Ethan watched as Theresa came back. He tried to suppress the feelings he
still felt for her after all of this time, but it was useless, he still loved
her as much as he had the day she had left, he had never stopped loving her and
he didn't think he ever would. He got up and walked to her his knees wobbly and
his palms clammy and sweaty, he needed to talk to her, he had no naïve notions
that he could explain everything and she'd fall into his arms but he wanted to
tell her what had happened, to redeem himself in her eyes. He walked up to her
and the glare she gave him made it hard to force the words out of his mouth.
"Theresa, can we talk?"
She was quiet for a moment and then reluctantly she nodded. Theresa watched in
silence a she handed the baby over to Sheridan and then she followed him
outside, she didn't know what she would say, she had gone over this moment for a
long time but all of the arguments and hateful things she had concocted in her
mind vanished and she felt like that seventeen year old girl who had been tongue
tied around her crush, she remembered what a mess she had made of things in the
beginning, spilling paint on him and all of those other embarrassing accidents.
She looked up and they were in the small gardens behind the hospital. Theresa
sat down on a bench and then looked up at Ethan.
Ethan looked at Theresa, the moonlight was shining down on her and she looked
just as she did six years ago and then he saw how she had changed, her eyes were
dull where they had always shined and her lips remained pressed together in a
permanent frown, the light that always followed her into every room was also
gone, it had been one of the things he loved most about her, her ability to
light up a room…to light up his life. He didn't even realize he was staring
until she spoke.
"What?" she snapped at him wondering why he was scrutinizing her, she hadn't
changed that much.
"We need to talk," he said though he kept his eyes on her, she had changed so
much.
"So I've heard…" There was a moment of silence. "Do you remember the Harmony
summer festival when I dumped paint on you?" asked Theresa not looking up into
his eyes.
"Yeah," said Ethan smiling, how could he forget? He had come back from law
school; the stuck up rich boy and his pride had been bruised when he'd had to go
around covered in blue paint.
Theresa looked up at him and her eyes were cold, "I wish I had never met you
because it was the worst day of my entire life. I should have listened to Luis
and Whitney, they knew that you could never love me. They both told me it
wouldn't work out but I didn't listen. I hate myself for being so blind and
naïve," she said frigidly, burying the knife in Ethan's heart a little deeper,
she wanted him to hurt as much as she had.
Ethan couldn't believe how unfeeling she sounded, this wasn't his Theresa, the
Theresa who you could just look at and know what she was feeling, one of the
most emotionally honest people he had ever met. "Theresa I loved you, I'm
sorry-"
"You're what? Sorry? Apologies don't mean anything to me, my husband apologized
all of the time but he didn't mean it so why should you? Don't waste your
breath; I don't believe you are one bit sorry. Gwen was probably better in bed
than me any way," she said laughing harshly.
"Theresa what is wrong with you? What happened to the sweet, kind, person I fell
in love with?" he asked desperate to find any trace of the woman he loved.
"Surprise Ethan, she's dead and so is her love for you so don't even think about
trying to mend what you tore apart. When I told you I hated you I meant it and I
still do, so this talk is useless. I moved on and I married Demitris," she said
automatically covering her neck wound. "Even if he was an asshole he never went
behind my back and cheated on me," she neglected to mention the fact that he
cheated on her right in front of her face and even flaunted it. "I'd rather be
hit than betrayed any day. Well we did 'talk' so you can tell Mama I did what
she told me to do," said Theresa standing up and walking away.
Ethan went after her and spun her around; he wanted her to understand that he
had never stopped loving her. "Listen to me Theresa. What you saw between Gwen
and I was not my fault, she drugged me!"
"Sure she did," said Theresa sarcastically as she pulling away.
"You have no right to hate me Theresa. I know you probably found out that Gwen
was pregnant and I married her but…Melanie wasn't mine….and she was the reason I
stayed with Gwen. Melanie died a few years ago, Theresa."
Theresa turned around and looked at him and her heart broke for him, no matter
how much she hated Ethan, losing a child was something no person should ever go
through, to wonder about the future, what could have been, there was nothing
worse in the world than that.
"That baby in there isn't mine either, she's my niece." Ethan looked into her
eyes and for a moment he saw deep sadness and pain and something else but it was
quickly replaced with the unfeeling facade.
"I'm sorry for your loss," she said walking away from him and back towards the
hospital.
Ethan sighed and slowly followed behind. He told Luis to give Pilar his love and
then he took Amy and drove home. His house was right next to the ocean with its
back to the beach. There was a thick row of trees and bushes blocking the view
of the ocean but he could hear it and the sound soothed him. He sat down on a
lawn chair with Amy in his lap. It was such a beautiful summer night, he had
loved nights like this, when he and Theresa had been dating they'd spent many
nights at the beach, watching the ocean and the stars, he felt a terrible ache
in his heart when ever he thought about it, there was nothing more he wanted
than to hold her in his arms again and tell her that he loved her.
Theresa stayed at the hospital and talked to Eve who said with a few weeks of
rest Pilar would be fine, she rejoiced in the news, a part of her wanted to
leave for New York and get away from the drudged up past but a part of her also
felt like she was home and she couldn't leave so soon. When Pilar had fallen
asleep for the night Theresa decided to find a hotel but Luis and Sheridan
wouldn't have it.
"We have an empty guest room, please come stay?" pleaded Sheridan and Theresa
couldn't resist.
"Okay, I have a few places to go first and then I'll come over, I promise."
Theresa got in her car and drove to the beach. The lighthouse was on and she
could see its light, calling sailors home. She got out of her car and took off
her shoes, the sand under her feet felt wonderful and the song of the ocean made
her heart swell. She had missed nights like this, the smell of the breeze, the
sound of the ocean, the feeling of her feet sinking into the damp sand…cuddled
up next to Ethan. She felt a wave of shame and anger at herself, she had been so
horrible to him…but he had hurt her first. She tried to reason with herself that
she shouldn't feel bad but she did. The thing that she was most angry about was
that she actually wanted to believe him…she wanted to believe that he was sorry,
but she couldn't.
She sat down in the sand with some trees at her back and the ocean in front of
her, and as she was bombarded by memories she looked up at the night sky
sprinkled with stars and she did the only thing she could…she cried.
Ethan was in his back yard as anger seethed through him. He had went over his
conversation with Theresa in his head when he realized that she said her husband
hit her, was that where the bruise had come from? He should have realized, but
he'd been so busy hoping she would forgive him that he hadn't asked, not that
she was likely to tell him the truth any way. He was so mad that he was tempted
to fly to New York and kill the bastard…he had changed her, made her into
someone Ethan didn't even recognize but he knew that part of it was his fault,
he should have tried harder to explain to her what had happened with he and
Gwen. He missed the Theresa he loved so much, he used to be able to just look
into her eyes and know how she was feeling but it wasn't like that anymore.
Nothing in his life was how it was supposed to be. He laid back and his thoughts
drifted to Melanie. She had the softest blonde hair and she would sit on his lap
and put her arms around his neck and give him kisses on the cheek and she had
loved the park, the swings most of all, Ethan had spent many hours pushing her
on a swing while she laughed and begged to go higher, she had been such a
daddy's little girl. As he allowed himself to think about all of the things he
missed about his daughter his heart broke all over again. It was then he heard
someone crying, not Amy's but deep, heart wrenching sobs, it was coming from the
other side of the foliage blocking his view of the beach. The he heard a voice
as knew that it was Theresa.
"I just don't know what to do. I can still see his face when I told him I hated
him. I don't know why I was so cruel. I guess I'm afraid that I'll get hurt all
over again," she said wiping away her tears, she just wanted to tell someone how
hurt she felt and the ocean seemed like the perfect secret keeper so she let
everything in her heart pour out. "And when he told me about his daughter
Melanie all I could do was tell him I was sorry for his loss. I out of all
people should know that kind of pain," she said thinking of her own child…her
and Ethan's child. "I wish I could tell him that I'm sorry." She knew her pride
would never let her but she was truly sorry for the things she had said. She sat
looking at the ocean for a few more minutes and then she decided to leave. She
got up and with a huge sigh she walked back to her car.
Ethan sat there in silence, relief flooding through him, what he had just
heard…that was Theresa, the real one. He knew that he had to make things right
again because as long as he lived he knew that he could never find the happiness
that he had found with her, and even if in the end she didn't want to be with
him anymore he at least wanted her friendship, he wanted her to smile, to laugh
and no matter what he was determined to make things right. He went into the
house and picked up the phone.
