Seras gasped, her gun clattering to the floor from her limp hand as her mind snapped her back. She looked down and saw only her master curled in a fetal position on the floor, half covered in his own hair...but that was definitely not important right now.
"Master!" She left her gun where it lay, practically tripping over it as she knelt down at his side to study his face for any signs. "...Master Alucard..." Her body shook visibly, her voice wavering in and out. "...Ne..." She prompted him, but nothing came. For at least a minute or two of dead silence, she started to actually believe that her master Alucard was really gone.
As if on cue when all seemed dark, his eyelids started to open. Slowly and painfully his bright red eyes became known; as he looked out, everything was dark, so dark he could barely make anything out. A few seconds later, something...or someone...slowly became visible with every second that passed.
It was his servant, worry in her dark-set red eyes that stared at him as if he had a third head.
"...S...S...Seras..." He had quite a bit of trouble finding his voice and speaking. He looked around and found that he was on the floor, wrapped in his own hair; he turned his eyes slowly back to her, putting in all of his effort to grin.
"...I heard your call...in the black...I...I...am sorry..."
Seras smiled a little, still shaking. "I-It's okay...I was hoping that would work...I didn't know what else I could do..." She tried to laugh, but it came out shaky and nervous.
On the outside he smiled, but quite the contrary on the inside; deep inside, was incredibly ashamed of himself. His mind was racked with memories of how he had attacked the one thing that mattered most to him...his servant, love; Seras.
He looked away, hardly bearing to look at her, and stared at the hard floor to study the crevices in the stones that weren't covered with his mass of black hair.
"...You seem to know me better than most...How can I ever stand to you now?...I...I tried to kill you...And what's worse, I could see it happening, but could do nothing about it..." He tried moving his arm up, daring himself to put it around her waist, but in his effort he found himself to only be able to raise his arm just mere inches from the floor.
Seras grabbed the sides of her head to stop the spinning, and screwed up her eyes to resist the pain of a humongous headache coming on. "Master Alucard...I don't even want to know what that was..."
And exhausted as he was, his last effort to put his hands around her middle worked, and afterwards just hung limply there. He looked at her apprehensively, weighing the decision of whether or not he should touch her just yet...
"...Seras...that is why I am so feared...I...I do not like to see that part...but it is always here...I'm sorry this happened, I should be able to control him...the last time, well, more than a city was drained...the reason why Hellsing came after me."
She tried to mentally kick herself, reminding her that this Alucard...this was the master she knew and served...much different from the one she just experienced. She tried to lighten herself up.
"I guess...if that was a test...I think I might have passed, ne...?"
He looked at her a little differently since the moment he woke up, his bright eyes silently telling her that he was still okay. He managed a slight grin.
"Hmmm...You came away from it, that's more than most...Let's just leave it at that," He stifled an abrupt yawn, just dawning on him that it was practically the next night already; they both had more than enough action for one night. "...Sleep is a good thing...hmmm..."
Seras, however, sighed quite heavily, knowing what she had to do before anybody had to even say. She got on her feet again, though a little shaky on her footing, and bent down, making sure his hair covered himself. Putting one arm under the crook of his knees and the other holding his back, she held him and walked briskly to the bed (which was about four steps away), and dropped him there so he could sleep and regain his energy that was lost. Her shaking hands didn't help much; she came close to dropping him twice.
Though he was in a daze as he lied there on his back, he managed to put his right hand on her's, which was momentarily resting on the edge of the bed. He struggled to find his voice again.
"...Thanks...Seras..."
Seras jumped at the simple touch, still a little jittery, but did not pull her hand away. She smiled at him, as if nothing had happened.
"Anytime, Master...Now get some rest."
Alucard looked down, the feeling of shame ness washing over him again, but nonetheless gave her a polite smile and turned to his side, closing his eyes. He huddled in his fetal position; his eyes closed shut tight as if it would block everything out.
"Night, Seras..." He managed to mutter, before the coffin top closed above him, and he went silent. She stared at the cover for an extra moment, her eyes wide, and then she turned suddenly, grabbing her halconnen and her box and hobbled out of the room without an uttered word. She made it to her own in a short time, with her wide strides she was taking.
She fumbled with the doorknob, opening it, and dropped her machinery onto the floor immediately upon entering, walking to her own bed (which, at this point, looked very inviting). Standing at the edge, she stared down at nothing, losing all feeling in her legs and they gave way to her.
It was as if her legs crumpled and disappeared on the spot as her knees buckled and she fell to the ground, just sitting there as her head rested against the side of the coffin bed that held the mattress. Her body shook all over now, and she squeezed her eyes shut, holding the sides of her head to calm herself and will things to go away.
Eventually...she, at some point, fell asleep in that same position, her arms falling limply to her sides.
In the other room during midday, Alucard still gripped his sides in his sleep, as if afraid to let go, and he rocked back and forth slightly to either side. He muttered a bit here and there to himself of recent happenings, his eyes shut as tight as they could go.
He wondered about Seras. She jerked when he touched her...and why shouldn't she have?! He tried to kill her, for crying out loud! As much as he wanted to sleep and forget he couldn't, it haunted him.
He soon found himself on the floor of a pitch-dark sea of absolutely nothing; a dream-state, or rather a nightmare. In front of him, there was an image of Seras being slashed open from the back by a hand that was apparently his own. He looked over, and saw none other than himself, dark silhouette against the brilliant white moon, standing there smiling happily as his hand protruded straight through Seras' body; her blood dripping down to his elbow. On the ground, he screamed and shook, huddling and confused as bloody hell.
"Why?!...No...You're not me...!"
"...Am I...?" The dream Alucard said back to him, his voice quivering with nauseating pleasure, as if on cue, the silhouetted blood dripping more and more frequent down his elbow. They both just stood there, staring each other down as Seras' limp body slid off of the dream Alucard's arm, falling into a puddle of her own spilt blood on the ground with an unbearably loud splash.
The Alucard sitting on the floor shook his head slowly. "No...I will not let you..." He lunged forward into nothing, and found himself falling. After a second or two, he landed again.
It was a familiar image of their first image; just like that night so long ago. The same image: Seras dead by his own hands.
Having more than enough of his dream state (and also the fact that he couldn't fall asleep, no matter how hard he tried), he opened his bright red eyes and stared at the wall dully. The mere thought of Seras being killed by him, in front of him sent a vast shudder through him; it was too much to tolerate. He wrapped his arms around himself more, as if to hold him together.
"How...how can I bear to be there for her now..." He muttered to himself horribly, shaking his head in shame. It was soon the next evening, and the coffin top to his bead creaked open, giving him the indication that it was time to go, but he found himself not being able to move...
Seras' eyes opened as her brain jolted her awake rudely. She found herself achy as she slept in an awkward position for the entire day.
"Ugh..." She raised her neck and it cracked a few times. She put her hand on the back of her neck, rubbing it, and twisting her head in a circle as it cracked a few more times. Her eyes glazed over for a moment as she remembered...remembered what happened the previous evening, and her eyes fell as she tried to think.
The hand on her neck fell limp to her side along with the other, and she started talking to herself to give her confidence. She found her gloves sitting near the box by her leg and she pulled them on her hands as she muttered to herself, her brain boggled with questions that needed answers.
"...There's no way I'm getting any answers...or get any better for that matter...by just sitting here..." She didn't sound completely convinced by herself, but she got up nonetheless, propping herself up on the edge of her bed. Her legs were numb and aching just as bad as her neck, she found out, as she stood up and turned around, taking slow steps toward the door.
She approached the door and kicked it open HARD and it ricocheted off the wall as it flew open from the impact, this building her determination. Marching herself to her master's room with her sleeves rolled up, she busted into his room, too. It wasn't as loud; she just twisted the knob fiercely and walked in, approaching her master who was still huddled like an egg in his bed.
He muttered to himself as she did, only it was very much incoherent and fast jabbering; he rocked gently back and forth as if to calm himself, and didn't even acknowledge her sudden entry.
Alucard was too ashamed to even think of anything. His eyes would have burned deep holes in the wall of stone if he had the power to as he stared at it so intently like he was. The long hair still covered his body as if it were a blanket, and his long bangs slid down to cover his left eye. His hat, glasses, and diary found their way back to the centre table...and that was it.
Seras stood firmly by his bedside, watching him. Her face twitched with firmness as she stared down at him. She prompted him, having many questions for him that he'd probably not want to answer.
AN: Alucard-- very morbid o_o'' … don't worry! He's suffering, of course, but next chapter will be better...Seras tries to make herself stronger and uses willpower and psychology to keep the trauma deep down inside of her, to get rid of it, and she talks with Alucard to help him along with his suffering...^_^…see you next chapter! (REVIEW!)