Narcissa stayed in her room for two days. She just couldn't see Severus.
She couldn't. The house-elf brought her food. She wasn't going to go
downstairs and see HIM. No way.
How could he say such a thing? She wondered. Does he really think I ever loved Lucius? Doesn't he know the truth? Doesn't EVERYBODY know the truth? I thought it was obvious!
But apparently, it wasn't. So in the morning of the third day, Narcissa took herself out of her room and went to see Severus.
She found him in the library. It wasn't very surprising. She had already noticed he liked to read. He was sitting on the sofa with a book in his hands, and as he raised his eyes and saw her, he almost fell off the sofa.
Narcissa went over to him and sat down. She looked at him with big eyes, and suddenly felt sorry for him. He looked so frustrated.
"Look, Severus," she said softly, "I'm sorry for running away like this. I should have explained to you. I thought it was obvious, but you couldn't understand what I really felt towards Lucius."
Severus stared.
"I'm going to tell you everything," said Narcissa. "Just listen, and I'm sure you'll understand."
She took a deep breath and began her story:
"As you probably know, my parents were dark wizards. They were not Death- Eaters, but they thought Voldemort was absolutely right about everything he did. They hated Muggles and Muggle-borns and were so proud of themselves, thinking they were superior to almost all other wizards. They thought it was such a big honor to be one of the Blacks.
My eldest sister, Andromeda, was always their favorite daughter, because she was perfect. She had top-grades at school, and even though she was in Gryffindor and not in Slytherin as they had hoped, she was still perfect about everything else. I was always jealous of her. I admit. This is why I wanted to be in Gryffindor, so I could be more like her. I wanted to be loved like her. But I wasn't brave enough to be in Gryffindor, that was what the Sorting Hat told me.
My second sister, Bellatrix, was never a good student like Andromeda. Her grades were average, so my parents didn't give her much credit and never appreciated her very much, but she was in Slytherin, and they adored her cunning ways and her bit of wickedness. And as for me..." Narcissa bit her lip and stared at the floor. "I was always weak. I always let Bellatrix take over the situation. My parents didn't like my cowardness. They punished me when I let Bellatrix control everything. I hated them.
When I was 17, Andromeda had a new boyfriend, called Ted Tonks. He was a Muggle-born, so my parents despised him right from the start. They warned Andromeda to dump him at once or they would have to use further means in order to separate them. But Andromeda faught them, for the first time in her life. I remember it so clearly. She said she loved Ted more than anyone else in the world, that she wanted to marry him and that she wasn't going to give up her happiness just because of his origin; and she also mentioned that she didn't find anything wrong whatsoever about having Muggle parents."
Severus looked at her and saw that her eyes were filled with tears. However, Narcissa took another deep breath and her tears vanished.
"The moment my parents realized Andromeda was serious, they threw her out of the family. She was so shocked. I don't think she ever considered the possibility she was going to be thrown away. I remembered how she cried and begged, but my parents had never been very sensitive, and they ignored her beggings. They erased her name off out family tree. So Andromeda left, and I never saw her again.
Bellatrix was extremely happy about this. She had always been terribly jealous of the perfect Andromeda, and was glad to be the eldest and most successful daughter.
I was much more miserable about Andromeda's departure. I had been jealous of her, indeed, but I also loved her so much, because she was the only thoughtful and good-hearted person in my family, and when she left, I felt totally alone. But as always, I was weak. I didn't have the guts to support Andromeda and fight my parents, so Andromeda left, thinking I agreed with my parents throwing her out of the family. She never discovered how wrong she was.
A few months later, Bellatrix got married as well - to Rodolphus Lestrange, a powerful Death-Eater, and my parents were thrilled. Their daughter married a perfect husband, so they claimed. They admired the Death-Eaters, and when Bellatrix learned from her husband and became a Death-Eater herself, they couldn't be happier.
I was afraid. I knew that if I didn't do something quick - I would end up marrying a man like Rodolphus. I hated myself for not being brave enough. But I wasn't.
On my nineteenth birthday, my parents informed me they had found a suitable husband for me. I was outraged. I was scared. I didn't want to get married, I was too young! But I chickened to say my mind. And so, I married Lucius Malfoy, whom I didn't even know and had never seen him before in my life."
Narcissa paused. Severus took her hand in his. This encouraged her a little, and she went on:
"Right after the wedding, it became cleared to me that I had married a monster. Lucius used to beat me up and rape me almost every night."
Severus stared at her, horrified; he had never heard that before. Lucius used to abuse his wife?
"My life with him - it was - it was more terrible than I could tell you. I hated Lucius. I also hated my parents, for forcing me to marry this man. The only solution I could think of was divorce, but I didn't dare to ask for divorce without the support of my parents, because I knew Lucius might kill me if nobody protects me. So I forced myself to tell my mother about the abuse."
"What did she say?" Severus asked, and Narcissa could tell he was not asking out of curiousity only, but out of true interest and concern. She trusted him. She didn't know why, but she trusted him.
"She didn't care," she replied quietly, and Severus' eyes widened. "She chose to yell at me for even considering the idea of leaving such an honorable, perfect husband. I begged, but it didn't help.
A year later I had my son, Draco. Luckily, it was a boy and not a girl. Lucius warned me that if I have a girl, he would kill her and beat me. He didn't want a girl. He wanted a boy, to take after him and serve Voldemort.
He didn't let me educate my own son. He didn't even let me choose a name for him - he chose the name Draco, which means a dragon in Latin, ignoring my request to give him a normal name. I had in mind a name like Matthew, or Kenny, but Lucius didn't care. Later, he invited my sister Bellatrix, who didn't have children of her own, to come and live with us so she could raise Draco. He didn't want me to raise him - he was afraid I might give him ideas."
"So he actually didn't marry you for your personality," said Severus slowly.
Narcissa laughed bitterly. "For my personality? All he wanted was a beautiful, pure-blood woman, who could give him a son, accompany him in special occasions and shut up. And he got one."
"No, he didn't," said Severus, his anger raging. "You didn't shut up - did you?"
"Of course I did," said Narcissa, "I was afraid of him. God, I was so afraid. I hated him so much. Sometimes I thought of murdering him, but I knew I wasn't brave enough. When Draco was about ten years old, my parents died, and I knew I could divorce Lucius now - he didn't need me anymore - but I couldn't leave my son to live with this monster on his own."
"But didn't Draco take after his father?" asked Severus.
"He did, yes," said Narcissa. "I was so sorry to see that my son was becoming a selfish, disgusting boy, but there was nothing I could do."
"So how come he's with Hermione Granger now? You know, she's a Muggle- born."
"I know," Narcissa replied, "and I couldn't care less. Honest. After Lucius and Bellatrix had been killed, I thought Draco would be miserable, but he wasn't. He told me he never really loved them - his father abusing me, and Bellatrix making fun of me. He didn't want to follow his father's footsteps. I was so happy when he started dating Hermione. I knew they were perfect for each other. And above all, I was happy that Draco wasn't about to become Lucius number 2."
Narcissa breathed and got up of the sofa. "I hope you understand now," she said quietly.
Severus rose up, too. "I-I do," he said nervously.
"Good," she said. "It means a lot to me."
They stared at each other for another moment, and then Narcissa surprised Severus by giving him a hug.
Severus was so stunned for a minute, he forgot to react. He hadn't been hugged in years, but now he had this gorgeous, charming woman hugging him. After a few seconds, he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her back. And as he held her in his arms, it felt like the most right thing in the world.
How could he say such a thing? She wondered. Does he really think I ever loved Lucius? Doesn't he know the truth? Doesn't EVERYBODY know the truth? I thought it was obvious!
But apparently, it wasn't. So in the morning of the third day, Narcissa took herself out of her room and went to see Severus.
She found him in the library. It wasn't very surprising. She had already noticed he liked to read. He was sitting on the sofa with a book in his hands, and as he raised his eyes and saw her, he almost fell off the sofa.
Narcissa went over to him and sat down. She looked at him with big eyes, and suddenly felt sorry for him. He looked so frustrated.
"Look, Severus," she said softly, "I'm sorry for running away like this. I should have explained to you. I thought it was obvious, but you couldn't understand what I really felt towards Lucius."
Severus stared.
"I'm going to tell you everything," said Narcissa. "Just listen, and I'm sure you'll understand."
She took a deep breath and began her story:
"As you probably know, my parents were dark wizards. They were not Death- Eaters, but they thought Voldemort was absolutely right about everything he did. They hated Muggles and Muggle-borns and were so proud of themselves, thinking they were superior to almost all other wizards. They thought it was such a big honor to be one of the Blacks.
My eldest sister, Andromeda, was always their favorite daughter, because she was perfect. She had top-grades at school, and even though she was in Gryffindor and not in Slytherin as they had hoped, she was still perfect about everything else. I was always jealous of her. I admit. This is why I wanted to be in Gryffindor, so I could be more like her. I wanted to be loved like her. But I wasn't brave enough to be in Gryffindor, that was what the Sorting Hat told me.
My second sister, Bellatrix, was never a good student like Andromeda. Her grades were average, so my parents didn't give her much credit and never appreciated her very much, but she was in Slytherin, and they adored her cunning ways and her bit of wickedness. And as for me..." Narcissa bit her lip and stared at the floor. "I was always weak. I always let Bellatrix take over the situation. My parents didn't like my cowardness. They punished me when I let Bellatrix control everything. I hated them.
When I was 17, Andromeda had a new boyfriend, called Ted Tonks. He was a Muggle-born, so my parents despised him right from the start. They warned Andromeda to dump him at once or they would have to use further means in order to separate them. But Andromeda faught them, for the first time in her life. I remember it so clearly. She said she loved Ted more than anyone else in the world, that she wanted to marry him and that she wasn't going to give up her happiness just because of his origin; and she also mentioned that she didn't find anything wrong whatsoever about having Muggle parents."
Severus looked at her and saw that her eyes were filled with tears. However, Narcissa took another deep breath and her tears vanished.
"The moment my parents realized Andromeda was serious, they threw her out of the family. She was so shocked. I don't think she ever considered the possibility she was going to be thrown away. I remembered how she cried and begged, but my parents had never been very sensitive, and they ignored her beggings. They erased her name off out family tree. So Andromeda left, and I never saw her again.
Bellatrix was extremely happy about this. She had always been terribly jealous of the perfect Andromeda, and was glad to be the eldest and most successful daughter.
I was much more miserable about Andromeda's departure. I had been jealous of her, indeed, but I also loved her so much, because she was the only thoughtful and good-hearted person in my family, and when she left, I felt totally alone. But as always, I was weak. I didn't have the guts to support Andromeda and fight my parents, so Andromeda left, thinking I agreed with my parents throwing her out of the family. She never discovered how wrong she was.
A few months later, Bellatrix got married as well - to Rodolphus Lestrange, a powerful Death-Eater, and my parents were thrilled. Their daughter married a perfect husband, so they claimed. They admired the Death-Eaters, and when Bellatrix learned from her husband and became a Death-Eater herself, they couldn't be happier.
I was afraid. I knew that if I didn't do something quick - I would end up marrying a man like Rodolphus. I hated myself for not being brave enough. But I wasn't.
On my nineteenth birthday, my parents informed me they had found a suitable husband for me. I was outraged. I was scared. I didn't want to get married, I was too young! But I chickened to say my mind. And so, I married Lucius Malfoy, whom I didn't even know and had never seen him before in my life."
Narcissa paused. Severus took her hand in his. This encouraged her a little, and she went on:
"Right after the wedding, it became cleared to me that I had married a monster. Lucius used to beat me up and rape me almost every night."
Severus stared at her, horrified; he had never heard that before. Lucius used to abuse his wife?
"My life with him - it was - it was more terrible than I could tell you. I hated Lucius. I also hated my parents, for forcing me to marry this man. The only solution I could think of was divorce, but I didn't dare to ask for divorce without the support of my parents, because I knew Lucius might kill me if nobody protects me. So I forced myself to tell my mother about the abuse."
"What did she say?" Severus asked, and Narcissa could tell he was not asking out of curiousity only, but out of true interest and concern. She trusted him. She didn't know why, but she trusted him.
"She didn't care," she replied quietly, and Severus' eyes widened. "She chose to yell at me for even considering the idea of leaving such an honorable, perfect husband. I begged, but it didn't help.
A year later I had my son, Draco. Luckily, it was a boy and not a girl. Lucius warned me that if I have a girl, he would kill her and beat me. He didn't want a girl. He wanted a boy, to take after him and serve Voldemort.
He didn't let me educate my own son. He didn't even let me choose a name for him - he chose the name Draco, which means a dragon in Latin, ignoring my request to give him a normal name. I had in mind a name like Matthew, or Kenny, but Lucius didn't care. Later, he invited my sister Bellatrix, who didn't have children of her own, to come and live with us so she could raise Draco. He didn't want me to raise him - he was afraid I might give him ideas."
"So he actually didn't marry you for your personality," said Severus slowly.
Narcissa laughed bitterly. "For my personality? All he wanted was a beautiful, pure-blood woman, who could give him a son, accompany him in special occasions and shut up. And he got one."
"No, he didn't," said Severus, his anger raging. "You didn't shut up - did you?"
"Of course I did," said Narcissa, "I was afraid of him. God, I was so afraid. I hated him so much. Sometimes I thought of murdering him, but I knew I wasn't brave enough. When Draco was about ten years old, my parents died, and I knew I could divorce Lucius now - he didn't need me anymore - but I couldn't leave my son to live with this monster on his own."
"But didn't Draco take after his father?" asked Severus.
"He did, yes," said Narcissa. "I was so sorry to see that my son was becoming a selfish, disgusting boy, but there was nothing I could do."
"So how come he's with Hermione Granger now? You know, she's a Muggle- born."
"I know," Narcissa replied, "and I couldn't care less. Honest. After Lucius and Bellatrix had been killed, I thought Draco would be miserable, but he wasn't. He told me he never really loved them - his father abusing me, and Bellatrix making fun of me. He didn't want to follow his father's footsteps. I was so happy when he started dating Hermione. I knew they were perfect for each other. And above all, I was happy that Draco wasn't about to become Lucius number 2."
Narcissa breathed and got up of the sofa. "I hope you understand now," she said quietly.
Severus rose up, too. "I-I do," he said nervously.
"Good," she said. "It means a lot to me."
They stared at each other for another moment, and then Narcissa surprised Severus by giving him a hug.
Severus was so stunned for a minute, he forgot to react. He hadn't been hugged in years, but now he had this gorgeous, charming woman hugging him. After a few seconds, he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her back. And as he held her in his arms, it felt like the most right thing in the world.