A/N: Thanks, of course, to everyone who's reviewed - that's really my only form of motivation. Well now, onto Lily's POV!
Lily:
Everyone's always seen me as a saint. A good, pure-hearted person.
Well I'm not.
Saints don't crave like I do.
Raven hair. Smooth, sun-kissed skin. Deep chocolate eyes, glassy with hunger. Soft, finely carved lips. Bare skin against bare skin. Sweat mingled with sweat.
Saints don't dream about these things like I do. They don't have these images locked into their heart for the rest of their natural lives. They don't feel the mind-numbing urge to destroy everything in the way of their goal, or in this case, soulmate.
It makes me sick to think about it sometimes. What I've turned into. I'm nothing short of an animal now, because I know, that if I just let go a little bit more, I'll go wild. Any logic or common sense or even morality will be lost on me. Ironic, though, isn't it? Logic, common sense and morality have always been traits I've prized, and yet all it takes is Sirius Black for them all to evaporate into nothingness.
God, it's so damn hard all the time. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to stop yourself from claiming something you feel as if you've wanted for your whole life? Do you know how much I want to just run my fingers across that smooth jaw line, how much I want to wake up in the morning to hear the steady heartbeat of my beloved?
There I go again. I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks, to match my hair. Isn't it funny how the one thing you want out of life always seems to be forbidden, just out of your reach? Who would've guessed. Good old, down-to-earth Lily lusting after the most notorious flirt ever to enter these grounds. I can't even understand it myself. Why him, of all people? But even as I ask myself this question, I know the answer. Because he's Sirius, the cocky boy with the most heart melting grin. The person who'd stick up for his friends through thick and thin with unwavering loyalty. The student who stereotypes all Slytherins, and especially Snape, simply because he can't understand them. The boy who has his own demons to deal with, despite that bold, swaggering exterior. And most of all, a soul that has so much love and passion to give, so much strength and devotion to offer.
It sounds like a fairy tale, almost. And it would be too, if he could only love and need me like I do him. But no. His dazzling grins are reserved for one person only, and I can only dream that that person was I. My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach every time it happens, every time his face softens at the sight of him. I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to strangle someone, but all I allow to happen is the bile rising up my tight throat as I am hit in the face by cruel reality, like someone's cold fingers slapping me awake from a delicious dream.
However, what infuriates me even more is the way that this person seems to be completely oblivious of his fortune, totally unaware that he is the recipient of one of the greatest treasures in the world. Can't you see?! I want to yell, I would die a million deaths to be in the position you are now, jump off the edge of the world to have a fraction of the affection he lavishes upon you, be tortured at Voldermort's hands to make him feel something more than just friendly indifference for me -
I'm drowning.
Drowning in a sea of my own pain that's throbbing and pushing at every area of my mind so that soon my whole being is pulsing with pain and grief and I can barely breathe because my throat is constricting too hard and it hurts and I can taste a metallic saltiness on my tongue it's my blood – blood that's seeping out from my heart leaving just an old dry shell behind and my emotions are eating me alive battling one another for first place and I'm trying to get out but soon this sea turns into a steel cage and I'm trying to claw my way out because it's too claustrophobic in here and my fingers are bloodied but I don't care because I need to get out because I can't live like this, I can't live like this, I can't live like this, I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS -
I can shriek and thrash around like a wild animal in my head all I like, but the truth remains that I can never have Sirius Black.
We'll all graduate from Hogwarts, and we will walk across these grounds for the final time, going in our separate ways, journeying along our different paths. And I'll be leaving a piece of my heart behind, here in the rich memories woven into the magic that surrounds this castle. Sirius will become an Auror, probably, and if he can't get the one person he wants, he'll marry some pretty, exotic girl from far away who'll try to control his wild streak. Or maybe she'll love him for his danger and passion, and they'll make beautiful babies with drop dead gorgeous smiles. But he'll never be happy because she won't be the one he truly loves, the one he breathes and lives for. Oh, I would know, wouldn't I?
Either way, I'll be alone. I'll marry some nice, good-looking bloke from the Ministry, and we'll have one or two children, perhaps. But I'll still be alone, always alone. Oh, I'll love my children unconditionally, of course, and fulfil my role of dutiful mother, but every night, when they're asleep, I'll pray to God that their father was the beautiful, charming boy I used to know.
Saints don't wish for such immoral things.
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Well, there it is, people. I'd love to hear what you think, so review!! It'll be great motivation for the next chapter, which will be from Sirius' POV.