Chapter Six
I spot Rory seated inside Luke's, eyes glazed and pen paused over the paper of a spiral notebook. She doesn't even look up when the bell clinks as I enter the diner.
"Okay, I'm in love with his whole family," I announce, causing Rory's head to snap in surprise. She slams her notebook shut.
"Who are you talking about?" she asks.
"Dave's family, I met them last night. His mom is great, she's one of those cake baking, mother hen types who fusses over everyone who walks in the door. And his dad is so cool. He reminds me of that guy, that actor guy."
Rory looks at me blankly.
"In Independence Day."
"Will Smith?"
"Rory! No. The president. What's that guys name? He's in Independence Day, A League of Their Own, something with Sandra Bullock."
Rory shrugs.
"Bill Pullman!" I cry, slapping the table, causing her coffee to slosh. "Oops, sorry."
She shrugs again, begins mopping up the coffee with her napkin.
"Anyway, so his dad looks like Bill Pullman and he's this real laid back kind of guy. And Dave's brother, Chris, is so cute! He's in second grade and has this really curly hair and these adorable dimples and…what's wrong?"
"Nothing," Rory says, voice fake and high.
"Seriously, what's bothering you?"
"Seriously, nothing."
"Seriously, I've known you too long to ever believe that."
Rory sighs, wads up her coffee spotted napkin.
"Is it school?" I ask, eyeing the array of textbooks on the table.
Her eyes catch on something outside the window and I turn to see Dean cutting across the town square, no doubt walking home from work.
"I gotta go," Rory says.
"Oh…okay," I say as she knocks over her chair. "Easy, there," I say. I don't think Rory even hears, she just flies out the door.
Taking her abandoned textbooks as an indication that she intends to return, I order a cup of coffee and wait. I plan on sharing with Rory all about Mrs. Rygowski telling me how happy I've made Dave, I want to share with her that Chris took my hand and walked me back to his room to show me his ant farm. I want to tell Rory about how accepted I felt at the Rygowski's run-down house, how they made me part of the family.
At first I try to avert my eyes from Rory and Dean, who are now leaning against the gazebo talking, but finally my curiosity takes over and I watch them. I feel like a trespasser, which is silly because they're standing in the middle of town. I wish Lorelai were here because she would probably invent a conversation of her own taking place between the two of them, using off color remarks and embellished voices to break the tension.
Now Dean is walking away and even from the cheap seats I can tell that he's mad. Rory's mad too, in her own quiet way, and she chases after him. My eyes follow them until they disappear behind Al's Pancake World and even after they've vanished I continue to stare. Minutes pass. I'm at a loss for what to do. Do I stay? Do I go?
Jess then enters the diner, twirling his car keys around his middle finger.
"Hey Lane."
"Hey."
"Rory here?"
"Oh…Rory?" I repeat. I can't let this turn into last time, where my careless words sent Jess flying after her. "Lorelai paged her and she had to go."
"She coming back for her stuff?" Jess asks.
"She asked me to pack it up and leave it with you."
"Okay. Jeez, you look happy."
"Well…I'm a happy person."
"That can't be good for your rock and roll image."
"I met Dave's family last night," I say.
"Apparently that went well."
"It went great."
"Well, good. Dave's a good guy. How's your mom feel about all this?"
"Wow, you've just turned into Mr. Chatty this afternoon, haven't you?" I tease.
Jess answers with a shrug and a rare smile. Somehow making Jess smile makes me feel as if I've accomplished something tremendous today.
"Didn't mean to jinx it," I say and he smiles again. "Mom doesn't know yet."
"Ah," he says. "Is she ever going to know?"
"Well…probably on the day that I decide I've experienced everything I want to and I'm ready to just go ahead and die. That's when I'll tell her that Dave and I are dating."
"Less social, more pouring," Luke says to Jess, leaning into our conversation. "Hi Lane."
"Hi."
"I just got here," Jess says to Luke.
"Great, grab a coffee pot."
Luke continues on his way and Jess smiles apologetically.
"Guess I better get to work," he says.
"That's fine, I'll just pack Rory's stuff up and leave it at the bottom of the stairs."
"Sounds good," Jess says. "See ya around."
"See ya," I say and I begin sliding Rory's supplies together to shove in her backpack.
It's unusual for Rory to be so careless as to leave her homework lying on a public table. The Rory I know would protect her hard work with her life, carefully arranging everything in her backpack before taking off. Something is going on, something Rory doesn't want to share with me.
And this is when the black spiral notebook captures my attention. I recall the way Rory snapped it shut when I sat down, as if terrified that I would see what she was doing. What would be so horrible, so covert, so shameful, that Rory wouldn't even let me see it? Fingers resting on the cover, moments away from betraying Rory's trust, I think to myself this is wrong, this is wrong, this is wrong. I remind myself that Rory has always told me everything, that if there's something she wants me to know, she'll come to me. I tell myself that all I'll find is her Spanish homework, or maybe an ugly test grade that she was embarrassed about.
I flip back the cover, I stare at the words, and an intense feeling of guilt washes over me.
Dear Dean,
That's all it says. Just:
Dear Dean,
That's what I betrayed Rory's trust for, to read those words. Furious with myself, I close the notebook and shove it into her backpack, then I get out of Luke's as fast as I can.
* * *
As of today, Dave and I have been hiding our relationship from Mom for an entire month. It is December 24th and he has just finished playing for the Christmas Eve service. The two of us are in the kitchen enjoying a rare moment of alone time as he packs up his guitar.
"You look distracted," Dave says.
"Oh I'm fine," I say, rinsing out the communion cups.
"I take it things with Rory aren't any better."
I sigh.
"Don't stress yourself out about this, Lane," Dave warns.
"She's been acting weird for two weeks," I say. "And she won't open up to me. I keep asking her what's wrong and she just keeps saying 'Nothing,' or 'I'm fine.' But I know she's not."
"Maybe she's just stressed about finals," Dave offers.
"She's not stressed. Stressed-out-Rory goes through long rants full of fifty-cent words. Upset-Rory is monosyllabic, and that's what she is. Monosyllabic."
"Maybe Jess is rubbing off on her."
How can I tell Dave that I think this has nothing to do with Jess? That I snooped through Rory's stuff and saw that her thoughts aren't on Jess these days, they're on Dean?
"I guess," I say. Dave leans on the kitchen counter beside me, close enough rest his hand on my back, but far enough away that if Mom pops into the kitchen we won't look suspicious.
"I want to kiss you," Dave says, catching me off guard.
"Shh," I hiss, holding my breath and waiting for my mother to come storming into the kitchen.
"Come on Lane, it's our one month anniversary."
"I didn't realize that was the openly-kiss-in-front-of-girlfriend's-mother anniversary."
"I certainly don't see your mother around," Dave says, pretending to look around for her. His hands travel down to my waist, lightly prodding me to turn to face him.
"Dave-" I say, but before I can further protest, Dave presses his mouth up to mine and pins me between the kitchen counter and his body. By the time I've thought to protest, I have no desire to do so. Kisses before now were warm and friendly, filling my chest and stomach with butterflies. But tonight's kiss involves more than a friendly butterfly; it's an awakening.
His thumb presses against my pelvic bone, my hands are in his hair, our tongues twirl in the space between our mouths, and even though my mother is one door away from seeing me, I can't stop. There's a certain thrill in doing something my mother would condemn in the very kitchen where she makes her wheat germ bread, beneath the very roof she has provided for me. A feeling of clarity comes over me, and for the first time I understand Lorelai and the craving she felt to break away from her overbearing family. I understand what Rory was saying a few weeks ago, about wanting to have sex with Jess. I understand why a person wants to give away everything to another person, and when Dave and I finally break away and I look into his eyes, I know his feelings match my own.
"I love you," he breathes.
And then my mother walks in.