"I kept that notebook when I was changing, not for tha soul purpose; originally it was more of a travel notebook, for sights...Then I was bitten and started to change. I started to forget things; who I was, family...I started not to care for anything, except for the value of blood.
The book shows these changes and my experiences, my old self, and the people I knew. I did not drink blood when it was offered to me, and lost all of what I was; my humanity.
I slipped into madness, the insane part of me; it has yet to leave me, it is just a lot more controlled than what it used to be. My sire is dead, the one who turned me...But I do not feel like dying away like he did. At least, not just yet, but the one thing I cannot control is my decaying process."
Seras listened to him, but her brain was wracked with thoughts that fed off of the ones he was giving her; if she were to drink his blood, she would be free of so many burdens.
But then she'd seem to lose everything as well. She didn't know what to do, so she sat there, half looking lost...the other half, looking tired and weary.
"I know that it is hard, your inaudible silence tells me so. But the fact remains, one day you will have to drink my blood, just to save your sanity." He looked up at the ceiling. "That does not mean at this moment. At such time, we will lose our connection, and for you, your lingering humanity. This is inevitable, as even if you do not drink at some point, it will make you go completely insane.
I am only trying to mentally prepare you for it; you could call it the training for the night, as not all training is physical. If the mind is not as advanced, the body cannot advance either. One needs to know what they are becoming, if they train and want to become it."
He looked at her, having let out the only other thing he knew to be fated...that one day, this whole scene would be but a distant, and possibly rather vague memory to them both.
Seras blinked and looked straight ahead, as if talking out to an invisible person in the center of the room.
"I know at one point I will have to, no questions asked. But at the moment and state I am in...I don't feel that I am ready. I really don't, to be honest. Being the way I am, I'd rather not, but I know I will have to-eventually." She turned her head and looked at him. "But I don't want to disappoint you, master...I will-but not right now."
Alucard glanced at her approvingly, with his trademark evil smirk upon his face.
"You know, Seras, I haven't seen any of those FREAKs in awhile. It makes me wonder if something even worse is happening."
Her face darkened, as did her tone of voice.
"That's usually the case, master...what makes you feel indifferent?" Alucard side-glanced at her.
"If you remember right before we fought Incognito, everything was quiet for weeks and weeks. No FREAKs, no instant vampires, few cases of them...and we have not seen them in the past few nights. Damn priests; I have a feeling that they have something to do with this as well. It might as well be a distraction for us."
"Well it IS working, and I might say to their advantage, even if we do get through in the end." She stopped, and then started again. "Do you think we'll have another annoyance like Incognito very soon, master?"
"Soon enough. But not for a little while; it is not like he is going to just fall out of the ceiling, whomever Innocent has put on us, I mean." He chuckled darkly.
She looked up, a look of disgust running through her face.
"That'd sure be a nasty trick." She smirked without having any humor. "Not like they wouldn't do that; trying to catch us off-guard for once."
Her statement amused him. "You do not catch a No Life King off-guard, Seras. Besides, if anyone is known for popping out of ceilings and walls unexpectedly, that would be me. Four hundred, plus years of experience on my back."
Seras rolled her eyes. "Well, of course, how could I have doubted you, master?" Alucard noted her own sarcasm; this was what pleased him about Seras: she could be so much at the same time. He raised his eyebrow.
"You had doubts about your master...?" Seras shrugged.
"Well, I seemed for a second or two that I could have had the mere image of someone other than YOU busting into this room through the ceiling like a stalker. Of course, that description does fit you quite well, master."
"A stalker? Who would want to stalk you, hm?"
She eyed him skeptically. "Oh, I don't know, master. I've noticed lately someone making unexpected visits in my room every bloody evening. Can't say that nobody is, now, can I?" She laughed darkly, in a joking manner, staring at Alucard the entire time.
"I did not think masters could be considered stalkers."
"And why is that, master?"
"Because masters do not stalk-they watch over. I just happen to watch over a lot."
"Well, at least you admit to that, master." Seras started to wonder when they were going to get off of their sorry asses and go see Integra and get it over with. She'd like nothing more than to get some rest; she was getting tired.
He unhooked his one arm from around her and shakily stood up, and stared down at Seras. He offered his hand to her, knowing she was just a little weak, but he wasn't the most fit he's ever been either. She looked from where he sat, then just raised her head up to his, nearly breaking her neck to see him so tall.
"Right..." She stretched her right arm painfully out and brought her to her feet, giving her two seconds to regain her balance. They wasted no time and exited.
"Hmmm..." He mused as they continued to walk the hall. "How badly do you think my master will scold us tonight?"
Seras facefaulted, as one leg wanted to work, and the other didn't. So she hobbled strangely down the hall with him, eyebrow twitching every time she took a step, slowly getting used to the strange pain going up her leg.
"Let's just say..." She paused. "Hopefully that this time, she doesn't kick ME instead." She patted her stomach with her other hand extremely gently, where he wounds used to be. He put a supporting arm around her shoulders, a part of her that he could reach without hunching over because of his height.
"For your sake, that would be pure cruelty." They ascended the flights of stairs from the underground corridors and up more flights to the top floors where they stood in front of the door to her study. Alucard glanced down at Seras, nodded, and entered the room.
Integra was nowhere to be seen, but Alucard knew better. Seras did not sense his master's master, though, Alucard could automatically tell that she was present.
He walked Seras to the middle of the room.
"Games already, my master?"
Seras swiveled her head around, looking, but not being able to see or find; her master was still supporting her with his arm, she felt Sir Integra would not approve of that for sure.
"Hmmmm?" She continued to search, as Alucard released her and disappeared himself. Seras now stood in a strangely quiet and empty room.
In another minute, he reappeared with Integra's arm in his hand, Integra herself slowly coming into view.
"This is no time for hide and seek, my master. You can test your powers later, if you wish. I have come to report."
Integra drew back her hand and glared at him, her lips quivering from anger as she saw Seras. She closed her eyes and tossed her hair back over her shoulder, so it could rest on her back as it always did.
"Report, then, Alucard." She growled, but he could not tell if she was angry with him or Seras.
"Mental training this evening, as she is still in a state of recovery." He side-glanced at Seras and returned his gaze to his master. "And it is prudent to become stronger mentally as well as physically."
Integra glared, lighting herself a cigar, which was plucked between her lips.
"I see, Alucard, but what does our rookie here think of it. Is it worthwhile training?" Her eyes bore through Seras. She crossed her arms, trying her best not to show the pain just then; she spoke clear and to the point, not wanting to be messed with this dawn.
"Yes." She paused, and then continued. "I found it useful to learn as to not let certain things get the best of you, especially during a crucial period, and to just let things go-not to mention I learned a few other things about the mentality of vampires, which I also find important to the knowledge of a fledgling vampire such as myself." She nodded in ascent, adding finality.
"So, yes, it was worthwhile, Sir Integra."
Integra released the smoke through a thin trail from her mouth; she always seemed a bit calmer when she had her cigar.
"So the fact that Alucard almost went black again had nothing to do with this training."
Seras was unusually calm as she spoke to Integra. "That, actually, started the theme of our mentality training, and it grew from there."
"I was referring to what made his black side stir." He eyed her coldly. Alucard stared at his master, his red eyes level.
"Master, don't you think that you are pushing it?" He said, trying not to get any backfire from her fury. Integra turned a cold eye to Alucard as well, something else hidden there that was never present for Seras to observe.
"Silence, Alucard. That is an order. I can ask any type of question I so choose to." She turned back to Seras, her hair flopped slight as she did so, and her arms crossed the same as Seras, one hand out and between her two fingers, holding her cigar.
"Continue, Seras Victoria." She was deeply amused by the sound of her name coming from her.
She held a steady gaze as the two both stood facing each other, neither going to back down.
"My master educated me on my strange, sporadic switching back and forth from depression, anger, and other things..." She trailed off, but continued from there just as quickly. "We also spoke about...my lingering humanity." She stopped looking her in the eye, hoping she wouldn't retort to that remark too badly; she did not mention anything about her wounds, though.
"This is all I have to say, Sir Integra." She finished, maybe a little lamely, but she was at her end. Integra blew out another puff of smoke.
"You two stink of each other." She said blandly, as if it wasn't a fact that she was a vampire. "...And Alucard…" She stared at him, who was just looking at the floor, as if not paying attention.
"ALUCARD!"
He jolted up a little and stared at Integra as if he were paying attention the whole time.
"What is it, my master?" He tried his hardest not to laugh at his own faulting attention span. With a look as if to kill, she walked over to Alucard and shot dagger at him with her eyes.
"There is no sleeping in a report." She said coldly and continued. "You two both get enough of that as it is."
Alucard was just about fed up about all of her remarks. He was training her like she ordered; when they were off duty, well, that was a different story. He turned his head and looked at her as well; he knew how to piss her off, if he wanted.
"Is that jealousy I hear in your undertone, my master?" He questioned innocently enough. Seras' head turned as she watched Integra storm off to interrogate her master, gritting her teeth, baring her fangs and almost letting loose a feral snarl as she watched.
She wondered, in the back of her head, if Integra would ever be her normal, calm and collected self again, and she just stared at her back, as if to bore a hole through it.
Integra scowled at him again, angrier than ever.
"I could never be jealous of a monster like you, Alucard. I am Hellsing, we stop creatures like you dead in their tracks." She cold-heartedly spat, her anger rising dangerously. Alucard mused for a second as he stared at her.
"You call me a monster, have you seen yourself in a mirror lately? You can't, because you are a monster as well...master."
Integra raised her hand, her cigar left in the ashtray on the edge of her desk; forgotten...forgetting that she ever had it to begin with. But to everybody's surprise, she actually slid it behind Alucard's neck.
"I am a monster, but I have my sanity. I do not kill humans, the job of Hellsing is to stop monsters from killing humans, and if we have to kill the vampire in the process, than it just means one less vampire. In the rules of engagement there are two parts: the hunters, and the hunted. We are now both." She said this somehow calmly; sounding like her old self, but it was so strange...
Alucard stared at her dumbly, pupils dilating at her touch. He could not think of anything to say, could not think at all, as Integra slightly grinned at him.
What was going on...he could think of nothing to say except...
"That is true, my master."
Seras growled this time, low in her throat, suddenly feeling awfully territorial, but keeping her distance. Integra did, in a sense, own him. She stayed rooted at the spot, glaring with her piercing red eyes.
Integra knew exactly what she was doing, as she snaked her other arm around his neck.
"Being a vampire, I understand now why you are the way you are, Alucard...There really is not much else to do."
He stared at her, unmoving, still trying to desperately figure out what was going on. He knew moving from her would stir some more trouble that they didn't need.
"Eternal life is a burden as much as a gift, master. You chose this."
She boldly took one of Alucard's hands and placed it on her side.
"Did I, Alucard." She stated smugly, an impish smile playing on her face. Alucard stared dumbly at her, sweat dropping; he knew where she was going. He had seen the same type of thing done before, but the other times it was Seras who did them; this was totally unexpected.
"Master, now you are playing the fool." He removed his hands and proceeded to take her's away, too. "Now if you will go back to your right mind, you will understand the meeting has been over for quite a while." He motioned to Seras, long had been forgotten in the middle of the room.
Seras' legs would not have held out on her any longer than she let them to; she was still recovering, which meant her legs were not at their normal strength just yet. Alucard swiftly walked to her and just as she felt her legs giving out, he lifted her up and looked back to his master, then disappeared.
What kept her up the extra few minutes was her anger, it blinded the pain and she had no idea; she was snarling much like a tiger as she was suddenly lifted from the ground, and she looked over.
It was her master, and she seemed not to notice that much as she whipped the direction of her stare back to Integra, watching her until they disappeared totally.
Alucard carried Seras underneath his arm strangely as he reappeared back in his room. He blinked, as he saw Seras' expression. She had looks like she would kill Integra had she been the wall that she was staring so intently at.
In silence, he walked her to his bed and let her rest on it; while he sat on the edge, he did not know what to say. His master had made things utterly complicated.
"Seras...do not be angry, she is my master..."
She closed her eyes, slowly and mentally calming herself. "I guess I understand now, why she's so angry all the time...and so suddenly."
Alucard wasn't fooled by her presentation; he could tell that she was angry; tigers were often very representative of their feelings. Or cats, in general, no matter how she tried to hide it.
He looked at her, noticing as she started to slightly tremble from her effort to keep it restrained. He put a hand on her's, stroking it affectionately.
"You have to think, I have known her since she was a child. It is quite possible that the fact of me always being there to help her, could be making her think of me like a fatherly figure. Except in her case, I think it might be a little more than that." This whole situation, he just wanted to laugh at.
Seras decided that she wasn't going to fall asleep that very moment, or soon at all, so she sat up. But in this quick movement she forgot her pain...until she actually moved, that is. Her other hand held her stomach and she sat there, frozen in place, wincing once but greatly.
She whispered a grimace of pain, then she quieted down; her eyes felt like they were burning her, she was so angry. She stared at her other hand, the one not on her stomach, and saw her master's hand, instead, on top; she stared at the sigil on the gloves as if it had an answer.
"I can understand that logic, master...but...she knew what she was doing...doing that in front of me. It's like a big plan she's forming."
Following her eye line, he saw the flames burning within her eyes. It was a time such as this that made him feel strangely connected, attracted to her.
He leaned over her, not much different from what he usually did; his other hand rested gently on her other side a little uncertainly.
"I do not know about that, Seras, I know my master is a but...strange, but I don't think she is that much evil yet." He chuckled. "That's more of something that I would do."
Seras never blinked once.
"But she can only get worse over time, master; that is the only drawback." She said, regret in her voice. Alucard considered this for a moment, still staring at her with the knowledge that only a master could hold for a pet.
"I have a feeling that my master is just having problems adjusting to being undead. She is taking things a bit too quickly for her own good. But since we're talking about her, that does not surprise me."
She blinked finally and looked away, raising her head. "Yes...she seemed awfully adjusted a few nights after you transformed her, master...It was like she had been that way ever since she began to exist." She stared to notice the differences between them: stubbornness.
She was so stubborn as to cling to what she had left of her human past...while Integra so willingly became one of the undead and acted completely natural. Now she was confused, angry, and yet understanding at the same time. It was a weird combination.
He leaned over more so he could look her directly in the eyes.
"You have to know...transformations sometimes take awhile for the effects to kick in. For instance, you still act completely human, besides for the occasional blood drinking. It all depends on the person with how quickly they take to being a vampire and how it affects them."
She nodded, like she was intently listening to a teacher who was giving a speech. Her eyes still held frustration and something else inside of them. Alucard tried his best to read her through her eyes, but she was shielding it from him, or trying to. If it had to do with her human emotions, he already knew that and did not care, but he saw a tint of something else, something more.
A look his master would often wear when with Seras. Jealousy? He asked himself.
"My master just needs some time, that's all. She is confused at the moment, through her bloodlust and her loss of herself, you of anyone should know what that is like, as you struggle nightly just to keep it. When I changed, it was not so immediate, but then again, she had already known about vampires and vampirism...We did not know before we were made. That could be one of the biggest differences."
She stared at him, silently.
"Master...Everything has gone mad." She said, laughter out of irony in her voice; this one sentence summed everything up. She, in fact, had a point...but then again, he was always known to be mad, or at least insane.
"Did you expect the life of an undead to be anything else?"
Her eyes looked dazed, as if her mind went on a temporary shut down from everything that had happened in the time span of a single night. She shook her head, laughing out of her insanity and irony.
"Mad...Everything is going mad..." She clutched her stomach more, laughing. He put his hands on her shoulders; she was starting to lose it, which wasn't too bad. He leaned over more, practically lying on top of her, as he held her shoulders and stared at her intently.
"Seras, calm yourself...going mad is my job."
It was as if she didn't hear him; she continued laughing, cackling insanely was more like it, and she slowly caught herself trying to stop. Her stomach was hurting too so she forced herself to stop laughing, and she did...eventually.
Her laugh lightened his spirits slightly, though; it was an insane, unsettling laugh. Meaning Seras would try to get even somehow, one way or another. He couldn't help but cackle in his throat (sounding more like a purr) at the very thought of this happening.
"You are starting to take after me..." He paused. "I wonder if that is a good thing."
It was no good. She was just out of it, just as bad as if she were drunk. Only this time she did not consume any of the alcoholic blood; she stared at him blankly.
Alucard could understand why she would lose it now; it had been an insane night, also with the past few nights. He moved on her more to steady her, with (for once) nothing else intended except for the fact that she needed to be helped.
Moving closer as he sat facing her on her lap, he moved his hands from her shoulders to her face.
"This is not time for insanity...you are still weak, and have already almost faced my darkness. Isn't it enough for one night?"
"I'd say I've had more than enough in just one night, master."