Forever is an awfully long time. And that's really what death is. Forever. Damn long time if you think about it. I mean, what is a lifetime really? What if a person lives to a hundred? Yea that seems like a lot, but in the whole spectrum of things it's pretty short. One hundred compared to billions of years, or as long as that forever lasts. So really a lifetime is just a little sliver in time. Yet it's funny how much you can accomplish in a lifetime.
Alex did just that, only her lifetime was shorter than most. What is that theory; time is all relative? Minutes can seem like seconds, hours can seem like minutes? Well in that case Alex's life seemed like three hundred years rather than thirty. She did so much, touched so many people, changed so many lives. She left a lasting memory in many people's minds. She was a fighter. She proved that, for the petite woman she was, she was worth every bit as the biggest man. She wanted to help people, to make a difference. She was a perfect combination of femininity and strength.
And yet, as strong as she was, they were all gathered for her funeral. Ty looked down at his mother, who was standing at his side offering silent support. She glanced up at him, offering a tentative smile. He smiled in return, giving her shoulders a slight squeeze. As far as she knew Ty had just lost a close friend, not a former love.
He heard Mrs. Taylor talking quietly with the minister about the service. She had opted for a few close friends in a small ceremony for Alex rather than the elaborate funerals that the fire department was known for. There would still be bag pipe players offering mournful remembrance in their soulful tunes, but there would be no public spectacle. The headlines had already grabbed up the story of two of New York's Finest who were killed in a horrible car accident; there was no need to fuel their interests with a huge service. Alex was never one for formality anyway; if she could be here she would already be warning everyone not to cry. She hated tears, they made her sad. Not that that mattered now. And she didn't need to scold everyone for crying; no one dared to shed a tear. Yes, the sadness hung in the air, nearly palpable, but it was almost an unspoken agreement amongst the group. No one would cry and upset Mrs. Taylor more than she was, even though they ached down to their very cores to do so. That was partly the reason for no tears, to protect Beth. But they were also in a state of shock, not yet willing to accept her death. They all seemed to believe that if they didn't cry it wouldn't be true, and she would somehow find her way back to them.
Ty finally knew that it was true; he'd indulged in his tears already. All he had to do was look at that small mahogany box that held what remained of Alex. Physically anyway, he had the part of her self that she had given him tucked away in his heart. It would be a burial at sea, everyone saying a few words and then their final goodbyes. Ty hovered around near Mrs. Taylor, wanting to offer her comfort but not knowing how when he never really met her before. He decided to just watch her; content in the knowledge that she had all the support she needed around her.
There was a bit of a confusion as to when to let the ship leave port, but after reassurances from Carlos that one member of their party would not be making it, Mrs. Taylor gave the signal to cast off. It was a silent ride to the statue of liberty, other than the bag pipes in the background offering their own words for the deceased. Ty found his mind wandering during the service, only really snapping out of his thought when he greeted Mrs. Taylor. He was just slipping back into his thoughts when Beth had offered a chance for the guests to present a few words on Alex.
Again, Ty felt himself unable to help her. There were so many things he could say about Alex. Her crazy sense of humor, her integrity, her determination. But he found himself rooted to the spot. Carlos stepped to the front of the crowd, explaining that he was going to present Doc's speech for the service. Ty felt himself growing impatient with the man. He was always jumping to help lately when, in her life, he had held a resentment towards Alex. Maybe he had misjudged their relationship, only seeing his roommate's jealously at getting the new girl before he had a chance to. Hiding it from him and then rubbing it in his face when the truth came out hadn't helped either. But now Carlos had the upper hand, and Ty felt his bitterness growing.
Ty shook his head, realizing that Carlos, unlike himself, had the nerve to stand up for Alex when he didn't. He stayed quiet and gave Nieto his full attention.
As it turned out, Carlos delivered a moving speech, albeit astonishing at first. If there was a dry eye before there wasn't anymore. Everyone was crying; even Carlos choked back the tears as he gave his oration. Kim turned her face into Jimmy's shoulder, her shoulders shaking with sobs. Everyone reacted similarly, wiping futilely at tears that wouldn't stop falling. Ty hugged his mother closer to his side when he heard her give a small sniffle, and she wrapped her arms around his middle. He had made up his mind about what he was going to do.
___ ___ ___ ___
Ty had been home for hours trying to figure out how to tell her. His mother needed to know about Alex and him. He had tried calling her four times already, and freezing up the second he heard her voice.
He sighed, running a frustrated hand over his head and rubbing his hair. Ty leaned over and snatched up the phone, pressed the buttons and tried to pick his opening line as he listened to the ringing.
"Hello?" Maggie's voice asked over the line.
"Hi mom, it's me," Ty started, not quite sure where to take this.
"Tyrone Davis is something wrong? This is the fifth time you've called me in the past three hours. Are you okay sweetheart?" Maggie inquired, her voice full of concern.
"Nothing mom I just wanted to see how you are that's all," Ty said on a sigh. He kept rubbing his head, trying to sort out his thoughts.
"Baby talk to me, are you sure you're ok?" Maggie asked again. She was beginning to get worried, usually she was the one nagging her son and checking up on him. Now the roles were reversed and she sensed that Ty was holding back.
"Nothing mom, look I have to go now. Talk to you later?"
"Sure baby, if you need anything just ask. Are you sure you're okay?" Maggie tried one last time.
"Yeah mom, I'm sure," and Ty let the receiver slip back into its cradle. He leaned his head back, letting it thump against the headboard. He closed his eyes, letting out a frustrated sigh. That did not go as planned. He wanted his mother to know the truth, for his peace of mind and for Alex's memory.
Ty decided to give up for the night, turning in early with the hopes that he would find inspiration during his sleep. He flicked off the light and lay in the dark until sleep claimed him.