonnie asked, her and Emily coming over to look with me.
"I can't..."
"That's helpful," Bonnie remarked, rolling her eyes at me. I shot her a dark look. Not my fault if I'm not helpful! Non-helpfulness is in my blood!
"Yeah, I know...Who wants to go stab people?" I asked suddenly.
"Meeeee!!" Emily shouted. "I is going to get our stuff, kay?" She darted off to find her sword and my bow. Bonnie however, frowned. I raised my eyebrows at her questioningly.
"What?"
"Katie...I don't know how to use a weapon," she said slowly.
"You don't?"
"No!" Uh oh. Biiiiig problem. "Do you?"
"A little...enough so as to not get myself killed I guess. Erm...You can always borrow a knife from somewhere and just...work with it the best you can?" I told her a little hesitantly. I didn't want any of us dead, after all. Would not be good, that's all I can say. And if Bonnie didn't know how to fight with a weapon at all, that could lead to some difficulties.
"Sure, and watch Bonnie get her head chopped off," she muttered sarcastically. I threw my hands up in exasperation. Wasn't like I could do anything about it!
"So then do you wanna stay here?"
"Not really. But I don't want to die either."
"Well, I could die too...So could Wallace, even though we can at least hold a weapon properly. But, it's your call. I suggest you kinda stay here though..." She shot me an accusing look. That obviously wasn't the answer she wanted to hear. But it was true! Grr...what does she want me to do, lie and tell her she's invincible?
" Fine! Leave me here and go get yourselves killed..." she cried and stomped off. Not again...I banged my forehead against the rail for a moment, before Emily popped up at my side. She keeps POPPING UP. She needs to stop that...It's creepy...
"Where's Bonnie?"
"Mad at me. Because she doesn't know how to use a weapon, so she might die..."
"So could we. I mean, honestly, just because we don't drop our swords and bows doesn't mean we're totally awesome," she said haughtily, sound, for some reason, highly insulted. "God...What does she expect?" I cast my eyes upward, toward the sky. Why now, of all times, must Emily and Bonnie do the whole "I don't really like you" thing? They have the WORST timing. I shrugged though, and took my bow and quiver from Emily. She forced a knife into my hand as well.
"What's this?" I asked dumbly, holding it up. Then I recognized it as one of Legolas's. Uuuuh ooooh...Not good. He might need it...Well, now at least I have a purpose to go rushing to Death's Door, instead of just doing it because I was bored.
"I don't know," Emily answered. "C'mon, hurry up. Don't loose me again, by the way, okay? Oh yeah—Look what I found! Will hats! We're pirates!" She held up two feathers black hats. Fun! I grabbed it and shoved it on my head. Now I had two hats! Yay!
"Yay! Will hats!" I exclaimed in a high voice and attached the knife to my belt, so as not to loose it. "Lessgo! TALLY HO SILVER, AND AWAY! FLEE BEFORE THE MIGHTY DARK LORD OF THE DAISY BALLOONS!" And with this lovely battle cry, we both surged forward off the ship (or boat). To Death we go...Yippie skippy, oh boy.
***********
Yay! I is happy! I gots a chappie up! Go Katie! Writers block is gone for now (we hopes)!! YAAAAY!
Do you realize how hard it is to stick to RoTK book facts? Veeery hard. I need to reread all three. Or else my fics will all turn out pathetic...Then again, I already count this one as pathetic so...eh, whatever.
I got HP5 in case anyone's wondering. Which you probably aren't, but Katie don't care none! Ack, bad grammar, Katie go to your room!
AND Katie got to see Pirates of the Caribbean! She likes Will's hat. She also likes Jack's hat. She also wants to be a pirate now. But life is cruel and once again she wants a refund on it. She has a new saying: When life gives you a sword, go join Will Turner and Jack Sparrow on the Pearl. Gah...I live in an unfair reality. I hate reality. I want to be a pirate! *scowls*
My new name is Lavern by the way. In case you hadn't noticed from the chapter...long story, I will be willing to explain if ya'll want. Only heaven knows why you would though...
Okay, here we goeses with replieses...
By the way...Has anyone ever noticed I use excessive periods in a lot of my sentences? Just wondering about that...GAH! I DID IT AGAIN!
Bjam: Eep, Katie no wanna look like Barney. SCARY! Yeees summer vacation! Bliss! 'Cept I gots volunteer work at the library on weekends. Pure boredom, that is. Anyway, tis good people like these fics. ^_^
Gate Keeper: Yay! New words are gooooood. Stealing from nephews is good too. My last name is now going to be Katie-aka-Lavern-wants-to-be-a-pirate- but-she-can't-and-why-is-this-even-my-last-name? Isn't it lovely? I think so!
Dy: Yaaay! I updatesded! And no threatening with frying pans. It's not nice.
MidnightSun: Lavern feels loved! I feel loved! Bartholomew feels loved! All my personalities feel loved! *has big grin* I do that—laughing at the computer screen at least. I also yell at it. And shake it. My mom doesn't like it when I shake it. She also thinks I'm weird when I yell and laugh at it. But yeah, it's what happens to people like us... And groveling is not good. Only grovel if someone won't take you to see Pirates of the Caribbean the second time. That happened to me...Riley is an evil evil boy. (don't ask)
Celebel: I is agreeing on the laundry and dishes! And also we gotta say no to tickling...it's evil. Pure torture!!
Songelf88: The dead people is not knowing the song. *pauses and thinks for a minute* I need to teach them it then! *claps enthusiastically*
Wishful Menace: Hehe. Hey, do you happen to know what that is (Snorkler's Guide to Painting)? I sure don't. Lavern is not revealing her secrets for the future though, no she isn't! You must be paaaaatient.
Little-lost-one: I don't think Harold has a purple crayon...he should get one, shouldn't he?
"Lorenzo..."
"I'm not answering to that name!" Legolas snapped irritably as we approached Pelennor Fields. I glanced up at him with a scowl. He didn't notice, however, because he was watching Aragorn's big flag thing being yanked up onto the ship's mast. Aragorn was standing further ahead of us, looking at the Gondor men on the fields. They seemed to be very happy to see Aragorn. The Orcs, however, were not, and they were jumping into the water, and fleeing before the ships. That's right, COWER YOU FOOLS! It's amazing; just a moment ago they were cheering for us. But they were fooled! Yes they were! No, we are not the massive army coming to save your sorry hides, little foul beasts, we are the ones who are coming for your soul, WE ARE THE L.G.M.s!
"Okay, okay, whatever. I have a problem. A major one. I keep hearing Sims singing rock songs in my mind. Is that a bad thing?" I asked him. I was ignored again though. No one listened to me, I swear! Hmmm... "Hey, Legolas, a Balrog is standing behind you." Grr...alright, that's it, time for the big guns. "The Balrog that's also known as Ariavasiel." MWUAHAHAHAHA!
"I'm sure," he said dully and turned around, raising his eyebrow questioningly.
"Now listen to me!! Or I'll sing the Happy Tree Elf song!!" I threatened. I was serious. I would use the bigger guns if I had to.
"The what song?"
"The Happy Tree Elf song!" I cried happily. That's right, he had never heard it before...poor lost soul.
"Eru help me..."
"Ooooh, I'm a happy tree Elf, tree Elf, I'm a happy tree Elf la-da-da- dee-dee!" I sang in a high voice. "Oh look there's a little foooooox! He looks like he wants to plaaaaaaay! CHOMP!!" I made the sound of jaws snapping over something and grinned at the Elf. He gave me the infamous evil look.
"Thank you for that unentertaining performance. Now go away," he said through gritted teeth. I shot him a beaming smile.
"Didn't you like it?"
"No."
"W-w-what?" My eye opened wide and my made my lower lip tremble. The puppy dog face. Muhahahahaha... "But it's a work of art! You're mean!!! SAY YOU'RE SORRY!!"
"KATIE!"
"Alright, alrighty, God, I'm shutting up now..."
"Good!"
"I'm a lost puppy. I need a home. Adopt me!"
"Leave me alone!!"
"What a way to treat a poor little puppy..." I said in remorse. Who knew Legolas was such a cruel loser? "Who lives in a pine apple under the sea?" I sang in revenge.
"Go—away—now!!"
"NUH UH! SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS! That's what you're supposed to say! Stupid Elf, useless long eared loser!" I cried and stalked off. Bahh...Emily and Bonnie were better than HIM. And that's really saying something...
As I was walking down the length of the ship, searching for the two Idiots I was forced to refer to as my friends, I couldn't help but look out over the railing. Uh oh. Don't look down, Katie. DO NOT LOOK DOWN AT THE BIG CHURNING SEA WAVE THINGS! Instead I looked at the bank of the river which we were just about to land on. Ahhh...good stuff. The Orcs were nearly gone. The Men fighting on the land seemed to find new energy and began to slaughter the little fools. Whee! I wouldn't have to fight! Because sure enough, I was willing to bet I'd end up under another Orc...NOT good.
"Bart! Look! The little Orcies are running away from those dudes over there!" Bonnie suddenly appeared at my shoulder and was tugging my sleeve, pointing.
"Yes, Bonnie, dear, I know," I said and detached my self from her grip and leaned over to hiss to Emily, "Why didn't you lock her in a cage? I thought you had more sense that this, woman! Honestly..."
"Shut up, Katie, you moron. BE SERIOUS!" she screeched and sent me a look. I glared back at her and we continued to stare each other down. My eyes began to water and I blinked.
"HA! I won! I won the staring contest!" she cried shrilly and jumped around happily, clapping. "Oh boy, I won the lottery!"
"We don't have an Oklahoma lottery. Neither does Middle Earth," I reminded her slowly.
"What? What are you saying? Are you calling me a cheater? KATIE! You little moth ball! I hate you! I hate your soul! I hope you burn! BURN, YOU HEAR ME!!!" she yelled and pointed her finger at me. Accidentally, she wacked me in the eye. Or rather she wacked my glasses. It sent them flying upward, thus scratching my forehead on the nose-pieces. And believe me, that hurts. "Oops, sorry, Bart."
"HEE HEE! Katie got pokeded in the eyes!" Bonnie said and laughed loudly. I took my glasses off, giving both of them dirty looks while I adjusted the nose-piece so that they weren't all bent out of shape. Then I jammed them back on my nose.
"Silence, little cretins, for you mustn't take the wrath of the Dark Lord—"
"Lard Lord..." Emily muttered.
"--the Dark Lord Of the Daisy Balloons lightly!" I finished.
"Eep, you're sounding like Eomer..." Emily informed me.
"Is that bad?"
"Yes, dear," Emily answered with a dramatic sigh.
"Uh oh!" I gasped in horror.
"Uh oh is right. Hurry, you better go get the jello before it eats everyone alive!!!" she told me seriously.
"Okay, and you better get the SCISSORS OF DOOM!" Bonnie interjected randomly. I snorted, but immediately stopped laughing.
"Hey. Why are we stopping? Why are we going to shore?" I asked.
"Katie, the whole point with the ships was to HELP the Gondor and Rohan men," Emily explained slowly, as though talking to a three-year-old.
"Oh. I knew that."
"Sure you did."
"But I did!"
"I don't believe you."
"You don't?"
"No."
"Oh. Why?"
"Because I don't."
"Why?"
"You are an untrustworthy person."
"Why?"
"You were born that way."
"Why?"
"Because God made you that way."
"Why?"
"Because he felt like it."
"Why?"
"I DON'T KNOW!"
"Why?"
"Katie? Shut up."
"Why?"
"ARG!!!" Emily screeched and stomped off.
"Good bye my freaky da'lings!"
"NO QUOTES FROM LXM!" she yelled over her shoulder.
"You don't need her, Katie. You're special without the pony tails," Bonnie said seriously.
"Riiight...And the name's Lavern."
*************
"Now, Katie—"
"Lavern."
"—stay RIGHT here. Do not move what so ever or else I will—I will tie you up again!" the Elf threatened me, his eyes very solemn and scary. Eep. "If you so much as step off this ship—"
"It's a boat."
"—I will personally search you out and make you sorry you ever even thought about it," he said, going on as though I didn't interrupt him.
"Okay. I'm smart now, Legolas, dear. Remember? The last time I got stuck under an Orc," I answered with a grin.
"Katie—"
"It's Lavern!"
"—I'm not jesting. I'm serious!"
"You sure don't look like Sirius," I said offhandedly. It was true!
"Who?" he asked. He didn't understand my joke. Figures.
"Nevermind. I swear on Emily's unworthy hide—"
"HEY!" Emily cried and swatted my head.
"—I will not step off this boat, or I will forever live in a box," I said and saluted him. "Worry not!"
"I worry," he said dryly and grabbed his bow before following Aragorn and Gimli off the ship. I waved to them from the railing.
"Good bye my freaky da'lings! Have fun going to kill the Orcs! PLAY NICELY! If the bigger kid pushes you into a mud puddle, don't run and tell the teacher, smack him in the nose!" I called down to them, still waving. Emily pulled me back, shaking her head.
"Katie..."
"For the love of Fuzzy, IT'S LAVERN!"
"Can't you be serious?"
"No, I can't, Rowling owns him," I told her patiently, although I was actually annoyed. Sirius is his own man! Not everyone else's! Why couldn't they understand people couldn't take his identity? "Why do people keep trying to impersonate him?"
"KATIE!" Emily cried.
"LAVERN!" Bonnie cried with Emily at the same time. I fell silent, scowling at them.
"Why do I have to be serious?" I muttered finally, mostly to myself.
"Because, Katie, this is not some time you can goof off in class! It's a friggin battlefield out there, and you're sitting here cracking jokes!" Emily said in exasperation. She was obviously getting irritated. Well, so was I!
"It's not like I can do anything about it, Emily! What do you want me to do, go throw myself in mortal peril?"
"You did at Helms Deep!"
"You guys were at Helms Deep?" Bonnie asked. We both glared at her.
"That was different!" I said to Emily. Feeble attempt at defending myself, but at least I tried.
"How so?" she challenged, placing her hands on her hips.
"It just was! You be quiet! At least I didn't wait down in the caves!"
"So what?"
"So what nothing!"
"GO SNIFF A RUBBER SPONGE!" she yelled.
"THE SOCKS HATE YOU TOO!" I shouted back and crossed my arms. She followed my example and we continued to glare daggers at each other. Which was somewhat hard, since we technically weren't REALLY mad at the other, and we had to stop ourselves from laughing. Which is hard, mind you. Finally we both grinned at each other, causing Bonnie to give us weird looks.
"I thought you were mad at each other?" she cried, clearly confused. Then again, Bonnie is often in that state anyway, so you never know...
"No. Yes. Well, sort of," Emily finished lamely. More weird looks.
"Right..."
"Wrong!" I cried and marched over to the railing of the ship. "Looks scary out there...Hey, look, I think I see Acorn..." I pointed to a blob on the horizon line, on a hose.
"How can you tell?" Bonnie asked, her and Emily coming over to look with me.
"I can't..."
"That's helpful," Bonnie remarked, rolling her eyes at me. I shot her a dark look. Not my fault if I'm not helpful! Non-helpfulness is in my blood!
"Yeah, I know...Who wants to go stab people?" I asked suddenly.
"Meeeee!!" Emily shouted. "I is going to get our stuff, kay?" She darted off to find her sword and my bow. Bonnie however, frowned. I raised my eyebrows at her questioningly.
"What?"
"Katie...I don't know how to use a weapon," she said slowly.
"You don't?"
"No!" Uh oh. Biiiiig problem. "Do you?"
"A little...enough so as to not get myself killed I guess. Erm...You can always borrow a knife from somewhere and just...work with it the best you can?" I told her a little hesitantly. I didn't want any of us dead, after all. Would not be good, that's all I can say. And if Bonnie didn't know how to fight with a weapon at all, that could lead to some difficulties.
"Sure, and watch Bonnie get her head chopped off," she muttered sarcastically. I threw my hands up in exasperation. Wasn't like I could do anything about it!
"So then do you wanna stay here?"
"Not really. But I don't want to die either."
"Well, I could die too...So could Wallace, even though we can at least hold a weapon properly. But, it's your call. I suggest you kinda stay here though..." She shot me an accusing look. That obviously wasn't the answer she wanted to hear. But it was true! Grr...what does she want me to do, lie and tell her she's invincible?
" Fine! Leave me here and go get yourselves killed..." she cried and stomped off. Not again...I banged my forehead against the rail for a moment, before Emily popped up at my side. She keeps POPPING UP. She needs to stop that...It's creepy...
"Where's Bonnie?"
"Mad at me. Because she doesn't know how to use a weapon, so she might die..."
"So could we. I mean, honestly, just because we don't drop our swords and bows doesn't mean we're totally awesome," she said haughtily, sound, for some reason, highly insulted. "God...What does she expect?" I cast my eyes upward, toward the sky. Why now, of all times, must Emily and Bonnie do the whole "I don't really like you" thing? They have the WORST timing. I shrugged though, and took my bow and quiver from Emily. She forced a knife into my hand as well.
"What's this?" I asked dumbly, holding it up. Then I recognized it as one of Legolas's. Uuuuh ooooh...Not good. He might need it...Well, now at least I have a purpose to go rushing to Death's Door, instead of just doing it because I was bored.
"I don't know," Emily answered. "C'mon, hurry up. Don't loose me again, by the way, okay? Oh yeah—Look what I found! Will hats! We're pirates!" She held up two feathers black hats. Fun! I grabbed it and shoved it on my head. Now I had two hats! Yay!
"Yay! Will hats!" I exclaimed in a high voice and attached the knife to my belt, so as not to loose it. "Lessgo! TALLY HO SILVER, AND AWAY! FLEE BEFORE THE MIGHTY DARK LORD OF THE DAISY BALLOONS!" And with this lovely battle cry, we both surged forward off the ship (or boat). To Death we go...Yippie skippy, oh boy.
***********
Yay! I is happy! I gots a chappie up! Go Katie! Writers block is gone for now (we hopes)!! YAAAAY!
Do you realize how hard it is to stick to RoTK book facts? Veeery hard. I need to reread all three. Or else my fics will all turn out pathetic...Then again, I already count this one as pathetic so...eh, whatever.
I got HP5 in case anyone's wondering. Which you probably aren't, but Katie don't care none! Ack, bad grammar, Katie go to your room!
AND Katie got to see Pirates of the Caribbean! She likes Will's hat. She also likes Jack's hat. She also wants to be a pirate now. But life is cruel and once again she wants a refund on it. She has a new saying: When life gives you a sword, go join Will Turner and Jack Sparrow on the Pearl. Gah...I live in an unfair reality. I hate reality. I want to be a pirate! *scowls*
My new name is Lavern by the way. In case you hadn't noticed from the chapter...long story, I will be willing to explain if ya'll want. Only heaven knows why you would though...
Okay, here we goeses with replieses...
By the way...Has anyone ever noticed I use excessive periods in a lot of my sentences? Just wondering about that...GAH! I DID IT AGAIN!
Bjam: Eep, Katie no wanna look like Barney. SCARY! Yeees summer vacation! Bliss! 'Cept I gots volunteer work at the library on weekends. Pure boredom, that is. Anyway, tis good people like these fics. ^_^
Gate Keeper: Yay! New words are gooooood. Stealing from nephews is good too. My last name is now going to be Katie-aka-Lavern-wants-to-be-a-pirate- but-she-can't-and-why-is-this-even-my-last-name? Isn't it lovely? I think so!
Dy: Yaaay! I updatesded! And no threatening with frying pans. It's not nice.
MidnightSun: Lavern feels loved! I feel loved! Bartholomew feels loved! All my personalities feel loved! *has big grin* I do that—laughing at the computer screen at least. I also yell at it. And shake it. My mom doesn't like it when I shake it. She also thinks I'm weird when I yell and laugh at it. But yeah, it's what happens to people like us... And groveling is not good. Only grovel if someone won't take you to see Pirates of the Caribbean the second time. That happened to me...Riley is an evil evil boy. (don't ask)
Celebel: I is agreeing on the laundry and dishes! And also we gotta say no to tickling...it's evil. Pure torture!!
Songelf88: The dead people is not knowing the song. *pauses and thinks for a minute* I need to teach them it then! *claps enthusiastically*
Wishful Menace: Hehe. Hey, do you happen to know what that is (Snorkler's Guide to Painting)? I sure don't. Lavern is not revealing her secrets for the future though, no she isn't! You must be paaaaatient.
Little-lost-one: I don't think Harold has a purple crayon...he should get one, shouldn't he?