DISCLAIMER: I own everything. *coughs and glares from JRR Tolkien, and Gore
Verbinski.* Uh...I mean...Tolkien owns LOTR. Verbinski owns PotC (at least
I think he does. Anyway, he directed PotC. At any rate, I don't own it.) I
don't own Spock either. Or Toy Story, which is mentioned in my author note.
That is all.
CHAPTER SEVEN
"AI!!!!!!!!! EMILY!! BONNIE!!!"
"Katie, we're standing right next to you. You don't have to shout," Emily muttered, glaring at me as she uncovered her ears. I hope she went deaf. Can't she see this is a real problem?
"But, but, EMILY! I CAN'T SEE MARS!"
"What is Mars?" Legolas asked glancing up at me.
"I have a feeling that you should not have asked that, Legolas my friend," Gimli said to the Elf, sounding mildly amused.
"Well, mate, Mars is-"
"Katie, don't explain. You never get anything right. Mars is a planet in our world."
"He's also a Greek god!" Bonnie added. "See? I'm smart! You people don't give me credit!"
"I still can't bloody see Mars," I complained and looked up at the inky sky. We were standing on top of...some tower. Actually, it was a guard tower. It had a name. A long one. Which I don't remember, because it was so long. But anyway, upon this tower stood the princess of Chickwood, her long hair flowing in the wind, her-
Barf. Never mind that...stuff...On the tower, actually, there were three ignorant girls, an Elf, and a dwarf. Aragorn was busy, tending to the sicklings in the Houses of Healing. Might I add that Eowyn was in there too. Who should be noted as a very kick-ass lady. Just thought I ought to mention that. Anyway, Emily, Bonnie, and I tried to entertain the people there (at the Houses of Healing), but they didn't find us amusing at all. So we got sent out. With Legolas and Gimli to make sure we didn't kill ourselves. It was nice enough of them to think of that though.
"No shit," Emily muttered.
"You said a bad word," I accused her and jabbed my finger into her forehead.
"You say them more," she retorted, crossing her arms.
"Do not," I protested.
"Do too!"
"DO NOT!"
"DO TOO!"
"WHO NEEDS YOU ICKY?" I finally shouted.
"Who is Icky?" she asked, confused. I rolled my eyes. Was I the only person here who actually knew that answer?
"Uhm...a demented dinosaur off of the Land Before Time," I answered.
"Katie watches Land Before Time?" Bonnie asked with raised eyebrows, snickering.
"Katie USED to watch Land Before Time, Bonnie dear. When I was small and young," I corrected her.
"And still does," Emily added, ducking as I tried to hit her head. Evil cretin. Why does she have to object to everything I say? I mean, after all, I'm the smart one here. I know everything! They should learn to trust my judgment.
"Does not," I snapped, once again fighting.
"Does to."
"Does not."
"Does to."
"Well I have more hats than you!"
"Do not!"
"Do to!"
"Do not!"
"DINA!" Legolas cried from his seat behind us. Elf Boy was getting aggravated. Can't say I blame him. But I like arguing with Emily. It's fun. Don't give me weird looks.
"I agree with Legolas," Gimli growled, giving us both an irritated look. Of course he understood what Elf Boy said (even if it was in Elvish). It's hard not to pick up a few things with Elvish speakers all around. "Please silence yourselves!"
"Yeah Emily, shut up!" I growled at her, throwing her dark looks.
"Yeah Katie, shut up!" she copied.
"I'm shutting up, it's you who isn't!" I cried and threw my hands up in the air, exasperated. This kid doesn't know when to quit.
"No, I am but you aren't!"
"I HATE YOUR GUTS!" I yelled.
"I HATE YOURS MORE!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Uh huh!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Uh huh!" While we were fighting, we didn't hear Legolas standing up. Or him coming up behind us. Suddenly I found that someone had clamped their hand around my mouth. And Emily's. I twisted around and glared at the Elf, who was smirking.
"Now, if you don't be quiet, I'm sending you down," he said softly with that evil look and released us, then sat back down.
"Well said Master Elf!" Gimli nodded his approval and the two shared identical smirks.
"You're both mean," I mumbled. And it was true.
***********************
The next day our merry little troop of people (Legolas, Gimli, Emily, Bonnie and myself. And Harold came along too) wandered back to the Houses of Healing, to check up on Merry and Pippin. It was a very cheerful and happy event, all in all. The hobbits even remembered us!
"Hullo my freaky da'lings. What brings you to this part of the Mega-Nego- Verse?" I asked them when we arrived.
"Merry! Katie and Emily are still here!" Pippin exclaimed when they recognized us. Let's just say I was overjoyed to be known.
"Yes we're here. These fools had no choice but to take us along to this lovely little city," I answered.
"Why is there a...a flower on your shirt?" Merry asked, peering closer to look at Harold, who was sitting on my shoulder. As the hobbit poked the dandelion, he jumped up into his little feet and shook a leafy hand at him.
"Don't poke me!" he yelled in a small voice. I snorted, trying to not laugh.
"Yes, erm, this is Harold."
"Harold B. Cornwall. And that's Mr. Cornwall to you!" he cried and jabbed his curled hand at Merry and Pippin, who were staring in shock at the talking, moving dandelion.
"We-I found him while we were going on with the whole Paths of the Dead thing. He's quite annoying. But I suppose I must keep him. Probably would get himself bloody killed if I let him run off by himself..." I added under my breath.
"Why-how is he moving? And talking?" Pippin asked incredulously. Can't say I blame him for being confused.
"I have no earthly idea. I just found him." The two hobbits eyed the dandelion carefully, still slightly unsure of it. They soon forgot about him though. Which was probably for the best.
"I must say, they have a lot of walls here. Yep, lots of wall," I mused, looking down on the numerous walls that ran around Minas Tirith. I don't know WHY I said this, but I did. Randomness is your friend, remember that Luke.
"Yes, Lavern, there are many walls. Love them and cherish them!" Bonnie said cheerfully and shook my hand for some reason.
"Why are you shaking my hand?"
"Well, normally people shake hands when they sign a deal," she said, giving me a look that clearly said Were-You-Not-Listening?
"Uh...what DEAL have we made?"
"Why, you're letting me take over the job of ruler of the universe, you silly Dark Lord!" Bonnie cried and shook her head, mocking my stupidity. Wait. I'm ruler of the universe? HOT DOG!!!
"Er...whatever..." I said and pried my hand away. "Bonnie, you is creeping me out. STOP THAT!"
"Who is this? Is that your name? Bonnie?" Merry asked Bonnie.
"Well...yeah. I guess my name is Bonnie..."
"Hullo! I'm Merry, and this is Pippin, in case you don't already know," Merry told her in a friendly fashion. Hiss. The poor innocents are forming an alliance with the Evil One Of the Dryer Sheets. I foresee dark times ahead, veeeery dark times.
"Lovely to meet you. I'm sorry you have fallen into the shadow of the Dark Lord of the Daisy Balloons, also known as Kaitlin. She is a terrible person, don't let her innocent looks fool you," she said in that high and mighty voice, like she knew everything. Which EVERYONE knew she didn't. I mean, LOOK at her! Does she LOOK like a smart person? I answer myself: no. She in no way shape or form looks like a smart person.
Suddenly, Legolas pointed out toward to Anduin, to the seagulls flying over head. Ooooh...white birdies! He went on about how the old longing to go over the sea of his kind, and stuff...Hold it. Hold it right there. Over the Sea. Legolas and Gimli go over the pretty sparkly sea. WHAT ABOUT ME?
"Hey Lego my man..."
"Still giving out those pesky nicknames, are you?" Merry joked with a smile to me. I nodded, quite serious.
"Yeah. Eomer is Prometheus, by the way. Anyhoo...Leeeeego?"
"My-name-is-LEGOLAS. LEGOLAS. L-E-G-O-L-A-S," he said slowly, and carefully.
"Poor lad. He's having an identity crisis," Emily said in mock sympathy. I ignored her.
"So...when or if you-uh-go sailing off into the great unknown with whoever else wants to come but I can't name them because that's giving away the plot, I get ta come...right?"
"I wasn't planning on it," he said, looking very serious. He seemed to be ignoring the part where I mentioned giving away the plot. Hm.
Veeeeery interestion. Why, I don't know, but it just is. Live with my logic, you will grow to love it.
"WHAT?" I cried and leaped up. "That's not fair! After all the help I've been!"
"Which so far has been none," Emily put in. True, but irrelevant.
"Relax, Katie! I was merely jesting!" Legolas said and started to laugh. I glared at him, crossing my arms and waited till he stopped chuckling.
"You are a cold hearted Elf. I will make your life hell if you don't stop being like that. But does that mean I get to come with?" I asked hopefully. Hey, if Gimli got to go, I got to go!
"Maybe."
"ALRIGHT! PRAISE THE DAISIES!!! HUG A TREE TODAY! Support S.O.S.! SAVE OUR SOCKS! Socks have feelings too! This will be even more fun than scaring Emily on the Paths of the Dead!" I shouted and waved my arms around, then hugged everyone. For no reason. Don't stare. It's not nice.
"I don't think she's of this world," I heard Emily hiss to Bonnie and she nodded in agreement. Fine. THEY CAN BE LIKE THAT! I get to be a pirate, and go on a shippy over the Sea with the Elf and the Dwarf and they don't though! BWHAHAHAHAHA!!
"I said maybe. Not yes, of course you can come."
"Which translates to yes!"
"Not really..."
"You're crushing my dreams of becoming a basket ball player!"
"A what?" he asked, confused. Again. Why is it always me that confuses them? I suppose it's an honor to confuse people so many times, but it gets tiresome having to explains things again and again.
"A basket ball player! Jeez, don't you people watch WWF?"
"Katie...WWF is wrestling. NOT basket ball," Bonnie reminded me.
"Oh. I mean NFL then," I said after thinking for a minute.
"That's football," Emily murmured with a sigh.
"WB?"
"TV channel," Bonnie said.
"SOS?"
"I think that's Save Our Ship or something," Emily answered.
"What about BBFFSHL?"
"What does THAT stand for?" Emily muttered and rolled her eyes, probably wondering how she got stuck with me. People wonder that a lot. Why, I don't know, but they do. Maybe because I'm insane? But no, that couldn't POSSIBLY be correct, because I'm not insane! It's the sane ones who are insane, while the supposed insane ones are REALLY sane. That meant the percentage of sane people was lower than insane. Which was not good. Hm. I'd have to do a little bit of converting on my vacation which I will probably never get.
"Best...Bob...Friends Forever...So Hello...Lobsters?" Bonnie said hesitantly. Hehe. Probably scared of the answer. Fear my answers!
"No you silly fools, it stands for Basket Ball Freaks For Sea Horse Liberation!" I scolded them. Any simpleton could guess THAT. Right? RIGHT?
"Never heard of it," Bonnie muttered and rolled her eyes.
"You haven't? YOU HAVE NOT? ACK! DIE YOU MERCILESS SCUMBAG! I demand parley!"
"Really? You do? Okay then! C'mon Emily, we shall take this mutinous freak to our leaders! FORWARD TO THE MOTHERSHIP!" Bonnie cried and grabbed one of my arms. Emily groaned, but assisted my fellow freak in dragging me over to Gimli, Legolas, Merry, and Pippin. Much to my dismay. Evils.
The Gimli and Legolas seemed to have filled the two Hobbits in on our past suicide missions, and they were still talking about it. Until we interrupted them, of course. Emily and Bonnie shoved me down on my knees, holding my hands behind my back like a prisoner. Ah, the joys of playing the good old fashion game of Pretend. It's a child's best friend, you know!
So, there the three of us were, playing pretend with a bunch of people who had no idea what we were doing. Emily and Bonnie straightened into rigid postures, and I remained on the floor, trying to look like I was handcuffed. The four men stopped their talking after realizing we wanted to say something. They took in our awkward appearance and waited for us to speak.
"I invoke the right of parley. I AM ELIZABETH SWANN! I HOLD THE POWER OF THE ENTIRE LIVING DEAD IN MY VERY HANDS!" I finally said, and started cackling madly. "All shall love me an despair! This bit of shiny medal will cast you all back into the fires of hell! I SWEAR IT ON MY DEAD DOG THAT I NEVER HAD! And the right of parley protects me from your rum drinking hides! BWHAHAHAH! BOW DOWN TO ELIZABETH-SLASH-KATIE SWANN! Ruler of the Gama-Quadrant! EAT YOUR HEART OUT SPOCK!" And once again with the insane cackling.
"Sirs, we found this scurvy dog muttering to herself about Sea Horses in the brig. What should we do with her, sirs?" Bonnie questioned, saluting the Hobbits, Dwarf and Elf.
"Should we throw her off the ship, sirs? Feed her to the sharks? She deserves it for stealing those lines and names from people," Emily suggested eagerly.
"Nonono, I know what you should do with this person you're talking about!" I cried, pretending to forget that they were talking about me. "Now, listen closely mates. Take an envelope. Color the envelope pink, and dot it with purple stripes and orange squiggles. Then stripe it with green dots. After you've done ALL of that, take a pint of chicken's blood, and drip it on the seal. Once that's finished with, shove this person into a crate with the envelope, and wait. They're sure to go crazy and kill themselves with a pencil by nightfall."
Apparently, the four of them had NO idea WHAT SO EVER of what we were talking about. I can't say I blame them either. I mean, if I wasn't me, I wouldn't know what I was talking about either. Heck, I'm me and I STILL don't know what I'm talking about sometimes. So you see, in truth, no one, not even meself knows what I'm talking about. That was a rather long explanation, don't you think?
"Uh...what is it that they're speaking of?" Merry murmured to Pippin, who shrugged and looked at Gimli and Legolas. Playing Pretend is fun.
"Best ignore them, lads," Gimli advised. Oh, yes, very fun indeed.
*************
Well...this chapter was rather pointless and bad. *sighs and shakes her head sadly*
Terribly sorry about the constant PotC references. I'm obsessed, go ahead and say it...
I really thought this part lacked inspiration but hey, it's a humor fic, what can you expect? Seriousness? You better not...I promise they're going to do the little 'debate' they had in RotK before running off to Mordor to save Frodo and Sam some time!
Playing Pretend! Yay! *pauses and glares at those who stare blankly at her* Oh c'mon. Who HASN'T played pretend? I STILL do it. And I'm a big kid now! *big grin*
Erm...yeah...anyway...
Shit, I just stepped on my cat.
Ignore that last part.
SHIT!!!!! Big beetle...Big big beetle...*pets her kitty* Good PC for finding it! It's a good thing you made sure it didn't come kill me! *shudders and curls up into fetal position* Hate...the...disgusting...beetles...*shivers and starts to hug PC like there's no tomorrow*
Ignore that too.
Oh yeah, Toy Story is possibly one of the best movies ever. Go watch it people.
Once again, ignore my random comments.
Dy: AK! Evil code! I hate that thing! WHY IS IT DOING IT TO ME? *sobs for a minute* I'm okay now. Really I am.
Emmie: You are SO right. The Vegetables and Spinach are much too powerful for men, and we just can't let them die, can we? It's inhuman! So indeed, they DO need us girls in the battle.
Mellon1:Of COURSE it was an awesome movie. Everyone knows that. *grins* I really don't feel like typing my Lavern Explanation AGAIN so I'm going copy and paste. Savvy? Anyway... Once upon a time a week or so ago, me and Emily were on Neopets (you know, that one site?). We were at the chat boards, role playing one of those weird Adopt An Animal thingies. Which are somewhat entertaining, I admit...But anyway. The creature we were talking to, her name was Ivy-totally Sue! So, we asked if we could call it Lavern. It said no. So, we tried to kill ourselves. Of course though, I *HAD* to bring Dorian Gray into everything, and I started ranting about how I was Dorian Gray and I wanted these people to bring me my portrait. Which they didn't. Bloody cretins. Anyway, they called me sadistic and so we left. It's fun to creep out those little kids! BWHAHAHA!
Crazynutcase: I have no idea if Wallace knows this...hm...she most likely does. Or she could not. I don't know! I JUST DON'T KNOW! *sobs and abruptly stops* Woody, Buzz's arm has broken off. *wanders off looking confused and insane as usual*
Legolas-stalker: Tsk tsk. Lizzie and Willard belong together. *glares from Elizabeth and Will for obscuring their names. coughs* Sorry, that's Elizabeth and Will...Anyway, I'm weird, I'm a W/E shipper all the way. They just look happyful together. DOESN'T DORIAN LOOK LIKE HIM? I know he does...It's really too bad he went evil in the end. But *sighs* you win some, you loose some. I still think he's awesome. I happen to LIKE the hat and cane he has. The book is actually very good too. Yep, in RotK they sail away onto the boaties. It's in the chapter called 'The Battle of the Pelennor Fields' on page 148 to 150. It IS kinda confusing without the movie for a kind of short cut guide, but we must make do with what we have, eh? *bows to Mark* Tis an honor to meet such a fine spatula as you, Mark. *realizes she sounds very very strange* Er...
I'm...in need of sugar...And pirates and Elves. *sighs* WHY? Why can't I watch PotC and TTT and RotK "from the comfort of your own home"? THE THING IN ALL THE DISNEY MOVIES SAYS I CAN DO THAT! FALSE ADVERTISEMENT! FALSE ADVERTISEMENT!
I'm done now.
CHAPTER SEVEN
"AI!!!!!!!!! EMILY!! BONNIE!!!"
"Katie, we're standing right next to you. You don't have to shout," Emily muttered, glaring at me as she uncovered her ears. I hope she went deaf. Can't she see this is a real problem?
"But, but, EMILY! I CAN'T SEE MARS!"
"What is Mars?" Legolas asked glancing up at me.
"I have a feeling that you should not have asked that, Legolas my friend," Gimli said to the Elf, sounding mildly amused.
"Well, mate, Mars is-"
"Katie, don't explain. You never get anything right. Mars is a planet in our world."
"He's also a Greek god!" Bonnie added. "See? I'm smart! You people don't give me credit!"
"I still can't bloody see Mars," I complained and looked up at the inky sky. We were standing on top of...some tower. Actually, it was a guard tower. It had a name. A long one. Which I don't remember, because it was so long. But anyway, upon this tower stood the princess of Chickwood, her long hair flowing in the wind, her-
Barf. Never mind that...stuff...On the tower, actually, there were three ignorant girls, an Elf, and a dwarf. Aragorn was busy, tending to the sicklings in the Houses of Healing. Might I add that Eowyn was in there too. Who should be noted as a very kick-ass lady. Just thought I ought to mention that. Anyway, Emily, Bonnie, and I tried to entertain the people there (at the Houses of Healing), but they didn't find us amusing at all. So we got sent out. With Legolas and Gimli to make sure we didn't kill ourselves. It was nice enough of them to think of that though.
"No shit," Emily muttered.
"You said a bad word," I accused her and jabbed my finger into her forehead.
"You say them more," she retorted, crossing her arms.
"Do not," I protested.
"Do too!"
"DO NOT!"
"DO TOO!"
"WHO NEEDS YOU ICKY?" I finally shouted.
"Who is Icky?" she asked, confused. I rolled my eyes. Was I the only person here who actually knew that answer?
"Uhm...a demented dinosaur off of the Land Before Time," I answered.
"Katie watches Land Before Time?" Bonnie asked with raised eyebrows, snickering.
"Katie USED to watch Land Before Time, Bonnie dear. When I was small and young," I corrected her.
"And still does," Emily added, ducking as I tried to hit her head. Evil cretin. Why does she have to object to everything I say? I mean, after all, I'm the smart one here. I know everything! They should learn to trust my judgment.
"Does not," I snapped, once again fighting.
"Does to."
"Does not."
"Does to."
"Well I have more hats than you!"
"Do not!"
"Do to!"
"Do not!"
"DINA!" Legolas cried from his seat behind us. Elf Boy was getting aggravated. Can't say I blame him. But I like arguing with Emily. It's fun. Don't give me weird looks.
"I agree with Legolas," Gimli growled, giving us both an irritated look. Of course he understood what Elf Boy said (even if it was in Elvish). It's hard not to pick up a few things with Elvish speakers all around. "Please silence yourselves!"
"Yeah Emily, shut up!" I growled at her, throwing her dark looks.
"Yeah Katie, shut up!" she copied.
"I'm shutting up, it's you who isn't!" I cried and threw my hands up in the air, exasperated. This kid doesn't know when to quit.
"No, I am but you aren't!"
"I HATE YOUR GUTS!" I yelled.
"I HATE YOURS MORE!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Uh huh!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Uh huh!" While we were fighting, we didn't hear Legolas standing up. Or him coming up behind us. Suddenly I found that someone had clamped their hand around my mouth. And Emily's. I twisted around and glared at the Elf, who was smirking.
"Now, if you don't be quiet, I'm sending you down," he said softly with that evil look and released us, then sat back down.
"Well said Master Elf!" Gimli nodded his approval and the two shared identical smirks.
"You're both mean," I mumbled. And it was true.
***********************
The next day our merry little troop of people (Legolas, Gimli, Emily, Bonnie and myself. And Harold came along too) wandered back to the Houses of Healing, to check up on Merry and Pippin. It was a very cheerful and happy event, all in all. The hobbits even remembered us!
"Hullo my freaky da'lings. What brings you to this part of the Mega-Nego- Verse?" I asked them when we arrived.
"Merry! Katie and Emily are still here!" Pippin exclaimed when they recognized us. Let's just say I was overjoyed to be known.
"Yes we're here. These fools had no choice but to take us along to this lovely little city," I answered.
"Why is there a...a flower on your shirt?" Merry asked, peering closer to look at Harold, who was sitting on my shoulder. As the hobbit poked the dandelion, he jumped up into his little feet and shook a leafy hand at him.
"Don't poke me!" he yelled in a small voice. I snorted, trying to not laugh.
"Yes, erm, this is Harold."
"Harold B. Cornwall. And that's Mr. Cornwall to you!" he cried and jabbed his curled hand at Merry and Pippin, who were staring in shock at the talking, moving dandelion.
"We-I found him while we were going on with the whole Paths of the Dead thing. He's quite annoying. But I suppose I must keep him. Probably would get himself bloody killed if I let him run off by himself..." I added under my breath.
"Why-how is he moving? And talking?" Pippin asked incredulously. Can't say I blame him for being confused.
"I have no earthly idea. I just found him." The two hobbits eyed the dandelion carefully, still slightly unsure of it. They soon forgot about him though. Which was probably for the best.
"I must say, they have a lot of walls here. Yep, lots of wall," I mused, looking down on the numerous walls that ran around Minas Tirith. I don't know WHY I said this, but I did. Randomness is your friend, remember that Luke.
"Yes, Lavern, there are many walls. Love them and cherish them!" Bonnie said cheerfully and shook my hand for some reason.
"Why are you shaking my hand?"
"Well, normally people shake hands when they sign a deal," she said, giving me a look that clearly said Were-You-Not-Listening?
"Uh...what DEAL have we made?"
"Why, you're letting me take over the job of ruler of the universe, you silly Dark Lord!" Bonnie cried and shook her head, mocking my stupidity. Wait. I'm ruler of the universe? HOT DOG!!!
"Er...whatever..." I said and pried my hand away. "Bonnie, you is creeping me out. STOP THAT!"
"Who is this? Is that your name? Bonnie?" Merry asked Bonnie.
"Well...yeah. I guess my name is Bonnie..."
"Hullo! I'm Merry, and this is Pippin, in case you don't already know," Merry told her in a friendly fashion. Hiss. The poor innocents are forming an alliance with the Evil One Of the Dryer Sheets. I foresee dark times ahead, veeeery dark times.
"Lovely to meet you. I'm sorry you have fallen into the shadow of the Dark Lord of the Daisy Balloons, also known as Kaitlin. She is a terrible person, don't let her innocent looks fool you," she said in that high and mighty voice, like she knew everything. Which EVERYONE knew she didn't. I mean, LOOK at her! Does she LOOK like a smart person? I answer myself: no. She in no way shape or form looks like a smart person.
Suddenly, Legolas pointed out toward to Anduin, to the seagulls flying over head. Ooooh...white birdies! He went on about how the old longing to go over the sea of his kind, and stuff...Hold it. Hold it right there. Over the Sea. Legolas and Gimli go over the pretty sparkly sea. WHAT ABOUT ME?
"Hey Lego my man..."
"Still giving out those pesky nicknames, are you?" Merry joked with a smile to me. I nodded, quite serious.
"Yeah. Eomer is Prometheus, by the way. Anyhoo...Leeeeego?"
"My-name-is-LEGOLAS. LEGOLAS. L-E-G-O-L-A-S," he said slowly, and carefully.
"Poor lad. He's having an identity crisis," Emily said in mock sympathy. I ignored her.
"So...when or if you-uh-go sailing off into the great unknown with whoever else wants to come but I can't name them because that's giving away the plot, I get ta come...right?"
"I wasn't planning on it," he said, looking very serious. He seemed to be ignoring the part where I mentioned giving away the plot. Hm.
Veeeeery interestion. Why, I don't know, but it just is. Live with my logic, you will grow to love it.
"WHAT?" I cried and leaped up. "That's not fair! After all the help I've been!"
"Which so far has been none," Emily put in. True, but irrelevant.
"Relax, Katie! I was merely jesting!" Legolas said and started to laugh. I glared at him, crossing my arms and waited till he stopped chuckling.
"You are a cold hearted Elf. I will make your life hell if you don't stop being like that. But does that mean I get to come with?" I asked hopefully. Hey, if Gimli got to go, I got to go!
"Maybe."
"ALRIGHT! PRAISE THE DAISIES!!! HUG A TREE TODAY! Support S.O.S.! SAVE OUR SOCKS! Socks have feelings too! This will be even more fun than scaring Emily on the Paths of the Dead!" I shouted and waved my arms around, then hugged everyone. For no reason. Don't stare. It's not nice.
"I don't think she's of this world," I heard Emily hiss to Bonnie and she nodded in agreement. Fine. THEY CAN BE LIKE THAT! I get to be a pirate, and go on a shippy over the Sea with the Elf and the Dwarf and they don't though! BWHAHAHAHAHA!!
"I said maybe. Not yes, of course you can come."
"Which translates to yes!"
"Not really..."
"You're crushing my dreams of becoming a basket ball player!"
"A what?" he asked, confused. Again. Why is it always me that confuses them? I suppose it's an honor to confuse people so many times, but it gets tiresome having to explains things again and again.
"A basket ball player! Jeez, don't you people watch WWF?"
"Katie...WWF is wrestling. NOT basket ball," Bonnie reminded me.
"Oh. I mean NFL then," I said after thinking for a minute.
"That's football," Emily murmured with a sigh.
"WB?"
"TV channel," Bonnie said.
"SOS?"
"I think that's Save Our Ship or something," Emily answered.
"What about BBFFSHL?"
"What does THAT stand for?" Emily muttered and rolled her eyes, probably wondering how she got stuck with me. People wonder that a lot. Why, I don't know, but they do. Maybe because I'm insane? But no, that couldn't POSSIBLY be correct, because I'm not insane! It's the sane ones who are insane, while the supposed insane ones are REALLY sane. That meant the percentage of sane people was lower than insane. Which was not good. Hm. I'd have to do a little bit of converting on my vacation which I will probably never get.
"Best...Bob...Friends Forever...So Hello...Lobsters?" Bonnie said hesitantly. Hehe. Probably scared of the answer. Fear my answers!
"No you silly fools, it stands for Basket Ball Freaks For Sea Horse Liberation!" I scolded them. Any simpleton could guess THAT. Right? RIGHT?
"Never heard of it," Bonnie muttered and rolled her eyes.
"You haven't? YOU HAVE NOT? ACK! DIE YOU MERCILESS SCUMBAG! I demand parley!"
"Really? You do? Okay then! C'mon Emily, we shall take this mutinous freak to our leaders! FORWARD TO THE MOTHERSHIP!" Bonnie cried and grabbed one of my arms. Emily groaned, but assisted my fellow freak in dragging me over to Gimli, Legolas, Merry, and Pippin. Much to my dismay. Evils.
The Gimli and Legolas seemed to have filled the two Hobbits in on our past suicide missions, and they were still talking about it. Until we interrupted them, of course. Emily and Bonnie shoved me down on my knees, holding my hands behind my back like a prisoner. Ah, the joys of playing the good old fashion game of Pretend. It's a child's best friend, you know!
So, there the three of us were, playing pretend with a bunch of people who had no idea what we were doing. Emily and Bonnie straightened into rigid postures, and I remained on the floor, trying to look like I was handcuffed. The four men stopped their talking after realizing we wanted to say something. They took in our awkward appearance and waited for us to speak.
"I invoke the right of parley. I AM ELIZABETH SWANN! I HOLD THE POWER OF THE ENTIRE LIVING DEAD IN MY VERY HANDS!" I finally said, and started cackling madly. "All shall love me an despair! This bit of shiny medal will cast you all back into the fires of hell! I SWEAR IT ON MY DEAD DOG THAT I NEVER HAD! And the right of parley protects me from your rum drinking hides! BWHAHAHAH! BOW DOWN TO ELIZABETH-SLASH-KATIE SWANN! Ruler of the Gama-Quadrant! EAT YOUR HEART OUT SPOCK!" And once again with the insane cackling.
"Sirs, we found this scurvy dog muttering to herself about Sea Horses in the brig. What should we do with her, sirs?" Bonnie questioned, saluting the Hobbits, Dwarf and Elf.
"Should we throw her off the ship, sirs? Feed her to the sharks? She deserves it for stealing those lines and names from people," Emily suggested eagerly.
"Nonono, I know what you should do with this person you're talking about!" I cried, pretending to forget that they were talking about me. "Now, listen closely mates. Take an envelope. Color the envelope pink, and dot it with purple stripes and orange squiggles. Then stripe it with green dots. After you've done ALL of that, take a pint of chicken's blood, and drip it on the seal. Once that's finished with, shove this person into a crate with the envelope, and wait. They're sure to go crazy and kill themselves with a pencil by nightfall."
Apparently, the four of them had NO idea WHAT SO EVER of what we were talking about. I can't say I blame them either. I mean, if I wasn't me, I wouldn't know what I was talking about either. Heck, I'm me and I STILL don't know what I'm talking about sometimes. So you see, in truth, no one, not even meself knows what I'm talking about. That was a rather long explanation, don't you think?
"Uh...what is it that they're speaking of?" Merry murmured to Pippin, who shrugged and looked at Gimli and Legolas. Playing Pretend is fun.
"Best ignore them, lads," Gimli advised. Oh, yes, very fun indeed.
*************
Well...this chapter was rather pointless and bad. *sighs and shakes her head sadly*
Terribly sorry about the constant PotC references. I'm obsessed, go ahead and say it...
I really thought this part lacked inspiration but hey, it's a humor fic, what can you expect? Seriousness? You better not...I promise they're going to do the little 'debate' they had in RotK before running off to Mordor to save Frodo and Sam some time!
Playing Pretend! Yay! *pauses and glares at those who stare blankly at her* Oh c'mon. Who HASN'T played pretend? I STILL do it. And I'm a big kid now! *big grin*
Erm...yeah...anyway...
Shit, I just stepped on my cat.
Ignore that last part.
SHIT!!!!! Big beetle...Big big beetle...*pets her kitty* Good PC for finding it! It's a good thing you made sure it didn't come kill me! *shudders and curls up into fetal position* Hate...the...disgusting...beetles...*shivers and starts to hug PC like there's no tomorrow*
Ignore that too.
Oh yeah, Toy Story is possibly one of the best movies ever. Go watch it people.
Once again, ignore my random comments.
Dy: AK! Evil code! I hate that thing! WHY IS IT DOING IT TO ME? *sobs for a minute* I'm okay now. Really I am.
Emmie: You are SO right. The Vegetables and Spinach are much too powerful for men, and we just can't let them die, can we? It's inhuman! So indeed, they DO need us girls in the battle.
Mellon1:Of COURSE it was an awesome movie. Everyone knows that. *grins* I really don't feel like typing my Lavern Explanation AGAIN so I'm going copy and paste. Savvy? Anyway... Once upon a time a week or so ago, me and Emily were on Neopets (you know, that one site?). We were at the chat boards, role playing one of those weird Adopt An Animal thingies. Which are somewhat entertaining, I admit...But anyway. The creature we were talking to, her name was Ivy-totally Sue! So, we asked if we could call it Lavern. It said no. So, we tried to kill ourselves. Of course though, I *HAD* to bring Dorian Gray into everything, and I started ranting about how I was Dorian Gray and I wanted these people to bring me my portrait. Which they didn't. Bloody cretins. Anyway, they called me sadistic and so we left. It's fun to creep out those little kids! BWHAHAHA!
Crazynutcase: I have no idea if Wallace knows this...hm...she most likely does. Or she could not. I don't know! I JUST DON'T KNOW! *sobs and abruptly stops* Woody, Buzz's arm has broken off. *wanders off looking confused and insane as usual*
Legolas-stalker: Tsk tsk. Lizzie and Willard belong together. *glares from Elizabeth and Will for obscuring their names. coughs* Sorry, that's Elizabeth and Will...Anyway, I'm weird, I'm a W/E shipper all the way. They just look happyful together. DOESN'T DORIAN LOOK LIKE HIM? I know he does...It's really too bad he went evil in the end. But *sighs* you win some, you loose some. I still think he's awesome. I happen to LIKE the hat and cane he has. The book is actually very good too. Yep, in RotK they sail away onto the boaties. It's in the chapter called 'The Battle of the Pelennor Fields' on page 148 to 150. It IS kinda confusing without the movie for a kind of short cut guide, but we must make do with what we have, eh? *bows to Mark* Tis an honor to meet such a fine spatula as you, Mark. *realizes she sounds very very strange* Er...
I'm...in need of sugar...And pirates and Elves. *sighs* WHY? Why can't I watch PotC and TTT and RotK "from the comfort of your own home"? THE THING IN ALL THE DISNEY MOVIES SAYS I CAN DO THAT! FALSE ADVERTISEMENT! FALSE ADVERTISEMENT!
I'm done now.