Chapter Three
"I'm thinking about having sex with Jess," Rory announces.
"What?" I say, snapping out of my Dave induced fog.
A couple weeks ago when Rory told me that her and Jess were dating, I'd known that this day was coming, I just expected her to have this talk with Lorelai, not me. Rory and I talk about boys, but we never talk about sex with boys. I have no idea how to respond to her.
"I don't know, Jess and I kind of started talking about it the other day. He was asking me how far Dean and I went," Rory shrugs, casual as if we're just talking about homework or TV. Watching her propped up against the headboard of her bed, it's difficult to imagine her having sex. There's no question that she's beautiful, but she's so…unshakeable. Or she used to be. I suddenly feel like I did back when she first started dating Dean, like a train came by and picked Rory up while I stood at the platform and watched her ride away.
"How far did you and Dean go?" I ask, trying to not let it bother me that she told Jess first.
"We didn't do much," Rory says. "Just fooled around a little bit. Nothing below the waist."
She's blushing, which somehow makes me feel better about the whole conversation. It's reassuring that she doesn't feel any more confident about her sexuality than I do about mine.
"I thought you didn't want to have sex until you were out of college so there was no risk of interrupting your education," I say.
"I know, I know, but I was like fourteen years old when I decided that. That was also when I thought I would wait until I was thirty to get married."
"Yeah," I say, remembering the way Rory was back then, before Dean took notice of her. She was so focused on getting an education, so determined to not repeat Lorelai's mistakes.
"What do you think?" she asks.
"About Jess and you?"
"Yeah."
"It's kind of fast, isn't it? I mean you've only been together like three weeks."
"But I've known him an entire year," Rory says, and I know right then that she's already made up her mind. It's just a question of when. What's the right thing to say? My entire life I've been told that sex is something intended for only married men and women, but I can't say this to Rory.
"Are you sure he's clean?" I say instead. It's a question I never thought I would have to ask Rory. I always imagined her falling for some clean-cut lawyer who took her on vacations all around the world. I should have known that her mother's bad boy yearnings would bubble to the surface eventually.
"What?" Rory says, clear eyes flashing from the pages of her biology text book up to me.
"You know…clean. Of diseases and stuff."
"Lane," Rory says, sounding tired.
"Why is that such a stupid question?"
"So you think that just because he was raised in New York he's some kind of man whore?"
"I didn't mean it as an insult, I'm really sorry," I say. "I just saw the way he was Shane and I thought that there might have been others."
"He's had sex but he's always been really safe," Rory confides.
"That's good," I say.
We're quiet for a while. I try to imagine Dave and myself sitting down and talking about our physical relationship but it seems too implausible. I can't even think the word 'vagina' without blushing.
"So you think you're gonna do it soon?" I ask.
"I don't know," Rory says, frowning into her spiral notebook and erasing something. "We'll probably take it slow for a while, just kind of stretch stuff out."
"That's a good idea," I say. "It's not like you're pressed for time."
But I wonder if she'll follow through with making Jess take it slow. Jess has a way of shaking up Rory's best laid plans. She can deny it all she wants, but I know he's one of her big reasons for wanting to stay in Connecticut and go to Yale.
"Oh crap, it's 3:00," Rory says, glancing at her alarm clock. "I have a Franklin meeting."
"On a Saturday?" I ask.
"Well, it is Paris," Rory says. "I'm so sorry."
"No forget it, I'll catch you later."
I take my time walking home. It's freezing outside, but I'm in no hurry to be around the retail flurry of our house on Saturdays. I walk through the Gilmore's neighborhood and down Peach Street where I find Dean in his driveway shooting free throws.
"Hey!" I call out, before I can even think that maybe Dean doesn't want to talk to me.
"Hey!" he calls back and I cross the street. "What's up?"
"Nothing. I'm just on my way back from Rory's."
"Ah," he says. "Don't tell her I asked, but how's she doing?"
"Fine," I say. It's probably a bad idea to mention that she plans on having sex with Jess.
"Good," Dean says, nodding his head. "Good."
"How are you?"
"Oh, I'm good. You?"
"Good," I say, which is a lie. Last night I sat on the bridge and felt Dave run his hands through my hair, I'm better than good. Way better.
"D'you have a good Thanksgiving?"
"Yeah, real good," I say, grinning. Dean looks at me quizzically and I can't help but tell him. I want to tell everybody. "I got my first kiss."
Dean smiles but his eyes are a little misty and I know he's thinking about his first kiss with Rory, or maybe his first kiss ever, and I feel a pang of guilt.
"You deserve it," he says, always the good guy. "Dave?"
"Yes."
"Are you guys together?"
"As together as Mrs. Kim allows," I say.
"Wow, that's really something. That's great, Lane."
"Thank-you," I say. We both stare at the ground for a moment, feeling uncomfortable. I debate with myself for a second or two before saying, "Look, I'm real sorry about Rory and you."
"It's alright," Dean says with a shrug. "It was nice while it lasted."
"Hopefully you guys can be friends eventually."
"I don't know that Jess would go for that," Dean says.
"Jess isn't really the jealous type," I say, then realize I probably shouldn't be defending Jess to Dean.
"He may not be jealous, but he knows how he got Rory and it's not likely that he'll just sit back and let me try the same thing."
"I'm not sure," I say. I feel uncomfortable in this whole situation, unsure of whom my loyalty belongs to. Rory was wrong to act on her feelings for Jess when she was with Dean, but she's still my best friend. Jess should have left Rory alone when he found out she had a boyfriend, but at the same time he really cares about her and wants to make it work between the two of them. Dean and I have been friends for a long time and I have a lot of respect for him, but I don't want to see him trying to worm his way between Jess and Rory.
"Well, I doubt this thing will last with Jess and Rory anyway," Dean suddenly says, dribbling the basketball.
"You do?"
"Yeah. They're too different. He's so angry and she's so…Rory. I think she'll get fed up with his authority problem. He'll get tired of her, it'll fizzle."
"I don't know, maybe," I say, but it's not what I'm thinking. I'm thinking about the way Jess was in the diner yesterday, barely letting Rory take a sip out of her coffee before he refilled it. I'm thinking of the smile on his face when he bantered with her. I don't think Jess is in a hurry to be done with Rory. If anything, I think he's worried that he's just a phase for Rory and that she'll be wanting to move on.
"I better get home," I say. "See you Monday."
"Yeah see you Monday," he says.
As I walk up to my front door, I see Dave poke his head around the side of the house. I grin, and after checking to make sure Mom isn't watching me, I sneak around to him.
"What are you doing here?" I hiss.
"I needed to see you, that's all," he says.
He kisses me, leaning his body into mine, pinning me between the house and himself.
"I can't believe you drove all this way to see me," I say, loving the way he surrounds me.
"Actually, I'm meeting Jess in a couple minutes."
"Jess?" I repeat.
"Yeah. You say that like it's weird."
"Well," I say, remembering Dave the first day I met him- argyle sweater and audio geek tendencies. I try to imagine how a conversation between the two of them would go, Dave speaking in excited bursts and Jess saying nothing at all. "I guess it's not real weird," I lie.
"We'll just be listening to music. If you can get away that'll be great."
"I'll try,' I say.
"Try hard," Dave says, touching his forehead to mine.
I'm moving my hands through his thick hair when I hear Mom calling my name from the front door.
"Lane?"
"What?" I call, pushing Dave off of me and tearing around the house.
"I saw you coming up the steps then you disappeared."
"Oh, yeah," I say. "There was a rabbit in your garden, I was shooing him out."
It scares me how easily lies slip out.
"Rabbit!" Mom hollers, pattering down the front steps.
"No, no, I took care of it, you don't need to go back there," I say, throat going dry as I think of what she'll do to me if she finds Dave loitering in our bushes.
But he's already hightailed it out of there.
"Doesn't look like it got much, good timing on your part," Mom says. She studies my face. My lips are probably bright red. My hair is probably tangled from Dave's hands.
"You okay, Lane?" Mom asks.
"Yes, fine."
"You look flushed."
"Just all the excitement," I say. Technically not a lie.
"You eat pizza at Gilmore's?"
"No, Mama, of course not."
"Ice cream?"
"No, just water I promise."
"Okay, you come inside now."
I follow her into the house, frustrated with my double life. I'm not use to being so complicated.